"Have you ever killed someone, my darling?" A blond man asked her with a smirk, his shining white teeth glinting in the flashing lights.

"No-or yes- or I don't know. Maybe" Harley answered shyly, her eyes flickering all over the crowded club trying to spot one of her two lovers. The man that sat besides her in the small booth was making her immensely uncomfortable and she wished him to leave.

"Yes or No, my sweet"

"Yes, I have" She gulped, feeling dread in her stomach. She wasn't supposed to talk about that, she wasn't supposed to talk to anyone actually. She had strict orders from Joker to stay in the booth while he and Lin spun on the dance floor. She had lost track of them a long time ago, a part of her suspected they were now in one of the private rooms, having adult fun without her.

"Hmm, I would be lying if I said that that didn't turn me on" He stroked a hand down her arm, fingers decorated with rings and chest bare. He was a real creep. Harley shivered and then gulped, her hands were shaking as she lifted her glass to her mouth. She really wasn't supposed to do this.

"You shouldn't say things like that, Jay is just around the corner" She warned after soothing her aching throat with the cold water. Her eyes were shining with barely hidden anger, she would fight back if he tried anything.

"I don't care what that stupid clown will do, I'm sure he won't mind sharing you" The blond said with a leering smile and a wink. She looked down on his lap where he had forced her hand too. He had a noticeable bulge and he didn't hide any of the excitement her actions brought him.

"He doesn't share and he'll be very displeased that you disrespect him like that" Harley dismisses, ripping her hand back. She only just restrained herself from slapping him and storming away. Mistah J wouldn't be pleased with me if I did that, she thought to herself.

"Boss won't care, you're just his toy. Or rather the toy to his queen. So unless the lady boss finds out he won't care" She didn't want to admit that he was right, Joker wouldn't really care unless Lin found out and became upset. Harley didn't want to think about what her punishment would be if she somehow offended the man besides her.

"I'll tell her"

"Sure you will" He laughed, the cold tones in it chilling her to the bones. She didn't like that laugh, it spoke of pain and she didn't want his pain.

"I swear that if you touch me again I will tell her" Harley tries to warn him again, she knew that she would be punished even if the fault was his. She only hoped Lin would be there to save her.

"And what makes you think that she'll care?" He cackled, raising a hand and slapping her hard.

"She loves me" She whimpers, holding a hand to her tender cheek.

"No she doesn't, that's just an illusion you've built up to feel better about your situation" He denies, slapping her again to prove his point. He gestures around the room, showing her that no one even looked their way at the sound of her being hurt.

"No, she's said it herself, she loves me. He does too, he just has a difficult time showing it"

"Aren't you supposed to be this super smart psychiatrist? I mean if you were as good as they said you would realise what they're doing to you, or rather what you're doing to yourself"

"You don't know them like I do. They have big hearts, in private" Harley was desperatly trying to keep herself from crying, she never liked being interrogated like this.

"And does he show you affection in private?"

"N-no but I know he loves me"

"How?"

"I just do"

"Face it Harley, you've built a fake world to avoid facing reality. The reality that you're being abused by him, how he hates you and even the fact that this is all in your head. I'm not real, this club isn't real. It's all in your head, darling. Wake up!" He screamed in her face, even standing up to lean right into her face. Spittle flew from his mouth and onto her face.

"Shut up! This isn't a dream, it's just the voices messing with me again"

"Stop lying to yourself Harleen!" She pushes herself to her feet, pushing him backwards. She finally lost her temper, she was seething.

"I'm not!" She screamed back, her voice so loud it could be heard all around in the busy crowd but no one looked back at them.

"Yes you are! Now wake up!"

With a gasp she awoke, clutching her chest as she panted heavily. Never had a dream been so scary, or true. Maybe it's how true it was that made it scary or maybe she was scared because the manipulation continued even in her dreams. She had realised even back in Arkham that the Joker would never want anyone else but Lin but as soon as he turned those icy blue eyes towards her she was hooked, she lost all rationality. Her love for them won over everything else, over her career, her family. Everything. Now she wouldn't even be having this kind of monologue in her head if it wasn't for the brief period of time that she now had with her head clear of all what she called 'fun stuff'. She could finally think. Harley suspected that she would likely forget all about this later when that period left her and her normal self returned but until then she would take advantage of this short time that she could think.

First on her list was about the Joker, the man she had first fallen in love with. The man she knew was toxic for her, the man she knew she was never meant to have but oh it was so tempting. His charisma had been what drew her in first, no scratch that, his interactions with Lin what was truly drew her in. Seeing the pure love and adoration in his eyes when he saw Lin in the corridors and the anger and hate when he saw the guards handling her. She wanted that, she fell in love with having someone feel that for her, for someone to unconditionally love her and treasure her. Unfortunately this helped him manipulate her, him and Lin. His looks had been a plus, of course, she had swooned slightly when she first saw him on the news and even more when she first laid her eyes on him. The toxic-green hair color, the pale white skin full of tattoos, a toned and strong body. Everything about him allured her, she never had a chance to avoid those feelings. He regarded her coldly, never speaking to her beyond insults and threats, when she was got him as her patient. It all changed when she allowed him to have the sessions with Lin, his whole demeanor changed. Not to her of course, not immediately. It was only after she had allowed them to talk for a few minutes in private that his attitude changed. He was so charming, almost overbearingly so. She should have known better, he was manipulating her and she was too dumb to see it untill it was too late.

