With relative confidence and only slightly sweaty palms, I led Collins out onto the dance floor. But all my plans to share a few carefree dances with this girl flew out the window when we faced each other, and she grabbed the end of my tie, reeling me in toward her.

I choked on air.

Give my dick a warning before you do something as hot as that, will ya, sweetheart?

With a sly grin, Collins melted into my arms when I wrapped them around her, and I had to force myself not to pull her in all the way. I needed a little space here. A bit of room to get my shit together, or else my body was going to get mixed signals about what was happening.

Dancing. We were dancing. Just dancing. Dancing was innocent and—

Her hands were tangling into my hair, and was I...was I having a heart attack? Oh god, and now her breasts were brushing up against my chest, and that panicking heart of mine was definitely not the only throbbing body part.

In a last-ditch effort to calm my nerves, I looked at the ceiling. Anywhere but her.

The lights were dim now, the atmosphere rich and moody. The elegance of the ballroom combined with the music's heady bass caused a clash of romance and sex, and I was getting sucked between both of them.

Disaster? Miracle?

Time would only tell.

___

I was already having a shitty day, and now Nessa had to put in my head the one thought I hadn't even contemplated yet.

Collins dating. And bringing guys home. And moaning their names across the hall.

Fuck that.

Collins took off immediately after our roommate meeting, her light brown skin a bit darker and shinier than usual along her cheekbones. Part of me hated Nessa for making her go through the embarrassment of all that, and the other part of me couldn't blame her because I hadn't actually told Ness a damn thing about what happened between us.

After Collins escaped to her room, I decided I wanted to escape, too. Too bad Nessa wouldn't let me.

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" I sighed, turning around when she grabbed my arm in the hallway. "Like shacking up with your spicy piano man. I heard he delivers good orgasms. Should probably run along."

I mustered up the last bit of humor in me to shoot her a wink.

"Oh my god," she moaned. "Would you shut it? I've never once told you anything—"

She paused, comprehension dawning on her face.

"Thin walls, Ness. You don't gotta tell me."

Nessa slid a hand down her face, but then she straightened. "Okay, enough about me. What was that?"

I frowned, lowering my voice. "What?"

"What you just did in there," she hissed. "You basically banned non-committed partners and sex from this household. How very old school of you, Beau."

When she put it like that, it made me cringe a bit. Still, though.

"I don't want random people hanging around all the time, do you?"

Nessa, as usual, saw through my shit. She poked me in the chest, whispering. "No, you just don't want Collins to bring guys home. You don't want to have to see her with someone that's not you."

I crossed my arms. "It has nothing to do with that."

God, I was a shit liar. This was going to get me kicked into another circle of hell; I just knew it. But was it any hell worse than seeing Collins with someone else?

Nessa looked thoroughly and utterly unimpressed with my response.

"Say what you will, Martin, but the next time she's out at the bars or a party and wants to leave with a guy she just met... where's she going to go?" Nessa inched closer to me, forcing me back into the wall. "Not here where it's safe. Where we can kick him out if he's being an ass. If he's crossing too many boundaries. No, she's going to go to his place. Because she doesn't want to upset her roommate, who said he doesn't like guys coming over. A roommate, by the way, who's been totally weird and strange and even—"

Her mouth snapped shut, indecision in the shift of her expression while my insides were clenching with realization.

Don't stop your roll now, Wednesday.

"And even what, Nessa?"

"Cold."

"Cold? Excuse you, I let you snuggle next to me yesterday during our nightly Stranger Things episode."

"Not toward me."

I drew my lips into a thin line, wondering if she was right. Being cold to Collins wasn't my intention; I was trying to give her space. Space that she'd clearly wanted last winter when we parted ways.

Grayson popped his head out of the doorway, raising a brow at the two of us, nose-to-nose in the hallway.

"Give it a rest, Adler."

Thank you, I mouthed. "She's a little scary when her protective side comes out."

"Trust me," Grayson said, eyes bright, "I know. Hot, too."

Calm down, buddy. Wait until you're in the room to fuck her with your eyes, won't ya?

Shuddering, I made at face at that, because—gross, Grayson, no— Nessa was like my sister. And she responded by slapping me on the arm. Then with a flick of her eyes that was as close to a roll without actually being one, Nessa walked away, leaving me to stand alone in the hallway. I stared down at the end of it where Collins' door was.

Fuck. Nessa was right, wasn't she?

I was an ass. I'd thought that putting distance between Collins and I would be for the best, but I never intended to alienate her or make her feel unwelcome.

Exhausted from the day, I retreated to my room, sinking into my bed. The energy to go for a run or even make a drink had vanished, and I opened my phone instead, mindlessly scrolling through social media app after social media app.

It was almost midnight when I heard the loud crash coming from Collins' room, followed by swearing and a shriek.

And just like that, I was across the hall and in her doorway.

****

Sitting on Collins Bryant's bedroom floor was not how I saw this night ending. But the two hundred colored pencils that she had rolling around the old, creaky floorboards had their own plans for me.

It was quiet while we worked, plucking up pencils from the ground. As much as possible, I tried to ignore how little bits of Collins were coming at me from all directions, making weird things happen inside my chest. The room was eclectic but tidy, and the air carried hints of coconut and something flowery. It was her perfume; I knew it was her perfume because it smelled the same as my tux did after the night of the gala. I could get fucking high off of that shit if I wasn't careful.

