《The Stranger on the Train》Chapter 19: Saturday night
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TW: Alcohol, mentions of death and grief
Pov y/n
The sun blinds me a little as I walk through the park.
Today is Saturday and I don't have any further plans for today, maybe stroll around the park or going to the swimming pool but nothing more.
I'd love do something with someone but I don't really know people in New York. Well, except Scarlett. But wouldn't it be weird if I asked her to hang out?
I mean, we are friends and friends hang out occasionally.
Maybe I should just give it a try without expecting anything because if I expect something, I could get disappointed.
I take my phone out and ask her if she wants to hang out today. Before I can overthink it, I send it and put my phone away again, not wanting to stare at it while I wait for her reply.
My legs carry me to the lake I've been at so many times before and I watch the goldfish swim around. It reminds me of the aquarium and I sink into memories of my last diving trip where I removed a few plants to prevent other animals from getting hurt.
Being underwater is just so peaceful and quiet.
The vibrations of my phone pull me out of my thoughts and I pull it out. My heart starts to beat a little faster when I see Scarlett answered.
Scarlett: Yes, I'd love to. How about a movie night with snacks and maybe some wine?
Y/n: Sounds great!
Scarlett: At my place around 7 pm? I'll take care of snacks and everything, you can decide on a movie. How does that sound?
Y/n: Sounds amazing, I'll be there. :D
I smile at my phone and put it away again, happy with the outcome.
It wasn't as hard as I thought and maybe I worried a little too much about it. Scarlett seems pretty chill about it and likes to hang out with me, so it's all good.
After a quick glance at the time, I see that I have around six hours before Scarlett expects me at her place.
I need around 45 minutes to her place when I take the train, so I will go out of my apartment at 6 pm, makes five hours.
I continue my walk and when I arrive at the end of the park, I make my way to a store. It's a little full but eventually I get everything I need and head home. When everything is where it goes, I flop down onto the couch and look at the clock. I have around three and a half hours before I need to go.
With the help of my phone, I pick out a movie we can watch tonight and grab my book to read a bit.
At around 5 pm, I get up and put my book down. Two hours until I'm at Scarlett's and one hour until I have to go. That gives me enough time to get ready.
I take a quick shower and choose some clothes to wear. We're having a movie night, so I don't need to dress up but I still wanna look good for Scarlett.
I go through my clothes until I decide on jeans and a simple light-blue t-shirt.
My hair is a little disaster and I look at myself in the mirror in the bathroom. First I will blow dry it and hopefully it'll look better then.
It takes me a bit until my y/h/c (your hair color) hair is dry and I comb through it, getting rid of every knot.
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I take my lip between my teeth while I think about if I like it this way. It looks natural and makes me seem relaxed, not showing any of the nervosity I feel inside.
Maybe this is the best way to wear it. I still pull a hair tie over my wrist, just in case I'm annoyed by my hair at some point.
My eyes check my outfit and hair one last time, before I leave the bathroom and pack my things.
At pretty much exact 6 pm, I leave the building. It may seem a little unnecessary to be nervous and wanting to be at Scarlett's in time but I don't care. And if I'm being honest, I don't even know why I'm nervous. We hung out quite a few times before, it's nothing new. But maybe it's because this is the first time, we will spend time alone and in private after our moment last week in the kitchen.
I'm still not sure what it may or may not mean but I want to try and figure it out. Not in a pushy or creepy way, I just want to see if there is anything in Scarlett's behavior, that helps me understand what she feels or not feels towards me.
The subway ride feels longer than it actually is and my leg bounces during the whole ride. It's just a simple movie night, nothing more, no need to freak out. We will just watch a movie, have some snacks and maybe some wine, that's all.
I manage to calm myself a little and take a deep breath when I get out of the subway.
The way to her home isn't far and with the help of the internet easily found. I look at her house, that is mostly hidden by the gate in front of it and take another deep breath, everything will be fine.
I ring the doorbell and only seconds later, the gate buzzes open and I push through it.
