"The room rang with her voice, then with silence.

In the shaded darkness, silence had the quality of a looming dragon.

It seemed to roar and the roar to reverberate, to dominate.

To escape from it would require a burst of recklessness, even cruelty."

— Anita Desai

"And how's our Gryffindor princess doing?" a cool voice sounded from the library doorway. Hermione looked up from her research to see Pansy smirking, her dark bob glinting sharply in the afternoon light. Hermione knew that the Zabinis along with Theo and Luna were coming over before the meeting at the Order headquarters so the Pansy's presence wasn't too much of a surprise.

"I'm good. And you?" Hermione said politely, still not knowing what to make of the witch.

"Fine, fine," Pansy sighed and sashayed over to the sofa, making herself right at home. The Slytherin rested her head on her propped arm, staring down Hermione before opening her mouth. "I'll admit you gave us quite a scare, Granger. I haven't seen Draco so... unhinged." Pansy gave her an assessing gaze as if searching for something in her face.

Hermione averted her gaze, busying herself with putting away her catalog of research before straightening and meeting Pansy's eyes. "I never got a chance to thank you — all of you, for saving me," Hermione said softly but firmly, ignoring her comment about a certain blond.

Pansy shrugged. "I'll be honest, Granger, it was suicidal. But we didn't have a choice really," she smiled ruefully.

Hermione gasped. "But — but Draco said you volunteered! I would never have — "

"Yes yes we volunteered but not out of some Gryffindor moment of bravery," she snorted. "Draco would've gone alone anyway." Hermione froze, guilt creeping up her spine. "You should've seen him — he was quite livid. For a moment even I thought the Dark Lord's hound had made an appearance."

"Oh don't have that look on your face, Granger. Sure, we did volunteer because we weren't keen on seeing Draco get himself killed, but okay, maybe we also didn't like the idea of a certain bushy-haired Gryffindor being held captive and tortured... I — I know what they're capable of," A dark look crossed her face.

Hermione blinked at Pansy's change of tone, able to detect the layers of emotions underlying her voice.

"Did Draco ever tell you how Blaise and I got out of the whole heir ordeal?"

Hermione shook her head.

"Blaise and I had always been friends. But when we were kids I pursued Draco as you know because he was the better prize. My mother made sure I knew it. After sixth year however, when Draco isolated himself, Blaise and I got close. Long story short, I was actually happy when Blaise and I were arranged to marry when the heir decree was out. The world was falling apart but at least we were okay." Pansy let out a shaky breath, shutting her eyes. "My mother... just before the Dark Lord won, she was already going mad — she's had this condition due to her side having a drop of seer blood. She would have dreams that would plague her, her mind going in and out but no one could ever make sense of her 'predictions.' By the time the Dark Lord took over, she was delirious and violent. And after Blaise and I married she said she wanted to see me — couldn't be consoled until she saw me. And I did. She kept rambling about children and the Dark Lord, and that she knew what would happen. And she attacked me. She took a knife and... made sure I would never have children."

Hermione couldn't hide her horror. She had known something had happened to Pansy, but not her own mother mutilating her, taking away her ability to have children. She could not even begin to imagine the pain Pansy must have gone through and was still going through.

"Blaise has always been neutral in the war, playing which side would give him a better chance of survival. Blood purity was a political tool or ideology for him rather than an actual belief. His mother abandoned him for multiple new husbands — he had no choice but to play whatever role or cards he needed to survive," she looked fiercely at Hermione as she spoke about her husband. "As for me, I did believe in blood purity. I won't deny that. But then afterwards, after seeing what a pureblood world looks like? I couldn't be more disgusted." She sneered in disdain. "And so I know, Granger. I've seen what they do to pureblood, half-blood, and muggleborn witches in this world. I can be a conniving evil pureblood bitch, but that monster is something else."

"I'm sorry that happened to you," Hermione whispered. "It's fucked up and that's all I can say really."

"No Gryffindor speech about how it'll make me stronger?" She grinned, but Hermione could see the glassiness in her green eyes.

"No," Hermione smiled softly.

