keycard when we got to her hotel room.

Caging my arms around her, I held her wrist steady, helping to slide the card into the door. She giggled, and there was a little bit of nervousness in the way she did it. Cutie.

When the door swung open, she spun and backpedaled inside, her gaze never leaving mine. I followed her into the room, whipping my suit jacket off as I strode across the carpet.

"You're so fucking pretty, you know that?"

Another giddy laugh left her lips, but then it faltered. Sadness seeped into her eyes, and I wanted to destroy it. I wanted to kill whatever thought had just entered her brain. Anything that made Collins Bryant's smile fade was my mortal fucking enemy from here on out, and I would defeat whatever it was in combat. Mark my goddamn words.

"What's this now?" I said, grabbing her chin to tilt it up when she tried to look away from me.

"What's what?"

"That frown."

"Oh." She blinked rapidly. "It's nothing, Beau."

I didn't believe her. But I was also horny as fuck, a little tipsy, and still had the taste of her on my tongue. So when she lowered her gaze and asked me to kiss her—no, begged me to kiss her—I obeyed.

I would have been a fool not to. Right?

___

"That's what you're competing on tomorrow?"

Collins' squeal was a little bit adorable. At the very least, it brought me back to my senses, and my hands dropped from her hips. Laughing softly, I took a step back to put some distance between us.

She was standing in my room, wearing my shirt, my pants, my fucking smile—the one I only saw when we were alone. And my brain was screaming mine.

It was tough to get my head on straight when she had my favorite flannel wrapped around herself like that. It was maybe even harder than when she'd flashed her doe eyes earlier before sinking onto her knees in front of me.

Girl had no idea what she did to me. Or if she did know, she didn't let it sway her. Not earlier in the bathroom. Not now in my bedroom.

Friends. You're friends. And she's not yours, man. She doesn't want to be yours.

I cleared my throat. "Yep, there she be. A beaut, ain't it?"

Collins shook her head. "A beautiful disaster waiting to happen, you mean. I will never understand why people insist on risking their lives for fun," she muttered, staring intently out the window and squinting at the half-pipe on the side of the mountain. All lit up at night, it dominated a huge portion of the slopes. Looking at it made excitement thread through my veins.

"Adrenaline is powerful stuff," I said. "Like a drug."

And not so different than desire. Not so different from the high she experienced at my fingertips, the one that I knew she craved beyond control. At least that night she had, anyway.

"In my experience, it's terrifying," Collins said.

My few minutes of control were up. I pressed against her back again, my face's reflection forming in the window, right behind hers. If I hadn't been watching so closely, I probably would have missed the way her eyes widened just slightly when I caught her waist between my hands.

"Terrifying?" I repeated. When Collins' realized I was looking at her in the reflection, she stilled. Her breathing changed, and I dropped my voice. "I know your pulse has raced for reasons other than terror, Collins."

She didn't seem to know what to say, letting her body talk back instead. She leaned back, her weight sinking into me. It only lasted a few seconds, but I felt how she melted. How she trusted me in that tiny blink of time to hold her, to touch her. How she liked it. How it made her heartbeat pick up.

But then the moment was gone, and she twisted around, poking me in the chest. "You're honestly going to fly down that thing when you're already injured? Beau Martin, I thought you had some sense."

"Collins," I said, grabbing her hand for the second time tonight. "I'll be fine. There's not even any trees on the half-pipe."

My wink didn't make her smile like I thought it might. She only scowled before looking back over her shoulder at the mountain.

"Tell me you at least wear a helmet."

Oh, tonight was doing something dreadful to me. All the sweaty hands, all the weak knees. Not only was she starting to open up a little bit, but she was also so goddamn caring that it made my chest ache. It shouldn't surprise me. She'd spent several years working with kids who'd come from broken places, and people didn't do that unless they were a nurturer in some way. But I never expected for her to turn that hidden trait of hers on me.

"I wear a helmet."

When a shiver ran down Collins' spine, I took the opportunity to scoop her up and plop her onto my bed, where a thousand-pound comforter awaited her. No need to stand by the chilly window and continue to argue about my apparent doom. Besides, she smiled a tiny bit when she landed on the pillows, pulling the throw blanket up over her. And then, in her shy little way, she patted the bed next to her.

Ah, shit. I hadn't really thought this far.

Resigning myself to this new circle of hell, I eased myself down carefully and tried not to wince.

It didn't work.

"Beau...." Collins started, worry in her eyes. But I cut her off before she could go any further.

"When I was fifteen, I started bagging groceries so that I could pay for lift tickets. My parents paid for them when my brother and I were little, but as soon as we were old enough to get a job, if we wanted to snowboard....well, we had to find a way to do it."

"Wow." Collins couldn't seem to hide the surprise on her face. "Really?"

I nodded. "I got access to my trust fund when I was eighteen, but before that? I worked my ass off for everything I wanted to buy." Sighing, I let my memories take hold of me a little bit, grinning like a fool. "When we got our license, this was the first place my parents let us drive outside of like a ten-mile radius of home. I remember I was so fucking stoked to come here without them."

She lay her head down on the pillow, snuggling into it. "A young and wild Beau Martin, I like to picture that."

Mimicking her, I leaned back into the pillows, too. With my head propped up in my hand, I teased her.

"I'm not still wild and young?"

"No," she laughed. "No, you definitely are."

"Phew." I pretended to wipe the sweat off my brow, and she shook her head, exasperated. But smiling.

The room grew quiet after that. Somewhere in the background, I heard a door closing, and if I had to guess, it meant that Grayson and Nessa had retreated to their room. But we both decided not to hear it. Or maybe Collins hadn't heard it at all.

