"Yeah," Adrian said, though he wasn't really listening to Osmond as he spoke. The freshman had come to his table for lunch since Helen was angry at him and her spot was empty, and as much as Adrian wanted to tell him to go away, he knew that he boy didn't exactly have a surplus of friends, most likely due to his straight-forwardness and ability to zero in on people's biggest insecurities.

"You're clearly not listening to me," Osmond said, and Adrian's eyes focused on him. He was once again struck by his attractiveness, and Osmond's eyes narrowed.

"I was," Adrian protested, though it didn't have it's usual fire.

"Adrian, you can't lie to me. I can tell by your eyes. Everyone is the same". Osmond leaned forwards, as if he was going to tell him a secret. "I'm going to tell you something I've never told anyone before, okay?" he sounded so serious and Adrian nodded eagerly. "When I was younger, only an eight year old boy, my best friend, Jimmy, his name was, disappeared". Adrian's eyes widened. "I was determined to find out what happened to him, but my parents didn't want me to. They told me to leave it alone, and that it didn't matter what happened to him".

"They didn't care about your best friend missing?"

"Don't interrupt," Osmond snapped, and Adrian reminded himself of the younger's temper. "Jesus fuck, and it was just about to get intense".

"I'm sorry. Continue please".

"Right. Well I saw there was something off about my parents, and I asked them about Jimmy so many times, and every time they lied to me and said they didn't know anything. They lied, so many times that once I found out the truth, I was already an expert at deciphering lies". Adrian raised his eyebrows.

"Well what was the truth?" he asked eagerly and Osmond looked surprised.

"I didn't think that far ahead," he said simply, looking down at the burger on his tray.

Adrian was extremely confused. "What?"

Osmond laughed and it was a beautiful but rare sound. "That was all bull shit. I don't talk about my parents. You know that". This was true. Something had happened with Osmond's parents, and the boy never talked about it.

"Then how did you know I was lying?" Adrian asked, annoyed with the smaller who's face had gone back to it's normal blank expression.

"I was talking about my crippling depression for a while and you usually at least have the courtesy to look sympathetic". Adrian dropped his eyes, feeling guilty. "Also, for the last five minutes, only to see if you were paying attention, of course, I was talking about bending you over this table and fucking you". Adrian choked on his drink and Osmond rolled his eyes. "You were really out of it. What were you looking at?"

What he had been looking at was the back of Ezra's head for the past twenty minutes, but didn't want to admit this to Osmond, who, and Adrian wouldn't tell him that he realized this, had a minor crush on him and had for the past three months. "Uh, nothing," Adrian said quietly, though his eyes flicked away from the freshman to the senior behind him.

"You're having boy problems," Osmond said, and when Adrian looked at him he was unsurprised to see that the boy's face was still expressionless. "Does it have something to do with Ezra Drake coming to talk to you?"

Adrian studied this boy. He could tell him the truth and potentially hurt him, or he could lie and give him false hope. "You can't tell anyone about the things I'm about to tell you". Osmond's face remained hard. "Please Oz".

His expression softened. "Of course I won't say anything".

Adrian sighed loudly. "I'm supposed to tutor him for language arts because if he fails, he'll get kicked off of the soccer team".

"Idiot".

Adrian ignored him. "I was a little nervous, since he's always hated me, but when I went over to his house a day after I had spent the night out and had a hickey on my neck, and he saw it and got really aggressive and we had sex on his couch".

"Naturally," Osmond said dryly.

"But he freaked out afterwards, and I didn't know what to do, so I told him that we could forget about it and left, but then it happened again the next time I went over, which was the day before he came into the band room".

"Let me guess," Osmond said, rolling his stunningly grey eyes, "He's straight and doesn't want anything to do with you?"

"Not exactly," Adrian said, "but close. He says he doesn't know what he wants". Osmond nodded, taking a sip out of his cartoned milk and then grimacing.

"What do you want?" It was a heavy question but it was spoken softly.

"I want..." to fall in love. It was all Adrian had ever wanted, but it terrified him. It would be easier to push Ezra away than to get hurt, but for the first time, Adrian wanted to take that risk. Ezra seemed different. "I want to at least try". Osmond was staring at his tray, but he suddenly looked up, his steel colored eyes very intense and Adrian swallowed.

