《Mortal // Batman》Chapter Eighteen: By Any Other Name
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"I still do not understand," Rahn murmured. She was inside the Batcave, arms folded, and raising an eyebrow at Dick Grayson who sat in a nearby armchair. "They would not contribute anything of value to their offspring..."
Dick snickered, leaning back and propping his feet up on top of the desk in front of him. It was relatively empty besides the newspaper and an empty coffee mug that Alfred had yet to collect. He had only come here to collect an extra pair of Escrima Sticks, but stayed when he heard Rahn bombarding Bruce with questions about his 'intimacy' with Catwoman. He couldn't miss that conversation for anything.
"I think kids are the last thing on their minds," Dick laughed.
"Then why do it? Why engage in intercourse if they do not wish to produce a worthy heir?"
Bruce had his back turned to them, fiddling with his grapple hook which, of late, had been a little temperamental. Despite his refusal to engage in the conversation, he still cringed whenever they spoke.
"Is that a serious question?" Dick replied incredulously. "Because it feels great, that's why!"
Rahn tilted her head to the side in obvious bewilderment.
"Are you telling me that no one, not a single one, on your planet has sex for pleasure?" Dick had met his fair share of aliens, he was currently dating one, in fact, but none of them had ever mentioned a lack of libido.
"Sex is not pleasurable to us, it is a serious ritual that is only done when both parents have genes that would benefit our planet," Rahn's brow furrowed, as if in deep thought. "The concept of touch is still quite foreign to me. My people don't have nerve-endings the way that you understand them, and we are not solid so we cannot actually touch each other either. I suppose if I were to mate in this form, however, it would feel the same as any other human."
"Okay, enlighten me, how do you guys 'mate'?"
"We find someone that has qualities that we would like to see in our child, then one of us extracts the appropriate DNA from the other and mixes it with their own. My species is androgynous so it doesn't matter who does it, then that develops inside of us until, almost one week later, we split in half and create a new being."
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"You...split?"
"Yes."
"That's disgusting," Dick made a face similar to a child being force fed broccoli. "What do you actually look like then? Do you have like ten legs and four boobs?"
"I don't have legs or boobs or arms or anything else," Rahn answered, but this time there was a hint of annoyance in her tone. "I do not have anything that you could comprehend with your tiny little mind, and even if you could see my true form in this third dimension, it still would not be an entirely accurate portrayal. I am a fourth dimensional being. It is like seeing a square where there is actually a cube."
"Okay...then how the hell do you look human now? Is that like a robot that you're driving or something?"
"This form is completely organic. I was handed a sample of human tissue before arriving and absorbed it. My people can 'shape-shift', as you humans call it, if the occasion calls for it. All we need is a sample of the DNA we wish to mimic, but it is a long and painful process that we do not take lightly. I worked on this form for two months, and you could not imagine the agony," Rahn said it so casually that it made Dick uncomfortable. "Everything you see is real, it is me, but it is not my true form. That is the only way I can describe it."
"Okay, you're right, that's way too confusing for me," Dick placed his fingers on either side of his head and started to massage it, as if to combat an oncoming headache. "You could always go out and find some lucky guy and see what it's like. I'd offer myself but then I think Kori would want to join, and I'm a jealous guy, so yeah. Maybe not."
"That...is a wise suggestion. I should be more aware of this body and how it feels," she pondered for a moment, and Dick saw Bruce tense at the direction of the conversation. "Is Superman free? Perhaps I could convince him to conceive a child with me afterwards. We have bred with many races, but never a Kryptonian. Their physical properties, albeit not without certain glaring faults, appear to be immensely valuable..."
"Uh, no he's taken...and I don't think he'd agree to that even if he wasn't."
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"Does he have a relative?"
"Well yeah, a cousin, but she's a chick."
"Why does that matter? My people do not have a gender, so we do not put much stock in anyone else's."
"Oh okay, that's cool and everything but maybe don't mess with Superman's cousin either...he'll find out that I'm the one that put it in your head, and I can't sit through another one of his lectures," Dick said in exasperation. "Just find someone else. Someone random. You're not trying to make a kid, you're just having some fun."
Rahn hummed in deep thought. The whole idea was so alien to her, but she had been tasked with learning everything she could about humankind. If she didn't engage in some of the social and cultural norms, then she was passing up a glaring opportunity. Besides, it was just a kiss. She had brushed passed the method in her studies. It wasn't like she was completely oblivious to it.
Bruce still hadn't turned to engage in their conversation, nor to even look at them with that disapproving scowl. He was still whittling the day away, longing for the shroud of night. He didn't move when Rahn stepped over to him, but he did see the curiosity burning in her eyes. Then, without warning, her mouth was on his. Her kiss was rough and completely unyielding. She didn't hold his hand or wrap him in an embrace, her hands stayed close to her sides, but the shock prevented Bruce from moving. For a long, suspended moment, they were both frozen, unsure of whether to push away.
Typically, Bruce was a cold and aloof man who rarely showed any signs of warmth...but he had never turned down the temptation of a beautiful woman. There were at least some comforts that he allowed himself. So, for a moment, he had forgotten all logic and pressed his lips closer to hers.
His stubble rubbed against her skin, and this was not an entirely horrid feeling. In fact, she found that she may have liked it more than the kiss itself. The harshness of it, scratching over her chin, not quite painful but sharp nonetheless. She knew that humans closed their eyes when they kissed, but hers were open and she saw the surprise register in Bruce's blue eyes. Something fluttered in her chest. What the hell was it? It felt like a drum thumping against her ribs...or tiny wings flittering inside of her.
Finally, Bruce came to his senses. Everything came crashing down on his all at once. Her lips were soft, but they weren't hers. Her skin was gorgeous mocha under the glittering light, but that wasn't hers either. This body, beautiful as it may be, was a fabrication. She was an alien. A potential threat. The woman kissing him, making his mind race a million miles a minute, wasn't real.
He pulled away with a scowl that would have insulted any human woman, then wiped his lips for good measure. "Don't ever do that again."
"I apologise. I was merely practicing your planet's traditions, did I offend you?" Rahn asked, but there was something still shivering throughout her entire being. She didn't know what it was, but it bewildered her beyond anything she'd ever experienced.
"Yes. You did." Bruce rose from his seat much too quickly and started for the elevator. He needed to get out of there. Away from her. Away from the realisation that his dislike for her was wavering.
"If that is so then I will never do it again, it was not my intention to insult you," Rahn replied, and he knew that she meant it. Somehow that made him angrier than if she had gone up and kissed him a second time.
Bruce left in a huff, and only when he was gone did Rahn notice Dick Grayson still sitting in his chair with a giant grin on his face. It looked like he had been holding back laughter, so much so that his eyes were starting to glisten with tears. A few seconds passed, then he erupted into hysterics. "Oh my god! Did you see the look on his face? Golden!"
"You did not inform me that I would upset the recipient."
"Well, yeah, if you don't get their permission first or something. Maybe don't go around doing that without a warning."
"Did you not think that was important enough to tell me before I did it?"
Dick held up his hands as if in surrender. "Hey, I didn't know you were gonna just go ahead and kiss Bruce of all people...though I'm glad I was here to see it."
Rahn frowned. "I will not be taking anymore of your advice in the future."
"Yeah...that'd probably be wise."
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