It's never healthy to bottle everything inside. To lock away all the anger and to wear a mask covered with a smile to fool everyone into thinking that they're happy.

There is so much agony that one can take in silence before eventually erupting like a volcano destroying everything in its path.

Nicky's warm hand wrapped around mine eased my nerves that danced all over the dining room of Ms Friedman's home or as I had slowly grown to call her Aunt Elle. Marcie sat across from us looking visibly upset given the way she was eyeballing the plate of food which she had hardly touched. I wanted to be anywhere else but in that room given the uncomfortable silence that settled amongst us. "You just had to make this public," she scoffed pushing her plate away folding her arms. She looked at her mother clenching her jaw, glazed eyes that shined still holding onto her tears and pain. "Only because you refuse to talk to me, you left me no other choice since you've shut me out," Aunt Elle replied softly only to have Marcie retaliate the claim by saying, "I'm fine, I know you guys think I need help or whatever but honestly I'm goo –"

"Then say his name," her mother interrupted coolly narrowing her eyes. Marcie stiffened in her seat looking away to stare at the ground when hit with the simple statement. And there it was; the reason that brought her back into her mother's home to fall into a solemn world filled with nothing but sadness and contempt. Nicky had been vague about what she went through and I understood that it really wasn't his story to tell.

Her bottom lip quivered; a shake that was quickly hidden as she nibbled on it with her teeth. But I had already seen it; I had already seen the pain. I had been apprehensive when it came to actually being here, I felt it hadn't been my place considering this was a family affair but Ms Friedman asked me to come. "Do you think I like being like this? Believe it or not I don't like walking around with an ache in my chest but I can't help how I f-feel," she groaned rubbing her temples.

"But that's just it then, you make it seem as if you're dealing with this on your own, when I'm her –"

"WHAT?!" she snapped cutting her mother off, the veins bulging in her neck were a map of their own that led me to her bloodshot eyes that replayed a eulogy behind them, "You going to say you're here? Because last I checked you weren't the one who held him..." she breathed balling her hands into fists, "you weren't there to witness the life leave his body. Hell you never even liked him – I'm sure you were happy when he was killed!" she accused bolting up with lightening speed to march up the steps.

"Marcie!" her mother called following behind her and no longer able to remain silent I stood up following close behind gathering my thoughts amidst the millions of questions in my mind. Coming to terms with the explanation placed in my lap as to what happened to her all I could do was feel for her and what she went through.

Throwing a quick look his way I could see he was worried and nervous but I gave him a quick smile of assurance that everything would be okay. He stood up as well and told me he needed some air. Clearly seeing his family in such a state was something he couldn't bear to see.

Nodding my head gently I turned and proceeded to move up the stairs and once I reached the top I heard more screaming and yelling that had me gulping nervously. When I opened the door I found Aunt Elle gripping papers with art sprawled all over it. "I would NEVER wish harm upon anyone, Marcie. I was upset when I heard about Di –"

"DON'T!" she seethed blinking profusely to hold back the molten lava from spilling and causing anymore destruction upon her armour, "don't you dare say his name."

"Or else what!?" her mother bit back flinging the papers in her hand every which way, "cause you not saying it hasn't helped. If anything its got you hidden in this room when you need to talk about it."

"There's nothing to discuss," she replied shrugging her shoulders. Advancing towards her mother she reached out to grab the papers in her hands only to have them pushed away, "for god sake just give me the damn drawings!" Marcie spat lunging across once more and no longer able to just observe on the sidelines out of fear that someone would get hurt I stepped in pulling Marcie away. "Hey, hey just calm down, okay?" I murmured lowly into her hair.

Her body shook, the tremors breaking my heart at the sobs that followed bounced off the walls of the room. When I glanced Aunt Elle's way the tears in her own eyes stood as a testament to the fact as a mother she was helpless to her child's pain. Rubbing gentle circles into her back I navigated us to the bed shushing her with each sob that slipped past her lips.