While I walk up the small way to the front door, I look up the few steps to see Scarlett waiting for me with a happy expression.
When I am in front of her, she opens her arms, offering a hug but asking for permission at the same time. I give her a small nod and open my arms as well, pulling her into a quick hug.
Even though it's only short, it feels so good and her scent fills my nose and I instantly relax. The effect this woman has on me.
She lets me inside and I get out of my shoes, looking past her towards the living room, expecting Rose to appear since it's the weekend where she actually is with Scarlett.
Scarlett seems to notice my searching eyes.
"Rose is at her dad's this weekend. He had time and offered to take her on a few little trips to make up for last weekend. Rose was excited for it and I didn't mind." Scarlett explains, searching my eyes for something.
I hum in responds and look back at her with a smile, which makes her smile as well and the tiny bit of uncertainty washes off her face.
She holds her hand out towards the living room, inviting me in. I follow her and we enter the living room, where I already see a few snacks on the coffee table and coasters, implying that there will also be some kind of drinks.
My eyes wander from the coffee table back to Scarlett and just now I take time to look at her outfit. She wears grey sweatpants and a t-shirt, her hair up in a messy bun, looking as beautiful as ever and I have to admit, seeing her in such casual and cozy clothes, makes her even more attractive.
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Although I now feel a little overdressed with my jeans as they are not as comfy as sweatpants. Scarlett seems to notice my look and gives me a little smile.
"Do you want to lend some comfy pants from me?" She offers and my heart beat quickens a little at her sweet offer.
"I'd love that." I say and blush a little.
She nods with a smile and leads me upstairs and into her bedroom where she opens a drawer.
I look around her bedroom. It's simple but has class. The colors are all warm and give off a cozy feeling. Her bed looks beyond comfortable and I have to withstand the urge to jump onto the soft looking covers.
When she turns around, she holds up a pair of sweatpants and hands it to me. My fingers graze hers for like half a second and it feels like little bits of electricity move from there through my whole body.
"You can change in the bathroom, I'll be downstairs." She says and points to the door as we step into the hallway.
I give her a nod before disappearing into the bathroom. The pants fit nicely and I fold up my jeans, I'll just put them to my bag in the hallway.
It is way more comfortable now and I happily walk down the stairs, placing my pants next to my bag before entering the living room again. Scarlett is currently in the kitchen and looks up when I walk in. Her eyes quickly look me up and down before she smiles almost shyly.
"Looks good on you." She compliments and gets out two glasses of wine.
"Thank you and thank you for lending me them." I say and she gives me a smile in return.
"Red or white?" She asks and holds up two bottles of wine.
"Red." I answer and she nods, putting one of the bottles away.
I help her carry everything into the living room and set it down on the coffee table. She pours some wine in both of our glasses and sits down. I sit down as well, finding a good position to sit in, before she hands me my glass.
"To a good movie night." She says, holding her glass up a little.
"To a good movie night." I repeat and we toast before each taking a sip.
The wine tastes amazing and I have to hold back a noise at its fine taste. When I look over at Scarlett, I see her taking another sip, before lowering the glass. Her lips shimmer a little with a few drops of the wine.
I don't know if it's the wine or if her lips are always this red but they look amazing in this exact moment and I wish I could just lean over and kiss her.
But instead I take another sip as well and place my glass back down. Scarlett mirrors my movement and props her elbow against the back of the sofa, her body facing me and her head slightly rested against her hand, her eyes focused on me, giving me her undivided attention.
"So, how was your week?" She asks and I lean back as well, angling my body to face hers more.
"It was good. The shifts at the coffeeshop were good. We had a few more customers as usual, so it was a bit more busy but not too stressful and on Wednesday we had a very beautiful woman coming in and working in our shop." I say, feeling bold at the moment.
It takes her a second to realize that I'm talking about her and she blushes slightly, hiding it with a smile.
