H.

I tugged another cigarette from my pocket, lighting it before bringing it to my lips as Gemma shot me a look.

"I thought you quit it," she frowned, pointing to the tube between my lips as I took a long inhale before slowly blowing smoke into the clear air.

"Clearly I didn't," I retorted, taking another drag and adjusting my sunglasses over my eyes.

"But you tried to."

"Keyword 'tried'," I narrowed my eyes, tapping my foot on the ground impatiently as I eyed Liam in the corner of the garden, his eyes widening as whoever was on the phone spoke into his ear.

"So," Gemma changed the subject in attempts to be optimistic of the situation we were sat in, but failed instantly with her choice of conversation, "No girlfriend coming to visit you this Summer?"

I scoffed, "What makes you think that?"

"Cause you're a mishog," she said simply, and I chuckled.

"Fair dos," I grinned, taking a drag from my cig.

"Genuinely, though - I thought you had a girl around. I remember how happy you sounded when you rang me last Christmas, and Mum mentioned something about this An-"

"That was nothing," I said a little too sharply, mentally facepalming myself as I knew Gem would now grow suspicious. I couldn't help it - I felt an immediate sting whenever she was mentioned.

"Doesn't seem like nothing," she muttered, and I scowled, tossing my cigarette down and crushing it under my foot.

"It was just a fling," I shrugged, lying through my teeth.

Gemma shot me a disapproving look, "I thought you quit that, too."

"Apparently I've quit a lot of things, in your book," I mused in attempts to carry the conversation on any route away from her.

"I guess I'm just hopeful of a pessimist like you," she mused in return, as Liam shoved his phone back in his pocket, walking hastily back towards where Gem and I sat.

"You alright, man?" I asked concernedly, and he nodded rather quickly.

"Yeah, everything's alright - um - should we go eat, then?" he rubbed his hand on the back of his neck awkwardly, in a very not-Liam fashion.

"Uh.." I shot Gemma a look which she returned instantly, "yeah, alright, mate. Let's go."

"Are you sure nothing's wrong?" Gemma asked suspiciously, and as Liam continued to deny it, I became more and more concerned - but I didn't push it.

"Where's this fella of yours, then, Gem?" I asked in attempts to change the subject.

"Helping Mum and Ben inside, so we ought to go check on him, really," she grinned, standing up from her chair as I mirrored her actions, "Let's go."

We headed back inside, Liam remaining oddly quiet as we did so, only fuelling the suspicion I already possessed. Liam was an annoying fucker, yes - but it still worried me for him to be acting so out of character.

"Hello, mate," a guy who I presumed to be Gemma's guy surfaced from what I further presumed was the kitchen, and extended his hand out for me to shake.

"Hi," I took his hand and shook it, "I'm Harry."

"James," he sent me a smile, releasing my hand, "It's great to finally meet you."

I resisted the urge to wrinkle my nose, at the one other James I'd met on a couple of occasions back in Seattle at her parties - I'd never liked him much; he was cocky, rude, and entitled, and he happened to bang one of my mates in the bathroom several times. Maybe they'd finally ended up together, properly, after all.

"You too," I replied eventually, as Gemma shuffled over to loop her arms around his waist, pressing a kiss to his cheek, "Alright, lay off the PDA in front of brother here, please."

"Sorry," Gemma grinned guiltily, as I sent her a knowing look - somewhat glad she was happy with this bloke.

"I'm Benjamin," another voice sounded from behind James, and I immediately felt my shoulders tense a little as I looked up.

He was old; that's what I noticed first. I mean, he wasn't old-old, he was most likely Mum's age - but he had fine lines in his forehead that made him look old enough to be Einstein. He had smile lines, which already irritated me, and he was pale - his eyes a bright blue much like his daughter's, and his hair a similar colour.

"Harry," I said a little coldly, ignoring his hand-shake and watching his face fall. A satisfied smirk had began to pull at my lips before Gemma kicked my shin, and I huffed, shaking his hand.

"S'nice to meet you, mate," he smiled awkwardly, before turning to face everybody else, "Dinner's just about done, so - everyone sit, yeah? I just need to grab Livi from upstairs."

I tried not to flinch at the mention of this child again, a sudden fear settling within me - is my mum supposed to be her mum, now? No fucking thanks.

We sat down at the table - me beside Gem and her lad, Liam on the end, and three empty places ahead of us filled moments later by the kid, Bill, and Mum.

"So," my mum smiled brightly, placing the plates of food into the centre of the table and taking a seat in between the kid and Benedict, "how is everyone?"

"Great, Mum - food looks good," Gemma assured her, spooning some salad onto her plate.

I felt everybody's eyes fall onto me as Mum spoke, "Harry?"

"Fabulous," I muttered in response, taking a sip of water as my mum shot me a grateful smile, despite my lack of enthusiasm.

"Harry, how's school?" Benjamin piped up, and I frowned, narrowing my eyes instantly.

"Fine," I shrugged, as Liam shot me a knowing look as if to say "we all know you haven't bloody been".

"Favourite class?" he pressed, and I took a bite of lettuce.

"None of them," I said blankly, pushing a piece of chicken around my plate as I felt everybody staring at me.

"Fair enough," Benedict laughed awkwardly, before turning to the kid, "eat up, Livi."

