Hiking route above

This chapter contains body image and self esteem issues.

"I really think it's a good idea. We'll double date all the time."

"Amelia, no." Adam states.

It's the next morning. He woke me up at six in the morning to go hiking with his friends. He wants me to see their dynamic so I can be reassured by the way things are with him and Giselle.

I don't think whatever he thinks will happen today will change my mind. I know Giselle just like me, is in love with him but he doesn't. He believes they're just friends.

The only reason I agreed to come is so he doesn't think I'm crazy. I've become obsessed with him and the thought of him with another woman makes me hot under the collar.

Giselle came with one of her girlfriends, Elise. Serena and Rafael couldn't make it so there's just ma, Adam, Nick, Nathan, Brie and Greg.

I met Greg in New York and unlike the rest of Adam's friends, him and I didn't really hit it off but he seems pretty tight with Giselle.

We also have two guys from Adam's security following us behind.

"Why are you being mean?" I'm trying to get him to set Nicole up with Chase but he is against the idea.

"You don't like it?" He teases with a grin.

I glare at my beautiful husband. "Fine, if this about Chase, I will find her someone else."

"That's not the case and you know it." He points. "You have to stop meddling in your friend's relationship."

"But they're bad for each other. Their relationship was so toxic. I don't want to go through that again!" I exclaim.

He chuckles, rubbing my knuckles with his thumb. "Sweetheart. It's not about you."

I pull my hand from him in annoyance. "But I was always put in the middle!"

He stops and sighs. "Does Nicole want to be with Julian?"

"I think so. I know they're talking."

"Then stay out of it."

I know their relationship was years ago. However, if they had truly grown up they will stop playing around and make things official but this is what they do. The mixed signals, the grand gestures but then the next thing you know, one of them is in another person's bed and it will drive the other mad.

"But I-"

"Stop. Look how you're stressing yourself out. You should stay out of it." He says sternly. "You can't solve everybody's problem, especially if they're not asking you too." He adds.

"Fine." I agree because he's right.

"I told you to wear a jacket." I hear Nathan tell Brie.

"It's not like I even wanted to be here." She says.

"I'm done. I can't go any further."

"We're almost there, babe."

"No, Nathan!" She snaps.

He stares at her, frowning then he gives in, "Okay. Do you want to go home?"

Brie shakes her head. "Finish your hike. I'll wait here."

"I don't want to leave you all by yourself, Brianna."

"I will be fine." She says.

"No. Let's go home."

"I will stay with Brie." I offer.

Adam looks at me, worried. "You're tired too?"

"Yes." I lie.

"Really?"

"Yes, Adam. I'm usually in bed at this hour, you know."

"Okay. I wanted to you to see the view up there but there's always another time."

"Yeah." I mumble.

"Look at me." He demands and I do. "What is it?" He whispers.

"Nothing."

"Women." Nathan mutters, shaking his head.

Brie looks at him. "Hey!"

He ignores her and nudges Adam. "Come on, man."

Adam nods at one of the bodyguards then walks away with Nathan to catch up with the other.

"Wait." I call.

He turns around so I go over and put my arms around his neck and pull him for an unforgettable kiss.

"Bye." I tell him then turn back and walk away, joining Brie.

"Woah." She says.

"Staking my claim."

"That's very possessive of you."

"Is it?"

"Yes but I totally get where you're coming from. Everyone wants a piece of all that sexiness and success. When Nathan and I started dating, it was very difficult for me to deal with the amount of attention he got, and in our case, it was long distance. I used to go crazy."

Nathan is a multimillionaire and he's super hot which obviously attracts women.

"How did you overcome it?"

"I just knew in my heart how much he loved me so I trusted him."

"I trust Adam too but him and Giselle have a history. That's what scares me the most." I tell her, sitting on an empty bench we found.

Brie sits next to me and I start listening to her. "But it's been over long before you came along. From what I heard from Nathan, Adam didn't treat Giselle well when they were in a relationship. He said he's a much better friend than he was a boyfriend."

"Really?"

"You and Nathan are so perfect."

"Are you kidding? We had a huge fight this morning. All relationships are extremely difficult, Amelia, especially when you found the right person at such a young age. You have to figure out who you are individually and who you are as a couple."

