《Guardian Demon (Suicidal Iruma)》Life long lesson
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Once I snapped out of it, I could see my grandpa looking at me in worry, I was holding tight on to Araysh and was shaking soo much. Kalego decided to give me a hug and get me down from there. In an instant I was given to Opera who came rushing to my side.
Opera: IRUMA!
Me: ....
I couldn't get a word out. This scared the living shit out of me. There was nothing I could say or was worth saying. In fact I was even trying to make myself small.
Opera: I am bringing him home.
Kalego: Yes, please do so.
Sullivan: Alright, who's fault is this.
Kalego: Sabnock!
That was all I heard before Opera quickly carried me away. He was having me in a princess style and also pressing my head against his chest so I could hear his heart beat.
Opera: It's Okay, Iruma. I am here. I got ya.
This was what he said over and over again till we arrived home where he put me down in my room and immediately sat beside me and hugged me the whole time.
Opera: Iruma, it's fine. You are out of danger.
Me: .... I...
Opera: Nothing can hurt you here.
Me: ...
Opera: I am glad you are alright. Can you tell me how you feeling right now?
Me: Scared.... I... I never feared to die this much..
Opera: That's natural.
Me: NO! I tried to kill myself soo many times and now I...
Opera: Iruma, that's completly natural to feal scared of death.
Me: I...
Opera: Iruma, I am here. Don't be scared.
I couldn't stopped shaking and it didn't quite make sense to me since I was basically searching for death, jumping out of a window, falling down from a building, getting dropped but EATEN!!!!
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That was a bit too much for me. I didn't understand why I was scared or anything at all. It was just weird.
Me: Ahm... is okay to live?
One question. It was this one question that was having me awake for so long. For a long long time now did I question myself....
Was I even supposed to live at all?
What was my purpose in life?
Why was I born?
Is it just because so I can earn money I couldn't even spend?
Or...
Was this so I could get hurt over and over again?
This was the reason I got tired of life. This was the reason I didn't wanted to go on living. I just wanted to be left alone and the only option was death but now.... after spending some time with people that tried to help me, care for me, try to make me laugh and everything.... it kinda accured to me...
Was my life really this meaningless?
Opera: Of course! You have the right to live like everyone else. You are precious like everyone.
Me: ... thank you...
You know I might not be as long here in the demon world but just a couple of day and a life threatining situation and I could tell that it got to me. I wouldn't have ever thought that all these feelings would get me soo much. I thought that I was ignoring them, not enjoying them but in fact... I did enjoy the attention and love that I was getting.
It was soo different than what I thought.
I really thought I could just leave everything behind me and just let it go but I couldn't.
Maybe if this wouldn't be a demon world and people still wouldn't care about me then I would be able to.... but now... I had soo many people, demons that cared for me and tried to make me see the importance and beaty in life.
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Opera: There is nothing to thank me for.
Me: There is.
Opera: ... Hm?
Me: Thanks for not giving up on me.
Opera: I would never do that.
I could tell that he meant what he just said and I was ready to give this a go and try to get better for the sake of the people around me. I might have already given up on myself but I also realized that people around me were carrying and I would only traumatize them wiht my death.
I couldn't do that for the love of my life.
Me: Will you help me... to life?
It takes a lot to find out what was wrong and it takes even more to be brave and ask for help. I knew it but I was ready for it. I felt that after spending a week here that this was womething I needed. For myself, for the demons that loved me and for my familair and for Araysh. I wanted to change and see what was the beauty in life.
Opera told me he would help me find it and I was ready to openly engage it.
Opera: I would be more than happy to.
Me: Thanks.
Opera: No problem Iruma.
He hugged me tighter and it was only after that day that he started showing me the beauty and every unique thing in the demon world. Kalego payed a lot of attention in class to me and the class on its own was taking care of me. I also found 2 new friends after a long time. Alice and Clara were great people and they somehow tried to chear me up and stick close to me. I never knew what friendship meant till these two just selfdeclared themselves as my friends.
I even came to the terms with being Sullivans grandchild. This old man was really lonely and ever after I approached him, he started talking to me more and planning family trips and soo much more.
Now I could finally see what others meant.
Life was preacious.
All it took for me to realize it was to open up my heart to the world and to good people that were willing to help me out.
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