My first kiss was when I was just shy of fourteen.

I was visiting my grandparents when I met a boy just a year older than me right next door. And situated by an oak tree the first glimpse of intimacy was seen by me. It was quite awkward and filled with uncertainty which was usual for those with little experience.

In time the older I got the less shy I became with accepting an attraction when I felt it. I never allowed it to go too far, due to fear and a certain part of me that told me to just wait and do it when I felt it was right.

Whether it would happen in the backseat of a car whilst a song played on the radio or on a bed in a room filled with candles. Candles that would be witnesses to the beautiful death of my virtue all I cared about was that it was real.

It had been some time since that encounter at Ms Friedman's home. When I managed to come downstairs after getting myself together I left in a hurry to mentally process what just happened. Though I wasn't familiar with what exactly went on with Nicholas' world till this day I chose not to ask too many details of the things he did or the skulls he had to crack to acquire the level of respect and fear he had.

However, after that encounter I was once again reminded there was a part of him that I didn't completely know. To be honest I couldn't exactly forget the fear on that man's face when he told him about some issue that needed his attention. It reminded me that although he was feared to me he would always just be Nicky.

But the night did spark more questions inside me and yet anytime he did call and tell me about his day, I chose not to push him. In the end I wanted to form an opinion about him through my own eyes and not through a perspective influenced from how others acted towards him. When I confessed my interest in him, Marcie reacted a lot differently than I expected.

Barely shocked and composed she told me that she suspected something all along especially when he showed up at campus that time to 'see' her. Another thought that often wandered into my mind whenever I spoke to him was the mention of the name Sonny. It seemed whoever this person was he had a significant role in his life if it meant he dropped everything he was doing to go see him the first time we truly sat down to talk.

As a result I became slightly unfocused, lost in space trying to piece things in the dark about Nicholas. There was no fighting it, he had disrupted the melodious symphony that often played in my head.

On one particularly quiet day I couldn't sit still thinking about him and wound up closing the book I had taken off the shelf in the local library that was close to my apartment. I stood up taking in the mostly empty space and moved around aimlessly with no mental compass lodged in my brain of which section to go.

I ended up perusing the section that covered European to American history which had been my other preference to study in high school. I was always caught in a bit of a dilemma. In as much as I would have loved to experience what a day in the Prohibition Era was like the discrimination against my gender and skin dims the eagerness inside me to seize the opportunity to travel back in time.

Taking out my phone when I heard it vibrate in my front pocket I pulled it out smiling when I noticed a message from Marcie complaining that she was bored out of her mind. She had left with her mother to go visit her aunt who lived out of the city and with the free day on my plate I decided to make the most of it. When I told her what I was doing as expected she called me a nerd for finding thrill in the words on a page. But what could I say, I couldn't help it.

Taking a seat on the floor I found myself flipping through a book on the French Revolution, Paris had always been one of the places I wanted to go. In a way I was fascinated with the cultures embedded within the city and secretly hoped one day I'd be able to go there one day. "You know we just got that book you asked me about some time back, the one written by J.K Rowling," a soft voice said making me perk up to find the beaming face of the librarian, Mrs Jackson staring down at me. "You finally got the "Tales of Beedle the Bard", would it be weird if reached out and kissed you?" I asked earning a chuckle from the woman who brought life to that place. Although I had read that book when I was younger when I was going through a serious phase of reading only fantasy I remember being left captivated by it. With a flashlight resting in my hand under the blankets the rustling of the trees outside became mute to the words on that page and it was in that moment I knew I wanted to be a writer. "A simple thank you will suffice " was her response.

"I have always wanted the original version of the book but it is so expensive."

"Well one day you'll be able to get it, probably sooner than you least expect," she replied nodding my way before turning on her heels. Glancing back down at the book I ran my hands gently across the page, the texture of it comforting.

"I don't know anyone else who goes to the library in their spare time other than you," the distinctive quality of his voice would always affect me, closing the book I turned to find him leaning against the shelves. Staring down at me, his smile widened as he unfolded his arms the grey fabric of the sweater he was wearing stretched across his muscular frame.

Clad in a pair of black jeans I took him in, appreciating the simple attire that fit him well as he moved to stand directly before me. He joined me on the floor, his knee brushing mine in the process. "Such a shame, it's one thing to be a criminal and it's a whole other crime on its own to be illiterate," I joked looking at him. The only thing lacking in that library was the space between our bodies. Any miniscule move would result in a brush of clothed skin creating a yearning that emerged from deep within. "Don't think this place will stop me from punishing you for trying to press my buttons, Liyah," he cooed.

"I thought you'd be visiting your mother with Marcie and how did you know where I was?" I questioned completely trying to ignore how the threat did more to worsen my desires.

He chuckled reaching out to grab the book in my hand, "Nah not this time around, but she will be visiting and in terms of the second question do you really have to ask?" he murmured making me mentally face palm myself at the fact it was obvious. "Marcie."

