"In the five years of playing against you, how have I never once beat you in chess commander Pyxis." Eren grumbled to his wissened companion.

"The secret is a healthy amount of wine in the system. It realy gets the brain ticking my boy and I'm no longer your commander." He told his younger companion, "How are the dreams going?"

"Huh I don't know what you mean."

"I may be old with one foot in the grave but I haven't lost my wits. No one comes out of our line of work unscathed. So tell me about them."

Eren looked up at his former commander. He had a bald head with a well trimmed grey moustache and pericing golden eyes. He did not look it but even in his old age he was fairly strong. He had several scars along his forearms and he was missing a leg which he lost after stepping on a stray mine.

"Ever time I close my eyes..... I remeber. I rember the faces of my comrades, I see their faces in strangers where ever I go as a constant reminder of my faliures.... They haunt me every night." Eren had started to slowly quiver as he spoke, "I'm afraid to sleep because when I do I see the people I've killed. It's just a crushing presence in my mind, every time it could have been me or them. Mabey it was luck, mabey it wasn't but I'll never know and I have to live with that the rest of my life."

Pyxis looked at Eren and they locked eyes. Eren felt as though his soul was being stared at as Pyxis studied him.

"We all ask ourselves that question and I can tell you now, there is no right answer. So try not to waste to much brain power on it because you may never return from that endless abyss."

Pyxis continued to study Eren as he watch his former subordinate mull over his reasoning, "Well Mr. Yaeger I'll be off now, I can't be late or else the old battle axes at the nursing home will realise I've snuck off again."

Pyxis took one more sip of the wine he ordered and packed up the chess set. Eren gave him a salute and he left the store which was proudly returned.

"Imagine the great commander Dot Pyxis in a nursing home.. I can't argue that he is eccentric and has lost a few marbles in his old age. Although he is a great mentor and has given me good advice when I needed it most.... wait a minute that sly old bastard left me with the entire bill."

After paying Eren walked the streets aimlessly untill he found a small bench in a tranquil park to sit on. He sat there internally discussing all he had talked about with Pyxis before, during and after the chess match. His face was looked as though it was carved of stone as he sat there for hours on end, he hadn't noticed that tears were ever so slowly falling down his face.

He hadn't noticed it had begun to rain as he simply sat there pondering if he was worthy of life and happiness.

He did notice the umbrella appear above him. He was shocked out of hus deep contemplation by arms enveloping him in a comforting hug, which he couldn't bring himself to return.

"Mikasa what are you doing here?" He asked in a strained and emotinal voice.

She quitely responded into his ear as though she was afraid if she spoke to loud he would shatter in her arms, "The music school I teach at is across the street...... and I noticed you all by yourself in the rain" Mikasa withdrew from Eren and grabbed his hand pulled him to his feet and walked him to her car. She drove them to her place and prepared him some tea as he took a shower.

Eren sat in the shower allowing the warm water to wash away his salty tears. When he was done he sat down on the couch, with nothing on except the towel as all of his clothes were soaked and being dried.

Mikasa was on her way to the couch aswell with warm mugs of Milo for herself and Eren. She poked her head around the corner of the kitchen wall to the living room and stole a few peeks at Eren body. Tye years he spent in the army had served him well in the "I'm going to droll, while staring at you" department.

She admired the pronounced muscles of his back and traps. She noticed that he had a huge pair of wings tattooed on his back accompanied by the words "wings of freedom", "104th scout regiment" and below that "designation attack titan". Mikasa then recollected herself and made her way over to sit next to Eren.

Eren gladly received the mug and blew on it too cool it down. They sat there in uncomfortable silence untill Eren spoke up, "Want to know why I was sitting in the rain by myself right?"

Mikasa quitely nodded.

"Well no point in hiding it because either you or Armin will dig it out of me sooner or later", Eren turned to Mikasa with a sad expression as he drew in slow breaths to calm his nerves, "I met an old superior of mine for lunch today I respect and admire him but it conjured up some suppressed feelings, memories and issues."

Mikasa wanted to say something but she knew it was best to let Eren say his peace.

