"And that was what destroyed you in the end:

the longing for something you could never have."

— Leigh Bardugo

The world was devoid of color. Draco felt nothing as he let his instinct and magic guide his attacks, taking down every Death Eater that crossed his path. The Order had caught the Death Eaters off guard when they stormed the place and ransacked the labs.

"Patil's team got seven of the victims out and they're on their way now. The rest were too far gone." Blaise grunted upon arriving at Draco's side, barely avoiding an acid curse. He raised a shield just in time to block another spell. "You should've seen the victims — whatever experiments they're doing to them, fuck."

Draco twisted his wand, sending another attacker to his knees. The hallway took on an opaque haze as more spells were fired. "Where's Pansy? We need to get out before the Death Eater backup arrives. We can't keep this exit cleared for long."

Just as Blaise was about to respond, Pansy rounded the corner, her face strained as she dragged an injured Order member with her.

Blaise and Draco shielded her path until she safely reached them. "The rest are on their way. McLaggen got injured," she exhaled, passing McLaggen over to Blaise. McLaggen moaned in pain. They ignored him.

The Death Eaters arrived with less frequency but they still kept their guard up. "Blaise guard the north hall. Pansy, get behind me." The Slytherins followed his directions and kept every corner checked. Not long after, the rest of the Order members appeared with seven barely conscious victims hauled between them. Draco was distracted for a moment at the sight of them — the black veins on their faces and the desolate look in their eyes. He cursed inwardly.

"Are we clear?" Patil questioned him, a minor gash on her cheek.

"Nott and Luna are monitoring the wards. We have eight minutes before the window opens to disapparate," Draco responded. Patil signaled sharply to the rest of the team before they all made their way out with Draco at the lead.

To their relief, the hall was clear and they made it to the exit without any interruptions.

Just as they exited the building, Theo ran up to them with a device followed by Luna. He looked above them, squinting at the faint static glow of the wards. "The anti-apparition wards should be down in two minutes."

"Everyone with prisoners stay in the center. Blaise and Theo guard the front, I'll hold the back," Draco commanded. The rest of the team followed suit without argument. The outer lines kept their shields up while they made their way across the field.

"Fuck," Draco cursed as more Death Eaters appeared from behind.

"Draco! Let's go!" Pansy yelled. He didn't listen to her. Instead, he pivoted around and took them head on. Draco let his occlumency put him into a state of cold calm, letting his power flow through him with pure intent and will.

"Spinae," he hissed. Thousands of tiny black thorns shot from his wand, sinking into his attackers flesh and through the holes of their masks, blinding them. One by one they went down.

"Malfoy! The wards are down!"

Draco twisted from a curse that grazed his blind side.

"Got you," a Death Eater chuckled. The Death Eater removed his mask revealing a scrawny young man with oily blond hair. "Don't tell me you don't remember me, Lord Malfoy."

Draco remembered him. Mathias Greengrave. He remembered the rat — a cocky and ambitious recruit under his command during his time as a Death Eater.

"Back down, Greengrave," Draco said coldly.

"Never," he grinned. "Where's that mudblood whore of yours? Playing nanny to your runt of a son?"

Draco snarled and attacked. Greengrave was prepared, pulling up a shield just in time before it shattered at Draco's second attack.

Theo checked his watch. "The window's closing!"

Draco continued fighting, uncaring. "Damn it!" Blaise yelled before sprinting and snatching Draco by the shoulder and disapparating. At that moment, Greengrave grabbed onto them.

Their bodies flattened and expanded as they were tugged through the very fabric of time and space. Blaise tried to hold on to Draco while he fought off Greengrave.

The world expanded again, spitting them into a forest clearing. Instantly, Draco was on top of the Death Eater. Not bothering to use his magic, Draco slammed his fist into his face again and again.

"Draco!"

He didn't stop. He couldn't. He couldn't stop the urge to hurt, to punish, to exact some kind of pain on this filthy excuse of a man. There was a brutal satisfaction in the way fear sparked in Greengrave's eyes as if finally seeing him for the first time.

"Draco, stop!"

