"Hey! Did you see Kai's new post?" A brunette girl with large glasses gossiped to her friend as the two stood in front of their lockers with piles of books in their arms.

"Yeah! Who was that girl, she's so pretty it's ridiculous!" The other girl spoke to her friend as I passed them, listening in on their conversation.

"I think I saw her at school the other day, but she looked super close to Kai. His arm was wrapped around her shoulder and they were super close together. I've never seen such a bright smile, he looked so happy!" The one with glasses squealed as she stared at her phone.

"Do you think they're dating?" One of them asked.

"I don't know, they look so good together though." She tilted her head looking at the picture Kai had uploaded when he took Sarah to that cafe two days ago.

I gripped the straps of my backpack tightly, the foam getting crushed under my hands. My jaw was clenched hard as I passed person after person, nearly all talking about Sarah and Kai.

I quickly put my earphones in and played music loud enough to drain out everyone around me.

I couldn't take it... listening to people talking about Kai being with someone else. I've been in love with him for so long but in the end, it really amounts to nothing.

He and I are nothing to other people, and I probably mean nothing to him.

Every step I take I can feel my chest tightening, it feels like someone took my heart into their hand and decided to squeeze it as if it was a stress ball.

I plopped down into my chair in the middle of the classroom on the far left side. I was earlier than I had ever been, after all, I promised Kai I wouldn't skip this week.

Even though I promised... even though I showed up... I feel like we haven't talked even once. Every time I see him he's busy with Sarah.

I get that they have a lot of catching up to do, eight years is a long time. But it's like he's completely forgotten about me.

Kai hasn't replied to any of my texts, he hasn't even opened the messages. It's like I've been completely replaced in a matter of days.

Am I really that unimportant to him?

I thought that we had gotten so close... We shared our secrets and we shared our bodies.

I didn't hear the bell ring as my music blared into my ears. Students shuffled into the history classroom one by one, all taking their assigned seats.

I was waiting for Kai to walk through the doors.

We usually meet up before class starts, but that hasn't happened at all this week.

The final bell rang, signaling the beginning of the period. Before the noise stopped, Kai strutted through the large wooden door with a smile on his face, laughing at what someone said.

Right next to him was Sarah... She was the one who had put such a cheerful expression on Kai's face.

Ah... My heart hurts.

It really hurts.

I nibbled on my bottom lip, taking out my earbuds and placing them in my backpack as Kai and Sarah took a seat on the opposite side of the room.

The teacher had put them next to each other since Sarah said that they were friends.

I looked at the two as the teacher began his lesson, Kai and Sarah weren't paying attention but instead were having a quiet, animated discussion.

I don't know if she sensed my gaze, but Sarah turned around and gave me a cute smile and a little wave.

I had no choice but to wave back as she turned to Kai, who still had yet to notice me.

It used to be me sitting next to him, happily talking and ignoring the teacher. It used to be me sitting exactly where Sarah was now.

"Hah," I let out a humorless laugh.

The period went by fast, my mind racing the entire time.

Kai didn't even wait for me as he and Sarah left the classroom.

I slowly packed up my stuff, my movements sluggish. It's like everything around me disappeared, just me and my thoughts. I made my way out of the history room, no longer mad like when I got here, but instead, had an indescribable feeling rooted deep inside.

I made my way to a bench near the entrance of the school yard, taking out my phone and looking at the picture Kai had posted on Instagram. He looked absolutely perfect. His black hair was styled so that half of it was up and the other half slightly fell over his forehead. His mint-colored sweatshirt made his eyes seem less brown and more green than normal, and the grin on his face said it all.

I know that I shouldn't have, but I clicked on the speech bubble and started going through the comments.

"Did you get a girlfriend?"

"Damn, Kai!"

"She's so pretty I'm gonna follow her."

"Nooooo someone stole Kai away from me TT"

"Can't wait for your next fight!"

"Are you dating???"

"He's taken? Maybe I should unfollow."

