This chapter's song above.

I fucked up. Big time.

And I do this a lot, act before I think. But the truth is, I genuinely didn't think Adam will care.

So now, I'm scared as fuck. I'm the reason for my husband's current depression.

"He told me to get out." I tell his doctor and he gives me a knowing smile.

"You knew he would?"

"I've known him a very long time." He explains.

"I only asked to end things because I was upset. He keeps secrets and he has the worst mood swings."

"I get that and him and I have discussed that if you're going to be in a relationship, he would have to learn to open up. All he needs is time and for you to trust him."

"I will try my best but how do I get him to talk to me? What do I? I don't want him to ever be this way because of me."

"Do you love him?"

"I think so."

He smiles sadly. "That's a yes or no question, I'm afraid."

"Yes, I do."

"Then continue to do just that."

"But I haven't even told him. It's too soon."

"You don't have to say it. Just show it to him. That's what he needs. To know that someone cares deeply for him and loves him unconditionally. He is filled with self doubt and he believes he has to keep proving himself ins some way. Make him believe that you accept him."

****

I knock for the 100th time tonight.

"Adam, I'm sorry."

"I'm going to stay here. I'm not leaving till you open the door."

Silence again.

"Adam, please. You have no idea how sorry I am. I made a mistake. Please forgive me."

I hear the door click and my eyes lit up. Adam opens the door wide open, causing me to smile. "Hey."

"No talking." He says.

"What?"

He just ignores me and goes back to lying in bed. He is facing the wall. The room is covered in his rich scent.

I sigh and lie down next to him. What does he mean no talking?

We were silent for a while, all I could hear was the rhythm of our breaths but I can't take it anymore.

"I really am sorry. You have no idea-"

"Amelia, I can't do this right now."

"Um, can I play some music?"

He doesn't say anything.

"I'll take that as a yes."

I grab my phone and connect it to his speakers. I decided to play Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran.

Settle down with me, cover me up, cuddle me in

"Why did you let me in then? If you don't want to talk?"

"Because apparently, despite everything, I'm still not strong enough to stay away from you." He says, sounding resentful.

His answer surprises me. I like that he doesn't want to be away from me but I hate the tone he used. How upset is he right now? I never meant to hurt him. It's been a great week for us and I ruined it. Adam has been nothing but good to me. Liam was right. He would do anything for me, anything to make me happy. I just couldn't see that until now.

"Can you hold me? I'm cold."

I'm not really cold. It was a test to see how much he cared. Would he do it?

He moves and I close my eyes, my heart clenching. I knew he would and that's how we slept, with me wrapped in his arms.

****

"Good morning, sir." Ryan's voice wakes me up.

"What is it?" Adam asks beside me.

"Mr Pierce and Mr Hamilton are here for your golfing session. Shall I tell them to rain check?"

"No."

"But sir-"

"Offer them breakfast or something, I will be down in thirty minutes and please, ask Ron to set everything up."

"Of course."

Adam gets up and goes into the bathroom. I'm still sleepy so I fall back into a slumber.

The next time I wake up, Adam's already dressed. I study him and for some reason. He looks tired. He doesn't look like someone who's had seven hours of sleep.

"Did you sleep at all?"

"No."

"Oh." I mutter, disappointed.

"It's the meds." He adds and I nod.

He doesn't say anything. He just takes his laptop then he leaves. Five minutes later, there's a knock on the door.

"Come in."

I expect one of the staff but it's Serena.

"Serena, what doing here?"

"I came with Raf." She says as she reaches me, we hug and share kisses then she looks around.

"So this what his room looks like, huhn?"

I smile at her. "Is that why you came up? To see what Adam's room like."

"Yeah." She says in an obvious tone. "But I also wanted to check on you. Why are you hiding up here?"

"I'm not. Adam just went down to play gulf with his friends. I didn't even know you were. Thought it was just Nick and Rafael."

"Well, come on." She drags me off the bed.

Minutes later, I'm outside with everyone but I'm a mess. They all play better than me.

"Dude, help your wife. She's struggling!" Nick laughs.

"No, I'm good, really." I brush off and Raf snorts. "Good as in hopeless."

"Stop laughing at me." I pout.

Adam turns to look at me. When our eyes meet, he stretches his hand to me. "Come." He says.

I walk over and take his hand.

I smile softly at him and his gaze softens.

"Shall we?"

"Yeah."

"Stand straight."

"Put your legs together." I do as he says.

"Now bend your knees and your hips slightly."

"A little lower."

He sighs then places his hands on my hips and fixes them to the right position

"Stay like that." He orders.

"Okay."

"Now take your club up at a ninety degrees angle and twist your shoulders then hit."

Another failure.

****

That night, I went to his room at night but the door was locked. Was he trying to block me out again? He pretty much avoided me after his friends left so I wouldn't be surprised.

I started banging on the door. "Look, even though you lock me out, I'm still going to be here. Tomorrow, the day after. I'm going to come to you everyday." I promised word by word."

He opens, dripping wet with a towel around his waist. "I was in the shower." He says, bored.

"I thought you locked me out."

