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the digital clock set by your bedside table reads 2:19 AM in red, bold numbers. you should be drifting away into slumber by this hour; fatigue hanging on your muscles and bones like invisible weights, feet dragging against the floor to reach your room just to throw your body to the bed like a sack of rice.

but tonight is different. tonight is special.

because three hours ago, soojin had arrived at your front door with a suitcase on her left, duffel bag slung over her shoulder, clad in a simple gray crewneck and a pair of joggers.

no intricate dresses, no fancy berets, no flashy accessories. there is a slight gray tinge under her eyes, lips a pale pink without the usual make-up she’d sport, yet, you may have felt your heart skipped a beat, like it momentarily lost track of its usual rhythm, an intake of breath caught on your throat without notice.

wispy, twilight threads fall messily around her face, long enough that it’d ghost the skin near her dark eyes. you catch her lips quirk to a small smile, orbs like that of onyx twinkling in quiet blithe the moment it met yours. without wasting a second longer, you had flung your arms around her neck, earning you a languid chuckle from her as she simultaneously dropped her bag to bend down to match your height.

her arms wrapped around the half-moons of your waist almost like an automatic, natural response, eyes shut closed as if basking in your warmth against her skin and the sugary smell of vanilla from your hair. she had buried her face on the crook of your neck, partly for closer contact and partly for an attempt to mask her sniffling, warm droplets of tears unwillingly travel down her cheeks.

it was then your turn to chuckle, threading your fingers over the hair behind her neck soothingly.

the exchange of greetings had been a quiet one, yet felt twice more intimate unlike before when you’d put up small banners that’d read ‘welcome home’ plastered on blank, beige walls and cook up a feast for two. now, three years of being together has turned the celebration into staying up late at night and greeting her by the door and her holding you in silence like she’s trying to make up for lost time, occasionally accompanied by silent tears and long i missed you kisses.

soojin now lays with you in bed, your head resting on top of her arm as you drape your leg across her's. you welcome her warmth, breathing in the scent of her bath soap still faintly lingering on her skin mixed with the laundry detergent from the fresh set of clothing she’s changed into.

she plays with your ears gently, fingers mindlessly combing through strands of hair.

silence ensues between the both of you, a comfortable one, as you allow your body to be lulled to sleep whilst soojin remains deep in thought, tired but alert, her usual body clock accustomed to staying up at such ungodly hours.

“soo,” you gently call out, voice slightly raspy from the onset of drowsiness.

“hmm?” she hums, twirling a lock of your hair lazily around her finger.

“do you ever wonder what could’ve happened if we had never met? like what if we lived in different times? different eras? or lived at different places? what if you stayed in your towm with your family and our paths never crossed?”

soojin catches the way your brows draw closer to a furrow with genuine curiosity.

you continue to blabber on, almost in a whisper, “what if you had decided to go against that almost mindless 2 second decision for you to say hello to me the first time we met? what if we never saw ourselves at the same place at the same time because one of us was a minute late or stuck in traffic or decided not to go at all?”

your eyes fixate outside the window beside the bed, silver moonlight streaming in the dark room.

you hadn’t noticed you’ve been mindlessly tracing lines and scribbles on her chest as your eyes start to droop heavier with sleep.

for a moment, soojin remains silent, the what ifs swim in her mind to the point of feeling slightly overwhelmed. a two second choice and she could’ve missed this; you, who she comes home to after long tours, you who she gets to hold at night, you who is her constant happiness.

she tightens his arms around you protectively, as if something might take you away if she doesn’t. she plants a kiss on the top of your head gingerly, the type of kiss that makes you feel warm on the inside.

“i’d search for you,” she says, tilting your chin up and cupping your cheek, “in all the possible lifetimes, an innate part of me would; like a kind of longing without really knowing why. all my possible selves would search for this lifetime we live in now if i had to. but i get to live in it now where i’m with you,” her thumb strokes your skin, eyes twinkling as she chuckles, “and thank God, i’m with you.”

she leans in, kissing you once.

twice.

thrice.

“i love you,” she whispers, resting her forehead against yours. she then traces the outlines of your lips, a smile ghosting your face as your lids slowly flutter shut.

soojin soon follows suite as she pulls you close ㅡyou who is the warmest place she knows.