"Bingo!" he said nudging my shoulder gently, "And not only that but I wanted to see you. Don't think she gave up the info easily, I had to cough up some money in return."

I chuckled when I noticed the way his frown deepened by his cousin's apparent tactic to abuse him, "You know you could have just asked me where I was, was it really necessary to go through all that trouble?"

"One of a lion's best tactics is the element of surprise."

"So was the bargain worth it?" I questioned trying not to smile when his eyes lowered to my lips. I always loved the fact he never hid his desire for me nor was scared to show it. "Depends..."

"On what?"

"If you'll give me a bit of your time today."

And there it was, the first lock on the door broken from this invader whose very presence held enough power to destroy my sacred place

***

Once the doors of the library opened I'll never forget how befuddled I was when he led us towards an empty bus parked in front of the building. Stopping short he turned to look at me, his eyes a beautiful sea of light blue that made his smile all the more welcoming when he sensed my apprehension. "Don't be scared," he grabbed my hand and as expected it was enveloped in his much larger one. His impervious skin standing as a clear reminder of the trials and tribulations he faced in having to use those hands to attain his goal. Truth was I could never be scared of him at that point which was why I allowed him to lead me towards it to find the doors opening where I met Mr Ruiz, a man whose appearance in my life although short would remain imprinted in my brain due to the fact he was a willing participant of Nicky's scheme. "This is Mr Ruiz; he was an old friend of my father's."

"Victor was the sweetest guy in the world, he owned a little barbershop that I used to hide out at when the wife was getting on my nerves," Mr Ruiz joked watching us enter the bus, once we settled onto the seats, it wasn't long before we were on the streets moving along. Looking out I turned to find him staring at me, "I have to admit I've never been on the bus at a time when it was completely empty."

"Just thought I could prove to you that I am a pretty normal guy," he clarified squeezing my hand gently. I turned to observe the area to only look back at him with a look of disbelief at his reason, "By renting out an entire bus? Yep, your goal to come across as normal is definitely working, Nicky," I replied sarcastically earning a laugh from him. It always made me feel fuzzy inside seeing the corners of his mouth lift up with utter glee knowing that I was the reason behind it.

"Fine, how about..." he paused pursing his lips, "romantic because rest assured unlike Mr Ruiz over there I wouldn't hide away from you if we got into an argument," he stated with a level of assurance that had my hands growing numb at my sides and unable to block the blush from forming and upon impulse I looked down at my lap only to feel fingers on my chin compelling me to look up to find a fire burning in his orbs, "Don't hide away from me."

And without thinking twice about it I replied earnestly so, "Only if you don't." The minute I said it his hand dropped from my face, the loss irking me but I wasnt disappointed for long when his eyes moved away to stare outside the window for a second or so before he granted me a chapter of his life. "I was born into a pretty loving family with a mother who is Jewish and father who was Irish, their love was the kind you'd find hidden away in some fairy tale. My mother's parents were against the union, claimed that it was best she stick to her own but they loved each other. Although we didn't start out with much, in the areas we lacked the love was what got us through," he paused pointing towards a Starbucks by the corner of a street and mumbled, "that used to be where my dad's barbershop was before things changed," he mumbled his voice dropping till it was barely audible and it was through this change that I learnt more about him.

"What happened?"

He sighed looking back at me and I felt myself being transported to the first time I saw him on those steps, the pain behind them being one of the first things that drew me towards him despite the danger signs surrounding him. "When the economy got bad, my father pushed by the need to continue providing for us got involved in some things that admittedly he wasn't proud of. In my neighbourhood it was rare to have an honest job but my dad had done all he could to avoid getting into that life. And still reluctant he was introduced to one of the families that ran the city through a friend he had known since they were kids named Sonny.

His family was one of the most prominent families that managed to survive and maintain power over the city and admittedly when my father joined as just an associate to survive things weren't so bad. With Sonny by his side he managed to navigate the world he was in and once he became a made man that's when shit became a tragedy of its own."

I kept quiet, allowing him to say all he needed to say, whilst silently appreciating the fact he felt comfortable enough to be open with me, "At first the families weren't too thrilled about having an outsider involved since all of the members had to have some Italian blood but my dad proved himself. And to be honest it was cool as a kid having a father with that kind of respect, it made the other kids think twice about messing with me. But that novelty quickly wore off w-when..." he shuddered closing his eyes as if in physical agony and the sudden need to offer comfort at the painful trip down memory lane was what led me to rub gently circles into his hand.

"You don't have to say it if you don't want to."

"Yeah?"

"Yes," I assured, "I don't particularly like seeing anyone upset." He reached out wrapping his arm around my shoulder pulling me in closer and I settled against his chest taking in the scenery. For the rest of the drive he showed me around the different spots he used to hang out, the stories humorous and entertaining all while pulling me in to admit to myself for the first time that I wasn't only interested in him but I liked him.