"So you ready for your first game in charge tonight?" Christen asks as we walk into Rio Tinto.

During the game against Washington Laura and a few other coach's got red card's and are suspended for our game tonight. When we returned from the victory tour games Laura somehow figured out I have my coaching badges so she asked me to handle the team for our game tonight.

"I've done it before so it shouldn't be that bad." I say.

"When?"

"A couple times in Wolfsburg. Some were because of red cards and one was because of food poisoning."

"At least you don't have to face your girlfriend's shots." Kelley says.

"I wish I was." I say. "I hate being on the sideline."

"Then start your self in goal." Christen says.

"Then I won't be able to see the whole game and I already told Abby that she's starting." I say as we enter the locker room.

Once in the locker room I head to my locker and grab my training stuff then head to a bathroom stall and change into the training gear. I then head out with the keepers and warm up.

The club don't want anyone except the players to know what's happening.

Once everyone is warmed up we head back inside then I grab my undershirt and put it on in the bathroom stall. I then sit in my locker and a few seconds later Kelley sits herself on my lap so we do our pre match routine. After Kelley has finished massaging my hands, we agreed to only paint my nails when i'm starting, I get up and stand in front of the team.

"Alright." I say getting everyone's attention. "You all know I hate pregame speeches so I'm gonna keep this short...We all know where we are in the table. We have to win out to have even a chance of getting home field advantage in the playoffs so let's start now and beat Portland...Get your last minute things done then get where your suppose to be."

The team nod so I return to my locker and put on a Utah Royals t-shirt over my goalkeeping undershirt then I grab my jersey and make my way to the sidelines. When I get to the bench I lay my jersey over the head coach's chair then stand on the touchline.

"Astrid." Someone behind me says so I turn around and face the voice, who turns out to be our goalkeeping coach.

"Yes Jason?" I ask.

Jason points to the officials so I walk over to the officials and introduce myself as the manager which shocks them. When that's done I return back to our bench and wait for the game to begin which it does a few minutes later. Once the game starts I go and stand on the touchline which draws some looks from the Portland bench.

The first 30 minutes is fucking awful, but nothing really happens until Tobin becomes Tobin.

"KELLEY CLOSE HER DOWN." I shout from the touchline in the 32nd minute.

My girlfriend is running around our defense like there middle schoolers.

"Fuck." I say as Tobin buries the ball into the back of the net then I return to my spot on the bench.

I stay in my seat until out of nowhere, in the last minute of added time, Portland gets a penalty because Raso dove like a fish out of water.

"HEY." I shout at the fourth official then I approach her. "How is that a penalty? She literally dove like a fish out of water"

"It's the refs call." The fourth official says.

"So you admit it was a bad call."

"Oh come off it." Mark Parsons says. "It's a penalty."

"Why don't you shut the fuck up and tell your player not to dive." I say and get in his face. "Or is that what you teach your players to do?"

Mark and I get into a bit of an argument, but I have the upper hand due to my height and the fact I never back down.

Eventually the ref breaks us up so I go and stand on my touchline and watch as Sinclair buries the penalty in the side netting resulting in us being down 2-0.

As the head official comes off the field, after blowing for halftime, I met him and tell him exactly what I think of him then I head into the locker room.

"What the fuck was that?" I rhetorically ask as everyone looks at me. "You're playing like this is a damn tune up game against BYU."

I then look at Kelley who's sitting in her locker with her hands on her legs. Kelley then subtly gives me a thumbs up letting me know to yell at her and that she can take it.

I love having a twin.

"Kelley." I say making everyone's attention go to my sister. "Do I need to put on your jersey and play for you? I mean we could just tell them you had a growth spirt. At least then I could make sure the crosses hit their target."

I know look at the whole team.

"I didn't come to Utah to watch my friends win the NWSL. I came here to win so all of you need to think long and hard about how you want the rest of the season to go. If you want to win the NWSL then I'll see you on the field...otherwise pack your shit and go." I say then leave the locker room and head back to the coach's bench.

I wait on the coach's bench for a little bit until the team come out and go to where they are supposed to be.

"KELLEY." I shout then motion her to me when I have her attention

Kelley then jogs over to me and sits on my knee.

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry I yelled at you." I say. "I only did that because I knew you could take it."

"I know Astrid." Kelley says then she kisses my head.

"But seriously Kelley your crosses need to come in a fraction earlier."

My twin nods then jogs to her position on the field right before the whistle blows.

I'm guessing my half time talk worked because the girls come out firing.

In the 50th minute Kelley gets the ball on the overlap from Gunny then my twin races towards the end line. Right before Kling can close my twin down she floats a cross to the back post where Christen heads the ball past the Portland keeper which cuts the deficit down to 2-1. Once the ball hits the net A-Rod grabs it and brings it up field so we can restart quickly.

In the 62nd minute Vero picks off Sonnett's pass then the Spaniard sprints up field with A-Rod and Christen making runs into the box. The Portland keeper mistakenly comes out of goal so Vero passes the ball to A-Rod who easily passes the ball into then net. When the ball hits the net Christen grabs it and rushes up field so we can restart again.

The next twenty-five minutes the girls pepper the Portland goal, but the keeper keeps everything out of goal.

In the 89th minute we get a corner off a hard shot by Christen who is our corner taker. When the ref blows her whistle Christen drills a ball into the box and straight at Becky. Becky times her jump perfectly and the ball glances off her head and goes into the back of the net giving us the lead 3-2 with barely anytime left.

