I'd like to think I've done all I could to be a descent and good person. In the thrilling time spent being immersed in a new world there often comes the alluring temptation to abandon all your ways and succumb to an overwhelming need.

Stepping into my apartment after my father left I wasn't sure where to begin with Nicky. Throughout the time my father had been there, the moment that we shared had settled in the back of our minds on a slow burn.

However, with him gone it returned to the forefront bombarding us with the question on what to do.

Doing my best to ignore the dark look in his eyes I scurried towards the sink and busied myself with cleaning up only falling short when there was nothing in there to help distract me from the anxious feeling. And till this day I blush and find my breaths coming out short at the permanent mark he made when he came and stood dangerously close to my delicate frame. "Just breathe," were the words I vividly remember chanting over and over again in my head when his hands landed on my waist, his hard stature imprisoning me.

His lips traced my ear, his hot breath fanning it only to whisper the words that served as a dividing line in my choice to delve deeper than I already had, "Turn around..." I took a deep breath and turned to look up at him when a question stirred at the truth I yearned to hear before I could let anything happen. "W-What do you want?" I whispered stilling his hands when they attempted to run rampant along my sides.

His hand flexed against mine and I could see the desire swimming around in his eyes as they scanned my face. The question hung in the air and as each second passed I started to panic in my mind at the fact I may have ruined the moment at wanting clarity.

But just when I found myself ready to detach myself from his embrace he spoke, opening the doors of my holy place allowing the desire to be set free, "The ache I feel for you is far beyond anything I've ever known... you asking me what I want is not something that can be caught simply with words," he breathed involuntarily causing a ghost like caress on my cheek, he leaned forward his lips lightly touching mine as he spoke voice coming out gruffly," but actions..."

Suddenly it felt as if there was limited space to think at all with his stature glued against mine. Such that all it took was him leaning in by an inch or so to have his lips plastered against mine demanding me to stop thinking and only feel.

To allow all logic to escape me as he hoisted me up. When my legs were locked around his waist it felt like the most natural thing in this world.

Hands on muscular shoulders the strength burning under my fingers reaffirmed the notion that I was safe. He moved around whilst my mind was frazzled. I was unable to focus on one tangible thing except when I landed on my bed.

With him still hovering above me, his lips moved from mine only to lay sloppy kisses on the side of my neck whilst his hands worked to remove the straps of my denim overalls. As if the straps were in on the plan they easily fell away only to settle on my mid-riff where his lips moved to pay attention to next. The white tank top I wore was next to be removed exposing my simple black lace bra.

Despite the cool air equally laying languid kisses on my skin the heat bubbling inside me was only a reasonable reaction to him. The man worked his way across my landscapes to remove the entire denim attire which joined my top on the floor. Though the room was covered partially by darkness my brain had no issue registering the way his jaw clenched. He ran his rough hands along the length of my legs releasing a string of curse words that further asserted we were past the innocent touches.

He stood up momentarily discarding his shirt, eliciting a small moan from me at the sight of his physique. His body would always take my breath away at the black ink and scars littered holding a story of their own.

When my eyes moved down past his pectoral muscles to his pants I felt my breath hitch in my throat at the view of his manhood straining against the fabric. If I didn't feel shy with the way he was admiring me, I certainly felt shy when he reached out to remove my underwear. It was the first time I had ever allowed anyone to see a part of my body that I had been taught to guard fiercely so it was only natural that I look away feeling self-conscious.

Considering I wasn't making any effort to hide it, he chuckled lightly making me blush when he went further to spread my thighs gently unveiling the secret that I had been yearning for him to see. "You have such a pretty pussy," were the words that came out as more of a growl.

Turning to look at him I found his eyes already watching me causing my chest to constrict in sweet agony, "I'm going to enjoy eating you, my little gazelle," he cooed gently falling to his knees in a prayer like motion. Only this form of prayer was far beyond holy but aimed to please and was sacred in its own way.

With his hands firmly planted on my thighs he kept them open placing a force upon them when I wanted to snap them shut at the feel of his tongue against my womanhood. Most nights my apartment would have succumbed to the silence but on that night it was filled with strained moans from a woman lost. Lost in the fog of lust and passion that came from his mouth working relentlessly on me.

As my back arched it wasn't long before I reached the precipice and jumped off of it to become a blubbering mess. He paused briefly to hook his arm around me to unclasp my bra.

As I tried to catch my breath the sound of his zipper making a slow descent made it all the more harder to find a steady rhythm knowing what was to come.

I had friends who had told me about their first times. They expressed the thrill and fear working hand in hand pumping in their veins. I did my best to muster up the courage I had to tell him in that small room hidden away that I was ready to have that danger invade my body.

He took my silence as approval when he joined me on the bed and laid a gentle kiss on my lips stealing my sanity with the way his hands memorised every dip and curve leaving me paralysed. It was poetic in a way having the hard parts of his body aligned with all the parts of me that were soft.

When the lower part of him brushed against my mound, my eyes snapped open at the unfamiliar yet pleasurable feel of it. But for a split second the fear inside momentarily took over to make me place my hand against his chest when he shifted forward to the point he was hovering above me, "Please..." I breathed running a hand across his cheek in the hopes he'll willingly accept my simple plea, "please b-be gentle with me."

