《The Silence Within》Chapter 61

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Her mother said there was an unusual glow on her face. There's a different mirth in her words and a distinctive sound in her laughter. Osasere had laughed it off like it was nothing. Esosa had pointed out that she smiles a lot and appeared happier than she had been in a long time. That made her conscious. Is she failing so bad at holding in the joy that radiated through her? She felt more alive than she had in a while. The songs she listens to were mostly about love and lively. She dances more than she would, like the whole excitement of her relationship with Jafar could not be held in. So, she has to dance to show some of that exhilaration.

Each day came with heightening high spirits. She looked forward to the next time they would meet. Her heart skips in her chest each time his calls and messages pops up on the screen of her phone and also those times he arrived at her office for lunch or at her home to see her and her daughter. Kisses were stolen when they are alone, behind her mother's back when she's not looking. The smell of him on her from the hugs they shared and the times he held her like she was the most fragile item has started to become a part of her. She has come to realise that her hands fit perfectly in his, like they are meant to be there, they belonged in his, for a lifetime. When she had cried about Esosa losing a large chunk of her hair and the need to shave off her hair, he had held her. His scent, muted musk and the whiff of his shaving cream, manly and relaxing, imbued her senses. She inhaled him like the cologne he wears was the air she breathes. She wanted to be able to recognise his scent anywhere. When they barbed Esosa's hair, it was ceremonial in a way. Jafar and Umar had come over. They had a haircut too, making Esosa happy. The little one had hated to lose her hair but knowing she was not the only one to go around with a skin cut gladdened her. They had a toast to Esosa's new look. It was weird but in a nice way. The sight of him telling Esosa that she's beautiful more than she had been and many will be jealous of her, trying to make her see the beauty in her new look in the mirror in the foyer was a moment she stored in that special place in her heart. The places he took her to, the earth and path they treaded together, she would love to walk them and visit them with him over and over again.

Osasere's outing with her girlfriends few days later was different. She talked more, there was a flush on her face and she laughed more than she would. She felt like she was on a cloud, floating to a beautiful destination. They had all looked fazed except Lola when she announced she was seeing someone as though she said she was going to die.

"Oh God!" Adeola gasped. "I hope it's not who I am thinking it is"

"Well, maybe"

"Oh my god! Oh my God! Bitch!" She drawled, still in shock.

"You are making a big deal out of nothing" Lola flipped her hand in dismissal. "She's going out with Jafar. Did you not see that coming? I saw it! I could smell it from miles away" She picked her juice and sipped from it.

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"You are going out with Jafar?" Kiki asked like she wanted to confirm what she heard. "Did you think it through?" She looked away from her phone. Osas saw it coming, the rebuke, the kill joy, the bad omen. "He's a Muslim. Like a Muslim" She repeated as though she wanted them to see the point she was making. "Osas, you guys might not have a future together. What would your families say about your union? I bet his family will be very much against it. Do your mum know about this? I know she likes him for he has been so supportive and by your side all through but I am sure she won't want him as a son-in-law"

Kiki was right and she hated her for it, for saying out what she dreads a lot, a thought she had tried not to give any consideration. It had lingered somewhere in her mind, trying to push through that barrier she placed over it with the aim to ruin her happy times and she had not given it that chance. Kiki had succeeded into doing so in few sentences.

"My religion is something he does not care about. He has not really pointed that out. If he did care about my religion then he would never have initiated our relationship." She defended him.

"He will care about your religion if you end up in marriage. I have seen Muslims and Christians together. At a point in their marriage, the woman has to change to the man's religion whether she likes it or not."

"And there are women who did not have to change. They still practiced their religion. Aunty Eniola was a perfect example" She referred to a neighbour they had when she was a very little girl. "Her husband never minded she was a Christian despite he was a Muslim and they were married at that time for nearly twenty years" She saw the look Kiki gave her, as though she has lost her mind. Lola's expression had been supportive. "Jafar will not do that. He's not like that."