"You're absolutely right."

"Can I hug you for some warmth?"

"Sure." I laugh.

"That was fast." Brie says as we see Nathan walking towards us.

"Yeah, we have to go back. Giselle hurt herself."

Just as I'm about to ask how, I see Giselle limping towards us with Adam's arms around her for support.

"Ah!" She winces.

"Careful." Adam tells her in his deep voice.

Oh my God. Un-fucking-believable!

"You look like you want to murder her."

"She's obviously faking it."

"I know but we're the only ones that truly see that. Men are oblivious to this kind of stuff."

"She's so shameless. Pretends to be nice and then does stuff like this. I would never go after another girl's man, Brie. No matter how much I want him."

"I know."

"I'm going to tell Adam." I announce, standing up but she holds me back. "No, no, no, no. You have to pretend like you don't care. It will keep shock Adam and believe me, men like that kind of shit."

"Really?"

"Yes, it will keep him wondering, you know, on his toes and he won't be able to keep you out of his mind, even with Giselle in his arms."

I look at her, cautiously. "You really think so?"

"I promise." She smiles.

I smile back. Maybe it is a good idea. I'm sure Adam is tires of me acting like a jealous bitch. Call me selfish but I don't want anyone else to have him. He's mine.

Giselle has had her chance.

"Are you okay?" I ask her when they reach us.

"Yeah." She gives me a weak smile.

"We should get you to the hospital." Adam states, looking at her genuinely worried.

"No, no. It's fine, Adam. Amelia probably wants to go home." She replies quickly.

"Don't be silly. You obviously need a doctor." I tell her. Two can play this game.

"Um, okay."

"I'll drive you, Gi." Gregg offers.

"Thank you."

****

Adam and Nathan had a meeting in their hotel so we came here straight. I was sleepy so he got me a room to stay in while he took his meeting. After he was done, he sent for me to join him for brunch.

"Do you want the salad?" He asks. We're sitting in a private room and there's a someone wait on us. All I'm thinking is I want to go home.

"No." I reply.

This relationship has been so hard for me. The swirl of emotions, the fighting, both of our mood swings but also, how incredible Adam is as a partner.

I know it's confusing for me to think that him being incredible is hard for me. The thing is I sometimes wonder if it's too good to be true.

He seems surprised by my answer. "Toast?" He asks and I don't say anything.

"Pancakes?"

I shake my head and he raises his eyebrows. "Croissant?"

"No. I don't want anything."

He stares at me, like he's trying to figure me out. "Excuse us." He tells the waiter.

"Yes, Mr Black." He answers and walks away.

"Amelia, is everything okay?" Adam asks.

"Yes." I shrug, pulling my hair to the side.

"Then lose the attitude."

"Or what?" I challenge.

He narrows his eyes. "Don't test me."

I glare at him then look away. I don't know how to deal with all these feelings. I'm overwhelmed. I think sometimes you just reach a breaking point.

Like a burnout.

"What is it?" He asks softly.

"Nothing. I'm fine."

"Do you want eat somewhere else?"

"No. I don't have an appetite. I don't want to eat at all."

He strokes my face gently and leans is for a kiss. It's so soft that it relaxes me. Adam pulls back and fixes my hair gently.

"You will." He decides.

****

Despite my reluctance, brunch was good.

Adam ordered pancakes for me and when I took the first bite, I was sold.

Adam looked at me and asked, "Do like it, baby? If you don't, I can take you somewhere else."

I told him I did and even if I didn't, I couldn't on top of being a bitch, tell him I don't like the food in his hotel. I'm actually surprised by how patient he's been with me today.

As him and I enter the room I napped in, he hugs me from behind. "Tell me what's bothering you so I can make it go away."

"It's nothing."

It's a mental exhaustion. It will pass. I have these burnouts all the time. It's only different now because I'm married. I have a life partner so I can't lock myself in my room till I feel better.

"Today was supposed to make you feel better not worse."

"She knows what to do to grab your attention. It feels like I'm sharing you." I finally speak.

"Amelia, you have no idea how much you consume me. Wherever I am, whoever I'm with, you're always in my head. I can't let you go because you're all I want."