"Bro your gf is so hottt"

"I'm sad that you're taken, but you two look so cute so ig I have to ship."

"How could you do this to your fans, don't be so ungrateful."

"SHIP SHIP SHIP"

"My dudddeee"

"I wish I was her!"

Ouch.

They really did look good together and everyone can see it.

I'm just getting in the way, aren't I?

If... if Kai was just with me because I made the first move, then if Sarah makes a move it'll only make sense for him to be into her.

She's so pretty and adorable... And she seems so nice. Sarah would be good for him...

I was getting lost in the comment section that was overwhelmingly in favor of the two being together. I felt a knot forming in my throat as I tugged on my lower lip, accidentally biting until I drew blood.

I brought my hand up toward my lip and gently brushed over it, then taking my finger away and looking at the stream of blood pooled on my fingertip.

I set my phone down and put my head into my hands, trying to not let the pit in my stomach take over.

There was loud shouting behind me which caused me to jerk my head away from my hands.

I saw two boys running toward the parking lot... It was Jack and Zay. They looked like they were having fun, beaming smiles engulfing their faces.

They dashed right past me, not more than four feet away. I watched them in the distance as they got into Jack's truck, heading off to lunch somewhere.

They didn't notice me either...

Ah, right. They aren't my friends... they're Kai's friends. Without Kai, I'm nothing to them.

I'm nothing to anyone...

I felt a short, sad smile take over my face, I could tell pools were forming in my eyes as I whispered to myself, "Of course it turned out like this... Come on, Lucas. Why are you falling apart now? This isn't any different than how it was before. You had no one and nothing... you aren't losing anyone. It's not like that. Things are simply-" I choked back a quiet sob, "Things are simply returning to how they were before."

How things were before?

I don't want things to go back to how they were before.

I don't want to go back to spending every second of every day with no one to talk to. I ditched and buried myself into work because I wanted to distract myself from everything. I wanted to be able to forget about all the things I'll never have... Like friends.

Oh, Lucas is so cool!

Oh, Lucas is so good at fighting!

Why is Lucas always picking a fight with Kai?

Lucas, why does your face have such a scary expression?

Oh, Lucas is too intimidating, I don't want to be friends with him.

I felt a tear drip down my face. I can't do this anymore.

I want friends too.

I don't like being alone.

Why does everyone avoid me?

Why does nothing ever work out?

"I tried..." I felt more tears fall as I frantically wiped my face with my sleeves. "I tried... I thought maybe I had finally done it, maybe I had finally gotten everything I wished for... I had Kai. I had friends, Jack and Zay... But I guess I was wrong. How could I have been so stupid? So naive. I don't have Jack or Zay, Kai does. And I don't even have Kai..."

I looked up at the sky and took a deep breath. That's right. This is how things were supposed to be from the beginning.

I felt the emotion draining out of my face. That's right, this is the only way.

I should never have let my guard down in the first place, after all, everyone leaves eventually and I'll just end up hurt.

My body went rigid, acting the same stoic and stuck up way I did before was the only option. It's what I did before to remind myself that I don't need anyone else, and I think it's time I start reminding myself once again. It's only been a couple of months, did I really think everything would change, that it'd all get better?

That's laughable.

I don't need friends, all I have is myself and that is enough.

"Looks like there's no longer a reason for me to stay here," I talked to myself as I stood up, making my way to my car.

I headed to the gym because it was the best distraction in the past, and right about now I could use something to speed up time.

I didn't get home until around 2:00 am. The second I walked through the front door I was met with the harsh glare of my mother.

"Where the hell have you been?! Do you even know what time it is, and without a single word?" She whisper-yelled, trying to not wake my younger siblings. "You had been so good lately, but now you even forgot to pick up Tallie from school? You know I had to pick up an extra shift today, but instead, I had to leave early because her school called me saying no one came to get her!"

I looked down. I felt bad, but at the same time, I didn't, "Sorry," I mumbled.