"You should try. If not with him, with someone else. You deserve to fall in love. It's like nothing you can imagine". The way he was looking at him made Adrian extremely nervous, and he stood quickly from the table.

"I'm going to go practice," he said, hurrying away.

But he did take Osmond's advice to heart. He deserved to fall in love, and be loved in return. Maybe, just maybe, he had been looking in the wrong place. Maybe Ezra Drake was just a distraction from who he was really supposed to be with.

Before he got to the band room he sent a text to David.

***

It had taken some convincing, especially after the last time that they had seen each other, but David agreed to meet him. In a public place, which was new, and Adrian tried to dress as David liked him too. That meant wearing mostly dark colors with one accent bright thing.

Adrian was nervous, planning how to apologize to the man, and then ask him if they could actually begin to become something. Something more than what they were.

It wouldn't be the first time the topic was brought up, but it would be the first time that Adrian was the one suggesting it.

Adrian knew that this wasn't what Osmond had meant when he said to try with someone else if not Ezra, but Adrian was sure that the younger boy wasn't what he wanted. Oz would meet someone some day. Adrian was sure of it.

"Hey mom?" He asked, stepping into the kitchen where she was making food for two. Not three.

She looked up at him, surprised that he had actually come out of his room to talk to her. "What do you want?" she asked, eyeing his short form in disgust, and Adrian ignored this.

"Could I get a ride?" Helen had taught him how to drive about a year ago, but since his parents hated him and refused to sign forms so he could take his driver's test, he still needed rides everywhere, and he was not about to miss lunch.

"I'm making something for your father and I. I'll take you after we eat". She looked back to the stove, ending the conversation, and Adrian smiled.

"Great, thanks". He took the keys off of the counter. "I'll see you later mom". She protested, but he left the house anyways. He also wasn't about to be late either. It was worth the risk of being pulled over and fined.

The diner was crowded, but Adrian saw David right away, sitting by himself in a booth, fiddling with a grape jelly packet. All of the times that Adrian had seen him, he had always been wearing a hoodie of some sort, and sweat pants. Today, he was wearing khaki pants and a sweater vest. Adrian sat down across from him and chuckled, taking the jelly packet away and putting it by all of the other ones. "You look like a dad".

David just looked at him and breathed, his eyes roaming all over the parts of him that were visible above the table. "You look good," he said slowly and Adrian smiled.

"How good?" He teased.

"Good enough that before I wouldn't have thought twice about fucking you in the bathroom," David had yet to meet his eyes, "and you know how I feel about public places". Adrian glanced around.

"I do. I'm a bit surprised by this place for that specific reason".

David looked down, as if remembering something. "That's why I brought you here actually. So I wouldn't feel tempted to do that, but now here you are, wearing that..." David trailed off.

"You don't want to have sex?"

"Don't Want?" David laughed. "I always want you. And I'm always going to". Adrian smiled.

"Well now that that's covered," he reached across the table, placing a hand on top of David's forearm, "why don't we-"

"Adrian, I can't see you anymore". The words fell, and then hung there for a long time.

"I-" Adrian began, pulling his hand back. He didn't understand. It had always been David who was more interested in him. Never once had Adrian considered that in the end it would be David to call things off. "What?"

"Adri, I'm married".

"You're what? You're too young to be married".

"We did it early".

Adrian felt like he was going to be sick. Not only was he (in a way) being dumped, but the man he had been sleeping with for the past year was married. No. He couldn't be married. For his entire life, Adrian had been a strong believer in the sanctity of marriage. It was one thing he admired about his parents. Sure, they had problems and acted as if they didn't like each other a lot of the time, but then never once, were unfaithful.

Getting in the way of someone else's marriage was something that Adrian would never, ever do, and here David was, accusing him of just that.

"I'm married. I had been engaged when we met". Adrian had helped him cheat on his spouse for a year. "You see, the day we met, I was at the store to pick up a pregnancy test. We had decided to try for a baby even though I didn't feel completely ready, and I was stressed and overwhelmed and there you were and I've alway been attracted to men and I couldn't help myself". Adrian just listened, his mouth parted. "Haley doesn't like it when I smoke, even more so since she got pregnant, so I'd call you and we'd hang out and-"

"She's pregnant?" Adrian asked, and the more David talked, the more ashamed of himself he became. All of Helen's warnings, warnings that he barely knew David and to keep his guard up, came back to him and he swallowed, wanting to cry.