"So I hope, Hermione, you'd stop being so cagy around us," Pansy said nonchalantly, inspecting her nails as if she had not just shared a part of her past. Hermione could tell, however, she was waiting for a response.

"I know I have my — my assumptions. And I'll admit that I'm defensive and sometimes let the past interfere — Merlin and Morgana know how many times Draco and I have fought over it." Pansy smirked. "But I can't hold all of you to who you were. I'm not who I once was, and that's still something I'm still trying to accept and live with. We've all fucked up. If there's anything this war taught me is that there is no clear line between good and evil. We've all needed to do terrible things in this war," Hermione looked out the window, catching Blaise and Draco in conversation near the edge of the forest as Scorpius played around their legs chasing a yellow butterfly. As she watched the excited joy in his face, Hermione found herself tentatively relaxed and feeling... light. Something she hadn't felt in a very long time.

"Well, enough of this," Pansy cleared her throat daintily a moment later. "Now tell me about those muggle jeans that's got Draco's pureblood prudish sensibilities in hackles." Hermione bristled. "Oh come on. I think Blaise would like them on me. It does wonders on your ass, Granger."

Hermione blushed, swatting Pansy's hand when she tried to tug on the material. Pansy simply laughed heartily, and Hermione couldn't stop herself from joining her.

***

"Tea, Theodore?" Luna asked, not catching Theo's expression blanche momentarily. "I made it special, just how you like it so it keeps the wrackspurts away."

"Thanks, Luna," he smiled with a strained expression. At her expectant look, he took a sip. She grinned widely before pouring cups for everyone else.

"And how are you, Hermione?" Luna turned, blinking at Hermione with her wide silvery-blue eyes. In the morning light, they reminded Hermione of glass. There was a steady intelligence to them, like a calmly flowing stream running through dark woods.

Hermione, along with the rest of the Slytherins, had to hide their grins as from behind Luna they caught Theo silently gagging and chuck the rest of the tea in a nearby potted plant.

"I feel much better! Thank you, Luna." Hermione steeled herself and looked at every single one of them that risked their lives for her. "I didn't get a chance, but I'd like to thank all of you for saving me."

"Don't worry, we'll collect on our debt soon," Blaise winked. "Don't think we didn't see the opportunity to get a favor from the Golden Girl."

Hermione rolled her eyes but couldn't resist the smile tugging on her lips.

"Oh and not to mention, keeping Draco from turning into a bloody Gryffindor," Theo sighed. "Really, Granger, what kind of sick potion have you got him under — fuck!" he cursed when Draco thwacked the back of his head with his palm.

Hermione giggled. "But, seriously, thank you."

"Don't worry about it," Blaise shrugged. "Or go around telling everyone. Couldn't have our reputation ruined now, can we?"

"Yes, wuined!" Scorpius chirped from where he sat on the floor playing with the wooden toy lion Blaise had given him (to which Draco had glared and muttered at when gifted).

"Speaking of the Order, does anyone know what to expect for the meeting?" Theo asked. "Would be good if they actually gave us real missions instead of research and experimentation. We can't even test out our work on the field," he huffed, pulling out a bronze sphere the size of a snitch and began tinkering with it.

"It'll probably be a while," Draco answered. "But I wouldn't be surprised if they started asking about the bomb you and Lovegood created, since it actually worked."

"Wasn't my fault we never got a chance to properly try it out!" Theo retorted defensively. "Unfortunately, a lot of our experiments are stuck in the prototype stage," he said sulkily. "I even get so bored sometimes, I've begun domesticating the wild garden gnomes."

"Pardon?" Draco choked on his tea.

"Theodore has been spending his time taming the garden gnomes — or to use their correct name, Gernumbli gardensi," Luna responded, her eyes still staring off into the distance. "They were quite feral but you must understand that they were going through hard times. Theodore tried to get rid of them in the beginning but I did warn him they would just come back. Now he's got them all settled in their own area and even doing his bidding to attack when nargles come and take our things. Their saliva is quite beneficial too, did you know?"

Hermione suppressed a smile at the disturbed look on Draco's face. Draco caught her eye, lifting a brow silently in a very evident what-the-fuck-is-a-nargle kind of way. Hermione merely shook her head and grinned. Draco ran his tongue over his teeth as if debating to ask outloud, holding her gaze with laughing eyes.

