It all began with a ring in the late hours.

It was a time where the dark meandered in every corner of the streets over the sleeping souls to disrupt me. Initially annoyed at my peace being demolished that feeling was pushed aside at the voice on the other end. Past the cloudy lines of sight I haphazardly threw on my clothes not caring about how I looked when all I wanted to do was help him.

I had never been to the police station before. When it came to the law I kept a respectable distance and preferred to just obey it. It's funny how I wound up with someone like Nicholas. Someone who was painted in the colour of grey in relation to whether he obeyed the law or not.

But there I was waiting impatiently, leg bouncing to soothe my anxiousness and when his forlorn face appeared I jumped out of my seat to see if he was in any pain. The dimness in his eyes aggravated by the bags around them, almost made me forget about the mild smell of piss emanating from his dishevelled clothing. No matter how many times I try to go over that night and the events that led up to it I couldn't shake the feeling that we could have avoided it.

He didn't say anything for some time after we left the station. After all it was the first time either one of us had been bailed out of jail for public intoxication and public urination. Glancing his way I reverted my gaze back to my feet, "I didn't have anyone else to call," he said, "so don't think I'm going to just forgive you and forget about everything that's happened."

"I didn't come to bail you out just so that you can forgive me, Donovan. I did it because I still care about you," I countered stopping in my tracks irritated at his tone. He continued walking the lack of regard bruising me that he was acting that way, "Look I get you're hurt but it doesn't mean you have to go out and get yourself into this situation."

"Do you think I wanted a fucking criminal record?" he spat stopping to look back at me, "You and I both know I'm not that reckless."

"Really, cause from where I'm standing I'm seeing something different."

"I wouldn't have been here if you hadn't broken my hear –"

"You can NOT seriously blame me for this when I was just being honest," I defended growing irritated by the minute. Staring at him wide-eyed in disbelief that he was acting this way nothing could have prepared me at all for him saying, "Whatever, you can go on back to someone you hardly know. But know we're done, we're not on a ridiculous break – WE ARE DONE!" he stressed turning on his heels to walk away from not only my presence but my life.

I knew that most people would consider my choice as a gamble. There I was watching the only other person who had been there for me walk away due to my decision to be with someone else who I hadn't known for long. But in as much as I felt shitty about it, felt like I may regret it, in time that gamble would come with a cost.

***

From that day onwards where Donovan left me to stand helplessly uncertain of the future I had resorted to a little shell. I was annoyed at myself and filled with doubts about whether the decision I had made was worth it. Don't get me wrong in as much as the connection with Nicholas was there, I still had my doubts about us.

I had doubts sometimes about whether I could handle certain aspects of him if they happened to be revealed to me. I confess I grew scared about my decision to choose him when he suddenly grew silent. It annoyed me to no end not knowing what was going on with him.

Ms Friedman had told me not to worry and though it helped a little bit, it would have made me breathe easier if the words came from him.

With school and work keeping me occupied I managed to have suitable outlets to avoid not worrying too much at least that's how it felt to me. "You know in as much as I love hearing the sound of my own voice your silence is starting to freak me out," Marcie stated pinching my arm.

Wincing at the pain I pouted looking at her as we walked towards my apartment. After getting to hang out together considering she stormed into my apartment and yanked me out of bed, the distraction had helped a bit. "Sorry have a lot on my mind these days."

"Don't worry so much, you know he has a habit of falling off the grid sometimes. It annoys all of us but that's how Nicky is in a way," she replied giving me a pointed look that had me feeling a bit silly at the scenarios swimming around in my head.

"I once made a promise to myself never to be one of those girls waiting around for the guy to call or text but I literally find myself jumping out of my skin anytime my phone rings. And I know that the shit he's involved in can get dangerous and consuming but would it kill him to at least just call and say 'hey I'm still alive'."

"Look I'm not going to pretend that my cousin is perfect. He's been through a lot so as a result he doesn't like to tell us if anything bad has happened because not only does he not want us to worry but he doesn't want to be seen as incapable of not being able to handle shit," she replied wrapping her arm around me squeezing me till it elicited a giggle out of me.

"Well you also have a habit of shutting people out, M," I pointed out only to have her arm dropping, "and before you tell me you're fine I know you're not. I've tried to keep my concern to myself but sometimes when you switch off..." I faltered biting my lower lip, "it really worries me."

"You sound like my mom when she was asking me about that guy," she groaned throwing her hands up looking visibly annoyed. "But I'm being serious here," I pointed out coming to stand in front of her blocking her path to make her focus all her attention on me. "C'mon, talk to me," I mumbled softly crossing my arms across my chest.

"I'm fine," she replied looking everywhere but me. If she thought that would erase my worry for her then she was absolutely wrong. "If that's the case then who was that guy you were talking to the other day?" When she said, "Nobody," I scoffed clenching my jaw at the clear dishonesty she was attempting to give me. I knew she wasn't amused by where the conversation was going when she said, "I'm not in the mood to be interrogated."