Strong arms wound around him pulling him back.

"He's unconscious." Pansy came into his vision and Draco looked at Greengrave's unconscious body behind her.

"He's alive," Theo exhaled after checking the Death Eater's pulse. Blaise's arms slackened slightly as Draco straightened, his knuckles cut and bleeding but he didn't feel anything.

"Draco — " Blaise began but he disapparated.

***

"Draco Lucius Malfoy!"

"Leave it, Pansy," Draco hissed over his shoulder as Blaise and Theo apparated in after her. He had just gotten past the wards when an invisible force whipped him around. He glared at Pansy who had her wand pointed at him, moonlight cast severely over her sharp features.

"What's wrong?" Hands on her hips, she glared back at him. Theo and Blaise shifted behind her.

"Nothing," he replied in a clipped voice. Pansy didn't back down.

"No. Clearly there is something wrong with you!" The witch pointed a sharp finger to his chest. "Where's Granger?"

Draco went rigid, a coldness hardening his features even further. Pansy blinked and faltered.

"Luna mentioned something she heard from Moody but I wasn't sure..." Theo mumbled. Pansy and Blaise shared a look.

"I said, leave it." Draco loomed over her, daring her to keep pushing.

Pansy stepped forward and opened her mouth but Blaise put a hand on her shoulder. He looked at Draco carefully. "It might be good to talk about it, mate. If it's just a misunderstanding —"

"She fucking left alright!" he snarled. He ran his hands through his hair and laughed darkly. "And there's nothing you can do or say — "

Pansy released her shoulder from Blaise's grip. "I happen to know you very well, Draco, and her too, believe it or not. I'm sure the both of you are just being cowardly idiots refusing to open yourselves up! If you just talk and convince her, make her see — "

"I'm not going to force her into anything!" he yelled. He exhaled, tipping his head up. Fuck. He didn't want to talk about it. He pinched his nose, trying to bring his breathing into control. "It was her choice. Her fucking choice. And I'm going to respect that."

Not waiting for their response, Draco turned away, vaguely hearing murmurs and a heated argument before pops of disapparation.

The safehouse was dark when he entered. Tiredly, he made his way up the stairs. All the fight in him had receded to a bone tiring ache that he knew no slumber could take away.

"Watson," Draco murmured in greeting. The old elf got up from his seat beside the bed where Scorpius slept.

Watson nodded in return. "The Young Malfoy is sleeping but has difficulties — he is having nightmares."

Draco rubbed his eyes and sighed. It wasn't the first time. Ever since she left, Scorpius had trouble sleeping, constantly restless and plagued with bad dreams. Sometimes he found him awake in the darkness, calling out for her.

"Thank you, Watson. I'll take over from here." The elf nodded then looked over once more at Scorpius before making his way out the room.

"How is she?" Watson paused and turned slowly. "Hermione. How is she?" he repeated.

Watson watched him curiously. "Watson cannot answer such things only Ms. Granger knows."

Not probing further, Draco let the elf go. After a quick shower, he slipped into bed and turned off the lamp. Scorpius instinctively snuggled into his chest and Draco held him tighter, screwing his eyes shut and inhaling his scent. It was just both of them again. Draco pressed a kiss to his son's head. He hoped he was enough.

***

"I'm not hungry, daddy." Scorpius stared blankly at his meal. "I want Mini's food."

Draco didn't know what was more difficult — Scorpius' tantrums or his periods of blankness where he showed no emotion. He was even subdued around Watson whenever he came to watch him while Draco completed missions with the other Order members.

Draco sighed. "Scorpius, please. Hermione is not here."

Scorpius furrowed his brows and looked up at his father. "Then where? Where! Where is Mini!" he demanded angrily.

Draco opened his mouth but no words came out. Scorpius searched his eyes before his face crumpled.

"I want Mini!" he wailed, angry tears welling up in his eyes. "I don't want dis! I want Mini!"

Draco's chest tightened as a feeling of helplessness drowned him. Fuck fuck fuck. He put his head in his hands, trying to find some measure of control. He was so focused on his breathing, he didn't notice Scorpius' cries die down.