Seeing as we have one sub left I bring one of the attackers off and put on a defender to hold the lead.

3 minutes after the substitution the ref blows her whistle three times signaling that we've came from behind and won.

Once the whistle blows I hug the coaching staff and the girls on the bench then I quickly shake Marks hand before I shake the refs hands.

"What the hell Astrid?" Lindsey says as all the Portland National team girls surround me.

"What?" I say.

"Since when do you coach the Royals?" Sonnett asks.

"Since Laura got a red card last game."

"Did you have to beat us?" Kling asks.

"Yep." I say then Tobin and I walk off together.

"You know you're kinda hot when your angry." My girlfriend says.

"I don't think your coach likes me anymore." I admit.

"He'll get over it."

"I'll meet you outside the locker rooms okay?" I say.

"Sounds good." Tobin says then she goes and signs some shit.

I, on the other hand, go to the locker room, take off my kit and shower, put on my street clothes, then I sit in my locker and wait for the team to come in which gradually happens over the next 30 minutes.

"Alright first off everyone breathe." I say and everyone does. "Good. Now please never make me do that stupid shit I did I halftime again. I hated that."

The whole team laugh at that.

"Laura's here so I'm gonna sit down now." I say then sit in my locker.

Laura does her post game talk then we are allowed to leave so I gather my things and leave the locker room and find my girl. After I've found Tobin the two of us go to my car then we head to my house. Once at my house Tobin goes and showers in my bedroom while I relax on the couch

"Babe?" I hear Tobin say from my bedroom after the shower turns off.

"Yes Boo Bear?" I say.

"Can you come here?"

I get off the couch and walk down the hallway to the bedroom.

"Everything alright?" I ask.

"What's this?" Tobin asks and holds a box I never wanted her to find.

"W-where did that come from?"

"It fell from your closest as I was getting my bag...What is it?" Tobin asks and shakes the box.

"It's uh...it's from my days in Germany."

"Okay?"

"Basically when I wasn't working, training, or playing soccer I was distracting my self with booze and sex."

"Do you not want to use them on me?" Tobin asks and I don't miss the hurt in her voice.

"Well for one thing I didn't know you'd be into that" I say then wrap my arms around Tobin's waist. "Boo Bear...those things were used for a quick fuck. They remind me of every time I'd bring some girl back to my place and have a one night stand...I don't use them on you because you aren't like those girls and our sex isn't meaningless. You are my beautiful girlfriend who I love very very much and only want to make love to...I never want you to feel like those girls did...you don't deserve that."

"Baby." Tobin says and softly kisses me then wraps her arms around my neck and smiles at me. "That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me."

"I forgot about them when we started dating. I boxed them up and left them hopefully with the old Astrid who just used girls then dumped them." I say then avert my eyes from Tobin's.

"What's wrong?" Tobin asks.

"I know I'm not always the easiest to love and I know I don't always make you feel loved and I-I-" I say then sigh. "I'm sorry."

"Hey." Tobin says then she caresses my face. "I always feel loved when I'm with you. I know this is new for you, but I can't imagine another person I'd want to live life with then you...Come on let's lay down."

Tobin drags me over to the bed and we lay down and, for once, I cuddle into her.

"Now what's really bothering you baby?" Tobin asks.

".....There are some days when something small reminds me of my past and I get sad and start reminiscing about Lily and then I get angry at myself for thinking about her because I feel like I'm cheating on you...then I start thinking how maybe it would be easier for everyone if I was still that fuckgirl who didn't care about feelings and just used girls for sex. Then I get sad because I don't know how someone as amazing as you can be with someone who's so...broken."

"You're not broken Astrid." Tobin says and wipes the tears from my face.

"I saw my pregnant girlfriend get shot in front of me. My family chose Kelley over me and didn't even bother trying to look for me or visit even though they knew exactly where I was...I was going to visit Kelley in 2011 when the World Cup was in Germany and I was right outside you girls' hotel, but I couldn't move my feet to go into the lobby and when Kelley came out of the elevator she saw me and I turned around and ran and ignored her calling for me."

"Why'd you run?"

"I hated her...I hated her until 2017 when I was finally starting to heal."

"Does she know you hated her?"

"Yeah."

"Why'd you hate her?"

"She was the poster child for everything and I was always her little sister even though we're twins and I'm older than her by 6 minutes. She got whatever she wanted. When she was 16 she got the newest car yet I had to walk everywhere. She got to hangout with her friends late at night while I had to be home at 8. If Kelley wanted to practice my plans wold be thrown out the window...I hated her so much that when she got me a scholarship to Stanford I planned to study for four years and get my degree then break all ties with the family and never look back." I say then there's a period of silence.

"You know it's not bad to think about Lily right?" Tobin asks breaking the silence.

"I know." I say with a sigh. "I just feel bad because I love you and it just feels like cheating to me."

"When did you leave?"

"After Lily's funeral."

"Why?"

"I grew irritated at people coming up to me and saying how hard this must be for Kelley and her family. I couldn't take it any longer so I told some person that they needed to shut the fuck up. Kelley wasn't the one to lose a girlfriend and a baby all at once. Kelley wasn't the one who saw her girlfriend die in front of her. Kelley wasn't the one to get shot." I say then wipe the tears from my eyes. "I was losing everything and had to leave."

"Oh baby." Tobin says then she brings my head to her chest. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that."

"I don't wanna lose you too Tobin." I admit something that's been on my mind for a while.

"I'm here baby." Tobin says and tilts my chin so I'm looking at her. "I'm right here."