onto the streets of San Francisco, hands in my pockets, trying not to replay everything that Collins had just done. Everything she'd said.

This won't work, Beau.

I'm not interested in making it work, Beau.

It's just physical attraction, Beau.

Let's pretend that none of this happened, Beau.

I have to go, Beau.

Done arguing about it, I'd pushed past her before she could leave, stony-faced.

If the world was kind, I'd never have to see Collins Bryant and hear those words ever again.

__

It felt like the beach had turned into quicksand. I was slowly being swallowed whole by the earth, and I barely had any fight left in me to stop it.

I didn't even try to put the fire out.

Maybe if I had tried to put the fire out, we wouldn't be standing where we were right now. The ocean lapped against the shore a few feet behind us, and I wanted so badly to rewind time. Kissing Collins in the waves was a distant, blissful memory. I wanted it back. Maybe if I pulled her back into the water now, we could return to it.

She was all I wanted. All I cared about. I'd been so focused on getting her the fuck out of there that I hadn't even tried to do anything about the fire. And once I got outside, Collins wouldn't let me go back inside. She screamed my name, and the terror there had rooted me to the spot. I couldn't cause Collins any more terror. Not today, not ever.

By the time the fire department got here, it was too late. They tried to get us to leave, but my feet wouldn't part from the sand. We were far enough away. We were far enough away to watch it all burn.

Fire licked the sky. It didn't seem controllable. It seemed wild, untamed.

The beach house as we knew it...fuck, it was gone. Or at least half of it was. Maybe the other half would be salvageable. I had no idea how restoration from a fire like this worked.

I had no idea if this was something we could come back from.

"How the hell did that happen?"

It was all I could repeat to myself.

"There was a candle." Collins sounded distant. Like she wasn't really there. Like this wasn't real. God, I hoped this wasn't real. "There was a candle on the bedside table."

The bedside table I pushed Cato into.

I wanted to push Cato into twenty more bedside tables.

I didn't know where he was. He ran out, too, but I didn't catch where he went.

That was likely for the best.

Seeing Collins tied up in that bed had sent me fucking spiraling. I'd never known myself to feel this much anger toward another person. And the fact that this was the one goddamn person who shared my DNA...I didn't know what to do with these feelings. I didn't know how to process them. Not while my world was going up in flames.

Madie, Bren, Nessa, and Grayson stood behind us. I saw their shocked faces from the water when I ran out of the house earlier, and I felt their presence now. But I couldn't bring myself to turn around. To look at them. The only person I wanted to look at was Collins. But she wouldn't meet my eye. Flames reflected in her warm, brown gaze.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered. "Collins, I'm so sorry."

A tear dropped down her face. I watched it roll to her lips, which were parted. She didn't say anything, though, and my heart nearly splintered in half until I felt fingertips searching for mine. Collins' hand slid into mine, and I held tight.

I needed her to save me from the quicksand.

When a warm hand enveloped mine on my other side, I turned to see Nessa. And then Grayson, who came up on her other side. Nessa didn't say anything. Words weren't really necessary, and they wouldn't be loud enough right now, anyway. The fire roared in front of us. Waves crashed behind us. Shouting from the front of the house. The shell of the house.

I didn't want to look behind me, but I knew I needed to. I knew I owed it to them.

Bren held Madie in his arms, holding her as close to his chest as possible. Silent tears streamed down her face, and Bren seemed...torn. His eyes met mine, and a slight nod told me he was here with me. Here for me.

But fuck, this was more their place than mine. This house only meant something to me because I had them in my life. I should be the one reaching out to Bren. Not the other way around.

"I'm so sorry," I told him, not even sure if the words were loud enough to be heard. I didn't know what else to say except a littany of apologies. I suspected I'd be apologizing for a long time.

Bren shook his head and swallowed. He cleared his voice. But even after that, his response sounded shaky. I could tell it was for more than just me, though. And that was why he pushed so hard to get it out.

"It was there when we needed it," he said. "But we don't need it anymore."

Bren's gaze lowered to Madie, and he kissed the top of her head.

I wanted to go to them, but I couldn't get my feet to move. They were stuck in the sand. And they stayed stuck as night fell, the sunset blood-red. As the ocean fell into silence.

And as ashes began to fall from the sky.

✨

this hurt my heart a bit, and I'm sorry

xoxo