"Do you usually draw so late at night?" I asked, breaking the silence.

Be chill, Beau. Be nice.

"A lot of times, yeah." She shrugged. "Inspiration strikes in those moments when you're not doing anything else. When your mind settles, you know? I think that's why long showers and car rides are good for the soul. Besides, what else am I going to be doing at midnight?"

I flashed a laughing smile. "I don't know. Sleeping, maybe?"

She didn't respond how I'd imagined she would. Her lips pulled tight.

"I'm not so great at that."

Before I figured out how to reply, she turned around on the floor, spinning to grab more of the colored pencils in the corner.

"I wasn't even working on anything tonight, though," she said over her shoulder. "I was just trying to organize things for tomorrow."

"What's tomorrow?"

"I have to do this portrait for an assignment. And there's this guy in my class who said he'd be my model, but he's only available like super early in the morning. And I have to truck all my stuff over to his place. He lives by Cabot Hall."

Cabot Hall was all the way across campus. Stiffening, I tapped a pencil against the floorboards. Nessa's words from earlier bounced around in my head.

"Make his lazy ass come here," I said finally.

So then I could supervise.

But not in like a jealous way. Not in like a weird way. Just in like a don't-fuck-with-my-roommate way. You know?

Collins furrowed her brows, and I knew it was because I was being confusing, throwing out the opposite of what I'd said earlier during our roommate meeting. She cleared her throat. "He can't. He only has a little bit of time before work. And then he has to meet with other people for a group project later."

Oh, no. I was about to do something that I was probably going to regret. I could feel it bubbling up in my throat and sitting on the tip of my tongue. And I didn't know how to keep it in. I didn't know how to control that part of me that just needed to fix problems for people, to make their lives better, even though it was going to be another circle of hell for me to swim through.

"What are the specifics of this portrait that you need?"

She scrunched her nose. "What do you mean? Like what's on the rubric?"

"No, like will a half-Tibetan, half-white guy with a goofy smile and a few tattoos work for a model?" I raked a hand through my hair. "He also has shaggy hair that his mom definitely disapproves of."

Her eyes grew wide. And then they softened. "I like how you've been growing out your hair. And I don't think you have a goofy smile."

"No?"

Her gaze lingered on my mouth, and I resisted the urge to...do something with it. I didn't know what exactly. Kiss her, probably. But I couldn't do that, so my brain searched for other ways to cut the tension that settled between us.

"No, Beau."

Goddamnit, Collins. Stop looking at me like that, or we're going to have problems, baby girl. Like big problems. Like visible problems. And yeah, I know it shouldn't be that easy. Believe me, I know. But you're making me remember things by staring me down like that.

I was two seconds away from clearing my throat to get her attention when her gaze jerked back to the floor. Back to the colored pencils.

"So?" I prompted after taking a steadying breath. "What do you think?"

She shook her head without looking at me. "You don't have to do that for me. You've done enough."

Done enough? I hadn't done half of what I'd do for her if I could. I hadn't even gotten her those rain boots yet.

"I really don't mind."

A deep exhale made Collins' shoulders shudder. There was hope in her expression when she looked back up. "Are you sure?"

I lifted one shoulder in a tiny shrug. "If you can stand to stare at my face for that long, sure. Why not?"

For the second time in a few minutes, Collins's face fell. She threw a colored pencil at me, and it hit my chest before clattering to the floor.

"Stop that."

"What?"

"If you were some other guy, I would think you were searching for a compliment. But I know you're not. So stop that."

I swallowed, not knowing what to say.

"You know I think you're attractive," she said, quieter this time. She stared down at the pencil by my feet, avoiding my gaze.

Danger, Will Robinson. Danger. Impending threat to your sanity and your dick ahead. Proceed with caution. Or better yet, don't proceed at all.

"No," I corrected, "I know you think I'm attractive when you're drunk."

For crying out loud. Why are you still talking? Listen to the fucking robot screaming in your head, Beau.

"I wasn't drunk that night."

The beating in my chest picked up, panicking at the thought of having this conversation. Of picking apart what we did, why we did. Oh god, how we did it. I needed to listen to the sounding alarms and get the hell out of here.

But when I shook my head and tried scoot away, Collins insisted. Crossed her arms over her chest, making my thank the lord she was wearing a baggy t-shirt.

"I wasn't. I was tipsy. There's a difference."

I couldn't help but grin at how cute she was. "Like the difference between giving help or charity?"

"Something like that, yeah."

I lowered my voice. "Okay, Collins."

"You'd be a perfect model," she continued, and I realized that because I'd shown a little bit of my self-doubt, now she was going to die on this hill. How could anyone not adore this girl? The truth was, though, that I only doubted myself around her. No one else. I wondered if she realized. "But the lighting in here is so shitty, even in the morning. The sun hits your—"

Cutting herself off, Collins bit down on her lip.

So I sighed, and words I shouldn't say came pouring out of my mouth.

"Let's do it in my room, then."

Stars lit up in her eyes.

"Yeah?"

I nodded and picked up the final pencil from the floor.

"Yeah. I'll see you in the morning."

And just like that, I obliterated all the rules I made for myself regarding living with Collins Bryant.

I couldn't wait to not sleep tonight.

💗

Collins, I want a copy of Beau's portrait for my wall pls.

time to ramp up the tension, huh? you know it's my favorite part.

xoxo Amelie