I stared at his naked chest and I'm pretty sure, I licked my lips. He's sculpted perfectly. He's arm muscular but not bulky and he's six pack chest is molded right.

"Are you going to come in or not?"

I narrowed my eyes and went inside. We didn't say anything to each other. I slept just 10 minutes after laying beside him.

When I woke up the next morning, he was gone. I had my Anthropology finals coming up so I kept my phone in my room and headed to our library to study like my life depended on it because I have zero idea of what we had been doing in class this semester. I was locked in there for the whole day.

When the night came, I went to Adam's room which was open. I took my laptop with me so I could continue studying there.

I sigh, hating the whole mood. "I'm sorry, Adam for being the cause of this. It kills me because I made a stupid mistake that night. I wish you could talk to me."

He didn't. He just asked if I had eaten because he hadn't see me the whole day.

He seemed really tired and depressed. It was a very sad night.

I reach for his hand. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." He squeezes.

He left after some time and didn't come back till I fell asleep. He wasn't there when I woke up and that made me sad. I drove myself to Hardwood and sat for my finals, ignoring everyone.

I'm now back home. It's like 10pm right now. I've taken a nap, had dinner, played some music and cried. I don't know where Adam is.

I'm in my bedroom, watching Arrow on my laptop and I'm just really sad honestly.

"You lied to me again." Adam's voice drag me out from Oliver and Dig's argument. I press pause and look at him in confusion.

"You said you'd be there everyday yet here you are."

"Yes because you don't want me there." I frown.

"And why would you think?"

"Are you serious?"

"Look, Adam, I'm really sorry but this isn't all on me. I didn't just randomly send you that text. The reason is I find it so hard to understand you.

I'm the one that made the first move, pining over you for months while you pushed me away and then suddenly, out of the blue, you decided that you want to give this a try.

I don't know what changed your mind or when you started feeling this way and when I asked, you dodged so excuse me for being a little skeptical here.

I know how I feel and what I'm capable of offering but what do you feel, Adam? I can't be confident in my feelings unless you give me something to work with. The day it happened, I came to your office and you practically dismissed me like you always did in the past and that made me upset.

Shouldn't things be different now that we're together? It was the first day of our relationship, call me an idiot but I wanted to see flowers the moment I wake up. I wanted you to tell me to get ready for night because you made plans but I got close to nothing.

Then, I sent you that text and all hell breaks lose. I had no idea that it would affect you like that or about your condition so I was shocked.

I'm sorry for everything but I need you to be expressive enough for us to go through with this. My feelings for you have been planted but I need your help to grow them everyday and every second, okay?"

"Okay." He whispers in defeat. He seems surprised by my outburst but I think he understands where I'm coming from.

He duck his head. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too. I can't even imagine how I would feel if you tell me you don't want to be with me anymore." Just thinking about it makes me so scared.

"I felt all sorts of panic and anger. I was worried about you being at Snipe but also so fucking mad at you, I couldn't control my myself. This is very new for me and I'm aware that I will never be good enough for you so you'll eventually come to your senses and end things. I just didn't think that it would be this soon." He explains and that's all I need from him. His honesty.

"Adam, you're more than I can ask for." I tell him because it's the truth. I got lucky and I thank God everyday for giving me the perfect husband.

As if he's heard my thoughts, he starts talking. "I'm not the picture perfect man the world paints me as or the saint you think I am. I'm a fucked up mess and you're so pure and innocent-"

"No! I've also had my moments, trust me."

He suddenly looks amused. "Really? What's the worst thing you've ever done? Lie to good ol' Elle?"

"Please! She's not good old anything so I don't consider telling her lies a bad thing."' I grin. "Have I ever told you about the time my friends and I passed curfew? To punish me, mum sent back my new car, took my phone, iPad and computer for two months!"

"Just caused you passed curfew?"

"Well, we went 445 and we were underaged. Seventeen, I think and someone posted the photos on Instagram which she had surprisingly."

"How did you get into 445?"

I'm not surprised he asked that. 445 is a very exclusive night club. It's hard even for the elites to get access.

"I don't know. Jacob, Tyler, Jason and Aaron, I think pulled some strings."

"Your mum was always nice to me. She came to me see me a lot when I lived in London." He shares.

I roll my eyes. "Buttering up her future son-in-law, classic."

He nods, agreeing with me. "She did come because of you. After you forgot."

"I wish I didn't."

He kisses my cheek. "It's all worked out now."

"Do you remember everything?"

"Yes. It was one of the happiest moments of my life." He smiles.

I pout. "I want to have those memories with you."

"I was ten to eleven and you were much younger. Even if you didn't lose your memories at that time, you would have forgotten eventually."

"Yeah." I say sadly.

"Come here." He pulls me into his arms. "It's okay. We're going to make new memories."

"Yeah." I whisper and a soft yawn comes out.

"Tired?"

I nod. "Long day, you know."

"Was Anthropology difficult?"

"Not really but I spent the whole night studying." I answer then look at him. "How did you know which paper I had?"

"I was told."

"Let me guess, by your team of stalkers?"

"They're professionals who help me keep track of my wife."

"Hmm. Still sounds like stalking to me, with you as their team leader."