"Sorry? Sorry?! What is wrong with you Lucas, I'm doing my best for this family, all I asked was for one small favor. I was counting on you and you let me down!"

I stood there in deafening silence, "It won't happen again." My voice was quiet, there was a lack of emotion yet a certain sadness in the quiet, stoic tone. "I'm sorry for letting you down... again." I walked past her, my head hung low.

I walked into my room, my face scrunching and my mouth trembling, "I-I really am trying my best." I jumped into my bed and let my sobs be muffled by my pillow.

It's always me. I'm always the problem.

I really am never enough.

Not for my mom, not for Kai, I'm not enough to even have friends.

Two months was enough to make me forget why I was always alone, but this is it. This is why. I'm why.

I soon woke up to the screeching noise of the alarm on my phone. I got up to go to the bathroom, still in my clothes from yesterday. I must have fallen asleep crying. I looked into the mirror and saw deep red lines running all across my face as it had been squished into my pillow all night. My eyes were red and puffy, my complexion pale.

I can't do this, not today.

I don't want to cry at school, especially not over a boy who was never mine to begin with.

I rubbed my face, not bothering to fix my hair which was standing out in several different directions.

Slowly, I made my way back to my room, each step heavier than the first. I closed my door and threw off my dirty clothes, throwing on comfortable pajamas, and crawling back into bed. I bunched my blankets in my hand near my face and curled into a ball, burying my face.

Fuck school. I have no one to look forward to seeing so there's no reason to go.

I woke again to the sound of knocking at my door. I looked at my clock, it was already 6:00 pm. I had slept all day, changing between looking at my phone, overthinking, sleeping, and trying my best not to break down again.

Although our relationship may mean nothing to Kai since it was just a couple months, for me its been years. Three years of pinning and want. Three years of fear of rejection. Three years of this stupid fucking unrequited love.

"What?" I yelled, not bothering to move from the comfort of my warm bed.

"Don't use that tone with me!" My mom yelled from the other side. "Your boyfriend is here to see you, he's waiting outside."

Kai's here? What, did he finally remember that I exist?

I begrudgingly got up, slipping on a pair of shoes and heading out the door into the thick, cold air. It was already dark out, the only thing shedding light on us being the dim street lamps.

Kai stood in front of my front door, he smiled when he saw me.

His smile was bigger when he saw Sarah.

I nodded my head motioning for us to move, my lips maintaining a straight line. We walked in silence away from my house and toward my empty driveway.

"Why haven't you been coming to school?" Kai questioned, he seemed to still be in a good mood from earlier. "You promised you wouldn't ditch."

I sighed, "I promised you that on Monday, Kai. It's Thursday now."

"But I haven't seen you at all the past couple days."

"So you thought that I didn't show up all week?" I let out a dry laugh. "No Kai, I was there the whole time, I kept our promise. You're the one who forgot about me."

"I didn't forget..." He trailed off, scratching the back of his head.

"No, you did forget. I tried to text you, call you, talk to you, somehow get your attention at school, but you completely ignored me," my lips formed into a tight smile, trying to keep up a tough act.

Going back to how I was before means going back to that fake personality. A different version of me where I say things I shouldn't and am an asshole to everyone I care about.

How else can I protect myself? If I push people away they can't get close, which means they can't hurt me. I wasn't always like this, but I've learned my lesson too many times.

This will be the last.

I've had enough.

"You didn't text me though?" It sounded like a question.

I simply looked at the boy in front of me, not saying a word.

He gave me a confused look and then pulled his phone out of his pocket checking it. "Holy Shit! 24 missed texts and eight missed calls? I'm so sorry, man. I was really busy this week."

Man...

I really am nothing to him.

I rubbed my eyes again.

"Lucas, why are your eyes so red and swollen?" He asked with a concerned voice, taking a step toward me and reaching to move my hand away from my face.

I took a step back, causing him to drop his arm back to his side. "What are you doing here, Kai?"

"Well, it's just that we never went over our opponents' fight so I thought that we should look at it..."

