There have been times when making a decision is so hard and every option she chose seemed to be the wrong one. She's in one of those moments when she does not know if she should tell her sister, Shola, that her husband, Dolapo, has been having an affair with her friend, Kiki. They would never have known had Dolapo not come over without knowing Kiki was having a housewarming party.

Kiki just got a house. A duplex in one of Lagos elite estate. It's a five bedroom apartment with two living room, a backyard pool, five en suites and a detached bathroom and a very exquisite interior design Lola admires. The source of money for such a home is still a mystery to Lola. Kiki's an orphan whose parents left a very good fortune for her but such fortune and her business can never give her such a home. Kiki threw a pool party which Lola had been very excited about because she will be able to flaunt one of her swimsuit from. The suit accentuated her willowy figure and displayed flaunted her toned legs. She was sure she would turn heads.

There was music that played at the loudest volume from large stereos. About fifteen guests were invited. So, the event was intimate and fun. There was enough to drink, from non-alcoholic to the most expensive alcoholic drink. Kiki had insisted she bring Joshua with her. It gave her a foreign feeling to finally introduce him to her circle of friends. She seldom speaks about him to them. He have an easy flow with everyone like he knew them. He fell right into the setting like he belonged there and she admired that about him.

She needed to use the bathroom. Grabbing a glass of brandy on the way inside, she winked at the men who stared at her. The nearest bathroom was at the end of the hallway. Hushed voice came from the living room. One was urgent while the other sounded confused. They were so familiar which chilled her bones. At first, she assumed her ears were playing games with her but as she stepped closer to the living room, the owner of the voices came into view. Shock elicited a tiny gasp from her. Dolapo held Kiki's little frame against his muscular body. What is Dolapo doing in Kiki's home?

"You should not be here. You have to leave." Kiki said, her voice urgent and she urged his unyielding body to the door.

"Why?" He sounded confused and perplexed.

"Everyone is here." She tried not to scream from frustration and his stubbornness. "I am throwing a housewarming party. Lola. Deola. Joshua. Every one of my friends are here except Osasere. You have to leave. You should have called before coming."

"I missed you, babe" He wrapped his hand around her small waist, his voice becoming very low and hoarse. "I wanted to surprise you"

Kiki appeared flustered by his comment. "That's so sweet of you but we met yesterday."

"But we did not" He fingered the bow of her thong as he nibbled her earlobe.

"As much as I would love to do this now, this is not the right time." She giggled pushing him away gently. "You have to go, baby. You do not want to ruin everything after nearly a year." A year! A fucking whole year? Dolapo and Kiki have been having an affair for that long? Her blood simmered.

He groaned. "Alright." He lowered his lips to hers.

That felt like the perfect time to step in. She balled her fist, feeling rage creep into her. "For how long has this been going on?" She growled.

"Jesus Christ!" Kiki shrieked, jumping away from him. The paleness of their faces, as white as snow, was something she loved. That look of astonishment pleased her.

"Oh my God! Oh my God!" Lola chanted like a mantra. She can't believe this! What the hell's happening? For how long? Right under their noses and they could not smell it. The thoughts made her lose her grip on the thread of sanity she held unto. A myriad of emotions sprinted through her. Betrayal. Ire. Shock. "You bitch!" She screeched, sending the glass of brandy against Kiki. Kiki cried out as the glass crashed against her the side of her face. "How could you?" Anger blinded her.

"Lola!" Dolapo jumped in between her and Kiki whose forehead bled. Fear caused Kiki to shake. Her bulging eyes pled for mercy with a hand held against her gapping wound.

"It is not what you think." Kiki started. "I can explain." She waved her bloody hand.

"Lola." Dolapo got a hold of her arm as she took a threatening step closer to Kiki.

"Get your hand off me asshole!" She slammed her fist hard against his face so hard it sent him to the ground. "I am so going to kill you!" She gnashed out and charged at Kiki.

