A.

"Are you sure about this?" Tasha asked me as I pulled the straighteners through my hair, glancing a final time at my reflection in the mirror.

"You're giving me deja vu here, Tash," I chuckled, standing up from my chair and spinning around, displaying my look to Tasha and Luke.

"You look so hot," Tasha grinned which I returned, smoothing the dress down a little with my hands.

"Shit, Ana, you look-" Luke began, quickly cut off by Tasha's fist connecting with his chest, "like a respectable woman."

I burst out laughing, "Gee, thanks, Lucas," I chuckled, putting a smile on my face, "You two ready?"

"I still don't think we should go," Tasha shrugged, standing up from the bed, "it's not a bad thing to be hung up on Harry."

"I'm not hung up on him," I lied, "I just haven't been out for a while, y'know? Now, come on - you too, breadstick - you're driving."

"I told you not to call me that," Luke huffed, standing up and immediately towering over us two girls, "Plus - I'm pretty sure I'm like, 6'2 at best."

"Whatever you say - will you just drive?" I begged as Tasha pouted at her boyfriend from beside me.

"She's right, babe - you said you'd drive at lunch today, plus, it's already nine," she whined at him, wrapping her arms around his torso and pressing her lips lightly to his throat for a moment.

I tried not to sigh audibly as I tugged my lip between my teeth. I wasn't jealous, as such - I could just feel this lingering envy on my shoulders which always seemed to make an appearance in times I should've been feeling happy for my best friend. The simplicity of her joy always brought me back to my months with Harry - the way my arms would wind around his torso and his hands would discreetly travel down to squeeze my bum, and when I'd squeal he'd capture my lips in a strong kiss, grinning widely against my lips as I giggled, pecking my lips repeatedly before finally breaking the kiss.

"Ana?" I was snapped from my thoughts, "You coming?"

I looked up, "Huh? Oh - yeah, let's go."

The three of us made our way downstairs out to Luke's truck, and I hopped into the back of it, as usual, Luke resting his palm lovingly on Tasha's bare knee as I sat in the back - Tasha shooting me a smile in the rear-view mirror as Luke started up the engine, beginning to ramble about how he 'didn't deserve detention next Friday with Mrs Jones' because 'all he did' was question every single rule of trigonometry, calling her 'uneducated' when she didn't have the answers.

As we pulled up to Louis' house, a sense of familiarity settled in the pit of my stomach, which only built alongside the feeling of unease - the familiarity; I'd been to this house a thousand times throughout the duration of Louis and I's friendship, since his house was so big, we'd often hung out there most weekends. But then there was the unease that came with a party in general - but one at Louis Tomlinson's house? A person who found genuine joy in my discomfort and upset? What appeal had I even found in that?

It failed to cross my mind as I undid my seatbelt and clambered out of the backseat of Luke's truck, following Tasha and Luke inside as their hands were entwined. The loud pulsating of the music could be heard from where Luke had parked down the street, and the closer we neared to the house, the louder the blast from the speakers. The door was unlocked, of course, and I swung it open to lead Tasha and Luke inside - I knew my way around Louis' place better than they did, obviously, and so they followed my lead into the kitchen.

The house was packed with a ton of faces I didn't recognise, as well as hundreds I did - not by name, but I'd seen them at Louis' frequent parties before, and so I was slightly familiar with their faces. Nobody seemed to have noticed our arrival yet, and so I took it upon myself to get the three of us some drinks.

"This is weird," Luke awkwardly stuck the hand that wasn't on Tasha's waist in his pocket, as I grabbed three beers from the pack on the counter - they were ice cold, and I assumed they'd only been taken out of the fridge recently. I handed one to each of them after cracking open the lids.

"How?" I asked quizzically, taking a sip of my drink and silently cringing at the bitter taste as it slid down my throat.

"I dunno, just is," he shrugged, "lot of people in here," he continued before leaning down to murmur something in Tasha's ear as she nodded slowly. "I'm gonna get some air."

"We just got here," I frowned, but Tasha shot me a look, and I nodded, Luke leaving the kitchen hastily.

"What's that about?" I asked Tasha as soon as Luke was gone, and she sighed, taking a swig of her drink.

