You know that, right?"

Beau emphasized his words by cupping his erection through his pants as he walked to the bed.

I laughed softly. "What can I say? You bring it out of me."

He liked that answer. Satisfaction filled his expression as he eased back onto the bed, leaning on both palms behind him. Without moving, he watched as I leaned down and unbuttoned his pants. Lowered his zipper. Yanked his pants and boxers down. All he did to help me was lift his hips slightly. And before I was fully prepared, Beau was naked.

Holy crap. Oh god. Oh my god. That—that—

"Breathe, sweetheart," Beau said with a laugh. "Don't want you to pass out this early, do we?"

Had I forgotten to breathe? Yeah, I'd forgotten to breathe.

Sucking in, I raised my gaze to his face, finding him smiling at me.

"Just come here," he said softly. "Come here and kiss me."

I could do that. I could definitely do that.

__

Beau was pulling mugs out of the kitchen cabinets later that night when I cornered him. We hadn't really spoken since his competition, but his mood was back to being infectious and spirited. It had been a while since I'd seen him like this, and watching him in a good mood made me feel good, too. He placed second in his event, and he hadn't stopped smiling since.

"Apparently, I had no reason to be worried about you today," I said, sidling up next to him. Everyone else was on the couch in the living room, annoyingly cute as they cuddled with their other halves in front of the fire.

He grinned. "I did appreciate the concern, though."

Tiny prickles of anticipation danced beneath my skin as I asked my next question. "Where were you all afternoon?"

After Beau walked off earlier, I didn't see him again until shortly before dinner. Those four or five hours felt way longer than they should have.

Beau shifted over, filling a kettle with water before placing it on the stove. He shrugged. "Watching some of the other events with the team, cheered them on. Then we grabbed a drink at McCoy's, one of the bars on the slopes. Nothing too out of the ordinary."

I figured that was where he was, but for some reason, I'd assumed that I would have seen him more today. It was a lot of fun being with Nessa, Madie, and the guys, but it definitely felt...different when he wasn't with us, too.

"You were with the whole team?"

He frowned. "Yeah. Why?"

"Where are they all now?"

My stomach clenched as soon as the words came out. Was it possible the snow team was coming here? I'd rather hide away in my room with a good book than watch that redhead cling to Beau all night.

"Back at the main lodge," Beau said with a light laugh. "Probably drinking all night. That's what we usually do."

That ball of...something got worse in my stomach.

"You don't stay here normally?" I waved my arm around, gesturing to the house and roof over our heads.

"No, we all stay together over at the lodge. It's too weird being at this place by myself." Beau cocked his head to the side, studying me. "Too lonely, you know?"

It was easy to understand that, but I could imagine the possibilities of what happened at those after-slope parties. And I hated how much I hated it. But as much as those thoughts irked me, I didn't want Beau to feel obligated to be here, with us, instead of celebrating with his team.

"If you wanted to go back and hang out with them, I'm sure none of us would mind."

Beau's head jerked backward in a slight movement that betrayed his surprise. "Um, I would mind."

Oh. Maybe I'd read the situation wrong.

"Collins," Beau said, a bit sharply—probably because I'd started to lower my gaze in an attempt to hide. "I only went along with them to McCoy's this afternoon, so they didn't think I was blowing them off. I'd much rather be with you guys."

He ducked his head, trying to get me to meet his gaze. Which I did, albeit reluctantly. Then his eyes moved swiftly around the room, touching on the other people and the home itself. And he did seem content.

"You like being here," I said, mostly thinking aloud. "Don't you?"

Despite what he'd said about wanting to be with us over his team, Beau joined a club that took him as far away from OSU as he could possibly get while still staying in the state; that fact hadn't escaped me. A club that required weekend-long trips and a massive time commitment. I doubted I would see him on a Saturday or Sunday all winter. Why did that feel purposeful?

"I definitely missed snowboarding," Beau agreed, leaning back against the cabinets as the water heated up on the stove. "My brother and I had a bit of falling out recently, so I took a long break from it because we always hit the slopes together. But it's good to be back."

I nodded, finding it in me to be happy for him. He was happy. And it really did warm me up inside even as my skin chilled a little bit.

Beau's lips twitched with a hint of a smile when I was silent, and he crossed his arms over his chest. "What's with all the questions, Collins?"

I resisted the urge to look away, feeling like he'd caught me. "Is it a crime to want to learn more about my roommate?"

"Guess not." He lowered his voice, raising a brow. "And did you learn everything you wanted to?"

No, not really. I wanted to know who that girl was. And I wanted to know why she'd hugged him like that—so enthusiastically, like it wasn't the first time they'd been close. I wanted to know why Beau had kissed me this morning, everywhere. I wanted to know why he left before I got to do the same. I wanted to know why now we were in his parents' kitchen, acting like it hadn't happened.

A thought flitted its way into my mind.

Mustering up some courage and clearing my throat, I said, "Actually, no."

Beau spread his hands out in front of him. "I'm an open book."

If only that were true.