"Hah," I let out a breath of air, "You came all the way here just for that?"

"Yeah?" Kai spoke.

"Right. Of course, you only need me for this. I'm sure you'd rather be spending your time with Sarah," I spit the words out of my mouth.

"What are you talking about?" He creased his brows.

I ran a shaking hand through my hair, "What do you mean 'what am I talking about?' The past week it's like I didn't even exist. It's great that you found your friend again, I'm truly happy that you did. It just made me finally realize where my place is."

"The fuck do you mean? What place?"

"My role in your life is nothing more than to help you. When you need me I'm there. And when you don't I'm no longer important, nothing more than an afterthought."

"An afterthought? Why would you think that?" He was getting angry.

"Why wouldn't I? You spend all your time with Sarah, pretending as if I was never in your life in the first place! Fuck, the only reason you're even here is becuase you need my help! Not because you want to see me."

"Why do you keep bringing up Sarah? What does she have to do with us? She's completely irrelevant to this." His voice was slightly raised.

"She has everything to do with it!" I screamed at him, I felt water building up in my eyes, my voice trembling as I tried my best to keep myself composed. "You haven't spoken to me once this week! Why? Because all you care about is Sarah! I'm nothing more than a tool you use for your own benefit!"

I was shouting, tears pricking my cheeks, but Kai couldn't see it as the night sky was too dark. "If you want to be with her so much than just fucking date her! Stop giving me hope! Stop messing with my head! She's beautiful and kind, she's perfect for you. Everyone thinks so, your friends, your fans, everyone at that fucking school!"

"FUCK!" I was sobbing, "Were you just faking it all!? Did you just pretend to like me so that I would help you find your dad? Aren't you just using me to get what you want!?"

I could see the hurt look on Kai's face, but it was too late to stop. "I bet you're not even fucking gay! You've just been playing me, and now that someone you're actually attracted has come into the picture, you'll just toss me aside!! Only coming back when it's convenient to you!"

Before I could get another word out I felt a strong fist collide with the left side of my face.

The impact was so strong I fell to the ground, clutching the area of my jaw that Kai had hit.

I stumbled to get back up.

"I should've known it was too good to be true," I'm sure he could hear the pain in my voice, the sorrow I felt. "If you slept with me to get what you want just tell me!! Just get with Sarah for all I care! You've only been 'gay' for three months, I'm sure it must have been hard faking it," I seethed.

"Y-you," Kai pointed at me and then grabbed my shirt, cocking his left hand back ready to hit me again.

"Come on, Kai! Don't you get it?" I weeped, "You hated me. Loathed me more than anything. I was stupid to think that you could suddenly like me. The change was too quick, I should have questioned it. You deserve to be happy, and although youre not gay," the words got caught in my throat, "and even though it can't be me... You and Sarah, you'll be good together," my tone was void of happiness as I wished him the best and silently cursed him.

He clenched and unclenched his jaw and threw one final punch.

I flew backward, my head hitting the cement ground hard. I couldn't get up, it felt as if the back of my head was glued to the concrete.

Tears streamed down the side of my face as I looked up at the beautiful stars littering the night sky. My breath created a visible cloud above me and the moon illuminated the tops of each house.

"A-after everything we've been through," Kai's voice was unsteady, broken by my jarring words. "I let you into my world! I told you things I've never told anyone! About my mom, my dad, my brother, how I was bullied, tortured, almost killed, I told you everything. I showed you everything I have to offer, down to the last bit! My worries, my fears, I showed it all!"

I didn't look at him. All I could do was blink and listen to his words as my arms and legs layed lifelessly on the ground.

"You were my first everything! My first kiss, my first time, the first person I've been able to share all my shit with... and you're telling me that I'm not gay? That I'm mistaken?"

"You know what?! Fuck you!! Go fuck yourself!! I can't believe you would say that bullshit. If that's what you think, fine! See if I fucking care," I couldnt see him, but I know he had walked away, his footsteps loud and quick.