You never forget the moment you experience something for the first time.

In a way it plays a part in constructing aspects that become who you are. It can oftentimes determine what your life would be. I will never forget the first book I read, the first poem I wrote, the first time I left home alone nor the first time I felt the baby kick. No doubt there are more firsts waiting on some bridge for me to cross. It was only a matter of time before I would come across some firsts that would haunt me.

By the time Lucien left I had already gone off to bed too tired to hear any more of the discussion. I was stuck in a euphoric state after Nicky told me he loved me but before I could say it back he scurried off.

The next day had started off on a normal note. With us having breakfast together but unlike most days where he'd disappear for the rest of the day only to reappear out of thin air for dinner we had an appointment. It was exciting going to see the many features our child had acquired through a smoke screen and it wasn't long before we were in the family gynaecologist's office staring at the sonogram. The sound of the heart beat had my lips stretching so wide to the point if the corners reached my ears not only would I not be shocked – I would not care.

I looked up to see Nicky blushing, it was unexpected but nevertheless adorable seeing him cope with those newfound emotions for a being whom we hadn't met but already cared deeply for.

"Would you guys like to know the gender?" Doctor Lane asked looking at us; we looked at each other wondering if it would be best to know. Funny enough we hadn't spent any time really discussing what the gender would be when we were just thrilled to have a new addition.

Stuck on giving a response the doctor must have noticed our uncertainty and offered to write down the gender on a piece of paper, "If you guys do come to a decision and decide to know you'll have the information with you," she said excusing herself to retrieve an envelop to put the answer.

When she vacated the room Nicky went on to place his hand on my belly and as I had grown to expect the baby kicked. It was a habit our child always displayed whenever he touched my stomach. I had grown to consider it a cute way of greeting between a child and the father who beamed with pride at the response, "Looks like I'm already the kid's favorite," he winked cheekily.

I rolled my eyes at the absurdity of the statement. "Everyone knows it's usually the other way around, why do you think there's more celebration around mother's day?" I countered refusing to accept defeat in such a debate.

He pouted playfully looking back down at my stomach, the light shining in his eyes warming my insides, "I sense a lot of jealousy from mommy, my little cub," he cooed placing a chaste kiss just below my naval. It made me giggle and blush at having to bear witness to one of the numerous conversations he had begun to have with the baby. Standing up to his full height when footsteps neared the room, the doctor emerged once more handing us the concealed information.

"D-Do you..." I glanced in his direction to find him rubbing the back of his neck nervously as he bit his bottom lip before finally stirring up enough courage to finally say, "do you mind if I name the child – I-I mean only if that's okay with you?" he rushed out the last part. Seeing him experience episodes of shyness and uncertainty made him appear so innocent.

I could not find the strength in me to deny him such a request.

Walking out of the room it was hard not to notice that he was in a much better mood which was a nice change. No matter the issues of the past we had to keep moving forward. And around that time with a book about to hit the shelves in bookstores, working on the process proved therapeutic as well in that it provided an outlet not to think so much on the secrets and lies we had unfolded so much.

However, the moment was short-lived when his phone rang. We were outside condensed in the glow of the sun's yellow rays about to enter the vehicle.

At that point his face dropped closing off all emotions and masking his weaknesses as he spoke to the person on the other end. "I'll be right there," were the words that stuck out to me in an otherwise meaningless conversation I wasn't in the mood to listen to because it meant the time I had anticipated we'd spend together came to an abrupt end.

He ended the call giving me an apologetic look, "I know... you have to go," I groaned intentionally looking off to the side when he aimed for my lips only to land on the cheek. "This was your idea, remember?" he whispered in my ear releasing the butterflies out of their cage. He pulled back to stare me down, the look fierce and a true warning not to step on his toes, "Now stop being stubborn and give daddy those lips," he growled securing an arm around my waist when he noticed me attempting to retreat.

Getting on the tips of my toes when I noticed his indifference at my attempt to whine and hit his chest he smiled in victory placing his lips firmly against mine making it more difficult to have him leave. When he pulled back smirking I knew that had been his intention all along.

***

Reading through the final draft that had been edited by the amazing team assigned to me from the company. It would be the first time I would be getting my work published. It had been a battle of its own getting to a point in my life where taking chances grew less terrifying. In fact I don't think you ever get used to taking risks. When those risks work in your favour the feeling is truly indescribable.

Sitting in the shop managing a few sips here and there of the hot chocolate between the constant tapping of my fingers against the keyboard.

I nearly leapt out of my seat when a hand made contact with the sleeve of my jacket, "Geez... it's just me," Aunt Elle giggled when she took note of the embarrassment that flashed across my face. "Sorry, I tend to zone out when I'm working," clasping the cup I grimaced at the sweet beverage having gone cold. "You must be excited; soon everyone is going to know your name."

"I don't know about all that, honestly I'm just looking forward to finally being able to hold that book in my hands," it didn't matter to me whether people knew my name. Just the idea of someone finding peace and gaining freedom from what I wrote was all I ever wanted. "Either way when it's released save some copies for Marcie and I," she urged. Smiling at her fondly at the support she had become family to me, another sign that there were good people out there.

It's interesting how much came from that shop. The amount of connections I made that stemmed from it that would last me a lifetime. "You and Joseph must be excited having Marcie home."

"Of course, but Joseph really believes he somehow drove her to that point," saying it out loud was not easy. I could see from the frown dancing on her lips and the way her mood shifted impelled the nurturing side in me to surface and grab her hand gently so as to not startle her. "It's not his fault, what happened to Dimitri was out of his hands."

"I admit I didn't make it easy at all for him. I always complained about his life and had once tried to get Marcie to live with me initially when she was younger. But she's like her father in a lot of ways, I always taught her to never run away from anything deemed challenging," she smiled; unfortunately it didn't reach her eyes. "You were just being a good mother, you thought you were doing what was best for her," I reasoned.

"I truly believed I could handle the constant worries that tormented me over Joe's well-being. You've already gone through so much with Nicky; you're a lot stronger than I am," she chuckled but I waved off the claim.

I was still finding my feet and the amount of troubles she has faced only to remain steadfast in supporting her child deserved praise of its own. "Strength is measured in different ways and you, Eleanor Friedman are strong," I stressed triggering a genuine laugh out of her, "if I am even half the kind of person you are with the kind of resilience you have I'd count myself as truly blessed."

A few stray tears fell from her eyes which she reached up to swipe in order to rid herself of the overwhelming feeling begging to reside inside her, "Your child is going to be in excellent hands," the compliment proved more comforting than ever in the times I grew fearful about my maternal capabilities.

Taking out my phone I jokingly asked Aunt Elle, "Do you mind repeating that, I just need audible proof for Nicky to see who's bound to be the kid's favourite?"

She burst out laughing going so far as to grab her stomach at the playful rivalry brewing between us. For the rest of the time I spent with her we continued conversing. As the day came to a close on a good note a dark cloud was edging bit by bit towards the sun ready to block it out.