There are people who are meant to exist in your life for a certain season who eventually fade as you evolve.

In time those who were once meant to be forever will become a blurry face whose name you often fail to recall. Yet with someone like Donovan and as time would reveal Marcie they were the people I hoped would not become a distant factor in my life.

At the end of the day as you go through life you need other people. Humans weren't meant to survive on their own. As such it was hard to come to terms with one of the most important people in my life literally ghosting me.

I was not oblivious to the reason.

I knew Donovan's cold shoulder was due to Nicholas being in my life but I couldn't help how I felt. Marcie comprehended where I was coming from and had even tried to help but it was useless. Nicholas had told me not to worry but Marcie called his words utter bluff to hide his relief that I wasn't spending so much time with the other male.

But I missed his company; school wasn't as vibrant due to the absence of his humour. Such that when I noticed him in the library where I often went to perusing the books I was shocked. Other than reading law books, he wasn't an avid reader at all.

Moving tentatively I greeted Mrs Jackson not able to keep my eyes off of him wondering what to do or say. As if sensing someone looking at him, he turned to look up at me. Swallowing down my uncertainty I moved towards him after noticing the usual hostility lacking anytime he saw me.

"Funny seeing you here," I stated coming to stand beside him. His brows knit in concentration until he allowed a heavy sigh to slip past his lips and I noticed his once tense posture relax, "I wish I could say I happened to be in the neighbourhood passing by but I don't really have the strength to lie because truth is... I miss you."

"I miss you too. And it kills me that we haven't been talking," I confessed. There was no point in acting as if I was unaffected by his absence and when a small smile cracked on his lips I grew a bit more comfortable being in his presence.

"I know but I just needed space to think some things through," was his response. He stuffed his hands into his pockets appearing more nervous as his eyes darted all over the room when he asked, "Can we talk?" When he gestured towards the entrance of the library I nodded my head and quietly followed close behind him hoping that we'd resolve the issue.

Once we stepped out into the world we walked side by side unsure of where to begin. I could remember having to rummage through my brain for the appropriate thing to say which was strange.

We never did have the kind of relationship where we had to tip toe around each other but there we were walking on that sidewalk in silence. Blowing out a harsh breath in slight frustration I knew that I couldn't exactly tell him about what was going on with Nicholas and I. In the end I decided to ask the simplest question, "How have your studies been going?"

"I want to say it's been going well unfortunately that hasn't been the case," he chuckled, "I haven't been doing so well in school and now my dad is ready to rip out my throat."

"Don –"

"I know, now's not the time to drop the ball but a lot has been on my mind," he replied stopping to stare at me. Halting in my own tracks I looked up at him feeling concerned about his state. I knew how seriously he took his studies.

Donovan was the kind of person who'd nearly hyperventilate if he got marks that were border line mediocre and with that fact in mind I reached out to rub his arm gently. The gesture was that of a friend trying to console their confidant. His face dropped down to my hand before reaching up to clasp it, "Is it cool if we hang out I don't really want to think about anything right now."

"Like how we used to?" I questioned; when he nodded his head in agreement all I could do was tuck the issues to the back of my mind. I nudged him to proceed walking whilst we pondered on what to do in the meantime. Though a part of me was annoyed by his behaviour I was willing to push it aside in order to be there and when I peeked in his direction I could tell he was visibly upset. It didn't help that he had bags under his eyes that stood as clear proof of someone who had been operating on very little sleep.

***

Sometimes we need a way to break free from the issues that affect us. In Donovan's case he had a father who only accepted perfection. From the moment he was born his father groomed him, carved him into the shape of what he deemed an ideal man and it often worried me the way Donovan would nearly kill himself to ensure he never messed up. Such that when he told me about his recent downfall in school I did what any decent friend would and attempted to get his mind off of it.

As a result we ended up moving around and wound up in a busy part of the city. I hardly relished in being in the busy parts but on that day we perused the myriad of shops tucked away and stores. I was relieved to see him in better spirits to the point we fell back into talking as if the period had never happened between us.

As the day passed, we found ourselves back at my apartment. I had been convinced that we'd finally gone back to being good friends when we were laughing in that kitchen. However, when my phone rang the sound distorted the flow when I paused to take a look at the name that flashed across my screen.

