wasn't exactly a common experience for me.

But I didn't miss the doubt in Collins' eyes about where my attention was at the moment. Couldn't blame her, either. Screw my brain for letting Nessa slip in for a moment, even if it was well-intentioned and all that. Not the fucking time to be responsible, brain. Not the fucking time.

My focus was Collins, though. It was all her.

So here I was, slamming the emergency brakes on the elevator and hitching up her dress. Her inner thigh was so soft and smooth beneath my fingertips, and holy mother of God, I couldn't wait to feel the rest of her.

"Beau," she gasped, opening up for me without hesitation.

I smiled into her curls. This girl was greedy, and I adored it. The way she said my name was satisfying as all hell.

Finding her ear, I kissed the hollow beneath it before pulling back to look at her. "Tell me I can touch you."

She couldn't get her response out quick enough. "You can touch me."

"Good. Now, how many?" I asked, brushing one finger between her legs, skimming the lace there.

Big, brown eyes stared at me as she answered with a confused, aroused whimper.

"What?"

My finger dipped past her underwear, teasing her clit. She was stunningly wet, and I was maddeningly hard. I could barely think straight. Was this happening? Oh fuck, yep. It was. And she wasn't just letting me touch her; she was encouraging it, rocking her hips forward and begging for more.

Beg, baby girl. Beg with those hips.

"How many fingers?"

I dove knuckle-deep inside her.

Collins opened her mouth, but no sound came out.

"How many fingers do you want in this little pussy, sweetheart?" I groaned with her when I pumped another finger in. "Tell me what you like."

___

The thing about joining a snow club when you live by the California coast is that you're going to have to drive a long-ass way to find some freaking snow.

But honesty? The further away from Oakland, the better. I needed a little fresh air, a little space.

Being friends with Collins was frankly exhausting. Constantly policing the way I looked at her, how much time I spent with her, the smiles I gave her—it was taking its toll on me. I was trying so hard to give her the right amount of attention. Enough that she knew I didn't hate her, but not too much that she started questioning shit between us.

Fine. So that I wouldn't start questioning shit between us.

"A lot on your brain?"

I jerked out of my headspace, tearing my eyes away from the yellow lines on the highway.

"Yeah, you could say that."

Professor Evans—who insisted we call him Hale—chuckled with both hands on the wheel. It was a little windy on the route to Mammoth Lakes, so I couldn't blame him for wanting full control. No one wanted to be blamed for accidentally running a van full of college kids off the road.

"Must be a lot. It's almost been three hours, and you haven't said a word."

Three hours? Holy shit.

A quick check of the clock told me that he wasn't wrong; I'd been lost in my own brain for almost the entire morning. Not even a venti cold brew had been enough to shake me out of it and make conversation with the other people in the car. I was failing my duties, too. It was common knowledge that whoever rode shotgun was responsible for curating the perfect playlist, and what was coming through the speakers now? Hello by Adele. What a fucking mood-killer.

"Some people like to chill in the car, prof."

Hale smiled without looking away from the road. "I know. And there's nothing wrong with that. But Madie described you as a guy who never shuts up, so it had me wondering." When I started to scowl, he cut in with, "She said it lovingly, of course."

"Sure she did."

Just for that, I'm gonna talk your ear off next time I see you, Madeline Rose.

"No, really. She did," he insisted. "Full of praise for you, that one."

Hale had taken on Madie as an advisee after she took his history course last year and decided she wanted to explore the department a little more. Grayson and Nessa took the class, too, and couldn't find anything but good things to say about the guy, who probably only had about five to ten years on me. Smart motherfucker, getting his shit together so young.

"Let's hope you're as good on the slopes as you are as a friend," Hale added with a little wink when I remained quiet.

I snorted. "Don't get too excited, man. I'm just doing this for fun. I'm not about to become OSU's star boarder."

"For fun, huh?" A slight smirk toyed with his lips. "I'd think you'd smile more, then."

A hand clapped down on my shoulder. Long nails scraped my jacket, making me look up into the rearview mirror to see who the hell was mauling me.

A girl with reddish-brown hair and wide eyes blinked up at me through the mirror. With her free hand—the one that didn't have a tight-ass grip on my shoulder—she adjusted a bright pink winter hat until it sat lower on her head.

I was like ninety percent sure her name was Chelsea. And I was one hundred percent sure that she skied...which pretty much guaranteed we couldn't be friends.