"Just you watch — the Dark Lord will never see an army of garden gnomes coming his way," Theo said imperiously. "Evil beasts I tell you."

"Yes, Theodore, the Dark Lord will be beaten to death by a bunch of stout garden gnomes," Blaise drawled. "I suppose you could call in a favor with your rodent friends to join the lot?"

Hermione and the others laughed as Theo glared murderously at Blaise.

"Enough about the war and the Order, we get enough of that every day," Pansy tutted. "Blaise, dear, have you seen Granger's muggle jeans? I should get a pair shouldn't I?" Hermione narrowed her eyes at the conniving look on Pansy's face as Blaise lit up in some kind of understanding.

"Oh, they do make your legs and buttocks quite shapely, Hermione," Luna piped up, poking at Hermione's hip. Hermione flushed at the sudden attention of everyone in the room.

"Indeed, indeed," Theo joined in, a mischievous look in his eyes as he glanced at Draco's frowning face from across the room. "Would give any pureblood a heart attack. Never knew you were hiding such a pair of legs under those robes, Granger."

Hermione good-naturedly flashed him a rude gesture to which he winked back and Blaise chuckled.

Before Hermione could respond, Draco crossed the room, a scowl on his face as he seated himself beside her on the sofa then dropped a throw blanket on her lap, all without looking directly at her. Hermione's cheeks burned as Pansy grinned triumphantly and Blaise's smile widened behind his cup of tea.

***

"Granger, a word?" Blaise's smooth voice called out as Hermione was about to leave the room with the others. Watson had just arrived and taken Scorpius to the garden. They were expected at headquarters soon.

"Sure," she replied, puzzled. Draco halted at the doorway, eyes darting between her and Blaise before Hermione nodded at him. He stood for a moment longer, giving Blaise a warning look before forcing himself out.

"I see Pansy told you about... what happened to her?" Blaise asked, hands behind his back as he casually inspected the room.

"She did," Hermione responded, not knowing where the conversation was headed.

"She can be harsh and tense sometimes but she means well. She is also very private, so I was surprised she told you — well, not that surprised. Pans is learning how to get along with others without being driven by some political or power play," he mused, "and she seems to like you enough. And not just because of the... friendship between you and Draco."

"Why are you telling me this?" Hermione crossed her arms nervously, not knowing what was going on in Blaise's mind. Despite his silent and calm demeanor, he was observant. He had always held the aura of somebody who knew something you didn't, a passive player who worked in the shadows and waited for the pieces to fall into place.

"Theo is Theo," he continued, as if he didn't hear her. "He and Pans can be headaches for different reasons," he smiled as if coming across a fond memory. "Pans for her tenacity and ferocity — that I love of course — and Theodore for his impulsivity despite being a genius. Draco on the other hand," he chuckled fondly. "He's stubborn — like you. When he sets his mind on... something, he's determined. Choosing to do it all on his own."

After a moment, he settled on an armchair, steepling his hands. "Sixth year — when he was fixing the cabinet — he completely isolated himself. Refused to tell Pansy and I. We knew it was bad and Draco has the tendency to close himself off and keep his emotions compartmentalized. He's been through a lot, Hermione." His dark eyes bore into her, watching for the smallest of reactions. "And not just when he was the Dark Lord's hound — even then he had closed himself off in order to climb the ladders faster than any Death Eater could. But with other things too. He has ghosts that still haunt him and he will push people away and try to bury every emotion and feeling he has."

Unbidden, Hermione remembered his closed off expression, the nightmares, the sound of his dead's wife's name in his sleep. She couldn't help the curdling in her stomach.

"He will do those things because he is scared of getting hurt — of feeling." Blaise gave her a hard searching look. "He is stubborn but I think you are too," the corner of his lips lifted.

Their names were called out from the foyer by an impatient Pansy.

"I'm not sure what you're implying, Blaise."