He didn't say anything; he didn't have to say anything when his actions were all that were left to pull me in further. Laying a few kisses that allowed me the chance to taste more of myself on his lips he looked me in the eye for a few seconds and thrust his hips forward splitting me yet putting me back together again.

I never knew the sight of watching one's face contort in pleasure could be arousing but here I was amidst the pain I was experiencing already in awe of the power a woman's body could have over a man's. Releasing a pained moan he stilled above me breathing me in whilst my finger nails dug into his back leaving marks of my own.

So there we were drenched in darkness soaking the other in. Once the pain subsided slightly to be replaced by a delightful feeling I shifted my hips forward yearning for more of it. He lifted up his head to meet me in a carnal dance as ancient as time.

Given my lack of experience I chose to follow his lead mimicking him in the best way I could by squeezing my legs around him anytime sweet nothings were whispered into my ear. Taking my own leap of courage I leaned forward latching my mouth against his salty skin covered in a light sheen of sweat as our bodies rocked erratically.

The second he lost all ounce of strength to be a gentleman his movements became sloppy. My temple was washed away of its purity when he spilled all he had into me and I followed suit holding onto him as if my life depended on it as I reached my own peak.

He collapsed onto me keeping me close as if afraid I'd disappear but I wasn't going anywhere. I was happy to bask in the afterglow of intimacy when he planted a chaste kiss on my lips.

"That was your first time wasn't it?" he asked staring down at me. When I nodded my head he smiled at the confirmation. He was leased just like any other person would be at discovering they were the first to give pleasure to their significant other and when he mumbled, "Good, I would have killed any other man who touched you," I had no doubt about it.

***

From that night onwards a deal had been made between us. Once he left placing multiple kisses that made it all the more harder to see him leave I couldn't wipe the smile off my face even if I wanted to. It had been hard to focus on anything else.

Other than school I had been at the shop keeping myself busy in an aim to not think about that night. It was working for some time; I had managed to divert my mind to other things that didn't involve us naked under the sheets. "So are you ever going to tell me about you and my nephew?" the question came unexpectedly making me freeze in place to find Ms Friedman smirking across the counter at me.

She had been looking at me once again strangely since the moment I walked through the shop. One thing I managed to notice about her was her ability to be observant to the point it was unnerving. "I have a feeling even if I told you otherwise you won't believe me," I replied closing my journal.

She shrugged running her eyes along the length of me, "Maybe if it weren't for the hickeys on your neck I would have believed you."

If I thought I knew embarrassment before I was certainly wrong when I quickly turned around to stare at the faint marks, I felt ridiculous at the attempt I had made to try conceal them. "Don't be embarrassed," she chuckled reaching out to squeeze my hand, "I'm just glad he's done messing around. His mom often worries about him."

"It's still a new thing so I wouldn't suggest immediately telling her not to worry," I muttered because I too was not trying to get carried away with this new feeling.

The last thing I wanted for myself was to conjure up images of us in bliss when that may not be what the future had in store. She nodded her head in understanding and considering the topic at hand I decided to take a chance to ask in an aim to learn more about her, "Have you ever been in love?"

Her eyes lit up before she ran a hand through her hair the action drawing me in to the spark the question may have caused, "I was... before. I know you've picked up on the type of life we were exposed to and I met Marcie's dad who was so deep into that world he wasn't willing to let it go when I wanted no part of it,"

"So you... left?" I asked, she chuckled but in a way it felt forced at having to revisit old memories. "It wasn't easy but I couldn't stand how terrible things were back then especially when so many people we knew whom we considered family were being killed like flies. I'd like to think I've done all I could to keep Marcie out of it but... I can't really speak for her father," she replied frowning. And I could tell there was a lot more to that last comment but before I had the chance to ask she cut me off when she pointed outside, "Do you know that guy?" turning at the direction she was pointing I noticed she was referring to Marcie outside talking to a man.

I had never seen him around before nor had she ever told me about anyone else in her life. His ginger hair shone in the sun atop a fairly lean frame but what sparked my fascination was the apparent tattoo of a snake splayed along the length of his arm. They conversed for some time, from the outside it looked innocent and held no potential to be deemed threatening. But given the way Ms Friedman was eyeing her daughter I assumed she was simply watching out of mere intrigue at seeing her daughter being possibly courted.

"I don't think she'll appreciate you spying on her," I joked earning a scoff from the older woman. "Anything that happens near or in my house and/or shop is my business. Though I'm trying to give her space I want you to ensure she's still staying out of trouble."

"She's more than capable of handling herself," I replied, although I often worried about her when she went through unexpected periods of silence in which I could see the sadness smeared across her face like her mother I was giving her space to come to me.

We had grown closer over the last few weeks and she filled in the much needed space I needed for female companionship that allowed me not to keep sharing everything with Donovan who was still being distant considering he had been ignoring my calls.

She grumbled under her breath and resorted to excusing herself to go to the kitchen, soon Marcie entered the store mumbling a low greeting my way before scurrying off in a way that was oddly strange. Usually she'd stop to talk for a bit but she seemed to be in a hurry making me grow suspicious at her actions and though I resorted to chastising myself for jumping to conclusions as I buried my thoughts away it would only be a matter of time before I ever learnt the reason behind the periods she often shut down.