"And Giselle? Can you let her go?"

He lets go of me and takes off his jacket and sits on the couch. "I don't think I ever even had her. We've always been good friends but I never thought of her the first in the morning, in my meetings, or even when I'm working out. My relationship with her was complicated and very orderly. Nothing like what we have."

"I trust you, Adam. I just want to understand why she means so much to you.

He sighs. "I owe her my kindness."

"Yes but something big happened, right?"

His expression turns cold and withdrawn.

"How can you expect me to not worry when you won't talk? You keep hiding things from me! This is not how relationships work."

"I just don't want to start giving you reasons to run from me. It's too soon to start talking about the past. Why can't we just enjoy ourselves as we are right now?"

"Because your past literally keeps slapping me in the face!"

He smiles. "Literally?"

"You know what I mean."

"Come here." He commands sexily.

I roll my eyes and go over to sit next to him. "No. Sit on my lap." He says, pulling me to him.

"What?" I whisper.

He takes my hands and bring them to his lips, placing light, feathery kisses on them.

"What I feel for you is nothing compared to what I've felt for any other woman. I don't think words can ever describe how much you mean to me." He sounds so honest and genuine that I feel tears in my eyes.

"You're the most beautiful, the smartest and the kindest person I know. I m were made for me. There will never be anyone else, I promise."

My body literally shakes because of his promise. "Adam-"

He looks in to my eyes. "I promise."

That's when my tears drop.

"Don't cry. Please don't cry."

But I do. I sit there in his arms and cry my eyes out for I don't know how long.

"We're staying here for the night." Adam says after a while.

I look at him, wiping the corners of my eyes. "We are?"

He nods and kisses my forehead but then looks back at me. "You're not going to leave, are you?"

"No, Adam. Why do you ask?"

"I don't know. I feel anxious every time we have a misunderstanding. There's a tightness in my chest, it's very painful but my therapist says it's all in my head, so that's why I ask. I need the reassurance."

"If I say I'm not leaving, it all goes away?"

He kisses my neck. "For the most part, yes."

I play with some strands of his hair. "Did you feel that way yesterday?"

"Yes, but not as much as I did today. Most of it is gone now, so don't worry."

"What do you mean most of it?"

"Well, the fear is always going to be there. That's what anxiety is." He explains simply.

"It must be difficult for you to live this way. Has it always been like this?"

"It has become worse recently. You know, after I began having feelings." A grin forms on his lips.

"So I'm your trigger?"

"And my medicine." He kisses me. "I know it's a lot of responsibility to lay on you and even though I said, I won't let you leave. I want you to know whenever, you want to, I'll let you go. Don't stay with me because of my illness."

"How about this?"

"What?"

"I'll be your medicine forever." I smile.

He rubs my nose with his. "You are perfection."

"I don't want to leave you. Not now. Not ever and I'm so happy with you. Please stop thinking otherwise. It's what I feel for you that makes me act this way. I'm crazy about you, you know. I've always been."

"I'm crazy about you too. I feel so undeserving of you."

"I feel the same way. When I look at Giselle, I feel like she's the better choice for you. She's beautiful and successful all on her own. She probably never gave you any trouble like I do-"

"Trouble makes things interesting."

"But it must be exasperating for you."

He shakes his head. "All the things that bothered me about you are the reason why I fell for you. I used to think you were too loud but when the house got quiet, I missed you."

I play with his shirt. "Do you still think I'm loud?"

"Yes."

"Wha-what?" I start with a loud tone but soften it. I poke his check. "That is very rude." I whisper.

He smiles and kisses my nose. "I'm sorry." He also whispers.

We both laugh and I hug him.

"I think we're a good match." He says.

"Me too. I won't let Giselle take you from me even if she tries."

He groans. "Not this again."

"I'm sorry but this is the way I feel, Adam. She makes feel so fucking insecure. I have to beat her ass."

"She's not your competition."

"Whatever."

"I wish you would see yourself the way I see you. Perfect as you are." He starts but then pauses. "Although, that might not be a good thing because then, you wouldn't want anything to do with me."

"Well, you and your family have more money." I joke.

"Ah, thank God for that."