He chuckles. "Just want to make sure you're okay, always."

"I'm sleepy."

"Me too."

"Did you take your meds?"

He nods gently then he starts staring at me.

"What?"

"Nobody knows" he pauses then continues, "about my condition, just Chase and Damien."

"I won't tell anyone if that's what you're worried about."

He shakes his head. "No, not that. I want to know if you're okay with it. It gets worse than it did that night. I get angry and irrational and go to a very dark place."

"When will you to accept I'm going to be with you through thick and thin? I made a promise in sickness and in health, remember? And my feelings for you are strong enough to accept all of you."

He stares at me in awe. His eyes are full of emotions. "You unravel me. I... what you make me feel, it scares me. I need you so much. Will you take me back?"

"Yes! Haven't you been listening the past few days? That text was a mistake. I don't ever want to be without you."

"I didn't think it was possible to find someone that would accept me, and I got someone like you. I will never understand why you want to be with me but I'm so fucking grateful."

"You're worth it."

"Promise me you'll always be honest with me like you just were. If it gets too much or you're unhappy or I fuck up in anyway, I want you to tell me or call me out like you just did."

"Okay."

"Should we go to your room or stay here?" I ask him.

He creases his eyebrows. "Anywhere you want."

"Well, your bed is more comfy but mine is bigger."

"My room then. I don't want you moving away from me at night. I sleep better when I'm with you."

"Really?" I smile.

"Yes." He trails his fingers on my cheek. "You're blushing."

I place my hand over his. "I like what you said."

He leans in and his lips cover mine for a very passionate kiss. I melt into him immediately, exploding with need. He taste so good.

"I miss this."

He trails the kiss down to my neck and I close my eyes again. "And this." He says, practically inhaling my neck. "Your scent intoxicates me, Amelia."

I moan in reply and he comes back to my lips, kissing me one more time.

"Don't ever break up with me again." He murmurs.

"Okay." I breathe and he hugs me.

Nothing mores was said but I am confident that this night, our relationship went to a higher level because we've found trust in each other.

****

I wake up in Adam's arms. Earlier than usual. He is awake cause I can feel him playing with my hair. I'm snuggled into him and now I'm wishing if I could stay there forever.

I raise my head slightly and kiss his neck.

He tightens his arms around me. "You're awake." He says, pleased.

"Yeah."

He kisses my forehead then starts to pull away.

"No. Where are you going?"

"It's Tuesday."

"So?"

"I have to get to work."

"It's still early and besides, you didn't go in yesterday." I try to challenge.

"And that's why I need to go. I don't want to set a bad example for my workers."

"But," I pout not sure what to say. Am I being desperate? I'm just completely in love with the idea of us staying in today, together.

"I was waiting for you to wake so I could say goodbye."

Waiting? For how long? I study his eyes. "Oh. Did you get any sleep?"

He shakes his head.

"I don't like what these meds do to you."

"Don't worry. I'm done with my prescription."

"That's good."

"I have to get up." He says and I pout.

"I hate and love that you're upset." He says to me.

"That's confusing."

"I know." He smiles then gets up.

I watch him stride in the bathroom. When he shuts the door, I take my phone from his nightstand. I have so many messages.

I ignore them and check my school emails then text my assistant Leah, asking her if there's been a call from my modeling agent.

It's my goal to walk for Gucci this upcoming fashion season. I went for casting a few weeks ago but I still haven't heard back from them.

I open our group chat with the guys to see what's going on. It's been back on since Liam and the rest of the gang came back.

Ian is being teased about his bride as usual, Camilla has sent numerous photos so we could help her choose the perfect one for an Instagram post.

Liam is the first to reply her in all caps.

THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME!🙄

💗It's moments like this that I'm reminded me why I broke up with you!

I laugh at their banter. It's really weird that both Cam and I have dated Liam and that the group has only one couple now who are pretty low-key. I wonder what's up in pregnancy town. I still haven't heard from Emily.

Ian also hasn't given us an update in a while concerning his "marriage". We're still not sure if he's telling the truth or not. It's Ian. Things are quite different now. Last year, we were so into each other's lives but now, everyone is doing their own thing.

I used to not make any plans till I check with the group.

I hear Adam come out of the bathroom. I keep my phone and watch him, dripping from his shower with a white towel hanged around his hips. He's hot as hell. I can't believe he's kind of my boyfriend now.

He goes through his closet, picking out stuff and laying them out on the square cushion he has there. It's interesting to see how he picks out his out his expensive suits that he wear out into the world. I'm lucky I get to have and enjoy the behind the scenes content.

He starts fixing his messy hair through the mirror and our eyes meet. "Enjoying the show?" He teases but he slightly sounds cocky since he knows that he's very attractive. Women check him out all the time.

"Mmm hm."

His lips form a secret smile then he slips his pants on, Prada belt and shirt.

He looks sexy and so put together. Seeing him in suits always takes me back to our first encounter. How perfect he looked and the effect he had on me then.

"Are you staying in bed?"

I shake my head. "I will do some workout, clear out some things from my closet and reply work emails."

He kisses me. "Have fun."

"You too." I smile.

****

😘😘