"I had a fling with a rich Arabian Prince in LA. He was a Muslim." Lola piped in.

"How sure are you?" Kiki had ignored what Lola said and directed her attention to Osas.

"Because I know him. I trust him." Osas replied, her voice low.

Kiki sneered. "Jafar surprises me. I have met Muslim men who do not want to have anything more than friendship to do with a woman of another religion. Some of them are really hell bent on marrying women who practice the same religion as theirs. Sweetheart, do not allow your love to be blind. He's a man and men are unpredictable."

Like a balloon, Kiki burst her joy with an unforeseen needle. Adeola had supported Kiki. She knew a Muslim friend who dated a Christian guy. They had to end their relationship because both families did not support it. The lady had to find her happiness somewhere else and she's married to a Muslim, happy and doing fine. The same thing goes to the man. It's best to end the relationship before they get too deep. Osas's heart had flamed with anger. They do not have to squash her whole dream like a lemon just like that. They stomped on it and there's nothing left of it. Throughout the rest of their hangout, she had been quiet, barely contributing to whatever conversation they had. That night, when she spoke to Jafar, there was fear and the seed of doubt had been planted in her and she had been unusually withdrawn.

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She refused to allow Kiki's words get into her. Happiness was what she seeks and Jafar's is one of the reason she's happy. She will enjoy what she has while it last. Nothing will ruin it. Esosa developed pain in her joint which made her limp. A visit to the hospital revealed that some of the chemo are affecting her joints. A wheelchair has been recommended by the hospital for the time being. An attack one afternoon led to another admission in the hospital. About the same time, Jafar fell ill again. Another ulcer attack. They could not meet. The activities in her life were extremely demanding. She stopped going to work the moment she employed another manager. Most of her times were spent in the hospital. Steroids were making Esosa very grumpy and clingy to her. The little one does not allow anyone to carry her or be with her. She wants only mummy. She lost more weight doing that period of time that it scared her. The kid looked like she can be blown away by breeze. There are days Esosa lays in her bed, tired, like she was losing the battle to cancer.

And she prayed, knelt beside her daughter's bed at night and called unto her saviour. The King of kings. The Lord of lords. The ruler of the world. He would listen. He has to listen to the heart of a mother. She can't lose Esosa. Esosa is the best thing that happened to her. The one that kept her moving through life when it stomped on her. A day later, the kid was on her feet, running around the VIP ward, laughing and making new friends. In the process, she became friends with another single mother whose son has leukaemia. He was two years of age with very high risk acute lymphoblastic leukaemia. The boy died a week later. His death intensified her fear. She had watched his mother cry and she wept for both mother and child. She wept for the unknown. When they were discharged from the hospital, the air she breathes in felt different. It was clean and there was no peril in it. It was then she realised the hospitals walls were starting to close on her. She hated those walls, the doctors and nurses. It smell and everything in it. She does not want to come back there. Only if that was possible.

Jafar stayed with his parents after he was discharged from the hospital. As much as she wanted to see him, touch him and know he's alright, she can't. She had to wait until he gets back to his house. There was a tank of water in her she wanted to unleash. She just wanted to cry for unknown reasons.

-----

Osas stood at the entrance of his door with her heart jamming in her chest. She was in his arms when he opened the door. His arms around her was something her body knows and had forgotten. It was familiar yet unfamiliar in a way only she knew. The chubbiness of his body was a thing she adored. She had told him he felt like she was hugging a huge teddy bear but this teddy bear was going to protect her in ways only he could.

"I am here to spend some time with you. I have about three hours before I rush back home. Esosa needs me. My mother thinks I am out with that man. She want me to invite him over for dinner. I..."

The way she said that man, even though he knew there was nothing to worry about, he could not contain the resentment he felt for the other man. There was another man, one her mother approve of. Jealousy, an ember in his heart, flamed into a fire that engulfed him.

"Are you going to invite him?" He tried not to sound as irritated as he felt.