"Not anymore," David said, peering up at him through thick eyelashes. "Adrian, I'm a father".

"I need to leave," Adrian said, waving off the waitress as she came to the table to get his order.

He couldn't believe this. Couldn't believe that this man, whom he had seen as a friend for the past year. Whom he had come here to ask if the could finally be something more. But David was already more with someone else.

What would Ezra think? The boy who made him feel things he didn't want to. Would he be disgusted with him. When Adrian asked Ezra about his family, Ezra had said that his parents were in love. What would he think if he found that that Adrian had been helping a man to commit adultery.

"Adrian," Dave said, an arm reaching out quickly to grasp his wrist before he got up to leave. "I'm telling you because I don't want to use you anymore. I was jealous when I saw you kissing that boy on your front porch, and then I realize how unfair it was to you. I have a wife and a baby. I have someone who I love and loves me, and I don't want to prevent you from feeling that either".

"You kept asking me if I ever wanted to be more," Adrian said softly, his voice breaking and David nodded slowly.

"I was making sure that you weren't getting attached," David said, and it was then that Adrian realized that maybe he had been a bit attached. He had always said no to being with Dave because he was his safe zone. Dave had been one of the few constants in his life for the past year, and he was attached to that. "I never meant to hurt you Adri. I just got carried away with you and I'm sorry".

Adrian stood then, his body feeling numb as he looked down at the man who he had spent the last year of his life trusting. Whom he had laughed with and smoked with. Whom he had given his virginity to.

The last thought brought moisture to his eyes and Adrian refused to cry in front of this man, who was breaking his heart in a way that he didn't even know was possible. It wasn't the way his heart was broken by his parents, or how he assumed a bad breakup would feel. This was the kind of heart broken you feel after trusting someone and being betrayed.

"Fuck you," Adrian spat before spinning on his heel and marching through the restaurant.

The tears leaked from his eyes even before he was outside, and he quickened his pace to get to his mother's car.

He felt so many things. Hurt that he had been used for the last year. Guilt for sleeping with an apparently married man who now had a child. Lonely.

It was selfish, but deep down, Adrian also felt fear. Fear that this had been his one chance of being with someone who could at least tolerate his company. Fear that he would always be alone.

When he got to his car, he drove to the nearest gas station, furiously wiping his eyes as he went, trying to stop the tears that wouldn't stop falling.

Inside, he asked the young man behind the counter for a box of cigarettes. The man clearly had an internal conflict with this. At sixteen, Adrian actually looked like he was closer to thirteen than eighteen, so he was fooling no one with pretending to be old enough to actually purchase something to smoke.

But then again, his eyes were rimmed red and tears were still pooling in his eyes, threatening to fall.

"I can't sell these to you," the boy said and Adrian hiccuped. "But I can buy them for myself". For a moment, Adrian wondered if he was actually being taunted, but then the back of cigarettes were handed over to him without him needing to exchange even a dollar.

Thankful, he nodded to the other but couldn't find it in himself to smile.

Back in the car, he lit one of the cigarettes with the lighter he always carried with him if he was going to see David. It was a gift from the older man, so as soon as the stick was lit he threw it out of the car's window. He had others at home that had no sentimental value he could lose.

As he smoked in his mother's car, not caring that the smell was getting everywhere, he cried some more, thinking about his first time having sex with the attractive older man he had met at the gas station.

Now that he thought about it, he didn't know why he had thought his and David's relationship would end well since it had been shady since the beginning.

Maybe to feel better he'd call Helen and invite her over. Even though she was mad at him, he knew she would be there the second he said the words: I need you.

But then he remembered that El was no longer allowed in his house, and more tears fell as he pulled out his phone and dialed the familiar number.

"Hello?" Helen said on the other line, still sounding annoyed. Her tone changed completely once she heard one of his soft sniffles. "Baby, what's wrong?"

"I-" Adrian began before stopping to take another drag of his cigarette, calming his nerves so he could at least say, "he lied to me El".

And saying it outloud made it even worse.

As he began to sob, Helen demanded to know where he was on the other end of the phone. With a shaky voice, he told her.

The last thing she said before hanging up were words that had him calming almost as much as smoking did.

"I'm on my way".