"I'll put it in terms that someone who hasn't lived this way", Eren voice began to fill with emotion, "Mikasa I.. I... I, I see d-de-dead p-p-people, I see them in my sleep and in the mirror. I'm scared of empty parking lots for the lack of cover. Loud sudden noises cause panic attacks. I overthink everything and I feel like I'm being driven into a corner."

Mikasa held onto Erens hand delicately and gave it a reassuring squeeze. It broke her heart to see him like this. The Eren she had know was full of life and optimism, this older version of Eren was scarred deeply and was more pessimistic (even at the party he was more negative about the world than he used to be). It hurt so much to see him in thos kind of pain as tears threatened to fly but she held them back for Eren. She gingerly grabbed Eren by the head as she lay his head on her lap and began to stroke his hair. Mikasa was surprised that even though he sounded on the edge of tears, he hadn't shed a single one, "perhaps he's cried them all away."

Eren was giving ut his all not to cry infront of Mikasa, he saw it as a weakness to cry infront of others but on one could see you cry in the rain or hear you in the shower . He was grateful for her loving nature and knowing she would listen to him no matter what filled Eren heart.

They remained that way for a while longer each left alone to their own thoughts.

"This is what a relationship should be like, supportive. If one party opened up the over should be there unconditionally. They shouldn't be at each others throats 24/7. She shouldn't have to question the faithfulness of her partner constantly, she should have to remind him to stop drinking so much and I don't deserve the verbal abuse I copped afterwards.......", Mikasa gave an uncertain sigh, "who ever ends up with Eren will be a very loved and very lucky woman."

They were both torn away from their thoughts by the ding of the dryer signalling Erens clothes were ready. Once Eren was dressed Mikasa drove him to the cafe he was at with Pyxis so he could pick up his bike and walked him over to it.

"Thanks for listening to me Mika."

"Any time Yaeger-Bomb" Mikasa gave Eren a playful punch on the shoulder.

"Geeze wow, that thing still exists." Eren gave a slightly exasperated laugh.

"Sure does or would you like me to use an older nickname." Mikasa winked wickedly at Eren as a giant smirk pulled across her finely sculpted face.

Eren blinked in surprise, "Please don't remind me..", Eren got onto his motorbike and started it then turned to Mikasa before putting his helmet on, "Look.. Mika I owe you an explanation. You probably already know why I left but you deserve to hear it from me."

..

..

..

"When we graduated I was going to ask you out on a date, in fact I had wanted to ask you out for around a year and a half but it was never the right time. So I decided on after graduation, turned out I waited too long. When you got with Jean of all people I was crushed and wanted to get away so bad. Well you know what happened next..... but I guess what I was trying to say was... Mikasa Ackerman I loved you."

Eren then placed his helmet on and left Mikasa. On the drive home Mikasa only thought of one thing, she had eventually figured out the reason why Eren left (after an excessive amount of hinting from all of their friends, in particular Armin, Reiner and unexpectedly Connie) and it tore her up. Then why did the words, "I loved you" hurt so much.

When she got home she was surprised to see Jean there as she had kicked him out of HER house after a huge argument.

"What are you doing here and how did you get in duchebag?" Mikasa asked in a tested tone.

"Aww aren't you happy to see me babe...... Obviously not then but to answer your question, your gonna need a new window out the back." Jeans breath reeked of alcohol. His blood alcohol content was definetly above a healthy limit yet somehow he managed to stand up straight an leer over Mikasa in a threatening way, "Now it's my turn for a question, are you cheating one me?"

"Where the fuck is this coming from... and no!"

"Why are you home so late then?"

"Huh? You of all people can't talk shit you consistently come hone after getting absolutely hammered."

Jean took a step closer to her.

"Are you sure your not cheating on me." Jean was now starting to freak Mikasa out.

"For the second and last time no, now get out of my house."

Jean stood over Mikasa and bent over so hus mouth was level with her ear and violently asked.

"Then why did I find Yaegers phone on the couch?"

And thanks for 523 reads.