here's the deal

sexuality is a spectrum okay

i'm sure you know about the different typical labels, but I'll explain them here just in case.

there's a thousand more, but here's the basics everyone thinks of.

hetero:

attraction to the opposite gender (typically talking about the two binary genders we tend think of, male and female)

homo:

attracted to the same gender, once again, typically meaning male x male or female x female

bi:

bi is typically refered to as just liking both men and women, which can be true, but generally, bi people are attracted to more than one gender, men, women, anyone in-between, regardless of genitals or whatever, possibly with a preference towards a certain one or ones.

pan:

pan means all, so people who are pan (hello) usually like every gender, from male, female, nonbinary, or anything in-between.

ace/aro:

ace/aro means you like no one, or, as asexuality and aromantisism tends to be more of a spectrum, you can fall under a sub catagory, such as grey ace, (hello again) meaning you only experience attraction under certain circumstances (which you may not even know what are) or barely at all, or demi which is like once you really know someone or something, or there's even some that are even more complex than that. I'll be honest, i don't know much about the subcategories of the aromantic spectrum, but you get the point.

obviously, there are quite a few more, but we can have a whole other chapter on that, I still have a gender chapter to do anyhow. let me know which ones I missed, if you'd like.

anyways, the point of this chapter isn't types of labels and identities.

it's types of attraction.

so, what are the types of attraction?

well, there's romantic attraction.

romantic attraction includes things like, well, romance, and love. if you know someone and think, wow, i want to go out on a date with them, and love them, and take care of them will all my being for the rest of eternity, but like, low-key at first.

there's platonic attraction, which means "hey, i wanna be friends with that human. i think they're cool and fun to be around."

emotional attraction is quite similar, in which you want to get to know someone not nessisarily because of their physicality, but more their personality. you want to get to know the depths of their personality and emotions and such. it often goes along with other types.

aesthetic attraction- often confused with sexual attraction. it's when you are attracted to and appreciate the beauty or look of another person, separate from romantic or sexual attraction. imagine it as... like, a piece of art. maybe a statue or painting, or complex piece of high fashion. you can be totally entranced in it's beauty and features, but that doesn't mean you wanna fuck it, or marry it.

there's sensual attraction, which means anything like holding hands, hugging, snuggling, any type of physical intimacy that's non-sexual. a lot of times this goes with romantic attraction, but it absolutely doesn't have to.

intellectual attraction- basically wanting to pick someone's brain, engage with them in an intellectual manner. it's more about what and how the person thinks than the person themselves.

and of course, sexual attraction.

maybe you're kissing someone, and you feel the urge to do more, even if you don't know what more is. it could be as simple as, "hey, that part of their body looks nice, i'd like to touch/kiss/suck/whatever it", or as clear as "i would like to fuck that person, it sounds poggers and makes my tummy/hormones go brr"

i'd like to add the clarification that being attracted to someone and being in love with them are two different things. romantic attraction obviously lends itself more towards love, but being attracted to someone in anyway, platonic (clearly), intellectually, sensually, sexually, whatever does not nessisarily mean you wanna date them. just means you wanna look at them or like, talk to them and pick their brain. no romance required. (this is more for the ones like intellectual attraction since people get confused)

you can ABSOLUTELY experience all, none, or just some of these.

you like people sexually but not romantically?

that's called aromantic

you like people romantically but not sexually?

that's called asexual.

you can even be both at the same time.

you can be attracted to people aesthetically and sensually and not be attracted to them them sexually, and that's still valid and asexual.

you can like people sensually, emotionally, platonically, intellectually, whatever, and not like them romantically, that's still aromantic and valid.

asexuals and aromantics can 100% still date and have sex, and asexuals can still enjoy pleasure. most of us still do! it's just a lack of attraction to other people in that way.

some asexuals are sex-repulused as well, which means they don't enjoy any aspect of sex, and that's also 100% valid! sex is not a requirement in a relationship.

but what if i like boys romantically and girls sexually?

or all genders sexually, and none romantically?

or both romantically, and boys sexually?

that's also normal, don't worry.

in that case, you'd use mixed labels. typically, you'd say "I am (whatever the prefix is that matches who you like)romantic, (such as panromantic), and (whatever the prefix is that matches who you like sexually)sexual. (such as heterosexual)

human sexuality and identity can get really complex, and it's a lot to explain in one chapter, but hopefully, this helped clear things up a bit. some of this i wish i'd known earlier as well! this by far isn't all of it, and I'll likely be doing a follow up chapter at some point, but uh, content! 🤍