I would never be able to forget that day. I would never be able to forget the faint smell of jasmine perfume permeating in the room nor the soft feel of the comforter on her bed against my skin as we sat in silence.

Her mother remained plastered by the wall for a while staring at her daughter who had yet to stop crying. "If only we could turn back the hands of time to the days where things were so much easier in our lives..." Aunt Elle mumbled, her voice thick and slightly deeper by the emotions overwhelming her body that had yet to find the strength to move. "I may have never liked him sweetheart," she continued despite the lack of response from Marcie whose sobs had turned into whimpers as her mother spoke, "but I wished his time hadn't been taken the way it was, in fact I-I wish I had gotten to know him."

She lifted her head off my lap and looked her way, "I wish fo-for a lot of things. And still I wake up with an empty space in my chest where that bullet landed and I feel like I can't breathe," she croaked running a shaky hand down her face. Her mother hesitated but after gaining enough courage she joined us taking a seat on Marcie's side and placed a hand on her shoulder. Feeling like my presence was no longer required I stood up, "I'll leave you guys alo –"

"No!" Marcie said firmly reaching out to grasp my hand pulling me back, "just stay – please," she begged making me snap my mouth shut and plop back down on the bed. It warmed my heart that she wanted to keep me around in this difficult time. Her eyes landed on the door as if in search of something, "Where's Nicky?" she asked placing her head on my shoulder. "He's outside, seeing you like that was making him worried," I explained.

"He's never been the best at dealing with seeing anyone he loves hurt," Aunt Elle replied patting her shoulder gently before standing up to move towards the door. "I'll go get him," she said leaving us in the room.

I truly wish I knew for how long we sat. I'm sure it was only a few seconds before she said something again, but time had seemed to slow down the pace at which it moved to give one a chance to process all that I've discovered by addressing the pain head on. "Would you mind staying here tonight?" she asked and without even needing to think twice I agreed. She had always been there for me, willing to offer aid despite everything she was going through. It was only right that I do the same for someone who had slowly grown to become a sister to me.

***

The day fizzled out, the light from the sun dimmed after all that unravelled till there was nothing left but debris that settled into the room. I had gone home for a bit to pack a few things I needed to spend the night at Aunt Elle's home. Nicky left vowing to spend the day with Marcie after getting a call to deal with business. I knew at the time he didn't want to leave but his aunt and I assured him that we would keep an eye on her.

Staring at the cat clock situated on the wall it was nearing midnight and neither of us had said much. The only sound in the room came from the music playing from the speaker.

She had been staring at the ceiling and it concerned me how quiet she had been but I was relieved she had calmed down significantly. However, bells began ringing inside my head when that song came on that had turned her into a teary-eyed mess the first time we hung out.

Reaching out to change the song she finally spoke up supposedly urged by the sound of it to open up a chapter of her life, "With nothing but the stars watching it was on our first date when that song played in the car," she muttered keeping her eyes trained where they were. I stopped in my pursuit of the speaker and resorted to leaving the song playing too consumed with hearing more as she revealed an aspect she kept hidden. "Out of the blue he stopped on that dark road and insisted we dance the night away. He was such a romantic like that considering he grew up being fed nothing but Shakespeare," she chuckled but there was no mistaking the sadness laced within that laugh. "And despite how much I didn't want to love him so quick ever since that night all I had the strength to do was love him. In his love I found all the salvation I needed."

"That's a beautiful thing, you know?" I replied softly staring at her profile.

"With death involved it's nothing but a tragedy. I was with him the day he died..." she shuddered closing her eyes tightly, "just the mere thought of the smell of rust all over my hands and clothes still makes me sick to my stomach." I moved forward to lie next to her when I heard a few sniffles from her end. If I lost anyone the way she had I'm not completely sure if I would be able to function at all. No one can erase such an experience that held enough power to be traumatizing such that I began to understand her needing a change of environment.

"I'm so sorry, Marcie," I whispered watching a tear move down her cheek.

"Thank you," she replied wiping it only to finally look back at me to say the one thing that revealed the little hope left inside her to fight anymore, "but sorry won't bring him back..."