"I bet she was just too amazed by the coffee and the very friendly and great looking waitress." Scarlett flirts back, if it's flirting for her. I bite my lip, feeling my face heating up at her words.
We gaze at each other for a few seconds before I remember what we talked about and continue my telling.
"The work at the aquarium was also fun. I got to dive two times this week to take care of a problem underwater. It's been a while since my last diving trip and I realized how much I missed being underwater. It just makes me feel free and it's so peaceful and so beautiful. Diving in an aquarium is not bad and definitely better than no diving but I would love to dive in the ocean one day. Exploring the world we can't see from up here and just seeing different animals in their natural habitat. Of course, I'd love to explore a new species as well but that is very unrealistic, at least anywhere near the coast.
I'd probably had to go closer to the north or south pole because there are the chances a tiny bit higher to find some new creature. And if I wanted to discover one for sure, I would have to go down into the deep sea, like really deep. But sadly the equipment isn't quite there yet because the water pressure is too high down there and a specific submarine-capsule-thing is needed to go this deep. They exist but they are not for normal people, only for scientists in that field. But even those can't go as deep as the ocean goes. It's assumed that we only discovered like one third of the whole ocean and that there are probably creatures down there that we don't even know exist. It's just crazy to think about..." I ramble on, getting lost in my words.
When I notice Scarlett's eyes still on me, listening attentively to what I'm saying, I blush a little. For a second I believe to see a sparkle in her eyes but that's probably just an illusion. I grab my glass and take another sip, feeling a little embarrassed that I got so lost in my rambling.
"Sorry for rambling." I say and put the glass down again, leaning back.
Scarlett searches for my eyes and when hers lock with mine, she gently takes my hand, her thumb stroking over my knuckles.
"You don't have to apologize for talking about something you're so passionate about. Honestly, it was very cute and you looked so happy talking about it. I don't mind at all, I love listening to people talk about their passions. Especially people I care about so much." She adds, the last sentence a little quieter.
My body heats up as a warm feeling spreads and my heart beat quickens a little. She cares about me?
I mean we are something like friends but hearing her say it just...it makes me happy.
"Well, thank you I guess. And I care about you too." I say, keeping eye contact with her. My words make her smile widely. God, I just love seeing her smile.
"You once said you studied marine biology." She continues the conversation and grabs her glass to take a few sips. I nod.
"Yeah, I did." I confirm and start to fiddle a little with my fingers.
"Why didn't you choose a job in that field, it clearly seems to be your passion?" Scarlett asks, looking at me. I press my lips together and look down at my hands. She immediately notices my change in behavior.
"It's okay, you don't have to answer. I'm sorry if I touched a topic that you're not comfortable talking about." She tracks back and I look up at her. Her eyes are soft and understanding and I take a deep breath.
"No, it's just...it's a hard topic and it'll ruin the mood." I say, feeling a slight knot forming in my throat as my eyes go back to looking at my fingers.
"That's okay, if you want or need to talk about it, I will listen. And if you don't want me to answer and just listen, that's okay also. I'm here for you if you need me. And if you decide not to talk about it, that is also totally fine, you don't have to." She assures me and I see her hands slowly reaching out for mine but not holding it, giving me the chance to decide if I want to take her hand.
I take another deep breath and take her hand. It feels good and gives me comfort and just enough courage to look up into her green eyes again.
"I would like to talk about it, actually. I never really talked about it with anyone, not completely. But I would understand if you don't want to hear it and be burdened with it." I say, my voice breaking in the middle of the sentence as I'm worried she'll push me away.
But she doesn't, she just squeezes my hand a little and her other hand comes up to gently cup my face, making my eyes dart to look into hers.
"You are not a burden for sharing your thoughts, memories or feelings. Like I said, I'm here if you want to talk and even if you decide to stop in the middle, I am okay with that. I am here with you and you are safe here." She assures me again and I give her a smile, my lips pressed together a little.