"And I'm sure you're smart enough to figure it out, Granger. Perhaps too smart." Blaise smiled wryly and stood up. He pivoted to leave, then paused. "It is in our nature to protect ourselves from getting hurt, but we can't let our fear of getting hurt stop us from fighting for something that could make us happy in the end. Remember that."

Hermione remained standing, his words echoing in her mind even as he left the room.

***

"Mione! You're alright!" Hermione caught a flash of fiery hair before a firm body launched itself at her, almost knocking her off her feet.

"Ginny, hey," Hermione responded, drawing back after briefly returning her hug. Quickly, she glanced at the Slytherins who shifted defensively as more people began to glare at them, except for Luna who waved as if there was no tension in the air.

"We were all so worried," Ginny squeezed her shoulder while the others — Dean, Seamus, and Parvati — expressed their concern as well. "If Malfoy hadn't left you — "

"What did you just say?" an icy voice interrupted from behind her. Hermione's breath halted as she felt him looming behind her. His magic thrummed darkly from where he stood, as if barely leashed.

"I said," Ginny gritted out, straightening herself and gripping her wand, "if you hadn't left her like a fucking coward — "

The air crackled.

"Draco!" Hermione swiftly turned, a hand on his chest just as he stepped forward. Thankfully George stepped in as well to block his sister. She could feel Draco shaking as pure rage flitted over his hard features.

"Oh please! You haven't changed Malfoy — "

"Ginny," Hermione growled over her shoulder at the red-head.

"Leave it, Hermione," Draco said in a clipped voice under his breath. He sneered as his eyes met the other Order members who had drawn their wands.

"No," Hermione replied with a voice like steel. Draco blinked at her briefly before she turned fully to face Ginny and everyone in the room, looking at every one of their faces. "I don't owe any of you an explanation and neither does Draco. All you need to know is that I made him leave me behind to save himself and his son. And he came for me still — the Slytherins and Luna did. They saved me. It doesn't matter if you're still upset about what he has done or what they have all done, all you need to know is that they are on our side now. We're in the middle of a war for fucks sake," she laughed humorously. "I'm sick of the glares and complaints. If you have an actual problem, take it up with me."

There was a moment of tense silence, some avoiding her gaze, others looking at her in disgust but she didn't care. George gave her a reassuring smile. Ginny and the other Gryffindors were looking at her with astonished features as if they didn't recognize her. And she supposed they didn't. There was a vicious satisfaction in making them finally see who she truly was now like a cold awakening long overdue. Because she couldn't do it, she couldn't live up to the image of who she once was, so perfectly preserved in their minds.

Hermione let out a breath. She felt nostalgic looking at her old friends, full of fond memories. And she was still thankful for that, for them — she would always be. She would always love them and appreciate them for the time they had had together and wish them all happiness and love. But she could no longer give them the friendship they needed — and with a terrifying clarity she realized neither could they. She could not force herself any longer and pretend, and perhaps only from a distance could she appreciate them. With a quiet sadness, she had come to accept that not all friendships stayed through all stages of your life, like outgrowing training wheels or a pair of your favorite boots. But she would always hold them in her heart, in that place where a buck-toothed girl learned how to find companionship for the first time outside of books. They would always be in her heart, but perhaps, not in her life.

"Come on, Granger," Pansy crooned with an all too indulgent look on her face. The Slytherin eyed Ginny who scowled at them. Unbothered, she linked her arm with Hermione's and led her past a sea of people who glared at them which only seemed to fuel the haughty look on her face. "We'll be late for the meeting."

***

" — where we sent three scouts. We have confirmed sightings of Death Eaters using this establishment as not just a place to indulge in a little respite from the war, but conduct some meetings," Kingsley said as he flicked his hand and floated copies of parchment across the table. His eyes softened as they landed on Hermione as if in apology before his gaze shifted to the scar on her face, lingering a little too long. Hermione stiffened and focused on the parchment in front of her.

"So what are we going to do? Attack?" McLaggen asked.

Draco grimaced, biting his tongue to prevent himself from making a comment at the idiotic suggestion. As to how the buffoon was invited to the meeting he didn't know. He felt at ease however at the presence of his Slytherin friends around the circular table, diluting the potency of the other houses. Ginny Weasley continued glaring at him but he didn't care.