"And I'm not in the mood to be lied to either," I bit back. Staring at me, her eyes finally landed on my face and she later on confessed that she had been scared to show her vulnerability. In the life she lived she grew accustomed to locking things away.

That was truly one aspect that washed away any doubts of whether or not it was true she was related to Nicholas because they were similar in that regard. As a result she went on to say, "I know that you're worried and that you want to help but trust me," she reached up placing her hands on my shoulder to shake me gently, "I am fine. I'm working through it in the best way I can and when I am FINALLY ready. I will talk about it. Okay?" she asked looking at me with hope that I would drop the subject. Though I knew I should have insisted otherwise given the events that were to follow at the time, on that day I chose to accept her wish once more. But my patience had been growing thin.

Hooking my arm with hers she pulled me along wearing a goofy expression that made me chuckle. As we neared my apartment waiting on the curb leaning against a motorcycle in all his gory stood the very man whose silence annoyed me.

Frowning in order to fight the need to smile, I chastised myself for still feeling happy at seeing him given the past few days. When he saw us I began to question how long my anger towards him would last at the panty dropping grin he directed towards me. "Well isn't this a pleasant surprise," Marcie said coming to stand before him switching her gaze between us.

Crossing my arms I stood keeping my expression neutral secretly glad my heart's reaction was hidden. For it was far gone skipping a beat at the smell of his scent already engraved in my brain as he conversed a bit with his cousin. "I couldn't stay away for too long. How are you, Liyah?" he said glancing at me.

Rolling my eyes I replied with a lot more attitude than was necessary, "Fine." His brow rose in question before a smirk emerged fuelling my annoyance at the fact he was enjoying this. Without taking his eyes off me he proceeded to say, "You mind if I steal my lady for a bit?"

I was no idiot, though he posed it as a question it really wasn't and Marcie chuckled finding my rage and her cousin's indifference pure entertainment. "No problem," she quipped turning on her heels immediately ditching me when we were meant to hang out. I gave up calling her back when she chose not to acknowledge my pleas to stay.

Turning at the sound of the deep chuckle I found him watching me, eyes beaming with glee, "What's so funny?" I bit back. "You," he responded moving towards me, closing the distance between us, "you're cute when you're mad." Standing my ground I refused to wither under the intensity of his gaze despite how my body was reacting.

"Flattering me won't make the rage go away, Nicholas," I snapped.

His smile wavered at my use of his full name but he wasn't dismayed for long when he reached up to run his hands softly across my arms eliciting goose bumps. I bit the inside of my cheeks to withstand the sparks flying at the contact, "You mad at me, baby?" he pouted playfully lowering his hands till they all but settled around my waist.

We would have been much closer if it weren't for my hands becoming a barrier on my chest unwilling to yield. "You damn right I am! Your habit of falling off the grid without an explanation isn't something I appreciate," I replied moving my head away when he leaned in for a kiss. His lips landed on my cheek where they travelled towards my ear nipping it. But he didn't stop there, the experienced mobster took the liberty of moving down towards my neck to lay sloppy kisses that made my knees weak.

Closing my eyes involuntarily trying to focus on the need to breathe it was hard till this day to be mad at him for long. It was hard to be immune to his skilful hands and tongue that currently traced a language of its own. It took a lot of will power to place my hands against his hard chest and apply enough pressure to create a distance between us. "N-No!" I moved my head when he shifted forward again to distract me. "No, you can't show up out of the blue and think just you touching me will mean you're forgiven!" I snapped.

I knew that he was used to not having to explain himself and not get reprimanded. However, I had grown sick and tired of having unanswered texts and being met with the sound of his answering machine. "Fine..." he sighed clenching his jaw, "I'm sorry."

Staring at him incredulously I scoffed turning on my heel at the lack of effort from him to appear genuine, "Unbelievable," I mumbled ignoring his calls, I had hardly gotten far before I felt his hand on my arm pulling me back. "What else do you want from me, I've been busy."

"Too busy to at least text? Look I know that you're used to operating in a certain way but it would be nice if you at least communicate. I'm not asking for four hour long calls but it's important that you stay in touch with me that way I won't feel worried," I stressed yanking my arm from his grasp. He lowered his head reaching up to rub the back of his neck. "Everyone else doesn't have a problem with it," he mumbled making me for the second time that day roll my eyes at his excuse. "Well I'm not everyone else. Like you said I'm your lady. Is it too much to ask that when you get caught up with whatever it is you're doing that you just tell me?"

He shook his head keeping his eyes trained on the ground mumbling lowly, "No." Turning to move away I stopped in my tracks when he spoke again, "Look, I didn't come here to fight you, Liyah. You're right I can't act like that and I'm sorry especially if I made you worried. I promise that I won't grow silent like that again," he assured taking a few cautious steps towards me. He took my hand squeezing it tenderly and my guard slipped as I studied his profile to see he was being sincere.

"Fine... you're forgiven," I breathed allowing him to pull me in. Placing a small peck on my lips the large man enveloped me into his arms to relish in his warmth. "Can I make it up to you?" he pleaded looking down at me. Despite the anger being tarnished to mild irritation I nodded my head and accepted the proposal.