《Lost time (eremika au)》Why? (32)
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——Mikasa pov——
Public figures intentionally use words to mislead, misdirect or obfuscate the true issue. What follows are some of such obfuscations I have noticed over the years, with my interpretation of what they are really saying.
"Let's look at the big picture," means, "I don't want to deal with the facts as they are." This is a classic misdirection ploy. They cannot or will not deal with the situation at hand, so they describe a situation they are willing to confront, or at least discuss.
I love you.
Three worded sentence. Eight letters. Should be simple right?
Wrong.
Could change someone's life for better or for worse. Amazing or tragedy. I say tragedy.
Falling in love with your best friend. Now that's a tragedy. But we aren't there. Well not now at least.
Falling in love with someone will kill you, sorry to break your hearts but it will even if the both of you love each other. It will always end in pain but that's what life is.
Pain.
The whole damn thing.
Falling in love with a close friend will always cause you pain especially if you didn't get shown love while growing up. You just don't know how to show it so in the end both of you get hurt.
Even if you grow old and grey it will hurt like a mother fucker once your love one dies.
When you break up. You're broken
Feel nothing know nothing and don't know how to carry on. You have a routine when you like someone or love them and after you break up it messes the whole damn thing up.
Loving someone that isn't yours is the hardest thing you will ever do in your life because you have to be happy for them once they get into a relationship or if they like someone.
Eren liked someone when I liked him.
That broke me.
It's fine though because In the end we have no one but ourselves and that's the reality of it all
When you die. When you are on your death bed. Who do you have? Who do you have when you see the light? No one. But yourself.
I love you dad.
Yeah that didn't mean shit to him apparently.
I like to think I'll have Eren in the end but I know I won't. Hopefully I do but will I really? Everyone in my life has left me or has hurt me. I love Levi but that's different he's family.
In the end we have no one. But ourselves.
—————
Going to my bed I sat down "No Eren"
Pacing around the room he took his hair tie off and ran his fingers through his hair "Mikasa" he gave me a stern look "Tell me everything"
Biting my lip I looked up to the ceiling. Fuck I didn't fucking mean to be bitchy "Follow" I said while getting up and sliding my sandals on
"Where we going?" He asked while following me outside the dorm.
Looking behind me "liquor store" I shrugged which he went wide eyed at me but didn't questioned it.
"Are you driving?" He asked while stepping beside me in the elevator "Because I don't want to die" he chuckled lightly trying to change the atmosphere
"You can"
————-
"So?" He asked after we made it back to his dorm and setting the bottle of tequila on his desk "What's the move?"
Sitting in the chair and putting my hair in a ponytail I looked at him "telling you the story I guess" I mumbled while taking off my glasses and rubbing my eyes.
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I'm blind as a bat so better to see nothing than See Eren face even though he's pretty.
"Ok so basically" I started while eyeing the bag of tequila "Grade 12 right" grabbing the bag I took the tequila out of the box while Eren sat on the floor leaning against the wall
He stayed silent while I opened the bottle and took out the shot glass "Ok yeah so basically Levi and I got a call" pouring the shot I side glanced Eren who brought his hand out wanting a shot "You aren't allowed to drink tonight"
He shook his head "No I'm not but I want to pour it for you so you don't black out" he teased, pouring the shot halfway I took it and began the story.
"Ok yeah so basically we got a call while I was at school" I picked at my nails distracting myself " And it was the hospital-a doctor apparently- and they were like 'your dad died'" I said straight up not bothering going into details.
"Straight up said 'your dad died' " Eren deadpanned while crossing his arms
Rolling my eyes and grabbing water I looked over at him "He said more detail but that's the bottom line" I shrugged not really wanting to get all emotional and shit.
Erens smirk slowly dropped and he looked at me with wide eyes "You dad died?" He questioned like he just saw a ghost.
Mhm maybe daddy dearest is here as a ghost.