What happened next was blurry in her head. The commotion inside attracted everyone. Her rage, had once again, driven her to the point where she lost control. They found her on Kiki whose face's been battered by her tough fist. She could not remember what really happened. One minute Joshua was pulling her out. She found herself at home. The reflection of what had happened had goaded her to ram an item she found against the mirror in the bathroom, the mess which Joshua had to take care of. He respected her enough not to ask her about it. Yet, she hated herself for who she was, what her metal health's making her become. A silent click drew her out of her trance. Doctor Benjamin came in.

"Good afternoon, Lola." Doctor Ben greeted as he took long strides into the room. "Sorry for keeping you waiting. You look good today." He gave her a smile.

"Thanks, doc. Afternoon." She grinned, straightening her back. "How have you been?"

Doctor Ben took the seat opposite her, getting hold of a pad and pen. "I am fine and you? How are you?"

"I am good." She beamed. Doctor Ben stared at her for a while before jotting on his pad.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Any problem?" The angles of her lips shrunk a bit.

"None at all. When last did you have a nightmare?"

The corners of Lola lips curled up. She was giddy. Her doctor noted. Her eyes were full of life. Very rare. She could barely sit without moving or shaking her body. So excited. One of her rare moments with him. He wrote again then gave her his attention.

"Last night." She paused. "But it was nothing serious. My hallucinations have stopped. Can you believe that? That's a sign of improvement. Right?"

"Yes?" He replied in a tone that was doubtful. "Lola." He adjusted in his seat, his pen twirling in between his fingers. "When last did you take your medications?"

"I stopped them since I stopped hallucinating and the nightmares became nothing serious. Did I do right? There was need to stop them." Her shoulders tensed.

"You can't stop them unless I say so and you don't stop like that. When last did you have an episode or a sign of it?" His voice was calm as he spoke.

"The time Joshua annoyed me. The day we had a heated argument and that had been months ago" She lied.

A tremor began in Lola's hand. She saw the look in her doctor's eyes. She was not meant to stop it. She can't stop her medications just liked that. The inner walls of her stomach tightened. Lola clenched her fist tightly unaware of her fingernails digging into the softness of her palm. She was only aware of the throbbing of her heart against the cage of bones in her chest.

"And what did you do?"

"Walked out before I regret what would happen next."

"You had an episode yesterday at a friend's housewarming party, Lola."

"Oh that." She chuckled. "It was just a misunderstanding between us. Nothing serious." She waved a dismissing hand.

"Then what can you tell me about the bandage wrapped around your palm and the bruised wrists?"

She hugged her hand to her chest. "A glass broke and in the process of cleaning it, it sliced my palm." The words left her teeth. What is the man trying to draw out of all her answers? Those medications were beginning to piss her. For how long does she have to take them? She needed to stop them and that's what she did.

"Lola, you can't stop your medication at once. It's not done that way"

"Why?" She flared-up. "Why can't I stop it?" She threw her hands abruptly getting to her feet. Her hands shook faster. To mask the tremor in them, she joined them together. "It's been weeks since I last had hallucinations and terrible nightmares! I have also not shown a sign of aggressiveness! I stopped in California. For a year." Her voice trembled. "Remember?" Desperation was thick in her voice.

"And you had a relapse." Doctor Ben told her calmly.

"That's two years ago. Almost three!" She barked pointing a finger in the air.

"You said your hallucinations have stopped?"

Lola stared at her doctor. She gave him an odd look then "Yes." She moved to sit down.

"But your nightmares are yet to stop."

"Yes but they are not as frequent as they used to be"

There was stillness in the air after the words left her lips. The twin feeling of chillness and fear coursed through her. Lola clenched and unclenched her hands, trying hard not to swallow the lump which was the size of a tennis ball in her throat. The expression on Doctor Ben's face had not flinched or changed. It was just neutral like always. Unreadable.

"My relationship with Joshua's progressing." She tried to break the ice. "I do not know how to feel about it."

"Are you glad with the progress in your relationship?"

