Julie came and it got loud inside, so I decided to catch a breath of fresh air. Julie is giving me the cold shoulder, and I need to regroup. I wasn't expecting all of this tonight.

Then I saw Hudson's son. Something hit me like a ton of bricks, and I couldn't breathe.

"Excuse me, I'll be back in a minute."

I walked out of the front, so I could avoid him. I need to be as mature as possible, but I really just want to break down. Seeing his son was so hard, harder than anyone can imagine.

I walked toward the field and saw a blue butterfly. It's still spring, and the Texas heat hasn't hit us yet. God, I miss this place.

I saw a wildflower blossom, and it reminded me of my mother putting flowers in my hair. I wouldn't dare pick it, its like I was seventeen years ago. So full of life with a bright future.

"Joey."

I paused and couldn't force myself to turn around, I heard him come closer.

"Joey, look at me." He said.

I started to cry, and I haven't even turned around yet. Seventeen years of emotions have come to the surface.

"I can't." I said.

"Why? Why can't you look at me?" He asked.

"Because it's going to hurt more than anything in the world." I cried.

"Do you know that's the first time I've spoken your name in seventeen years?" He said.

"Because you hate me?" I asked.

He let out a breath. "No, it's because every time anyone says your name it kills me. It's like a bullet through my chest. Dammit, Joey, I've missed you so damn bad."

My heart raced.

"You don't hate me?"

He let out a deep breath. "Please, look at me."

I slowly turned and saw his eyes watering.

"I could never hate you."

I almost fell to my knees, but he walked up and pulled me into his arms. I collapsed in them.

"I'm so sorry, Hudson. I never wanted to leave you." We both fell to the ground, but he held on to me.

"Jesus, Joey. I didn't know if I'd ever hold you again." He kissed the top of my head.

I lifted my head and looked at him. "I didn't want to go. I had to go to protect you, they would have killed you."

"Your father?" He asked.

I nodded. "And Jackson."

"We had months left, and my father was working on it." He said.

He wiped the tear from my eye. "You're going to hate me."

"I already told you, I couldn't ever hate you, talk to me."

"They would have killed you," I repeated.

"Why? Your father knew we were dating." He said.

I just looked at him, I don't know what to do.

"I've been waiting seventeen years to know what happened. Please tell me, I don't care what it is, just tell me." His voice broke.

"They're yours."

"What's mine?"

"When I found out, I told my dad I needed to go be with him right away. I could make them think they were his, and they wouldn't suspect you. So they wouldn't kill you, they killed my mom." I cried.

"Wait, I'm confused. Who killed your mom?" He asked.

"Dad and Mr. Beaumont. I found out right before Christmas that she was dead. I thought I could be free of them, then I found out I was pregnant."

"You what?" His voice screeched a little.

"I was so scared they would kill both of us. So, I had dad send me away." I said.

"Wait, you chose to leave?" He asked.

"They were going to kill you. I love you so much, that if anyone was going to die it was me. I wasn't very far along, so he thinks they're his children." I said.

"Those are my kids? I can't even wrap my brain around this shit!"

"You said you couldn't hate me." I cried harder.

"I just need a fucking minute to process this..what the fuck?" He said.

He ran his hand through his hair. "I'm their father?" He pointed at the house.

"Yes, but they don't know." I cried.

"That boy knows!"

"Mason?"

"He knew, and stood there shaking my hand. Oh my God, he looks like my dad!" He said. "Joey, I don't know what to think right now. Why didn't you tell me? My dad is CIA, dammit! We could have figured it out!" He yelled.

"No, dad had papers on his desk that I found, he had photos of your mom and Chloe. He caught me looking at them and said if I ever gave him a hard time, they were first, then your dad. He said he had a man working side by side with your father, he wouldn't suspect anything. His name was Costel or.."

"Costello? That's my dad's partner." He said.

I nodded. "He showed me the mans picture, and he had been to the ranch on several occasions. He had men ready to go, and you would have no warning. I just found out I was pregnant, so it was all I could do to save them and you, Hudson."

"My mom and sister?" He asked.

"All of you." I cried.

"Jesus Christ, Joey. Fuck!"

"Please don't hate me." I cried.

"I don't hate you. You sacrificed your own life for how many? What the fuck did he do to you?" He asked.

He looked me over and found my scars.

"He raped me on our wedding night. It hurt, but it was fine, because I had to make him think he got me pregnant. Of course, I had no idea it was twins. I grew so fast, and he accused me of being pregnant when we married, so he cut me all over with glass for each time he thought I lied to him. Then he found out it was twins.

The doctor I saw helped me by saying the twins came early. It's not like he went to my appointments. After that, he tried to make up for it, but I've hated him. He's been a good father, but this was the first time he let me out of his sight."