erm my favourite song of all time tbh^^

-

I parted my lips in efforts to speak, but words didn't come. I snapped my mouth shut, my eye contact not breaking from hers, and the very gaze she held could've brought me to my knees. She didn't say a word, only met my stare and held it - her eyes didn't hold the vibrance they had six months ago; the glint they always held and the sparkle of the irises was absent. My bottom lip began to shake as I studied her carefully, and it felt like a thousand knives stabbing repeatedly into my gut - the past six months all came flooding back; the sleepless nights, the endless denial, and my surroundings were now silent, blank. Everything suddenly became nothing, and the silence within the room was deafening.

Call it fate, call it coincidence, but Ana Levin stood directly in front of me, and all she would have to do was speak in order for me to crumble at her feet.

Her skin was pale, her eyes sunken in with deep purple circles framing them, her lips visibly chapped and cracked, her hair scraped back into a ponytail. My eyes fell to her hands, shakily gripping the very novel I'd been looking for - 'Pride and Prejudice' - the only other person who would take out that book. I almost felt a smile pull at my lips, the idea of her curled up with the book she loved so much making my heart race - the smile didn't last longer than a mere second as our eyes met again, and I saw the expression of hurt on her features.

"Ana, I'm-" I stammered, desperately trying to search her eyes in the way I used to, read her expression, and know what she was thinking - but I couldn't. I couldn't read a damn thing, as she lurched forward and dumped the book on the table without another word, and turned to race out of the store. Fucking hell.

She hated me. She hated me so, so much, and I didn't blame her. I'd left her - I'd genuinely gone and fucking left her. Yes, I had to leave Seattle either way - but I could've tried to make it work, texted her, called her - not broken up with the first and only girl I've ever loved. And then, to fucking appear back in her life after she'd moved on to somebody new - Hemmings.

I leant forward onto the desk, burying my face in my hands as I blew out a long breath, a hand meeting my shoulder.

"Harry, what's-?" Hugo cut himself off as I looked up, and his eyes met the book on the counter in front of me. He nodded slowly to himself, muttering something as he came to the realisation, "Go home, Harry. It's Saturday.. you can start working properly on Monday after school."

I didn't say anything else as I pushed myself back from the countertop, heading straight for the door of the store, swinging it open and hurrying down the street.

A.

"You what?"

"I saw him," I repeated for the third time in the past five minutes, running my hands through my hair as I paced around Tasha's room, "He's back in Seattle, Tasha. He's fucking back, and I don't know how, or why, or-"

"Shh," Tasha coaxed, wrapping her arms around me and pulling me close as I broke down into pathetic sobs, burying my face in her shoulder, "You're okay, babe, come on," she continued to rub my back gently in attempts to calm me.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, sitting down against the wall, "I don't even know why I'm crying again, I just-" I sighed, trailing off, "seeing him again.."

"Oh, Ana," Tasha came to sit beside me, winding her arms around me once more, "You don't have to be sorry."

"He never called. He never texted, and I tried, Tash, I tried so hard," I shook my head, taking a deep breath, "and I don't blame him for leaving.. of course, I don't - that was my fault, if anything, and I have no right to be upset about that, but.. if he really loved me so much, he would've tried, Tash. And 'not knowing about relationships' doesn't justify it anymore," I ranted, glancing at Tasha who was listening intently as I continued, "I thought I was over him. I thought, 'hey, if he doesn't give a fuck about me, why should I give one about him?', but that was when I didn't see him. Now I've seen him, and it all comes flooding back, and-" I broke down into sobs again, Tasha wincing as she tightened her arms around me.

"Ana Levin, you listen to me," she spoke, "he doesn't know what he lost when he lost you. Really, he doesn't. He didn't even try to make it work - he just gave you up. And I know that hurts, babe, really - I do, but all you can do is move on from it," she sighed, her voice cracking a little as I realised she was now crying, too, "And I know I haven't been much help lately.. I know I haven't stuck by your side when I should have," she continued, and I instantly knew she was referring to Louis' party the other night, a tear rolling down her cheek, "But I'm here. I promise I'm here, and I'm so sorry I haven't been here for you after Harry, but.. I don't know, Ana, you're my best friend, and I just love you so much."

"I love you too, Tash," I mumbled honestly, squeezing her tightly, "You have been here - you've helped me so much, and I'm so grateful to have you as my best friend."

"I wish I could do more," she sniffed, "no matter what happens - we're together, yeah? Through it all?" she stuck out her pinky, and I cracked a small smile.

"Through it all," I reassured her, linking our pinkies and resting my head on her shoulder.