"I'm so happy that you're in my life, Adam and to think that it would have been Li-"

Adam cuts me off with a sigh. "Here's a rule in this relationship. No more mentioning the name of exes when we're having a good time or exceedingly, ever."

"But don't you think about it?"

He shakes his head. "I try not to."

"You should know that I'm happy it's you and not him and if given the choice, I would choose what I have with you now over what he and I had. A million times over."

He doesn't say anything but he kisses me. It's a very deep kiss. He holds me possessively, like he never wants to let go.

After we pull away, he look in to my eyes and strokes my cheek. "I never thought a kiss would mean so much." He says.

"Me too." I tell him.

"No one but me is ever going to kiss you again."

"Okay, caveman." I chuckle.

He laughs and hugs me tight, kissing my ear. "Let's take a shower."

My heart skips and I swallow. "Let's?"

"I'm going to take a shower and I would you like to join me." He says with a now husky and lustrous voice.

"Okay." I breathe and he rubs my back. "You're nervous."

"I'm not." I lie.

He gently pulls me off his lap and stands up along with me. "Don't worry. It's just shower. Nothing else."

I look at him skeptically. "What does that mean?"

"It means I want to take things slow."

"You want to things slow?"

"Yes. Come on." He pulls me to the bedroom with him.

When we enter, I see a rack of clothes and some designer shopping bags.

"These were delivered when we were eating." Adam says when he catches me looking at them.

"What is it for?"

"It's for you. There's also makeup, fragrances and other stuff you might need."

"You didn't have to."

"It's not a big deal. You know that.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, love." He kisses my cheek then heads into the bathroom.

I'm extremely nervous. I don't think Adam has ever seen me with a bra and now he's going to see me naked. Is he going to like my body?

Will he think I'm too fat, not sexy enough?

I strip my clothes and l slip on a bathrobe and follow him into the bathroom.

I find him washing his hands in the sink.

"I've never showered with anyone before." I confess.

He turns of the sink and smiles at me. "Good."

No one has never seen me naked too! I'm a virgin! Why am I scared to tell him that?

Because he is a sex god.

"Have you?" I ask.

"No, but I want to with you because I can never get enough of you."

"Haha, you will."

"Never." He says and walks over to me.

He hooks his finger around the tie of my robe and looks into my eyes, asking for permission and I give him a shy smile.

Such a gentleman.

He unties is and slides it off my body.

Oh my God. I've never been more nervous.

Adam stares at me and the look he gives me makes me shiver.

"God." He whispers. "You're beautiful, Amelia."

I don't say anything so he strokes my bra strap with his index finger.

"I like this. You will leave your underwear on." He decides and I guess he's doing the same because he takes my hand and pulls me to the shower, still wearing his briefs.

I see his and hers shampoo, conditioning, face wash and shower gel. He doesn't really miss anything. "How-" I start.

"Turn around." Adam speaks. The way he sounds makes my body want to obey him so I do and seconds later I feel his hands with shampoo in my hair.

I close my eyes enjoying his hands and sigh.

"You like that?"

"Yes." I whisper.

"All done."

I turn over and put my arms around his neck. He bends his head down and captures my lips and the next thing I know, he lifts me up. My legs are wrapped around him. Adam is touching and petting me everywhere. I have never been overwhelmed with this much need.

We break away from the kiss to catch our breaths and Adam takes his lips to my ear, licking my ear lobe and I shiver. "You feel so good, baby." He says, his hand caressing my ass. I moan softly and start kissing his neck and his hand moves to the centre of my back and I feel his hesitation.

"Take it off, Adam."

"Fuck." He mutters but then drops me back to the ground. "You're so fucking hot."

"Why did you stop?"

His jaw clenches. "This isn't taking things slow." He says in a restrained voice.

"I don't care." I tell him because I don't. He's the love of my life and I'm tired of waiting.

He holds my jaw, stroking my bottom lip. "You have no idea how much I want to you."

"Then take me."

He shakes head. "Not yet."

What?

"You're being mean." I frown but he still lets me go. "Finish here. I will go to the other toilet."

"You don't have to."

"I thought I can but I can't just take a shower with you. It's too hard.......literally." He smirks then slides out, leaving me hanging. Wtf?

****