I took a step closer to him, and Beau braced himself against the countertop behind him, stiffening. He looked like he abruptly started to hold his breath.

"Why didn't you let me return the favor this morning?"

Beau's eyes flashed, and his voice dropped to a ridiculously hot pitch. "Because it wasn't a favor. It was something I wanted just as much as you."

A scoff slipped out of me. "You know what I mean."

"I was in a hurry," was his quick response.

Eating up the remaining inches between us, I placed my arms on either side of him, resting against the countertop behind Beau. I lowered my voice to a whispered hush.

"I think I could have made pretty fast work of sucking you off, Beau."

Beau threw his head back with a soft groan. When he dropped his gaze back down, it was blazing. Lifting his hand to my face, he gripped my chin to keep me from looking away. Not that I was even contemplating that.

"But I'm not interested in anything fast," he muttered, his tone gravelly. "If you're going to put that mouth around my cock, Collins, I'm gonna need you to take your time."

At this point, I could feel his erection growing against my stomach, and it was creating a dull but powerful ache between my legs.

"I can do that."

"I know you can."

The unspoken words were, you've done it before.

"But I think right now you should go sit down on the couch with everyone else."

His words caused my entire mood to deflate until I felt like a little speck that Beau had just brushed away.

"I made hot cocoa for everyone already, but this batch is for you." He poked my nose as I eased away. "Do you like mini marshmallows?"

This was just like Beau, wasn't it? To go from dirty talk to asking how I took my hot cocoa. And while I liked both sides of him, I wasn't done with our conversation. But I also wasn't brave enough to keep pressing it.

"I like lots of mini marshmallows."

He grinned. "Noted. I think I've got it from here, then."

Dragging my feet, I walked over to the couch while realizing that I was either going to have to sit by Bren, who was busy kissing Madie, or Grayson, who was whispering something in Nessa's ear. Which, if I had to guess, wasn't something I wanted to accidentally eavesdrop on.

I plopped down next to Bren and flicked him in the arm.

"Let Madie breathe every once and a while."

He broke away from his girlfriend with a laugh. She was smiling, too, quickly tucking herself under Bren's arm as he turned to face me.

"Everyone always blames me for not having any self-control, but what none of you realize is that Madeline instigates more than half of it."

Based on how Madie twisted her lips and blushed, I believed him.

"I can't help it," she muttered before burying her face in Bren's chest. "Beau's hot cocoa is lowering my inhibitions and taking away my ability to resist."

I looked over at her drained mug, sitting on the coffee table. "Did he spike it?"

Bren laughed. "Of course he spiked it."

I laughed a little bit, too, thinking of Beau at the gala, offering to spike my drink for me within the first hour of knowing each other. Bren was right; of course he added his own alcoholic flair.

"He was going to make me a cup, too," I said.

Bren's eyes traveled from me to the kitchen behind me, and his expression morphed into pure amusement. "You might need to go help him. Don't look now, but he seems a little distracted."

The urge to look after Bren told me not to was so strong.

Readjusting myself on the couch cushions, I asked, "What do you mean?"

Bren leaned in closer. "He glaring at me."

A frown. "Why?"

Without answering me, Bren chuckled and shook his head. "What's going on with you two, huh?"

Even if I wanted to answer that question truthfully, I wouldn't know how. I liked Beau a lot, but I didn't know how he felt about me, beyond a wicked, fleeting attraction. After all, he'd just pushed me away in the kitchen. And that was likely for the best. I'd hurt him in the past, and the last thing I wanted was to do it again. We were roommates, and I valued his friendship and safety. A lot. Like scarily a lot.

Deciding to keep to that last simple fact, I told Bren, "We're friends."

"Collins..." Madie started, giving me a sympathetic glance.

Despite our rocky beginning, I got along really well with Madie. She knew how to say things like they were while still sounding kind and subtle. But right now, I wasn't interested in her take on my situation with Beau.

"Beau Martin does not want to be your friend," Bren cut in flatly, and suddenly I wished I'd let Madie say her piece instead.

Pain whipped into my chest, striking at my heart. There was a time when I would have believed that Beau didn't want to be my friend. But I thought we'd jumped that hurdle already.

I cleared my voice, and even though I attempted to contain my feelings, it wasn't really effective. My next words still came out with a touch of ice to them. "I know we had a rough patch when I first started living with him and Nessa, but I don't know...I think we've moved on now. He was the one that said we were friends."

"That's not what Bren meant," Madie said before biting down on her lip.

"Definitely not what I meant."

Bren was trying not to smile, and when I realized what they were talking about, I shook my head. They didn't understand the situation, but who could blame them, considering we'd kept it all a secret? Before I managed to come up with some retort to feed Bren, though, he flashed a smirk at me.

"I think we should experiment with something," he said. "I'm going to put my arm around your shoulders, and Madie will time how long it takes for Beau to get his ass over here."

Madie pulled out her phone without a second thought, unlocking it with a flick of her finger.