I sighed, "God, this is a mess," I tried to chuckle, but it was true. In the past nine months, I had met a boy and fallen in love, only to lose him due to my parents' cruel ways, and to now reach a point where I couldn't even look him in the eyes. I hated to admit it, but I was still so far gone for Harry, as much as I tried to say I didn't love him, deep down I knew that I did. I loved him so much, and it absolutely broke me that I wasn't with him, nor would I be. I couldn't be with him, now - too much had happened. He'd slept with somebody else months ago, and my own insecurities allowed that single mistake to gnaw at me constantly, and just when I'd been able to move past it, I'd found a way to drive him away once more. Had I been more careful, had I known any different, my parents wouldn't have found out about the boy I loved in the way they did. I loved him so much, but all my parents had classed it was was lust.

"It's gonna get better," Tasha reassured me, "that's how love goes, isn't it? It's messy, but it always gets better in the end."

"I hope so," I bit my lip, "Do you really think'll get better?"

"I do," she said, not missing a beat, "I think if you two are meant to be together, it'll happen how it's meant to."

"I don't know what scares me more," I said honestly, picking at an imaginary loose thread on my jeans, "if we're meant to be together or if we're not."

"Hm," Tasha hummed, "Only time will tell."

I nodded, standing up from the floor and extending my hand out to pull Tasha up, "Is Luke coming over tonight?"

"Yes," she sent me a small smile, standing up, and wiping her tear stained skin, "and it'll be just us three. We'll order pizza, watch a movie, and rant about how much we hate the world," she declared and I grinned.

"Sounds good," I chuckled, pulling her into a hug, "You really are the best, Tash."

We talked sappily until Luke arrived, still desperately trying to cheer ourselves up, but only ending up in floods of tears again.

"Hey, I brought the- holy shit," Luke's smile dropped from his face as he entered Tasha's room, placing a few boxes of pizza onto the desk, "Why are you two crying? Oh, fuck, are you both on your-"

"No, Luke," I chuckled, squeezing Tasha's shoulder as she let out a soft laugh, heading towards Luke, "we were having a heart-to-heart."

"Oh yeah?" Luke grinned, wrapping his arms around Tasha's waist and pressing a kiss to her forehead, "Without me? What's wrong with you two, then?"

"I was just confessing my love for Ana," Tasha joked, and I smiled up at the two of them, happy to see Luke watching Tash with such a loving gaze.

"Ana, take a step back," Luke teased, and I leant forward to poke his shoulder.

"I had her first, Hemmings, don't even try it," I played along, as my phone buzzed, and I headed towards where I'd left it on the table.

: Can we talk?

I sighed, handing Tasha my phone for her to read the text, scoffing as another one came through.

: Are you at Tasha's? I'm coming over.

"What the fuck?" I began to panic, grabbing my phone back from Tasha's hand, "He can't just come here."

"Is this Harry?" Luke asked rather solemnly, stuffing his hands awkwardly into the pockets of his jeans and running his tongue over his lip ring.

"Yeah, it is," Tasha sighed, before turning back to me, "Ana, I think you should talk to him."

"What? No!" I exclaimed a little too quickly, "have you not been here for the past few hours? I was literally bawling my eyes out over him."

"I know," she said simply, "and that's not going to end until you talk to him."

"Tash," I sighed, running a hand through my hair, "I only see that making it worse."

"You need closure," she continued, her arms winding around Luke's torso momentarily, as his shoulders relaxed at her touch. I sighed again, knowing she was right.

"But-" I opened my mouth to speak, silenced by the sound of a heavy knock at the front door. It had only been minutes, but he was here. He was here, and he wanted to see me.

"Go answer," Tasha sent me a sympathetic smile, "or you'll regret it."

I groaned internally, heading downstairs towards the front door. I knew I looked a mess, and as I glanced into the mirror in the hall, it only confirmed my assumption - my hair was tied up messily, loose strands framing my face which was beyond tear-stained, mascara smudged under my eyes. I sighed, rubbing my fingers under them to clear the mascara, and licking my chapped lips before opening the door, my heart sinking immediately at the sight of him.

He wore a dark grey henley, buttons undone as I knew how much he hated them - his typical black skinnies, as well as his brown boots - an olive green beanie pulled down low over his unruly curls as his eyes met mine, his gaze visibly softening for a moment.

"Can I come in?" he asked suddenly, breaking the silence as all I did was nod, swinging the door back for his tall figure to step inside. I instantly caught the smell of him, the unmistakeable smell of smoke entering my nose and making my lip tremble. A smell I'd known so well as I slept beside him, basking in it.

I shut the door behind him, tugging the sleeves of my sweater into my fists as he turned back to look at me, and I nodded for him to follow me. I padded through the hall in only my socks towards the kitchen, passing through it as his boots tapped loudly against the floor behind me, and I heard him mutter something inaudible beneath his breath as I opened the back door, stepping through into the backyard. Harry stepped through behind me, and I shut it, refusing to meet his eyes as I took a seat on one of Tasha's patio chairs, Harry doing the same. The night air was warm and slightly humid, though a cool breeze made an appearance every so often, and I recalled the threat of a thunderstorm tonight. Pathetic fallacy at its finest.

"Right," I murmured, bringing my wrist to my lips and chewing nervously on my sleeve, "Talk."

-