"I don't know" Her shoulders gave a nonchalant gesticulation. "I do not want him to come. But my mother has really been pestering me about him. Can you believe she collected my phone and took his number from it?"

"Why do you still have his number?"

"I don't know. I really do not know. It has never crossed my mind to delete it" She tapped her forehead.

"Do not invite him over for dinner"

"That, Jay, is a thing I would love to do but my mother has control over that. I..." She paused, her eyes narrowed at her him. His shoulder were taut, lips firm with a frown and a disapproving look fogged his eyes. There's something else, apprehension. "Jay, are you jealous?" She rested a hand at the frame of the kitchen door and the other stayed on her waist.

His tensed shoulder limped. She stared at him with new admiration. He looked like a pre-school boy who was caught stealing chocolates. His jealousy pleased her. She started to laugh which amused him.

"Now, what's funny?"

"Nothing" She folded her arms around her chest. "You know you have nothing to worry about"

"That is easy to say, Osasere. But....." He turned over the love seat and slumped into it.

"I am here to cook and spend a very nice time with you. Do not allow such trivial issues to irk you up. You know it's you I want. It's only you. Now, what do you have in that fridge of yours?"

He got up to meet her. "There's no need to cook. Ammi cooked from home and stocked my fridge for me" He pulled her closer, his arms slipping around her waist. "How have you been?"

"I wish I can say I am fine" She placed a hand on his chest. "But well..." Her head came to rest on his chest. Air expelled from her lips. "It's great to see you again. I missed you" She whispered, pressing her lips to his chest as her hands went over his torso.

And so they stood at the entrance of his kitchen, in each other's embrace, ebbed in a comfortable silence where she found peace, one she has not felt for weeks. They laid on the couch in the living room, watching a movie she recommended even thought he was interested in listening to the afternoon news.

"News are filled with lies" She said, snatching the remote from the table. "Those reporters and politicians only tell us what we want to hear" She switched to a different channel. She gave him a quick peck on the cheek as she laid next to him on the chair.

"I am scared to lose you" He said just when they have started to enjoy the movie.

"Why?" She pushed a slice of apple in her mouth barely looking away from the television.

"You know the reason" He tried to sit up. She moved away to do the same. "A time will come when what we have between us will be threatened by that thing we avoid to talk about"

That thing? Oh, she was not daft not to know what that thing was. "You want to have that talk now?"

"For how long are we going to run away from it?"

"We are adults!" She snapped. "We can make our decisions without other people's interference"

"You will still be with me even when your mother objects what we have? And my family...." He huffed, rubbing the back of his neck. It won't be easy. His mother. His father. They won't accept his marriage to her unless she is willing to change. He does not want her to change. He knew what she was before he got himself deep into their relationship. So, why does she have to change to get the approval of his family?

"You want to end what we have now?" She spelt out, disbelieve thickened her voice.

"No! Never! I am not going to do that, Osasere" He waved a hand negatively.

"You are acting like an asshole. I am out of here" She got up. "When we have gotten to where we are, you want to chicken out. You are a coward, Jay! A big coward!"

"It's not want you think it is" He got to his feet, grabbing her arm before she could walk out.

"Then what is it?"

"I want you, Osasere. It's you I want. I have wanted you for a long time. I do not give a damn about what you are. I do not care. God knows that. But then, our families. What will they think of what we have? We can't keep running away from the truth by pushing it aside like it does not exist. Osasere, how will your mother feel when she finds out you are going out with someone she does not see more than just a friend to you? She does not even know you are here. She thinks you are with that man."

She sat down because her legs were shaking. The truth was scary. "You know why I do not want to have this conversation, why I try not to think of what could possibly ruin what we have, it is because I am happy" She had tears in her eyes when she looked up at him. "We are happy. I like what we have. It is what I have longed for, dreamt about and I do not want anything to ruin it. But Jay, it seem like you are hell bent on ruining it yourself."