"He really doesn't like places like this," she explained, leaning against the counter, "gets a bit nervous. He'll be okay in a minute."

"Don't you want to go check on him?" I frowned, reading her face easily.

"It's okay, I'll stay here, and-"

"Go look after your boyfriend," I shot her a reassuring grin, as she wrapped her arms around me, hugging me tightly.

"I'll be back this time, babe - I promise," she assured me, squeezing my shoulders tightly, before rushing out of the door in search of Luke.

I sighed, leaning back against the counter. I was alone, at a huge party, once again. I needed to have fun, yes - I owed that to myself. It hadn't gone so well last time I was alone at a party, and I'd lost Tasha - I ended up calling Harry and waking up in his room the next day, which was disastrous, to say the least. That couldn't, and wouldn't happen again. I'd left my phone at home, and I would have fun without that burden.

"You're at these parties a lot then, are you?"

"Zayn," I smiled, looking up from my drink, "I haven't seen you in a while."

"Ana," he returned with a grin, "yeah, I was wondering if you'd got home safe after that night."

I blinked, before mentally facepalming, "Oh my god - shit," I groaned, "I'm sorry about that night - I was a total mess."

"It's alright," he brushed it off, bringing his drink to his lips with a light chuckle, "We all drink to forget every now and then."

"Some more than others," I muttered, glancing at the floor for a second as I remembered the time Harry had drank past sanity and cheated.

"Fair enough," he nodded, "You were after that guy, weren't you?

"You could say that, I guess," I shrugged, finding no point in being anything but honest.

"Yet - he's not here tonight? When do I get to meet this idiot?" he said in an attempt to be light-hearted, and I shook my head.

"He's not around anymore. And we're not together," I bit my lip, "Can we talk about something else?" I was looking to forget Harry, not relive my moments with him and this wasn't doing me any favours.

"Yeah, totally - I'm sorry. Um, do you know Louis?" he changed the subject, leaning casually against the counter.

"Yeah," I swallowed, "We go to school together, we used to be close. His girlfriend is my best friend's twin sister," I explained, deciding to spare him most of the details.

Zayn rubbed his forearm with his hand, tracing over the black ink on his skin, which undeniably evoked thought of Harry, his inked arms around mine, unmarked, "I just tend to float from party to party, really. I don't really know Louis."

"Sounds like a fun life to lead," I mused, tapping my fingers against my beer bottle.

Zayn opened his mouth to speak, cut off by the oh-too-familiar nasally squeal of Tiffany.

"Ana! You came!" she screeched, causing Zayn's face to scrunch up before she trailed off, turning to Zayn, "and, um - other guy..?"

"Hi, Tiff," I forced a smile, suddenly wishing I hadn't let Tasha and Luke leave.

"Come into the living room! Lou and I are just setting up a game of truth or dare. Don't be a wuss, girl, come on," she grinned, and I narrowed my eyes at her immediately assuming I was too scared to play.

"Okay," I prepared to prove my point, "I'll play. Zayn?"

Tiff eyed him skeptically, "Oh, yeah - you can bring your buddy, I guess."

"Um - yeah, alright," Zayn nodded, lifting himself from the counter.

"Great," Tiff beamed, grabbing my wrist and tugging me towards the living room, where I glanced over my shoulder to see Zayn following.

"Oioiiii!" Louis slurred loudly as we entered the living room, the usually clean and polished couches now covered with couples with their tongues down each others throats, drinks in hand as I cringed at the strong smell of weed.

"Look who I found!" Tiff squealed, pulling me to stand in front of her, "Ana and Zack!"

"Zayn," Zayn corrected her, a frown deepening on his face as she brushed him off, pushing us into the circle of people. There were only about seven or eight people involved in the game apart from us, sitting awkwardly in a circle in the centre of the room with a drink and a cig in most of their hands.

"You're playing, A?" Louis spoke up, and I nodded slowly, dragging my lip back with my teeth, "Great. Sit down, then."

Zayn sat beside me, shooting me a look which easily displayed his discomfort as we sat down, and I watched Louis closely as he murmured something into Tiff's ear, causing her to giggle mischievously and glance over at me.

I didn't trust the two of them at all - they would do more or less anything to see me crumble, to see me hurting. We weren't friends, and I despised them with everything, yet here I found myself sitting cross-legged in a circle with the two of them among others. Jesus.

