"I'm so bored." Kelley whispers.

"Well I can't help you there." I say.

We're doing group recovery today after our 3-0 shutout win against Spain which advanced us to play France in the quarter finals. Lindsey got a goal off a corner then Christen came on and got two goals.

That woman's a beast.

"Let's play never have I ever." Kelley announces and everyone looks at her. "Raise your hand if you have done something."

Everyone looks at Kelley to continue.

"Never have I ever kissed a guy." Kelley says.

Me, Tobin, Ash, Christen, Kling, Pinoe, and Tierna all leave our hands down.

"Kelley you have kissed a guy." Christen says while chuckling.

"Oh yeah...My bad." Kelley says. "You go Astrid."

"Never have I ever been to prom." I say.

Everyone puts their hand up.

"Well then."

"Why didn't you go?" Emily asks.

"I was an out lesbian in Georgia. Not many parents wanted their daughter seen with me."

"Ah."

I may or may not have tuned out after that since I was just humoring my sister. A while later I tune back in when my name is called.

"Astrid." Alex says and everyone looks in-between us.

"Yes?" I say and look at Kelley then at Tobin.

"You wrote an article for The Players' Tribune?"

"I did. Right before the last World Cup." I admit while leaning against a wall rolling my legs.

"No offense." Christen says. "But why didn't we hear about it?"

"Well only three people on the 2015 team knew I existed and I only used my first name. I guess nobody connected the dots."

"Three?" Ali asks.

"Hope, Christen, and Kelley."

"I wanna see." Kelley says.

"Here." Alex says and slides Kelley the phone so she can read.

"You put your letters to me and Christen in it?" Kelley asks after a period of silence.

"Yeah. I wanted to....." I say then take a deep breath. "yeah I did."

"Do you remember what you said in the letters?" Sam asks.

"Yeah." I say. "I remember the whole article."

"Can we hear them?" Mal asks. "The letters."

I nod then look at Christen, who's eyes widen when she realizes I'm reciting her letter first.

Hey Pressy,

By the time you read this I'll be long gone to Europe. I'm sorry I'm leaving like this, but I can't be here without Lily. Everything I see reminds me of her and I need to get away. I can't continue living here knowing that everytime I walk into our apartment building I'll see the place she died.

I'm so sorry I'm not as strong as you and Kelley. I wish I was, believe me, but I'm not. All I want to do is curl up in a ball and never leave my room, but I think we both know how that would end and neither of us want that. You have my number and I'll always be here for you to rant and rave to at anytime of day and especially after you read this letter.

I hope one day you can forgive me, but I understand if you don't. You'll always have a special place in my heart Pressy and I'll never forget all you've done for me.

Look after Kelley for me.

Love your favorite twin,

Astrid

P.S. Keep that girl from Berkley around. I think you two will be together for a very long time.

"I forgot about that part." Christen says then she pecks Alex's lips.

"You knew?" Alex asks and I nod.

I then look at Kelley and take a deep breath.

This letters gonna suck

Hey Kelloggs,

By the time you read this I will probably be in Europe.

I can't do it Kels. I can't be strong like Mom taught us too. I can't get over this hurdle. All I want to do is curl up in a ball and never leave my room. Actually what I really want to do is go to the gun store, but that wouldn't solve anything. Just bring more heartache to your life.

I'm so sorry Kelley.

I know we have a no secrets policy, but I've been hiding something from you for a while. I've had a couple offers to go play professionally overseas so I'm gonna take one of those offers and go play in Europe.

Don't worry I'm not giving up my dream of working with planes. Stanford's being really cool and letting me do my school work online. Apparently they're testing some new online school and I'm going to be their guinea pig.

Kelley I'm so sorry I had to leave this way, but I can't do it. I have to do this or I'm going to end up doing going insane.

No matter where I am in the world I will always be here for you to talk too. Wether that's about some obnoxious professor, after a rough game, you telling me about your crush on Hope Solo, or even if you just need to hear my voice. I am always just a phone call aways.

I love you Kelley

Your twin,

Astrid

"Woah." Ali says.

"Yeah." I say and wipe a tear from my eye then kiss Kelley's head. "Everyone can read the rest online."

"So." Christen says trying to move the conversation along. "How's wedding planning going Kels?"

"Tiresome." Kelley groans. "So many things have to be done."

"Like?" Alex asks.

"Photographer, diner menu, wedding cake, dress fittings, flowers, finding an officiant, invitations, honeymoon."

"You do know we can help with that?" I say.

"I know." Kelley says. "But Hope and I wanna do it."

"Alright, but let me know where the two of you are going for the honeymoon."

"I will."

"What are your colors?" Ali asks.

"Red and Gold." Kelley says.

"Dammit." I say and rub my face.

"What?" Kelley asks.

"I just remembered I'm wearing a dress for your wedding."

"And singing." Kelley says with a smirk.

"And singing." I repeat.

"Not a fan of dresses?" Allie asks.

We've gotten to be on better terms.

"I haven't worn a dress since I was 7." I admit.

"Wow." Alex says.

"Kelley's lucky."

"How?" Tobin asks.

"She's one of three people I'd wear a dress for."

"Who are the other two?" Ash asks.

"Christen and Tobin."

"Aww." Mal says making me chuckle while my girlfriend blushes.

"Do you know what you are singing?" Julie asks.

"Yep."