He blanched, cursed himself for bringing tears into her eyes. "I have loved you for a very long time. All those years, I have always loved you. I think at a point, my love for you was buried under the layers of all the difficulties of life. I searched for something like what I had with you." He shook his head. "But those other women could not give me what I had with you." He sat next to her, cupping her hands, holding her wet eyes.

Other women? Of course, there had been with other women in his life, women who had once tickled his fancy. Oh, she hated them even if she does not know them. She loathed them for filling those aspects of his life she had not been present in.

"What I feel for you did not start today or the day I met you again. It has always been here for as long as I can remember. It began when we were still kids, young, free and maybe stupid" A grin stretched his mouth.

She kissed him. Once. Twice. Thrice. Like she was sampling a new wine. At first, the merge of lips had been slow and passion was light. It was soothing with silent assurance. Then, his kisses were seeking, coercing and his hand was under her top, pulling it over her head. She learnt something new about him, one to admire like the dimple in his left ass, the two tiny dark dots on his neck. Being with him was new, the merging of body and soul as one felt like she has found what she had been looking for. She saw him in a new light. The way his breathing hitches just when he was about to come, the tiny sound of pleasure that escapes his lips when she does something right to him, the baritone of his voice when he calls her name, the way he nibbles gently on her skin leaving imprints of passion and the feel on his tongue in her, his rhythm when they moves together, his hot breath on her ear, his hands on her body, those she won't forget.

They laid in silence, gratified in each other's arms. He stroked her back. They talked and laughed until she looked at the time.

"I have to go. It's getting late" She rose from him. He stretched to loosen his stiff muscles.

"I will try to come over tomorrow" He spoke as she slipped into her clothes and moved noiselessly around the living room to get her things.

"I will be expecting you" She gave him a soft smile, getting into her jeans. When she looked at him, there was something new in her eyes, a new glow. It was the kind of glow you find on a woman who was satisfied and happy. "Goodbye" She kissed him before leaving.

Osasere felt like she was living in a dream, one she was scared to wake up from.

-----

The lights were switched off but there were countless number of lighted candles perched around living room. The flickering flames of muted gold mitigated the darkness that consumed the room. Joshua stepped into the dim expanse, his eyes wavered through it. Soft music flowed from the stereo. The music, a slow timbre, filled his pores, relaxing his tired body after a long day. White crystal dishes were laid out on the dining table, their content concealed by their heavy ceramic lids. The plates, utensils, wine bottle and glasses near the candles created silhouettes that spread out. What is she up to? His forehead creased with curiosity.

He slipped his car key into the back pocket of his jeans. Just as he bent over the table to pick the remote on the coffee table, he caught a slow movement from the corner of his eyes which commanded his attention. He straightened to look at her. She paused at the end of the staircase in a delicate red thong that snugged her waist, accentuated her wide rounded hips. Her hand rested on her hipbone, the mesh kimono of the same shade as her thong was brush aside to give him a little show of her bare thick thighs. His eyes trailed higher, past her stomach which was not as flat as his wife's, to her large breasts encased in red underwired lace bra, her moulds nearly spilling from the cups. When his eyes met hers, her cherry lips, full and luscious, curled into a slow smile before she moved towards him.

In the dimness, the light highlighted the yellow undertone of her marshmallow skin. Her eyes held his. There was something about those black eyes that joggled his heart and caused a spasms of desire to rush through him.

"Hey" Her listless voice was barely a whisper. She held out her hands to surround his neck, resting her body on his leanly muscled frame. "You kept me waiting" Her lips caressed his cheek, a feathery touch he thought was a figment of his imagination. She looked up at him, pleased with her handiwork.

His eyes dropped to her lips. They were full, tempting and he longed to kiss them just to feed his curiosity about their taste. They looked very juicy and should taste sweet. Awareness tingled his body. Her feminine scent tickled his senses that he wished to bury his nose into her neck. Her lips angled up.

"So it has finally gotten to this Loretta? Seduction?" He crooked an eyebrow.

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