The rest of the afternoon was a bit...tense. After the whole hand holding thing at the grocery store Knox has kept his distance from me. He had such a wall around him it was so hard to tell what was going on in his head.

Jackson sat across from us in the living room and I just hoped he couldn't see the slight awkwardness between the two of us. Out of everyone Jackson would be the one to figure out Knox and I's relationship isn't real. Sometimes he was too perceptive.

"Did Aubrey show you around town today?" Jackson asked looking between Knox and I.

"She did. She said you guys have tons of events going on all week too."

"Oh yeah the Christmas festival." Jackson nodded. "Kind of a staple around here. Mom will probably make us go on the final night."

"No doubt she's volunteered at a booth or something."

"Typical mom." The two of us shook our heads. Every single year mom had to volunteer for something for the festival. Whether it be running a booth, being a judge for something, hell she even volunteered us before.

"As long as she doesn't sign me up for the kissing booth again." Jackson shuttered at the memory.

"Oh come on it wasn't that bad."

"You didn't have to kiss Mrs. Wittmer. She used tongue Aubrey. TONGUE."

"She's like 80 years old, why would she use tongue?"

"I don't know! But she did!" He yelled dramatically. I couldn't help but laugh even though I felt bad for him. Mrs. Wittmer was the town's flirty old lady. Despite her age she still flirted with almost everyone and every single year she's front and center at the kissing booth. Jackson just happened to draw the short card and was the one she kissed.

"I had to wash my mouth out with soap for three days." He shivered like he could see feel the kiss. Beside me Knox let out a laugh. My eyes were drawn to him as he laughed, probably the first time he's ever done so when I've been around.

I've never heard a laugh and thought it was attractive until now. Knox's laugh was raspy and kind of deep. It was insanely attractive...just like everything else about him.

"Yeah laugh now until my mom makes you do the kissing booth." Jackson narrowed his eyes at Knox.

"Mom wouldn't sign us up for anything this year." I waved him off.

"Wouldn't she?" The way Jackson said it made my pause.

"She wouldn't." But the more I thought about it I knew it was exactly what my mom would do. I really shouldn't put it past her to do something like that. I made a mental note to talk to my mom later about signing us up for stuff. Knox didn't need to spend his time at some booth because my mom volunteered him.

"You're family really does go all out for Christmas." Knox remarked. While Jackson started telling him things mom has made us do every year, I gazed around the room. I was too busy yesterday and this morning to notice that my mom really did go all out this year.

Every inch of the house was decorated. It almost looked like Christmas threw up in here. The fake tree was decorated just as beautifully as it always is, presents already under the tree. Along the fireplace were all of our stockings. We all had ones with our names on them, even my parents. My eyes automatically moved towards the armchair off to the side.

The red fabric was well used and worn. If you looked close enough you'd see the imprint from the person who had sat there for years. It was the most comfortable seat in the living room yet no one sat there.

Dad.

I could have sworn if I looked hard enough I could still see my dad sitting there. Newspaper in hand, coffee in the other. That was his spot. Even after he passed it was still his.

The sight of it made my chest hurt. He should be sitting in it right now. He should be sitting there watching us arguing about stupid stuff only to chuckle and turn his attention back to the paper. He should be here for Christmas. But life was cruel. It never rewarded the good people.

Feeling my chest tighten I stood up abruptly. The motioned made both Jackson and Knox look up at me. I barely managed to get out a 'excuse me' before bolting from the room. I made it to the kitchen and slumped against the cabinet taking deep breaths.

I've been okay being back, more focused on making sure Knox and I's fake relationship was real enough. But sitting there staring at my fathers old chair just reminded me that he wasn't here.

Closing my eyes as I took some deep breaths, my hand came up unconsciously to rubbed my stomach, almost like I could still feel the ache there. Phantom pains they called it even though its been a year.

You can do this Aubrey. You have to stay strong. Mom can't see you like this. The last thing my mom needed was to be sad. Not this year. I am determined that my mom has a perfect Christmas come hell or high water.

"Are you okay?" I jumped at the voice. I looked over to see Knox slowly walking into the kitchen. I straighter up and nodded.

"Yeah I'm all good." The words came out hallow and we both knew I was lying. Knox's eyes bore into my face like he could see everything beneath my skin. Could see the hurt, anger, sadness lingering there.

The way he stared at me made me question if he could somehow tell if someone was lying. Honestly wouldn't put it past him with his military training to somehow know. The longer he stared at me the harder it was to fight the urge to cower. I didn't want him to know that he unnerved me. Not in a scary way either in an...intimidating way. Everything from how he looked at you like he knew everything about you, to how attractive he was.

Finally after what felt like silent interrogation Knox looked away. I didn't let him hear the breath I let out when he did.

"Okay." I blinked at his response. I wasn't sure why I found it surprising but I did. That was it? No pressing for details? No trying to get me to admit that I wasn't okay?

"Okay?" I was thankful he wasn't going to try and get me to talk but I guess I expected him to put up more of a fight about it.

"Okay." He repeated.

Now it was my turn to stare at him and try to figure him out. The way he said it was like he knew what I was going through and understood. Understood more than anyone outside of my family. A part of me burned to ask him more but before I could give into the urge the sound of the front door opening followed by loud squeals stopped me.

Now wasn't the time to ask and one quick glance at Knox told me that he probably wasn't open to talking about it either. So instead I shoved down the curiosity and the ache in my chest.

I surprised the both of us by reaching out and grabbing his hand. I ignored the surprised look on his face and the zing that went up my arm at the touch of his hand as I lead the two of us out of the kitchen and back to the living where my family was.