"Daddy?" Scorpius' voice was soft — almost concerned. The next thing Draco knew, small hands pulled at his wrists as Scorpius climbed onto his lap. Watching him carefully with sad eyes, Scorpius wrapped his arms around Draco's neck. With shaking hands, Draco pulled him close.

"I miss, Mini," he whispered, his tear-stained cheeks soaking his neck. Draco held him tighter.

"I miss her too."

***

Draco fell back onto the sofa after having put Scorpius down for his nap. The days seemed to blur into one. Some days it felt like she was gone for a long time, other days it felt like just that morning she had left. Draco stared blankly at the dust motes dancing against the silvery sunlight like lost snow.

Even from the beginning, when she had kissed him back, he knew how it was going to end. It was carved into the stars the same way the dark mark was carved into his flesh. But he had allowed himself, for once, to give in to what he truly wanted despite knowing he had nothing to offer — regardless if all she wanted from him was a distraction. And when she had finally decided to walk away, he vowed not to be selfish. After all she had been through, he could not do that to her — he would not force her to share a life with him that in itself was tainted.

Leaning in the shadows, Draco watched from the corner of the room as Hermione led the Order meeting. His lips quirked upwards silently when she gesticulated wildly and corrected McLaggen on getting the procedure wrong. Again.

His eyes flickered to the small mark on her neck he had left that morning.

"It is a brilliant plan, Herminny-own." Draco frowned as Viktor Krum put his hand on her shoulder. Hermione gave Krum a small smile before continuing.

Jealousy was a funny thing, Draco thought as he watched her. He had always been taught by his father that Malfoys had nothing and no one to be jealous of. He was told that others were jealous of him — his wealth, blood purity, his breeding. Everything.

Yet even from a young age, Draco had discovered jealousy. He had discovered it when he was seven, sitting in silence with his father at their private quidditch box and noticing through his binoculars a non-pureblood father and son at the lower stands. The son sat on his father's shoulders while they both laughed wildly despite being in the worst possible seats where they couldn't see a thing. He felt it again when Harry Potter, with crooked glasses and no family, walked back with his friends from Hagrid's hut with a happiness that suggested he had everything in life he ever wanted. He felt it again when he saw Ronald Weasley sitting in the Great Hall with his brothers and sister, all teasing and smiling in their hand-me-down robes without one care in the world.

And he felt it now when he watched how at ease Hermione was around Krum, even McLaggen — her easy smile and unguarded expression. He watched how easily she laughed at something Dean Thomas said or when her other Gryffindor classmates brought up a memory from Hogwarts.

It was irrational. He wasn't jealous out of some possessiveness or notion that he owned her — he was jealous that he could never give her that easy and simple happiness. He was never taught how to win people over without threats or promises. Because Salazar knew he had nothing to offer her. She had the whole world ahead of her and it was foolish to expect her to drop her dreams and ambitions simply because she had a heart and felt some sort of compassion even for the most neglected of creatures.

And that's why when she chose herself over them, he vowed not to stand in her way. He didn't want her to experience Weasley and even Potter all over again. He refused to let her sacrifice everything for them by putting them ahead of herself. He would make sure she put herself first for once in her life.

Draco was interrupted from his memory by the sound of tiny feet running on the floorboards followed by a small blond head running past the doorway. Immediately he snatched his wand and followed after.

"Scorpius!" Ignoring his father, Scorpius ran towards the front door and Draco panicked when it opened. "Stay bac — "

"Mini!"

Draco froze at the open door. He blinked slowly, waiting for the illusion to crumble. Hermione stood there, brown eyes wide, curls framing her face.

Let this be real, let this be real.

Instantly, she was on her knees, pulling Scorpius into her arms. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she sobbed. Scorpius' cries were muffled as he clung on to her while she whispered apologies over and over again.

Draco remained still until she finally looked up and stood, Scorpius in her arms and still buried in her neck.

"Hi," she spoke softly. She walked forward hesitantly until she stood just a few feet away from him.