"It's good to see you here, Ana," Louis said with a devilish grin on his face, though all I did was blink in return, "At least you're done moping over Styles, eh?" Is he all anybody can fucking ask me about?

"Where is he?" a purple-haired girl I didn't know the name of spoke up, and I gritted my teeth, "I haven't seen him in months."

"He's not around anymore," I said simply, and I could feel Zayn looking at me.

"She's over him," Zayn butted in, clearly aware of how uncomfortable this very conversation made me, and I shot him a thankful smile, as the conversation was likely to be cut short; but to no avail.

"I know she is," Louis said smugly, "But nobody else seems to, Ana - so you should probably prove it."

I frowned, "What?"

"Truth or dare, Ana?" he wiggled his eyebrows, and Tiff scoffed.

"Ugh, don't be boring. You'd better pick dare, Ana," she shot me a smirk, as I bit my lip.

Zayn leant in, mumbling into my ear, "Don't do anything you're not comfortable with."

"Dare," I said simply, as Zayn moved back from my ear with a sigh. Tiff squealed, clapping her hands excitedly, and leaning in to whisper something in Louis' ear.

"Ana," he grinned, and I took a sip of my drink in anticipation, "I dare you to kiss Zayn."

I chuckled nervously, "What? I'm not-"

"Oh come on," the purple-haired girl spoke again, and I felt myself wanting to throw my bottle at her, "Don't be a pussy. If you're over that Styles guy, then just kiss the dude."

"Did anybody ask for your opinion?" I shot at her, and she scoffed as Louis spoke again.

"Ana, love - come on. Do us one better - kiss Zayn, and then take him into the closet," he continued, and it was now my turn to scoff.

"Into the closet? What are we, twelve?" I laughed nervously again, tugging on an imaginary thread on my jeans.

"Go on," Louis pressed, and I sighed.

Zayn rested a hand on my shoulder, "Ana, you don't have to-"

I turned to him, taking his chin in my hand, "Is this okay with you?" I whispered, and once he nodded I brought his lips to mine. It was an unfamiliar feeling; his lips on mine; an unfamiliar taste, and it was entirely chaste, yet it still brought zero feelings to my stomach - no tingle, no electricity, and no flutter in my heart, nothing compared to the flame Harry ignited within me every time his lips merely brushed over mine.

The room fell silent as I stood up, dropping my drink to the ground and gripping Zayn's wrist, leading him to the closet down the hall. I heard chatter begin to arise once more, but I quickly slammed the door shut, locking it and leaving Zayn and I in darkness.

"Ana, stop," Zayn said gently, resting a hand on my arm as I flicked on the lightswitch, pulling him back to me in an attempt to reattach our lips, "You don't want this."

"I do," I tried to convince the both of us, "I wa- I need this, Zayn. Please," I brought his lips back to mine, and he obliged. I kissed him desperately; I was so, so desperate. I just needed to feel something; I yearned to feel a spark in my stomach, to finally come to terms with the fact he was gone - to know I was okay, I was alive, and I was breathing. I needed to feel. But nothing - it was all numb; I was numb.

I broke the kiss, backing into the wall as the sob arose in my throat and tears brimmed in my eyes, Zayn looking alarmed immediately.

"I'm so sorry, Ana - oh God," he stressed, crouching down to where I now sat on the floor and fruitlessly trying to wipe my tears away.

"No, no-" I tried to stifle my cries, "It's me, not you - I'm so sorry, I thought-"

"You're hurting, Ana," he murmured, moving my hair from my face, "and that's okay."

"I'm not-" I stammered, "I-I'm fine, see?" I wiped my tears quickly, and tried to ignore that I most likely looked like an absolute clown with my tear-stained cheeks.

"Ana," he looked at me sadly, "it's okay to hurt. The only way to move on from it is to accept it."

"I don't-" I began, bringing my knees to my chest, "I'm sorry," I repeated quietly.

"Don't be," he shook his head, "We all hurt sometimes."

"Can we just sit here for a minute?" I asked pathetically, chewing on my lip as he nodded.

"As long as you need," he reassured me, sitting down on the ground opposite me and pressing his back to the opposing wall.