"You're going to love Mammoth Mountain," she gushed.

Biting down on my tongue, I smiled back at her, trying to be friendly. Girl didn't need to know that my family was shareholders for the resort, and I'd practically grown up on these slopes.

"There's a bar at the bottom of the Christmas Bowl," she continued, nudging my shoulder. "McCoy's. We should check it out."

"How are the drinks?" I asked, despite knowing the answer. They had Russian River IPA on tap, and that was all I needed.

"Good, dude." A deep voice joined the conversation, a dude named Evan who so far passed the vibe check considering he was, without a doubt, a fellow boarder. "Trust me. Way better bars than anything you can find by campus."

He was right about that.

Maybe the weekend would be a good one after all.

****

Collins jumped off the barstool as soon as I walked into our apartment on Sunday night.

"You're back!"

She sounded breathless. And... excited?

No way that was true. Probably just my brain messing with me. After all, it had been a whole three days since I'd seen her, so I was likely just suffering the side effects of a Collins withdrawal.

"I'm back." I kicked my shoes off. "And exhausted."

Three days of snowboarding after nearly a year away from the slopes meant that my muscles were tight. Mega tight. But it was exactly what I'd needed. As soon as I stepped out of the car and breathed in that fresh mountain air, I knew I had made the right choice heading out for the weekend. Flying down the runs, wind slapping my cheeks—no better fucking feeling.

"Oh, I bet." After flashing me a tiny smile, Collins rounded the corner of the kitchen island and went to the fridge, opening it up and bending over to dig for something. I tightened my grip on my snowboard.

Those were the tiniest goddamn shorts that I had ever seen. For fuck's sake, Collins. Winter. It was winter, baby girl. And I mean, sure, we lived in California. But still. It wasn't exactly hot out. Hot in here, though. I was fucking sweating in my thermal layers that I hadn't taken off yet, having hopped in the car right after our final run.

Collins, oblivious to how much her ass was affecting me in those shorts, started talking again. But it was muffled, and I was distracted, and I barely heard any of it.

".....dinner?"

"We ate on the way back," I said, praying to the snow gods that my answer made sense.

She nodded as she straightened again, and I let out a breath of relief. Did she realize how close I just came to having a heart attack? Collins' style was usually modest and simple—jeans and graphic tees. The occasional dress with tights. Oversized sweaters. Not booty shorts.

To be clear, she could dress however she wanted, but goddamn, girl. Give my bodily functions a warning, will ya?

"Where's Nessa?"

Maybe a change in conversation would make it less obvious that I hadn't heard whatever she was saying before.

Collins' shoulders drooped a little as she started setting ingredients for dinner on the counter. A jar of tomato sauce, like five kinds of cheese, and a bottle of chilled wine. She must have Italian on the mind tonight.

"Grayson had a doctor appointment on Friday morning, so she left with him for Modesto right after you headed out, and they stayed with his moms for the weekend. They should be back soon, too."

Noticing Collins struggling to open the jar, I tossed my gear on the couch and crossed the room to help her, plucking it out of her hands. She glanced up at me, a protest clearly on the tip of her tongue. She held it in, though, watching as I twisted off the lid and handed it back to her.

One day. One day, I would make her realize she didn't need to do everything herself.

"Did you see Madie and Bren this weekend, then?" I asked.

Collins shook her head, and guilt immediately sank into my stomach. All the fun I had the past few days suddenly seemed tainted by the fact that Collins had been alone for all of them.

"No, they went to visit Caroline. They invited me with, actually, but I—"

When she broke off, I hip-bumped her. "But what?"

She should have gone with Bren and Madie. Caroline, Bren's foster mom from high school, would have loved to have more company.

Collins wouldn't look at me when she answered. "Fresno and I had a clean break, okay? I won't be going back any time soon. Even if Caroline bakes really good cookies. Besides, I needed to study for my finals coming up."

I nodded, but something about how her demeanor shifted worried me. And I was still annoyed to all hell about how she'd spent the weekend alone. Everyone else had meaningful shit to do, so it wasn't their fault. Nah, it was mine. I should have—

"You seem tense." Collins broke into my thoughts, and I looked up to find her gaze on me, studying my face.

"I'm just sore from the weekend. First time out for the season and all that." I shrugged off her concern and put some much-needed space between us, peeling off a few layers as I did. Jesus Christ, we needed to turn the thermostat down. "How did the studying go?"

