' 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐮𝐧𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐡 '

i wanted to jump off the quarry again. i wanted to feel the weight of the world against my feet and have no say of what to do, just free fall towards the water, a chill running down my spine as would hit the water and gasp for air, before feeling the water on my skin and calming slightly down, bringing my head back up to air, and smiling at the sensation.

they were the best friends i've always wanted. they didn't care that i couldn't speak, they didn't ask why i was quiet, they only hung out with me, for me.

"no, what are you talking about? i best you in chicken!" ben snapped in return to richie, who denied losing the game in the quarry water, fixing his positioning the large rock.

"richie, truth or dare?" mike asked, sparking conversation.

"dare, i'm no pussy!" he exclaimed, laying across a rock his hands by his sides.

"ok, i dare you to... make out with eddie. and like a serious make out too." mike laughed, and richie groaned.

"we always do making out..."

"but it's hilarious!" bev piped in, and richie turned over to eddie, who obviously wasn't paying attention to richie, taking his pills, one by one.

richie reached over to him, closing the gap between them and cupping eddie's face. before eddie could react, richie smashed his lips onto his, eddie's eyes widening as richie smiled through the kiss, not wanting it to be a dare, he wanted to kiss eddie forever.

eddie finally pulled away, everyone around them gaping. "woah." richie let out, and eddie giggled, but his smile formed into a frown when his watch beeped.

"eddie, do you have to take those?" richie asked, seeing as nobody was watching them anymore.

"uh, i don't know." eddie huffed, picking up the white and red pill. "if i don't have them she'll make me take them." eddie groaned. "and she knows if i don't." eddie flinched, looking at richie's, concern in richie's eyes.

"i'm sorry."

"did richie tozier just say sorry?" eddie laughed, but richie's frown didn't change.

"you don't earn this."

"well you don't earn this either." eddie said, pointing at a cut on richie's face, richie immediately turning his face away from eddie, searching around and landing his eyes on stan.

stan was sitting next to me, reading some book with weird symbols on it, his lips moving with the words, but his throat didn't make a sound.

"what's that?" i asked through my notebook, and he slightly closed the book, but kept his pointer finger in the book to keep the page.

"i'm memorizing a few paragraphs for tomorrow." he murmured, obviously not interested in the jewish topic.

"tomorrow?"

"rabbi's son..." he reminded me, and everything clicked. i nodded understandably and looked down at the book, grabbing it from stan and placing it in my lap, flipping to the page he was on.

it was just symbols after symbols. i gave the book a confusing look before turning back to stan, who laughed.

"you won't understand it! it's not english!" he laughed, grabbing the book back. i smiled, my phone comfortably in my hand.

"gimme that, bird boy." richie joked, grabbing the book and standing up, stan glaring at him. richie cleared his throat, as if he knew what was in the book.

"adults are shit." he began, and stan attempted to get the book back, but richie stood up on the rock, and ripped the book away from stan, eyeing the book again.

"adults are such assholes, especially parents. let's take bev's dad for example-,"

bev stood up. "richie, stop!"

"he is such an asshole! he earns to die! how about stan's parents, his mom is just dipshit and his dad pressures him to be someone he's not. how bout eddie next, his mom basically shoves pills down his throat because he's bisexual-,"

eddie spoke up this time. "richie, what's the point of this, i don't really want them to know-,"

"like one time he came to my window crying because she threatened to suffocate him if he didn't shallow his pills." he added, and eddie looked like he wanted to cry, bev holding him slightly.

"oh, and mike, his damn grandfather forces him to kill animals for heavens sake. and my overreacted excuses for parents beat my ass every time i walk in the house, and i hate them. my mom hates me, and wishes she had a girl, and my dad kicks me out all the time after beating me up, and i always have to stay at eds. i don't know what's going on with bill, but i'm sure he has a hard time as well, i've never seen his dad and every time he sees his mom he's scared out of his shit. in conclusion of this giant book i don't know the name of, basically, being an adult in derry, means to be a shit."

everyone gaped at the boy holding the book open, before richie slammed the book shut and threw it on the ground in the dirt and grass, richie standing up, tears threatening to well in his eyes, and he grabbed his bike, riding away.

"did he just-,"

"yes, eddie, that just happened."

eddie wiped tears from his eyes, bev hugging him. "was it true eddie?"

"i'm gonna go find richie." eddie replied, rubbing her off and running to his bike, biking away as well.

my hands felt sweaty, my throat felt soar. i finally looked up from the rock and searched around to see mike, ben, and bev nowhere in sight as well.

shit. stan stood by his bike, gulping in a deep breath and staring at me, as if he thought i was going to say anything.

"bill..." he started, and i walked towards him. "what happened? i didn't want to ask, i really didn't want to, but i have to know, it's the only way i can be there for you."

it slid out of his mouth fast and quick, as if he wanted to say it before he regretted asking. which by his unknowing expression meant he had already regretted it.

i pressed a few keys on my phone slowly, before pressing send on my phone, walking towards my bike, and heading towards my house faster than i had came, not regretting for a second what i had told him.

bill: no one accepts me... for me.

☼ ☼ ☼

fun fact: i rewrote this chapter 3 times.