It hadn't gotten really bad until she had broken them out, that's when the facade dropped and he revealed his true self to her. The ugly part of his soul that she suspected never reared its ugly head towards Lin. No Lin could do almost no wrong in his eyes, sure they had fights a lot and boy were they magnificent to watch, but Joker never had any hate in his eyes and their fights never escalated to physical violence. That she had witnessed at least, though she had seen him walk around with some nice bruising and red wounds that hadn't been there just a few minutes before. He was a very private man, never talking much to her, only when he had to. Joker never sought her out unless he really needed something, which was rarely. He hit her often, whenever he felt like it. She had so many scars from his abuse, both mentally and physically. It had soured her heart towards Lin for awhile but she let go of that quickly, she didn't want to ruin anything by being jealous of the other female. Then her minds spins to all the good times, his kisses against her lips, the feeling of his strong body above hers. The mind blowing adrenaline rush when they took her out on jobs. The love she felt towards him. She couldn't focus long on the negative, her mind's natural defense mechanisms prevented it, shoving the good times down her throat.

And Lin, her soulmate, her other half. She could never envision leaving her, leaving Lin would be like leaving a part of herself. A part she wasn't ready to be parted with. Lin was always kind to her, she was the one who convinced Joker to let Harley live and she was the one that took care of her after everything. She made sure that Harley had it good, Lin beat up anyone that looked at her wrong and protected her from everything. Lin also was the one who suggested using Harley as a way out, she was the one that made her like this. Lin was the one that forced her to stay, she was the one that made her see the world only through a good perspective, seeing only love in the pain Joker gave her. She was the one that convinced her to forgive Joker after every hit, she was the one that convinced her that Joker loved her. Lin knew he didn't and yet she selfishly kep her with them. She loved Lin with everything she had, just seeing her lifts her spirit. Lin is the light in her life and she could never leave her.

"Why am I like this? I never cared until just a moment ago" Harley whispered out loud, clutching her head as sobs wracked her body and rivers of tears run down her red cheeks. " I don't want to think about this!" She screams out, voice heavy with pain and tears.

She had been experiencing mood swings lately, thinking things that she's never done before. She's started doubting her relationship with Lin and Joker. She's begun questioning her life and herself. Did she truly want this for herself? The thoughts started out of the blue, it was like she almost went into a trance where her old self screamed at her to get away. She hadn't told Lin or Puddin' anything and she acted just like normal. She knew Joker would kill her if he found out she's having these kinda thoughts, but she can't help it. Everyone has a breaking point and this was hers, she couldn't deal with all that they've put her through. Leaving Lin was going to be the hardest, the woman had been there with her every step of her transformation. Never uttering a mean words towards her, making sure she's doing okay and whenever she caught Joker being abusive towards Harley she'd stop him. And Harley would never forget the look on his face after each time Lin scolded him for mistreating her, the anger and utter despise he sent Harley's way. The way he tried to soothe Lin with cuddles and kisses, his gentle reassurance that he's never going to do it again. But he always did, as soon as Lin either left the room or after he returned after them making up together he'd beat her. Beat her black and blue, spitting hateful words at her, belittling her and breaking her.

On the other hand she forgave him every time, she loved him too much to lose him. She knew very well that he didn't love her, she knew that he hated her and she was okay with that as long as he paid attention to her. As long as she could still be around them, living that life and never having to fear anything except him. She was in love with the pain and suffering of it, and he knew it. Lin knew it, everyone knew it and they didn't try to help her. Lin never tried to get her away, Lin manipulated her as much as Joker did when she tried to keep her with them. Her soft loving words was like a bandaid on her pulsing wounds, her warm embraces the medicine to her illnesses.

"Why can't I make up my mind?! I'm so lost" She cried out, pulling hair out of her head, clutching the strands closer to her face. She was shaking now, rocking back and forth on the cold cement floor. The illusion of the club was gone and she finally opened her eyes to where she was, in a cold cell. It was Thursday and Lin's feeding time. These episodes always happened whenever she was away from the perfect duo, their heavy and suffocating presence smothered her thoughts and when they went away she could finally breathe. She wasn't sure if she liked it, she didn't like thinking these thoughts. She wanted to go back to being oblivious of their abusive natures and the toxic relationship, she wanted to forget seeing him so hateful towards her and so loving towards Lin. She just wanted to go back to normal, back to Harley but these thoughts opened doors she could never close. It was like her eyes opened for the first time since she lost her heart to the criminals, like she could finally see them for what they are and yet she still couldn't feeling anything negative towards Lin. All she felt was uncontrollable love, but she knew that she couldn't stay with them. Unless she could figuring something out with Lin to make her stay with her and Joker she would have to leave them behind.

"I can't go back to them" She realised. "It will never be the same" Harley cried, she cried for the loss of love she would feel when she had to leave Lin, she cried because she was afraid and she cried because without them she didn't know who she was. Who is Harley Quinn without Joker and his Lin. She cried because she knew she could never leave Lin.

"Why are you crying sugah?" A sweet melodic voice full of concern asks her suddenly, making her sobs stop and tears dry up. "Did someone hurt you again?"

"No" Harley wiped her tears and smiled at her girlfriend. "I'm all good" And she was, all the negative thoughts vanished when she looked into Lin's eyes. All thoughts of leaving them disappeared without a trace, her previous doubt gone. With each passing second with Lin the memory of what she had been upset about disappeared piece by piece.

"Good, wouldn't want you to be upset on our last night here" Lin stated with a big toothy grin, her shiny hair falling down her back like water and her eyes shining with happiness. "We're leaving tomorrow"

AN: Hello all you cool cats and kittens! This is a longer chapter than usual, with mostly just Harley talking to herself. I really wanted to write this to show the inner conflict that Harley starts feeling, and to show that it's not just something sudden that I decided to throw in. Hope you liked it!