Collins was still eyeing me when I checked back at her, and I tried to find enough air to take a deep breath.

"Really good," she said finally. "I'm excited for the end of the term. I liked my classes this semester, but I'm way more interested in some of the ones that I signed up for starting in January."

Her enthusiasm about school was utterly adorable. I wished I'd felt the same, but I only spent enough time on my schoolwork to pass with moderately good grades and hopefully get into the business program. My classwork was notoriously easy and not in the least exciting.

"I'm ready for winter break, too. I—"

Shit.

Winter break. A four-week period that I planned to spend mostly at home in Sacramento or at Mammoth Mountain. Nessa and Grayson would head back to their hometowns, which were only like twenty minutes apart. And Madie and Bren would probably go back to be with Caroline.

But if Collins wouldn't go home to Fresno for a weekend, she sure as hell wouldn't be going back for winter break. Which meant...what? She was going to be alone here for a month? Hell, what had she done for Thanksgiving? If I found out that I'd been eating turkey while she sat on our couch eating take-out, I doubted I could forgive myself.

This was what I got for evading her for most of the semester. A sick, gnawing feeling invaded my gut.

"Do you have any plans?"

I cleared my throat at Collins' question, snapping back to attention. "Yeah. There's a club competition the weekend before Christmas. Up at Mammoth Mountain, where I was this weekend. But that's about it."

"Such a long way to drive to be cold," she teased, smiling down at the glass of wine she was pouring.

"It's not so bad." I leaned against the wall, crossing my arms over my chest. "You should come."

Collins' reaction was barely noticeable. If you called her cup overflowing as barely noticeable.

Fuck. Would it be that hard to figure out how to think shit through before I spoke? But the only thing on my mind was her. Alone. Here. Again.

Nope, didn't like that.

"Everyone should come," I amended with a shaky smile. Good save, man. "It would be the perfect way to celebrate the end of the semester. My parents have a place out there, and I'd say it's big enough for all of us."

Momma Martin would give me hell if I stayed out in the mountains for all of winter break, but at least it would be a little bit of time when Collins wouldn't have to be alone.

Collins laughed, and I realized there was a touch of nervousness there. "Isn't it all the way over near Nevada? I can't remember the last time I made it that close to the state line."

I couldn't help it; I strode back toward her, resting on the island countertop so I could see the way her eyes lit up beneath the soft kitchen lighting.

"No vacations, Collins? No weekend getaways?"

A humorless laugh was my answer. "Not in a long time."

What I wouldn't do to change that for her.

"If you could go anywhere, anywhere at all, where would you go?" I muttered, watching with bated breath as she bit down on her lip, her wine glass suspended mid-air on the way to her mouth. Her eyes met mine with simmering awareness that made my throat practically close up.

Let me show you the world, sweetheart. I don't have a magic carpet, but I know someone with a jet, and that's probably better anyway. Not for the environment, maybe. But it's roomier.

"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

A shake of her head. A curl fell out of her ponytail, and it took all of my restraint not to brush it away from her face. Frankly, it took all of my restraint not to push her against the kitchen cabinets and taste the wine from her lips, but that was a whole other problem.

I sighed. Maybe in another life I could have Aladdin-ed my way into her heart. "Don't forget to dream a little bit in between all your hard work, Collins. Okay?"

"Okay," she whispered and then finally took a sip of that wine.

Picking up the bottle, I surveyed the label. A 2011 Pinot from a vineyard down by Santa Barbara.

"You know...2013 was really the better year for California wines." I threw her a little wink. "Just something to keep in mind next time you're picking out a Pinot."

She started to roll her eyes but stopped mid-exasperation when I added, "I'll pick some of it up for when we head to the mountains in a couple weeks."

With that, I slapped my hand down and pushed off the counter, making a hasty, giddy retreat out of the kitchen.

"Beau—"

"Gotta shower!" I called over my shoulder, throwing my shirt off on the way.

Collins muttered beneath her breath in reply, something about my clothes. Or lack thereof. I was almost—okay, entirely—certain I wasn't supposed to hear it. And for some reason, that made me grin like a fucking fool.

✨

I know I'm updating more than usual, but fuck it.

if you read the Christmas bonus in A Very Wattpad Christmas, you might have some idea of what's coming up!

thank you so, so much for reading!

xoxo