"Maybe. I don't know. What I know is he likes me. Like is an understatement. Can I say he is falling for me? He once told me that. Last night, I felt it. I mean what he feels for me." She rubbed her palms together, eyes far away. "He likes me too much. Did you see the look in his eyes when he gazes at me? It's more intense than ever." Her smile, this time, showed her teeth. She could almost laugh. Hilarity laced her voice. "It's like I am the best thing he has ever seen. The prettiest. When he held me, he held me with a gentleness no one had. I can feel his emotions by just been close to him. It's like they were oozing from him. It's better when he holds me. There's warmth in him." Lola's hands went around her. "The kind I want to be in for a long time and most of all, he's good in bed. I mean he knows how to pleasure a woman." She gave a barefaced beam at her words. "But then, he might end up regretting feeling that way. He is giving me more than I can offer him. There are times he appears pathetic to me. He want to please me and make me happy." She chuckled.

"You are liking your husband, Lola"

"I do not think so." She adjusted to sit properly in a comfortable position. "He is a likeable person but I do not feel the kind of like you are insinuating for him." She waggled both index fingers of hers negatively in the air.

"I believe you."

"Doctor, yesterday I found out my friend and my brother in-law have been having an affair. You know sister Shola. We might have spoken about her a number of times. Her husband is cheating on her with someone I once considered a friend." Bitterness darkened her heart. The contours of her face grew hard.

"What did you do?"

"We had a little understanding." She turned a cold eye on as her fists flew in the air. "I hate her."" She grinded out. "Why did she have to do that? Her betrayal hurts. It has been going on for a year, a fucking long year and no one suspected. I do not know what to do. I want to tell my sister yet I am scared of what's going to happen. I would have love to tell her. She can't sit in a marriage to that motherfucker after what he has done!" She ranted through her teeth.

"You got rights to your feelings. It is normal to be angry, to feel betrayed."

"I would admit that I am." She flipped back her hair.

Doctor Ben sat up then put his writing materials away. "I can't stop your medications, Lola." He spoke, his gaze intent.

Lola's seductive round eyebrows came together. "Why? Why can't you stop them?" She shifted forward in her seat.

"Lola, how do you expect me to stop them after what happened two nights ago." His voice was calm but a quiet rage had built inside her.

"What happened two nights ago?" Her jaw ticked with a familiar tightness in her chest, the line of her mouth tautened a fraction. "I was not going to commit suicide." She pointed out through grounded teeth. "I was just cleaning the broken vase. I got tired and decided to rest. That's how Joshua found me sitting in the closet." Her fist constricted harder to the point where her veins stood stiff against her skin.

"With a glass held over your wrist? You could have slit your wrist if your husband had not come."

"I said!" She got up, taking an aggressive step closer to her doctor. Her eyes were narrowed and set hard. "I was not going to cut my wrist!" The bark of her voice was uncontrollable. "Did he tell you this? Did he tell you this lie?" She jabbed a finger continuously in the air at each word.

"Who are you referring to?"

Rage swelled in her veins waiting to explode. There was a tingling sensation in her fingers. "Don't act smart with me? Don't you dare?" Her voice was authoritative.

"Lola." Doctor Benjamin called, his voice cool. "You have to calm down. Control it." He urged. There was a pulsing vein in her forehead.

"Joshua told you right? He did right?"

She was trembling. There was a pressure in her head. Her body was hunched, chest expanding and contracting to each breath that left her body. Her brown eyes reflected anger but saw nothing.

"No."

"Stop lying!" She screeched, knocking off the flower vase on the table with her leg. The vase slithered to the floor then broke. "Stop lying to me!" She strode closer. "Enough of it! I am going to meet him and if he's the one who told you." Her finger which had been lifted in a warning gesture quivered tremendously. The stream of adrenaline in her body made it hard to think and she spewed out whatever words came out of her lips. "I won't spare him. I promise!" She swung around and marched out of the room, snatching up her purse.

-----

Lola poured the vodka into the glass. She raised the glass and threw the content down her throat. The sting in her throat did nothing to reduce the anger blazing through her. Her silent thoughts were storming in her. The more she thinks, the more rancorous they become. She can't believe Joshua could let the words out. What the hell was fucking wrong with him? And she was not going to do anything last night. She was never going to! Does he know the consequence of what he had done? Does he even have an idea? She picked the bottle and took a mouthful of alcohol from it.