"This is ridiculous," I muttered while Bren tossed his arm over my shoulders casually, leaving me under one arm and Madie under the other. "You think he'll be jealous?" I scoffed, disagreeing with this whole thing. Sure, I felt a twinge of something that could potentially be considered jealousy when I saw Beau with that girl on the slopes, but this was different. Beau didn't care like that. And about Bren, no less. "You're my friend, and you're clearly not—"

"Hey, your hot cocoa is ready." Beau was all but breathing down my front, his hands thrust into the pockets of his sweatpants as he rocked back on his heels. "Wanna come show me exactly how many marshmallows count as lots of marshmallows?"

"Sure." The one-syllable word barely made a sound as it whooshed between my lips.

"Twelve seconds," Madie whispered before I pushed up from the couch.

Ignoring Madie and the odd amount of tiny flapping butterfly wings in my stomach, I followed Beau back to the kitchen.

"I thought you had it under control."

"Well, as it turns out, lots of marshmallows is kind of an arbitrary concept. Like do you just want a sprinkling or a nice even layer across the top or like a heaping mound of them?"

He sighed heavily, which made me laugh a little bit. Leave it to Beau to take hot cocoa preparation a little too seriously.

"Beau, it might surprise you to learn this, but I don't really care about the number of marshmallows in my hot cocoa."

"Well, then." He raked a hand through his hair, but his movements were stiff and awkward. He nodded toward the living room. "Nessie looked about ready to bite my head off when I only gave her a few marshmallows, so I just thought I'd check."

Nessie. That was it. I was going to do it on my own, bump myself up a level of friendship. I could wait around for Beau to do it, but I didn't want to.

I crossed my arms over my chest. "You know, my brother calls me Linney sometimes."

Beau's brows drew together as he scooped some marshmallows from the bag and plopped them into my mug of cocoa. "Linney?"

"Yeah, because, you know. Col-lins. Lins. Linney."

There were indents near the corners of Beau's mouth, and I realized for the first time that when he tried to repress a smile like he was now, he had tiny dimples. "That's a cute nickname. Suits you in a way."

I warmed from the inside out. Didn't even need the hot drink. I just needed Beau. "You can use it," I offered.

With his fingers centimeters from wrapping around the mug, he froze. A long moment passed, and when he turned to face me, his expression was flat.

"No. I can't do that."

My arms tightened. "Why not?"

Beau released a humorless laugh like he couldn't believe that I didn't see a problem with it. "Do you think of me like a brother?"

Well, when he put it like that.

I gulped, and Beau continued, keeping his words hushed and tight. "I've been inside you, Collins. I'm not going to call you by whatever name your brother uses."

My mouth ran dry. My hands, clammy. I felt a flush work through me. It was a mix of irritation and arousal, and it made me prickly.

"Okay, then. Bren calls me Linney sometimes." That was a lie. Bren never called me anything cute because our relationship wasn't like that. But his teasing earlier had gotten into my head, and now my mouth refused to close. "Based on your thinking, I should tell him to stop, huh?"

Beau took an abrupt step toward me, flattening my body against the kitchen island, with my back to the living room. My hands fell to my sides as his palms slapped onto the countertops, his jaw ticking as he pressed into me. "You know earlier when you said that you didn't like thinking about me tasting other girls?" he muttered thickly.

I nodded because it was all I could manage.

"Well, sometimes I hate my best friend." A gruff, throaty noise emerged from between his lips. "Because he's touched you."

I knew that somewhere in my mind, I had been hoping for a reaction from my comment. But this—this was more than that; this was unexpected. "Bren and I are just friends, Beau," I whispered.

"So are we," he countered. But then he thrust his hips forward, purposely flexing his erection between my legs. It made my insides pulse, and I widened my stance without thinking, wanting more. It made Beau's lips curve up. "And yet here I am, getting hard in the kitchen."

I swallowed a groan. "You don't actually think—"

"No, I don't." Beau shook his head. Keeping our hips connected, he leaned back, careful to keep things PG above the waist. But below...shit. "I don't think that at all. But do I like that you guys used to be together? Hell no."

"We weren't together," I tried to reason. "Not like that."

Beau wasn't appeased. Rotating his hips against mine in a way that made me want to scream, he reached forward to grab the mug of hot cocoa from the counter. He handed it to me with a low mutter. "Collins, let's just be really clear. If you're going to think about anyone's cock inside you tonight when you go to bed, it'll be mine. Got that?"

To give my racing mind a minute to get its shit together, I took a sip of the chocolatey, warm drink, detecting the hint of peppermint that I assumed was Schnapps. When I lowered the mug again, I nodded and tipped my hips up in response, brushing against him again. Beau lips thinned in effort to keep a groan inside. I still heard it, though.

"Got it," I said, licking my lips.

Beau's eyes shifted downward to where my tongue had just darted out before he lifted a hand to wipe at the corner of my mouth with his thumb.

"Good. Night, sweetheart."

And then he was gone.

✨

i think bren is enjoying himself too much —

but to be fair, dude is just trying to move along the process for us

my updating has been a little sporadic! would you prefer an updating schedule? let me know :)

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@cocoandamelie

xoxo Amelie