I just lied to my mother. It's the first time I've talked to her in years and I lied to her. There is a huge possibility that I'm pregnant again. But I can't be. I'm not just alive to make babies. I'm not a homemaker and or a stay-at-home mother and I refuse to act like it. Besides, how many kids can one person have in 4 years? Not 3, it's like never happened. I'm not pregnant, and I need to like, find my chill. Calm down. I need to go to bed now, it's like 12. The girls are asleep and and Keegan is staying in his dad's camper, so I jump in bed and fall asleep. I'm awoken at 5:00 in the morning puking. I need a test.

I go to Shays trailer and wake her up. She has her own, so I just walk right in.

"Shay, shay, I need you."

"Are the girls okay?"

"Yes. Yes, I'm sorry. Yeahs, they're fine. It's just....I need something."

"What?"

"A test."

"Like a....test...?"

"Yeah."

"Troian! What the heck? Cass is only 1!"

"I know, Don't you think I know that?"

"Okay, well I have one in my purse, come on."

"OH MY GOSH YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND?"

"What? No! I'm not secretly married, who do you think I am? I have had them in my suitcase since you guys were trying for Sophie."

"Oh, well thank goodness, right?"

"Yes! I'm really excited for you T, it's just, I know how much you have going on that I kind of hope you aren't, you know?"

"Hope is a dirty 4-letter word."

I go into the bathroom, take the test and wait alone in the bathroom. Two lines.

I go out to Shay, and she is excited and anxious to here the news.

"Nope, false alarm." I choke out, lying.

"Oh, alright. Well, night."

"You aren't going to tell anyone about this, right?"

"Of course not. Love you, okay?"

"Love you too. Night." And with that I head to bed.

After not sleeping all night, I get the girls in the stroller and head to Keegan's camper. I see him and immediately start crying. I hug him and he pushes me back.

"What's wrong? Troian, talk. You never cry."

"We new to talk. Where is my dad?"

"He went on a hike up the mountain. Said he'd be back a little before supper."

"Can we sit?"

"Let's go to the living room, okay?"

I nod and we go sit on the couch with both the girls asleep on the floor.

"Keegan." I break the silence.

"I need to tell you something. But the moment I say it, it will become true, and I don't want it to be, well, I do. But, I don't. I don't know!" I almost scream and start bawling again.

"Troian, just tell me!" He says, getting on the floor and holdings me while Im I the couch.

"I'm pregnant." I shake out, slowly but surely.

"What? Already---again?"

"I don't know what I'm going to do, Keegan."

"We'll be okay. Just calm down. You've been pregnant on set before, and we have Shay, and Sammy, and if we need another nanny we can get one."

"I don't think you understand--3 kids under 4? While working? And bonding with family? And making sure everything runs smoothly? Keegan, something has to give. And that something is work."

"You want us to quit PLL?"

"No...no! No you, but I have to. I've already made up my mind. Trust me, I had plenty of time up last night puking."

"Mormon sickness already?"

"Yeah...its been going on for a couple of days now."

"And you are just telling me?"

"You know me, gotta be strong."

"Not with me, don't you know that by now? You don't have to be strong with me! I'm your husband. Okay, but don't tell anyone for a while, alright?"

"Yeah."