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i remember when you asked me out for the first time. your cheeks were dusted with a light shade of pink while you strugled to form sentences.

you finally gave in before you kissed my blushing face and asked

""

i remember our first date. you took me to this retro arcade and you smiled at me every time my gaze met yours. the arcade was empty, we had the whole to ourselves and after countless pennies in the claw machine, you finally won me that stuffed toy.

i wonder, do you regret spending all that change on me?

i remember our first "i love you". we were watching a movie and after your lips met mine in a kiss, you said it.

"". my heart was beating out of my chest as i said those words back to you.

i wonder, do you hold on to these memories like i do?

i remember our first fight. i took your behaviour that night out of context and ruined our date. i screamed at you, you screamed back; but i didn't expect you to bring up my dark past.

you knew how much i hated it when people mentioned it but that didn't stop your mouth from running wild. your words felt like knives opening up healed scars.

i wonder, did you really mean all those terrible things you said?

i remember the first time i saw you happy with someone else. we had taken a break (for the better, so you said) and i was miserable. you took her to that same arcade and you smiled at her the way i thought you only smiled at me. i was wrong.

i wonder, did your smile light up her world the way it once lit up mine?

i remember when you left. you came to my apartment for the last time but you weren't alone. you were with her.

she was wearing one of your shirts as she patiently waited for you at my doorstep. she smiled at me while you looked through my messy bedroom for one of your sweaters.

you took what little i had left of you scattered around my apartment. you even took your favourite mug i made for you after one class of clay sculpting, the handle was still cracked. but i don't think you planned on reglueing it anytime soon.

and so, you left, you didn't cry nor say goodbye. you just held her hand and nodded at me.

i wonder, what was going through you mind? did you want to tell me anything? but i'll guess i'll never know.

i remember when you loved me.

when your heart was filled with compassion, when i thought i would spend the rest of my life with you.

i was so wrong. but even now,