"will our lives be better when

we make it to the other side?"

- conan gray

★ 彡 , aren't you? you deserve a medal for that one!" bill heard eddie snicker from the middle of the room when richie made, yet another, joke about getting with mrs. kaspbrak.

"i deserve a medal for doing it with your mom? oh god, eds, i'd have so many fucking medals by know. even more medals than pills you carry around in that fanny pack," richie replied, laughing at his own jokes and pointing at the fanny pack sitting on the ground next to the smaller boy.

"don't forget his backup fanny pack," bev chirped in, coming into the hanlon's rundown shed, located in between his house and barn. she walked in holding a bowl of chips and set them on the ground, eating a few from it before laying down on the wooden floor next to ben.

bill sat on the floor as well, watching the chatter from the other losers. it was in this few moments he wished he could speak, just to chatter with richie and make inappropriate jokes, or ask eddie why he had so many fucking pills, or to ask ben why he was so addicted to this candy crush game. but every time he thought he gotten close to talking, just a word, he couldn't bring himself too. it had almost been six years now and hearing his own voice was something that he wasn't ready to hear. he didn't even know what it would sound like, he had sounded like a little girl before.

bill snaps out of his thoughts and encounters stan replying to richie's comment about his dick he guesses, but he doesn't get to hear the reply as he watches mike leave the room with the empty bowl of chips that both beverly and ben had scarfed down in nearly seconds. bill stands up and goes walking after him, not finding any interest in hearing richie's immature jokes anyway, even though they do make him laugh sometimes.

bill scans the farm before he finds himself walking into the hanlon residence with no permission, stepping inside and into the kitchen to find mike pouring whatever snacks he could find into the small bowl. chips, popcorn, cheetos. he gazes around the kitchen, taking in the pictures hanging on the wall of him as a kid, holding guns and posing with his parents he guesses. he remembers what richie had said that day at the quarry, that his grandfather made him kill animals, and feels pity for the young boy in the photos.

"oh, hey bill," mike said causally, finishing up with the bowl and leaving it on the counter while bill took a stool and sat down. "you like the house?" mike questions, and bill nods, realizing that he's been to hanlon's farm over three times now but never inside his house. it was nice, just the two of them. mike was different than the others. he had a calming, cool tone to him that made people want to talk to him.

mike caught him staring at the photos on the wall again before speaking. "i was seven i think in that picture. it was right before i killed my first sheep," mike chuckles as if he was trying to hide his grief of that day, a habit that mike seemed to have acquired from richie.

"i didn't want to kill it, but what do you expect? i live on a farm," mike continued as stan stood up and walked over to a photo sitting on a table. "i was six months old in that picture, i think. my grandpa's not good with his memory." mike sighs, walking over to stan's abandoned stool and taking his place in that seat.

bill looked the picture over and placed it back down, taking out his phone. "they are a beautiful couple", bill typed into his notes app, sliding the phone across the counter to mike. mike smiled down at the text.

"yeah, they were. i miss them." mike said softly, and bill instantly felt guilty bringing them up, but before he could type in an apology, mike started talking again. "i'm sorry about your dad. i'm not exactly sure what happened but you said once that he died. i know how you feel if you need someone to talk to. no matter when it happened, the pain never really goes away. eddie lost his dad too, but he won't really talk about it. i think sonia's wrapped it around his brain that talking about loss is a bad thing." mike scoffed, and bill instantly felt the need to look down at his shoes.

"at least he talks in general", bill typed into his phone and slid it on mike's side of the counter, hearing mike chuckle from looking at it.

"that's a good point, not really a good way to deal with loving someone," mike laughed in a jokingly way, making bill giggle.

"hey nerds, you guys get bored of the creepy, murder shed?" they heard from outside and turned to see richie coming, in stan following behind him. stan smiled when he heard bill laugh and stood by his side of the kitchen.

"maybe a bit. ben playing candy crush all night and you two at each other's throats all night is not exactly entertaining," mike sighed before ruffling through richie's curls, making richie karate hit him on the arm, which didn't do much.

"hey fuck face, don't mess up these beautiful curls," richie scoffed, trying to fix his hair that was never in control, to begin with.

"anyway, we came in here for a purpose," stan said, rolling his eyes at richie, and putting his arm around bill, making bill blush. mike noticed this, whereas richie was too preoccupied with his hair.

"you remember henry bowers?" stan asked bill, and bill nodded. he remembered things he heard about him, that he was nothing but trouble, and he remembered the day that bowers approached him and bill tripped him and ran away. not the best move in the long run.

"well, greta texted richie that henry was driving through here with his gang, so when we head back we just need to be careful." stan said calmly, also mike did not seem calm about this at all and looked at richie.

"why do you have greta's number?" mike questioned, his eyebrows raised.

"why don't you? she's hot." richie scoffed, giving mike a smirk, but bill noticed that he gave stan a look after, almost a guilty look. he decided to let it go, but it confused him. out of everyone richie and stan seemed to argue the most, or at least stan would roll his eyes after a joke richie made and make a sarcastic comment. so why did it seem like stan knew something that he wasn't supposed to?

"he's sick. bowers, i mean." richie added after a moment of silence that nobody but richie seemed to notice. "he used to break eddie's inhalers. he chopped up ben's stomach too, a fucking hamburger helper."

mike shifted in his stool and scratched his head. "he killed my dog you know," looking over at bill, considering he had most likely brought it up with the others before and bill was the newest loser of the club.

bill lost some air hearing that and coughed, before waiting for mike to continue.

"i only had the rescue dog for a couple months. i went outside to grab the mail and found him dead next to it. i saw bowers' truck in the distance and the empty rat poison box sitting on the ground next to me and i knew. i never told my grandpa leroy though." mike said slowly, and bill took a few seconds after to process what he was saying.

"he's not just a bully at derry high school. like richie said, he's fucking sick." mike added, giving bill chills down his spine.

bill mouthed, "i'm sorry", not really sure what else to say.

"don't be sorry, i had it coming. that was the day after he attacked ben, and let's just say i gave him a piece of my mind. bad idea, but i don't regret it. i just expected him to come after me. he didn't though, he came after what i loved. my dog."

"sick cocksucker," richie added, nodding his head seriously.

"you kiss your mother with that mouth?" stan replied, rolling his eyes at richie.

"only yours," richie replied with finger guns, exiting the room to go back to the shed.

"we should head back in," mike said after a moment, grabbing the bowl of chips he had forgotten completely about and following trashmouth out the door.

bill turned around so his back was leaning against the counter. he looked up at stan and kissed his cheek, cupping his hand on his face. stan smiled down at him, placing his hands on bill's waist.

"what was that for?" stan asked in a light tone, making bill bite his bottom lip and shrug in return.

"so, whatcha think about bowers?" stan asked after a moment. bill turned to the side a bit and reached for his phone, breaking their eye contact to type on his phone, holding it out to stan to see.

"sick cocksucker."

+

i'm proud i updated

within a week.

fun fact: in the book

bowers actually

does kill mike's dog.

-penny ,, apr 9