Nodding me head and pouring another shot of tequila and shooting it back my face scrunched up in disgust "Yup Hes six feet under with my mother"
"Mikasa!" Eren scolded "That's insensitive"
"Whatever." Grabbing another shot and taking it , he looked at me with concern but I just waved it off "They called blah blah we cried same shit anyways we went to the funeral and then they told Levi and me we had a brother and my dads fiancé which is the sub" I pointed out because that's why I left class "came to say hi but wouldn't meet up at all and wanted nothing to do with us"
"Back up" he breathed out "You have a have a brother?"
"Half brother" I pointed out "he wants nothing to do with us"
"Mikasa... I-" I cut him off
"Eren" I clasped my hands together "Please spare me the pitty party"
I don't understand why people say sorry after someone dies. Like I generally don't. because they didn't kill my mom and sorry wasn't going to fix anything sure it shows respect but respectfully it just makes it harder.
"Well you're done with" he grabbed the bottle and put it away "This and drink water you fucking lightweight"
Raising my hand I stopped him from putting it away "first of all" I poured another "I'm not fucking lIghTWeiGht so"
"I'm guessing you will continue the story tomorrow?" He asked while getting up and stretching his arms
Nodding with a smile I mumbled yeah before closing the bottle and putting it in the cabinet "So" I smiled wide at him "how's ur day"
He looked at me questionably "Are you good?"
See I don't understand when people say this because do they really want a truthful answer 'ArE you GooD' like shut the fuck up bro.
That's so rude. Stop.
You know what's rude. That Erens fine ass has not kiss me yet. Like what the fuck.
I'm thinking he's an amazing kisser. I should test that theory
"Why wouldn't I be?"
He laughed lightly "You have been thinking aloud for ten minutes" oh no. "I'm an amazing kisser by the way"
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Am I speaking out loud right now? Looking over at Eren I starred at him while he went to text someone
Eren. If you can hear my thoughts blink twice at me.
NOOO SHOT THIS MAN JUST BLINKED.
"Whoa!" I yelled while looking at him fascinated that he can read my thoughts "how the fuck did you do that"
He furrowed his eyebrows "what"
I pointed at him while getting up and sitting on his bed "read my mind" I glared. Why isn't he telling me?
He started laughing at me and walked up to me and help swing my legs on the bed "go to sleep mikasa" he said gently while grabbing a blanket and putting it over me
"But what about you?" I asked because this bed a twin fucking bed.
"I'll sleep in Connies bed he's sleeping at jeans tonight"
Nodding and pushing my face into the pillow and inhaling his scent (which smelt so fucking good) he smelt like lemon and wood at the same time. Yeah don't ask.
"It's cold" I said while wrapping my arms around my body
"Here" Eren grabbed a green hoodie that was hanging from the door and threw it at my face "Wear that"
"Thanks" I mumbled while putting on the hoodie, immediately I got a nose full of Erens cologne.
"Good night Eren" I said while getting comfortable and watching Eren sit at the desk right beside his bed and sit down on the chair.
"Good night Mika" he gently said while bringing up a hand and moving the hair that fell behind my ear and slowly rub the top of my head
After about two minutes of that my eyes flutter shut and even though they did Eren didn't stop.
"Sweet dreams" he whispered while getting up and leaning down and placing a kiss on my head which I slightly smiled at.
——————-
"Fine!" I shouted and cringed because I had a headache "Fuck" I mumbled while rubbing my head
"Really?" Eren asked looking up at me "You are going to meet her?"
Rolling my eyes at him I nodded. What's the worst that can happen?-You get to know why he left- Anyways.
Eren convinced me to meet up with miss jank or whatever for coffee at the cafe down the street which I said no to but eventually I gave in.
Grabbing Erens hand I started playing with the rings that adorned all of his fingers "Yeah sure whatever" immediately he froze to my touch.
"Shall we?" He smirked at me and stood up while slipping his fingers through mine making me smile like an idiot.
I gave him a nod and started walking "We shall"
"So do you need me there or?" He asked after a moment of silence walking down the empty halls.
I glanced at him then back at my shoes. Do I need him there? I don't really want him there if I'm going to break down and shit but then again no one can calm me like Eren calms me.
