I went to the bedroom to change, while Hudson talks to Mason. I loved dinner and watching my children with their father, but I know it's just an illusion to think it will happen very often. We are two completely different people now, and I'm not mentally in a place where I should be making too many big decisions.

It sounds like he is considering going back to his wife. It's not like they were briefly married, they had nearly seventeen years together. If he didn't love her at some point, he wouldn't have stayed so long. He had a choice, and I didn't, so that says a lot.

Right now, my husband's life hangs in the balance. I always thought I would be happy to escape him, but now I have a heavy heart. What he did to me was terrible, but for the last decade, he did try to make things good. I love him in my own way, but I'll never be in love with him. I guess they do say there is a fine line between black and white.

Maybe it's some kind of Stockholm syndrome, I don't know, but there were plenty of times I gave myself to him freely. It took years for me to forgive him, and for him to show me that he had changed. We spent entire nights making love, and lavish trips where he spoiled me and loved me.

I convinced myself to make the best of my situation, but Hudson was always on my mind and in my heart. He is my one true love, and I would still to this day give my life to him, but he is so different. I'm so different, but the magnetic pull to him is still here. I had a strong bond to him. I did give birth to his children, but he never knew, so he never had that bond with me.

My walls were up for so long, and I've just now lost the numbness I felt. Controlling my emotions has become a struggle, and I need to learn how to be me again.

I changed into my t-shirt and shorts, then went out to the bathroom quickly, before Hudson saw me.

I wasn't so lucky, and when I went back to the bedroom, he walked in behind me and asked to grab his clothes.

"Sure, do you want me to leave so you can change?" I asked.

"No, I'll change in the bathroom." He said, as he took off his badge and laid it on the dresser.

"How did your talk with Mason go?" I asked.

I admired the badge sitting on the dresser. I always tend to explore the room, and not look at the person when I'm nervous.

"I think it went okay, but I was dying on the inside the whole time. I want to kill that bastard so bad, but I can't let those kids hate me." He said.

I walked over to his bookshelf and read the titles.

"Well, he didn't always make good memories with them, but he was at every school event and took an interest in their lives. He changed considerably by the time we left France." I walked over to his nightstand, and picked up the photo of Jake.

"My underwear drawer is on the top right, if that's what you're looking for." I looked up at him, and he was smirking.

"I already found them." I teased, as I set the photo down.

"So, he did treat you with some kindness?" He asked.

"Later, it wasn't that way for a long time. Something happened in France, my father came to visit, and they argued the entire time. Dad wanted to bring me and the children back home, but Jackson fought him on it. He said he realized what he had, and couldn't let me go. He started taking me on trips and buying me gifts. He even bought me a ring and proposed. I made the best out of my situation, but I could never fall in love with him as he wanted." I said.

"When you came back here, you planned to go back to him, didn't you?" He slowly sat on the bed, and I sat next to him.

"Yes, then when you approached me at Ambers, that all changed. I felt something for the first time in ages, and I realized his kindness was just another form of imprisonment. I didn't plan on seeing you. Rob told me you moved away, and you weren't coming back." I said.

He shut his eyes. "You weren't coming back for me as you said in your letter." He didn't look at me.

"I was so young when I made those decisions, and I didn't even think about the possibility that you would marry and have a child. I had no intention of trying to turn your life upside down. It wouldn't have been fair to you, or your family." I said.

"So, if I wasn't divorced, you wouldn't have told me about our kids? What was your plan there, Joey?" He asked.

"I had no plan, Hudson. I was at his mercy until the kids were grown. They were and always have been my priority, before the kids, it was you, your mom and Chloe." I said.

He turned his head and looked at me. "When will you make yourself a priority?" He asked.

He is all I ever wanted for myself.

"I guess now I need to figure out everything all over again. Where do I start, Hudson? I've never made plans for myself, so how is that done?" I stood up to find something else to explore, to avoid looking at him. "Do I want a career? Maybe live off my father's fortune and travel? I could settle into the Ranch and try to build a life back home, but what do the kids want? Mason wants to be near you, and Serenity wants to go back to London. You have a family here in D.C., so do I separate my family? Do you want to finish raising Mason or concentrate on Jake? My life depends on other people." I said.

He stood and approached me, and stood so close, my heartbeat pounded against my chest.

"I will not put Jake in front of the other two, they are all equally my priority. I'll respect their wishes, but I want you to be happy again, what will that take Joey?" He asked.

I looked up at him. "A miracle."