"There you are!" Joshua's voice came through her haze of thoughts. She lifted her head from the glass to find him standing by the kitchen's entrance, smiling at her. His smile reached his eyes. "I have searched the entire house for you." He proceeded towards her.

The sight of him was like fuel to her anger. Her finger curled tightly against the glass. A muscle ticked in her jaw. Lola drank again from the bottle.

"Now you have found me." Her words came out like her jaw was wired down.

"I was thinking if dinner....."

"I told the maid not to cook. I dismissed them for today."

Joshua drummed his finger on the worktop as he studied her. "You are late today and you are drinking." He looked down at the bottle of vodka in her hand. She was not meant to be drinking that. Worry kicked in. "Any problem?" He headed closer, perching on the counter.

She rose. Her dry lips thinned with displeasure. "How's that your goddamn problem?" She uttered with bitterness.

Joshua frowned, an inquisitive expression on his face. "Did something happen?"

Rage kept developing in her like deep water currents. She can't believe he did that! What a hypocrite? He is so impossible! "I know ladies to be the one who can't keep their mouth shut but I did not know there are men who say everything they see." Her voice was icy, almost like an iceberg, that the chillness of it could be freeze bones.

"What are you driving at, Lola?" Joshua emerged from the counter. "I don't understand." He eyed her weirdly as she lifted the bottle to her lips.

"Of course, you won't!" She slammed the glass down after drinking then spun away. "How can you understand?" She ambled out of the kitchen into the dining room with Joshua behind her. God! She could feel it. It was rising, hot and pumping hard through her veins, begging for release. "Listen to what he's asking me. What am I driving at? Really?" She threw her hands then turned around to come face to face with him. "I know you have an idea about what I am talking about." She jabbed a finger into his chest. "So, do not fucking play innocent with me! You could have kept shut about that night."

"Is this about that?" He sighed. "I had to tell your mother because I was worried." He gave a little smile. "Lola." He stepped closer.

"Why did you tell my mother?" Her eyes sharpened with an unwavering glare. She leaned into his face.

Now, he saw it. Her rage roared in her eyes, a vigour of wildfire. "Lola, I had to. I needed to talk to someone about it. The condition I saw you that day scared me. I was worried. You need help."

"You shouldn't have, Josh!" She bellowed viciously. "You could have kept that stupid mouth of yours shut!" She was going crazy in her head. There was an itch in it, in her body, in her veins and she was giving in to it. She wanted to scream out and just strangle him.

"Then what was I supposed to do when you were about to commit suicide?"

Joshua was getting more confused. How was he meant to know his telling her mother would annoy her? Why the rage?

"You asshole!" She threw her head. "How many times do you want me to say it to you? I was not going to kill myself! I was just picking those glasses!"

"You can't keep denying it. You were going to cut your wrist, Lola."

"You are not meant to tell mummy! Do you know the implication of what you have done? Do you know what it has cost me? Why can't you just mind your fucking business?" She slammed her palm against the dining table then strode away.

"I was worried, Lola." He followed her.

She paused when she entered the living room then wheeled around to meet his eyes, her eyes full of contempt. "Really? You were worried?" She sneered, proceeded to saunter away then turned back again. "Then you should have kept your mouth shut!" She grinded out between her gnawed teeth.

"Lola, I know I might have made a mistake but...."

She had begun to walk away again but his words made her walk back to him. "Just keep your apology! It infuriates me. Listening to it just makes me livider." She demonstrated with her hands, the look of irritation incised on her face. "So, just shut the fuck up!"

"Lola clam down. You are getting angry." He reached to touch her but she slapped his hands away. The pressure in her head was growing. She was not sure if she could control the escalating fury. The spasm in her chest intensified.

"How about you mind your goddamned business?"

"What's happening to you is my business because you are my wife."

"Then you should never have told my mother!"

"You know your condition. You should not have stopped those meds. Take it easy." He rubbed her shoulder. She pushed his hands away.