"I started studying marine biology but didn't get to finish making my doctor title because after my third year I had to stop because...my father died and it was very hard on my whole family, especially my mom. She had a hard time handling her grief. On top of that, we lost him as an income source. I know it sounds bad when I say it like that but, well it's true. His insurance did cover a lot but that money went into the college funds of my two younger siblings.
Mom had a job as well but it didn't pay enough to cover everything. So, I quit college, which for once saved us a monthly payment and also allowed me to get a job as well, earning money to help cover the expenses. I took care of my younger siblings as well because Mom often worked longer than she had to, just to earn a bit more money and when she got home, she was exhausted and still grieving. It was a really hard time." I have to stop talking because my throat feels too tight and I feel tears pooling in my eyes.
They spill over when I blink and a muffled sob leaves my mouth as the familiar ache appears in my heart.
I haven't talked about my dad in a while and never with someone else than my family.
And then I never really could talk about how it made me feel because I didn't want my mom to feel bad.
I helped out voluntarily, no one forced me but I still am sad I never got to finish making my doctor title.
A soft thumb wipes away a tear and I am pulled back into the now, seeing Scarlett looking at me. Her eyes are soft and full of emotion as she gives me time to process and decide if I want to continue.
"My siblings were also teenagers already, so they could mostly take care of themselves but I still looked after them and made sure they had everything they needed. I honestly got a little lost during those three years and forgot who I was and what I wanted to be and do. That's why I left my home town and moved to New York, I wanted to start a new life, wanted to find myself again and with that my dreams, wishes and hopes." I tell her further.
She nods along, unsure if she is supposed to reply or not. Instead of saying something, she just squeezes my hand, showing me she is still here with me.
"Dad was just...her was great. Even though he had a job and worked a lot, he still made sure to take time to play with me and my siblings. He also was handy when it came to things around the house that needed to be done. I remember how we painted my room when I was a child, it was so much fun. His death came suddenly...no one was prepared for it, he didn't deserve it, he was a good man."
Now the tears are spilling down my face and I don't care about it anymore. The pain, that I suppressed for a long time, fills my body and sobs escape my mouth.
I always wanted to be strong, for my mother and my siblings but it's been too long.
Scarlett carefully pulls me closer to her, wrapping me in her arms, rubbing my back soothingly while letting me cry.
This time I allow my feelings to take over and just cry, let everything bubble up and flow over. The pain in my heart finally released, not tied up deep inside me anymore. Sobs make my body shake and I burry my head in Scarlett's neck.
"I miss him so much." I cry and feel her other hand coming up to my head, brushing over my hair.
"It hurts, I know. And you've been so strong for your family and did so great. You deserve to be sad as well. It's not a nice feeling but it is important to grieve and allow yourself to feel." She says in a calm voice, while continuing to soothingly rub my back. I nod a little against her neck, knowing she is right.
"I am here for you." She whispers, almost not audible for me but I still catch it and hug her a little tighter.
She does so as well and we just stay like this until my sobs die down and I catch my breath again, leaning back and wiping away the last few tears.
Scarlett softly smiles at me, tugging hair behind my ear and cupping my face. I open my mouth, suddenly feeling guilty for breaking into tears but she stops me before I can say something.
"If you're about to apologize, don't. Because there is nothing to apologize for. I offered to listen to you sharing your feelings and you did. They came with a lot of hurt and that is okay. It is okay that you cried and nothing to be ashamed of. I am glad, you feel comfortable enough around me to let me hold you. So please, don't apologize for having feelings because every feeling is valid, okay?" She says and looks at me. I close my mouth again, giving her a tiny smile and nod.
"Okay." I whisper and she smiles at me, stroking my cheeks with her thumbs.
She really makes me feel safe and protected and the fact that she values my feeling so much means more to me than I can express.
"You are great, do you know that?" I ask without thinking about it. She looks a little surprised at the sudden compliment but smiles.
"Thank you." She says, caressing my cheeks one more time before taking her hands slowly away to hold mine.
I take a few deep breaths to calm down completely and Scarlett squeezes my hand in anticipation.
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