Turning away from Donovan, I answered to be met with the baritone that resided in his voice, "I feel justified in being annoyed at you. You don't have to do anything yet I can't function throughout the day," he groaned dramatically. His words making me giggle and blush turning into mush within the few seconds we had been on the phone. "The last thing I want is for Sonny to label me a bad guy for making you like this when I'm just an innocent bystander."

"You've stolen all my logic that makes you a bad guy."

Chucking lightly at his counter-point instead of backing down to such an accusation I replied, "I'd like to think that makes us fair. You invade my life; I take something from you," I paused when I heard a throat clear. It completely escaped my mind that I had an audience. Throwing an apologetic look Donovan's way I turned back around, "As much as I would love to continue this conversation, my friend is here and I don't want to come across as antisocial," I mumbled lowly.

"Donovan's there," he said, I didn't have to see his face to know that he was probably wearing a serious expression. Whenever it came to him, Nicholas opted most times to hold his tongue but I knew he wasn't comfortable with me being near him. But he had to trust I would be able to handle myself. Pursing my lips I said "Yes," only to hear him shifting around on the other end. "I'm trying not to be concerned."

"You have nothing to worry about," I whispered to prohibit the other individual from hearing; the snort on the other end caught me off guard. "I'm not worried about you. It's him I'm not so sure about."

"I never knew you were so cocky?"

"You're mine, sweetheart. But if you want to object I have no problem reminding you the next time I see you to whom you belon –"

"Bye!" I replied cutting the call to cease the beginning of a hormonal torment that would leave me anxious until we each other. Placing the device on the counter I turned and looked at my friend sheepishly, "Sorry about that."

"Let me guess, Nicholas," he mumbled frowning. I admit I was about to try lie and tell him otherwise but lying wasn't going to resolve the situation. "Why do you hate him so much?" Tilting my head I scrutinized every part of his face and allowed the silence to permeate all over the space before he eventually blew out a harsh breath. Abruptly he stood up creating a distance between us, "I've tried to keep it to myself. Tried to be patient and though I've tried to convince myself that being your friend was enough the truth is, it's not enough. I was an idiot for ever thinking it was enough," he confessed coming closer to me.

The alarm bells in my head began to ring and upon natural impulse I shifted back. His face dropped and I couldn't find the strength to hide the panic on my face. "I-I uh..." I faltered unsure of what to say because I never did think he ever felt that way. In all the years we had known each other the conversation to ever be more had never come up such that I was taken aback by his abrupt admission.

Although with time having flown down the line I should have seen it coming. "I know this is sudden but haven't you ever wondered why I complain to you about my mother trying to hook me up and why I always want to be around you."

"I just thought you needed someone to vent to!" I objected, "Besides I never thought of us in that way."

"WHY?!" he bellowed balling his hands into tight fists, "We are perfect for each other, Ali. And it fucking kills me that you can't see it!" he seethed reaching out to try touch me. I smacked his hand away slipping past him. "I'm not going to stand here and try to tell you what you want to hear, Donovan but know I appreciate you in my life as a friend," I insisted, watching a mirror crack into a million pieces from the look in his eye. It made me want to hide away from the fact my honesty had hurt him. But it was better I tell the truth no matter how ugly or uncomfortable it might be. "You're not being fair, Ali..." he chided shaking his head.

"How am I no –"

"YOU'RE NOT EVEN GIVING ME A CHANCE!" the sudden rise in his voice till this day still made me shudder. He had never raised his voice at me before and as a result of the tense situation I ended up wrapping my arms around myself as if that would suffice in offering the much needed protection I yearned for to go through this.

Opting to tread lightly in how I approached him, I kept my tone level and controlled, "D..." I mumbled catching his attention once again. He looked up at me, bloodshot eyes staring back at me as his body grew stiff at the remorse I showed, "I'm sorry."

Running a hand down his face he walked past me. Looking unfamiliar despite wearing the same face I had known for a long time only to hear him say, "Me too." Trying to call him back he ignored me. He turned a deaf ear to me altogether to walk out of my life in a way that made me wish that life hadn't become complicated to the point I lost someone I considered family.

I was beside myself on what to do, even now I can still say that I don't relish in seeing anyone hurt. Nor do I relish in ever being the cause of someone's pain.