"How about" I looked towards the oncoming classroom "You wait in the car in-front of the cafe"
He nodded while stopping outside the empty classroom door "have fun" he smiled which I went to open the door and let go of his hand
"Bye"
Walking into the empty classroom and shutting the door behind me I peered up to the teachers desk where miss hankers sat. I forgot her name.
She peered up from her laptop and immediately stopped what she was doing "Mikasa" she stood up from her chair and her gaze carefully watching me -my next move.
Giving her a nod of acknowledgment I walked toward an empty desk-right in-front of hers- and sat down "Good morning"
One could call this weird. But.
No this definitely is weird.
"How have you been?" She politely asked while sitting down and closing her laptop.
I scrunched your my nose and settled in my seat "I've been" locking my eyes on the door, Eren was leaning on the lockers across the window and fighting to stay awake "Amazing" Turing my attention back to her I smiled
She nodded "So who do I owe the pleasure too?"
"So I was thinking" I quickly glanced back at the window, Eren giving me a comforting smile "that we go get coffee" I smiled while looking back at her.
"Yes" she said far to quickly "When?" She carefully asked while adjusting her glasses
"Uh I was thinking today at 5?"
She nodded with a bright smile "will Liam be joining us"
Rolling my eyes and holding back a scoff "Levi" i corrected her "And no he will not be" I said cooly while getting up from the chair "I'll see you then" I said which she nodded at.
Liam. How does she not remember his name. Levi. Levi bro nothing new. Asshole.
Walking out of the class Eren stood up from the lockers and came beside me "How was it?" He asked while we walked down the empty hallways
I shrugged while looking at the lockers passing by us "It was good. Going to the cafe later"
"You're sure about this?" He asked while opening the front door of the school for me.
Nodding at him and giving him a small smile "I'm sure" I said while walking out of the school and walking up to his car.
It shouldn't be that bad right? It's just a simple conversation.
That might end up with me yelling but it's fine I probably won't.
Right?
Yeah no I'll be good but I swear to god if she calls Levi Liam one more time I will yell at her.
Feeling a nudge on the side of my ribs I looked over to Eren who was holding the passenger door open for me "You good?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.
Giving him a tight lip smile I sat down in the seat "I'm peachy".
"You really don't have to if you don't want to mika" he gently said while putting both hands on top of the car and leaning down so I could see him.
"I'm good" leaning in closer, his eyes switching eyes, studying me
"You 100 percent sure?" Laughing a little I grabbed his face and squished his cheeks "I'm sure Eren".
He playful swatted my hands away and backed up, going to the drivers side he started the car and drove off.
————————
Putting the car in park in-front of the small cafe Eren turned to look at me, his green eyes staring into my grey eyes.
Breaking eye contact I looked towards the cafe I lied. I cant do this. Yeah no. I ca- "Mikasa" Eren interrupted my thoughts.
Looking over at him with raised eyebrows, immediately I broke eye contact and focused on the cup holder.
he grabbed my face forcing me to look back at him "yeah?" I asked shyly peering at him through my lashes.
"Calm down" he said with a small smile. I nodded repeatedly, his hand still holding my face, his cold ass rings making me shiver "I'm good" I breathed out while peering into his eyes
"you sure?" He asked sceptical
"I'm sure" I said cooly. How does one look so hot up close?
"then why is your heart beating so fast?"he breathed out, our faces slowly inching closer.
Such a simple question but holds so much behind it. Beating because I'm nervous/ scared to talk to the woman that broke my family up or Nervous that our faces are so close and all I can think about is kissing him. Really hoping he can't read my thoughts.
"Uh just nervous about meeting her?" I said but as a question. Smooth mikasa. Fucking dumbass.
He raised an eyebrow, shaking his head and looking like he decided against something he leaned back and stood at full height and extended a hand for me to take.
Stepping out of the car and turning to the restaurant, Eren put both hands on my shoulders making me tense "You got this" he whispered while shoving me a little "have fun!" He smiled and got back into the car and started to go on his phone.