"Hi," he replied. She looked exhausted, her face hollow and strained.

"I — I got some research done but no progress. I thought the lead I was on — " she began to ramble, shifting and glancing furtively at him.

"What are you doing here, Hermione?" Scorpius turned, laying his head on her chest and training his watery eyes on him.

"I found the note you left." Draco averted his gaze. "And if it's true, if — "

His eyes snapped to hers. "It is," he said slowly.

"Then, I want to try. I don't want to end things before they begin just because I'm afraid of what might happen."

Draco searched her eyes, looking for some form of hesitation or uncertainty. Instead he found a determination in them, and something soft, vulnerable.

"You were right," he said after a moment, "about Astoria." Hermione visibly flinched. "You're right that I'm still haunted by her but you were wrong about many things too. And I want to tell you — fuck I want to but I — I'm not ready. Not yet. So if you are willing to wait, to trust me..."

"I am." She swallowed. "I'm willing to wait. And I – I already trust you. I have for a while now."

They looked at each then, the world thawing like the tentative awakening of spring.

"Welcome home, Hermione."

***

"Mini, can I talk to you?" Hermione startled, not having heard Scorpius come into the room. He blinked up at her with wide imploring eyes just barely peeking over the desk from where she sat. "Alone?"

"Of course." Hermione stood from her seat and glanced at Draco across the room. Draco watched them silently.

Scorpius nodded and took her hand, a pensive look on his face as he led her out the room. Silently, he made his way to the back porch. Hermione was not sure what to make of the boy's silence. It worried her. Scorpius had been a little off since she arrived, more quiet and subdued.

Finally, Scorpius released her hand and, to Hermione's concern, began pacing in front of her.

"Scorpius?" She knelt to his level. "Is everything alright?"

Scorpius finally stopped his pacing and approached her, a nervous look on his face.

"Mini, is you going to leave again?" Hermione deflated at the utterly broken look in his eyes. She pulled him into a hug and he automatically held on to her tightly.

"I'm sorry," she croaked, "I'm so sorry, Scorpius, for doing that to you." She pulled back but only slightly and brushed a lock of hair on his forehead. "I want you to know that it had nothing to do with you. I – I was going through some things but your father and I are working it out. But no. I'm not going to leave you."

She brushed a stray tear that fell down his cheek. She wasn't lying. She wouldn't do that to him again, no matter how scared she was. She had put him in the middle of what was going on between her and his father, and in the middle of the battle she was fighting within herself. She thought it would be easier to stop whatever was going on, but it was too late. She cared about him — both of them.

"Can you forgive me?"

Scorpius rubbed his eyes and sniffed. He looked at her a moment longer, then nodded. "Yes, Mini," he whispered. Scorpius averted his gaze. "I was very very angry — I cry so many times," he hiccuped. Rubbing his back, she pulled him closer as he continued.

"I cry so many times because – because I love you, Mini," he looked at her nervously, almost afraid, "so much."

Hermione's chest tightened. More tears fell down her face but she didn't bother to wipe them away. She cradled his face between her palms and pressed her forehead against his.

"I love you too, Scorpius," she breathed shakily, "so much."

They stayed there longer, buried in each other's arms. In her heart, she knew this was worth it and no matter what, she would fight for it. Hermione vowed she would try — not just for Scorpius but for herself. For this, she would not be afraid. For this, she would let herself be open and vulnerable. What they had felt bigger than herself and what had happened to her. Slowly, the hole in her chest felt as if it was being filled. It scared her, but she didn't try to stop it this time. For once, instead of following her mind, she would follow her heart and allow herself to love, and be loved.

***

"How many made it out?" Hermione asked, twirling the pasta around her fork.

"We were able to get seven out," Draco replied. "The rest were too far gone. Most of them lost their minds, didn't know who they were or where they were. We sent one of the mildly affected ones to Theo and Luna. You should be hearing from them soon. The Dark Lord is getting sloppy — there weren't the usual amount of guards. The Daily Prophet has also reported that their attack on Rome was delayed. But according to Blaise's contacts, they failed to infiltrate the city."