I definitely did. But she looked so perfect there. The lights from the slopes streamed through the window, casting a glow over Collins that made her look like a goddamn angel. Her eyes slid shut, but I knew she wasn't sleeping. She was comfortable, though. And that was oddly satisfying that she felt that way with me.

Why did this moment feel like a dream, though? Something that couldn't be real. Something that I wasn't going to get to keep.

I wanted it to be real.

"Collins," I said after our long pause, "what do you remember about that night when you were drunk?"

Her eyes opened, but she took a long time to answer despite the answer being simple. "Everything."

Somehow, I wasn't surprised.

"Are you going to tell me the truth?"

She seemed to shrink into herself. "About what?"

Girl, don't play with me like that.

"Are you going to tell me what you were talking about when you said you had a thing you didn't want anyone else to get involved in?"

Her expression told me that she'd been waiting for me to ask that for a long time. And that she'd already made her mind up on what the answer would be.

"No," she whispered.

I sighed, rolling onto my back to stare at the ceiling. If I kept looking at her, all curled up in my bed, it would fuck with my head.

"Can I tell you something, Collins?"

"Yeah." Her voice was small, sleepy.

"You know how Bren's dad came back for him last year?"

I repressed a shudder at even bringing it up. Luke Hadaway still haunted me sometimes, and I'd only met him for a few minutes.

Collins nodded.

"When we found out that Bren was walking into a trap, Madie asked me to drive her to Fresno because Bren wasn't picking up his phone. And when we got there...." I stopped to clear my voice, hating these memories. "When we got there, his dad was already at Caroline's house. At that moment, I had to decide between listening to Bren, who had a gun pointed at his head while he begged me to get Madie out of there... or Madie, who was muttering that she would kill me if I tried to get her to leave."

Collins was silent for a really long moment, but I resisted the urge to look at her. I couldn't keep looking at her.

"I didn't realize you were there for that," she said finally, hushed.

"Yeah." I watched the ceiling fan go round and round, letting it lull me. Settle me. "It was the messiest, scariest shit I've ever been involved in. But if I had to go back in time, I'd hop in that car with Madie again. Because that's what you do for your friends. I mean, I'm not sure what would have happened if we hadn't shown up. Maybe it would have been better, maybe not. The point is, though, I wouldn't hesitate a single second if Madie asked for my help again."

I turned my head. Not because I couldn't resist seeing her face any longer, but because she needed to see mine. I sought her eyes in the dark and held them.

"Whatever it is that you have going on, Collins....involve me."

Her lips parted. "What?"

"I'm telling you," I said, talking slowly. Intently. "I want to be involved. Involve me."

That pretty face of hers crumpled. "Beau, I can't do that. I know what you'll try to do if I tell you, and I just...I just can't let that happen."

Gritting my teeth, I stared at her.

She knew what I would fucking do, huh? The only thing that told me was there was something I could do to help. There was something I could do. And she didn't want me to do it. What the hell? This was some bullshit right here because I told myself once that I'd go head-to-head with anything that made her sad, and now she wasn't going to let me do it. It went against every fiber in my being to sit back and do nothing.

"Let it happen, Collins."

Stop fucking messing with my fibers, will you? They need to help you. They were created to help you. It hurts when you don't let them do their thing. Literally hurts.

"I don't need a knight in shining armor," she whispered.

I scoffed. "Armor would look terrible on me. Far too bulky. My super suit is more like a Spandex. Really shows off my physique."

"Beau," she said, trying not to smile.

Pretending to act shocked, I raised a brow at her. "What? You don't think I have a good physique?"

"Beau."

She could be mad all she wanted, but I won. She was smiling.

Still, a heavy sigh slipped out. "I'm not a hero. I'm just a friend." When she was silent, I added, "You can't tell me that you don't need a friend."

"You're right."

I was right, but she still wasn't going to tell me the truth. That much was crystal clear. Like snow in the goddamn sun. It was blinding how much she didn't want me to know, and goddamnit, why'd she gotta hurt me like that?

But all my irritation vanished when Collins blinked up at me. All I wanted at that moment was to pull her in tight. But I couldn't do that. So I said the only true thing I could find to say.

"This is really fucking killing me."

"I know. I know it is." When she spoke again, it was barely audible. "But it's for the best."

I didn't know what the hell we were talking about anymore. It really felt like we'd turned a corner somewhere, and we weren't just talking about her secret anymore. She was saying some other shit in there, too. And it made all the emotions from the night sink from my chest to my gut.

"Do you want me to go?" she asked even though her eyelids were drooping.

What a ridiculous question.

"No, I don't want you to go."

"I'll go back to my room in a bit." Collins nestled deeper into the pillow, smashing her curls. "I promise."

That was the last kind of promise I wanted. Promise me other things, baby girl.

"Just stay."

A noncommittal noise left her throat, and it sounded pleased.

"Don't sleep on the floor again, okay?" she mumbled. "I can guarantee that my breath smells better this time."

I laughed, but it was a tortured laugh. She had no idea, did she? At this point, I'd welcome bad breath so that it could distract me from the swirl of coconut and flowers and bubbly Prosecco floating around me, sweet and tempting. If she could try to be more repulsive, it would really help me out.

"Okay," I said. "I'll just stay all the way over here. And keep my hands to myself."

"I know you will."

Maybe it was my imagination, but it almost sounded like she was disappointed about that. And God, it left me with all sorts of things to dream about.

So many fucking things.

And none of them were friendly.

✨

you were right, beau. all your rules are going out the window...

clothesoverbross mentioned that Afterglow was Collins' song, and they were so right 😭

xoxo amelie