"I don't like salad, Daddy," she whined, pushing the plate full of green away from her with a pout, as I narrowed my eyes, growing more and more irritated with the kid by the second.

"Eat up, and then you can have some ice cream, yeah?" Mum pressed, and I rolled my eyes. That old chestnut. Mum must've pulled that on me a thousand times when I was younger.

The rest of dinner dragged on tantalisingly slow, and within a half hour of sitting there - I mean, who takes that long to eat dinner? - I was desperate to get away.

The kid was rambling to Gemma about some shitty colouring book Daddy had got her, while Mum chattered on to Bill about something I didn't care to listen to. Liam, on the other hand, hadn't said a word, incredibly unlike him as he didn't eat a thing, pushing his food nervously around his plate as he muttered something under his breath.

"Oi," I whispered low enough so that only Liam could hear, everybody else continuing with their conversations, "You alright?"

Liam snapped out of his thoughts and looked up at me, "Yeah, um - yeah, I'm good."

"You're not very convincing," I cocked my eyebrow, a small smile on my face, as I placed my fork down.

"I'm going back to Seattle."

The smile fell from my face, as I felt my heart plummet in my stomach, "What?" I asked a little loudly, the table falling silent to listen in, now.

"You alright, Liam?" Gemma spoke up, and I looked down at my lap, shaking my head as I processed what he'd said.

Liam cleared his throat, "I'm going back to Seattle," he said a little slower, and the room filled with awkward silence, only to be broken by the fucking kid.

"What's Seattle?"

I shot her a scowl, causing her eyes to widen and her mouth to close quickly, as Mum coughed awkwardly.

"You're going for a trip back? For how long?"

Liam stammered, "Y-Yeah, well - could be a week, a month.. a few months, even-"

My eyes widened, "A few months? Why?"

"Um.." he bit his lip, glancing up to see the entire table now watching him closely, my eyes never leaving his face in particular, "Dad's ill, and Mum just needs me back to help."

I nodded slowly, "When are you going?"

"Next week probably," he replied, my mum eyeing me carefully as Benjamin watched me with a confused look, as I blew out a long breath.

"Alright, well-"

"Will you come with me, H?"

-

I leant back against the garden chair, the time past nine now as the sun was mid-set and I lifted my cigarette to my lips once more, taking a deep inhale before exhaling with just as much intensity.

"That's really smelly, you know," the kid piped up from the chair beside me, and I shot her a glare.

"Go inside then?" I chided, folding my arms and blowing as much smoke as I could, the distinct smell filling the air, "Surely you have a bedtime."

"Daddy said I could stay up specially late since you're visiting," she shot me a toothy grin, and I pursed my lips. This kid had been following me around since dinner, and was desperate to join me for a smoke outside, apparently.

"Mm," I sent her a disinterested hum, eyes scanning over the garden as I created a fascination with the blackbird flying between the trees.

"Do you like ice cream?" she suddenly asked excitedly, and I frowned.

"No."

"Oh.." she trailed off slightly disappointedly, "Err.. how long are you gonna be here?"

I groaned internally, wishing she would stop with her stupid annoyances, "I'm going to Seattle next week, I'm pretty sure we made that clear."

"No, your friend said he was going - you didn't say you were," she said smartly, and I huffed.

"He asked me to come, no?"

"Yeah, but you didn't answer."

I chuckled quietly, taking another drag and glancing at her out of the corner of my eye, "How old are you, kid?"

"Six!" she held up seven fingers which I narrowed my eyes at, holding in my laughter, before she added, "And a half."

"Oh yeah? When's your birthday?" I challenged, and she bit her lip in thought.

"Ummmm.." she began, "April 9th."

"Your birthday was only a month ago then," I said matter-of-factly, "so you're not quite six and a half."

"Yes I am!" she protested, and I shrugged.

"Trust me, love - you're not," I told her, stifling a grin as she huffed annoyedly.

"Whatever!" she stood up, her shoes lighting up as her feet connected with the ground, causing me to chuckle again, "I'm going to find Daddy."

"You do that," I said nonchalantly, taking another drag from my cig as she skipped inside in search of Benedict.

"Harry, mate - you out here?"

"Yep," I called in response, as Liam surfaced from the doorway and plopped into the seat beside me.

"You alright?" he asked, pulling a loose thread from his jeans.

"I'm okay, are you?" I asked genuinely, handing him the cig for him to take a drag and pass it back.

"I mean, yeah," he shrugged, "It is what it is."

"Indeed," I nodded, staring off into the distance and tapping my boot gently against the patio.

"You don't have to come with me, y'know," he said quietly, and I looked across at him. Though I'd never admit it, it pained me to see Liam like this - so quiet and unsure - something he never was. He was always so chill, confident, yet bubbly - and to see him so gutted was a total shame, and I didn't want him to go through that - especially not alone.

"I want to," I assured him, resting my ankle on my other thigh in an attempt to cross my legs, "I'm there for you, mate, you know that. I'll come back with you for a bit."

"But what if you see-"

"I'll cross that bridge when I come to it," I said honestly, dragging my lip between my teeth, as he fell silent.

I wouldn't see her - Seattle wasn't a small town; the chances of running into her were slim, definitely. I didn't have to see her - it didn't matter if I did. Maybe I needed to. Maybe I needed to see her with this Hemmings guy; see her living a happy life without me, and come to terms with the fact I wasn't what she needed - I never had been.