Have fun my ass.
Walking into the cafe I quickly scanned it to see if she was here.
It won't be that bad right?
——————
"Hey" I said while sitting down across from her in the booth in the corner of the empty cafe I could see Eren out of the window which was directly behind her.
He gave me a thumbs up which I smiled at
"Hi mikasa" she smiled at me, not a genuine one might I add
Giving an awkward cough and placing my bag beside me I looked at her
One minute of awkward silence
"So" we both said at the exact same time. Oh fuck off
"How are you?" I asked quickly so we didn't say the same thing again
She looked up at the ceiling, debating her answer "I've been good" she gave me a sad smile "How has your life been?" She asked trying to be different
Why am I rude?
Why am I a WHorE.
Fucking TikTok audio. I love that audio. Fuck what did she say?
"Uh sorry what?" Fuck. I need to start paying attention.
"How has your life been?" She said with raised eyebrows
Great beside that fact you broke up my family and I didn't get to know my dad because I was like 10 when he left. Always fun.
"Amazing" I dragged out looking around the cafe.
I could be with Eren right now and be doing something fun but no I asked her here to taLk. Fuck off.
"So you wanted to meet up today because...?"
Looking back at her I raised an eyebrow "Because I just had one question that's always been in the back of my mind."
"Which is?"
"How was your life?"
"What?" She asked confused
Crossing my arms and leaning back into the booth seat I asked again "how was your life? I mean how was it when you broke up a family?"
"I felt terribl-" I cut her off
"Obviously" I leaned forward a little, straightening my posture "You didn't feel terrible if you could break up a family. Obviously it wasn't just you and it was the asshole I called my dad"
"Dont" she shook her head "Dont call him that"
Dude. "What?"
"You don't know him enough to say that" she scoffed and leaned back in the chair.
Oh my bAd. Should I grab a blender or shoe?
"Excuse me?" I raised an eyebrow at her. The audacity "I didn't get" I raised my voice then lowered it because I actually had self control "I didn't get to know him because he left us" I said with a deadpanned face
* "Hey Ackerman!" Mark yelled from behind me making me stop in my tracks
"Hey mark" I said while side glancing him once he came up beside me "whats up?" I asked
"Damn why are you mad?" He looked at me with a raised eyebrow
"What" I furrowed my eyebrows "I'm not mad"
He laughed and put an arm around my shoulder "Sorry I'm still getting use to your normal face"
I laughed "normal face?"
"Yeah Levi and you have scary ass faces" he put a hand up "You have a resting bitch face but you aren't a bitch" he said with a smile
"Ha ha I don't have a resting bitch face" I deadpanned
"See that!" He pointed at my face "If looks could kill I would be six feet under long ago" he laughed which made me laugh because it was contagious
******
She shrunk back in her seat after that "So don't even start with that shit Addison"
"My names Anna" she said gaining her confidence back
I rolled my eyes "So tell me how was your life?" I asked Going back to my question
"Do you really want to know?"
"I wouldn't be asking if I didn't" I needed closure. I needed to know if she was so great that he left my mom for her
"It was the best years of my life. We ran away together I had a baby. My son- your brother his name is Jack and me and your father loved him so much. We moved had a normal house normal job normal life we had a golden retriever" she laughed at the memory "I went to school to get my bachelors your dad had his job Jack went to school."
Every single word she's saying is shattering my heart. I know I asked for it. But. He had such a normal life and didn't bother to stop any of it. they had a fucking dog! They were living their best life while my fucking mom got murdered.
As she continued I could feel tears pooling in my eyes but I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of me crying.
"Really?" I breathed out while looking down at my hands and picking at my nails
"So let me ask you this Mikasa how was your life?" She asked- genuine question "I'm sure you had a normal childhood I heard great things about you from your dad he was proud of you and Liam and always felt sorry about what pain he caused you guys"
"First of all its fucking Levi so get that through your god damn head Ashley" I said now pissed instead of sad because she had the audacity to say I had a normal child hood.
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