I don't even remember how I got home, but there I was, thrashing my room beyond recognition. I'd been throwing around stuff for quite some time, and it was getting seriously messy. Not that I cared. I didn't care about anything.

"Dylan?" Lily's voice broke through my haze. She sounded worried. I'd never heard that tone in her voice before. She walked in front of me, crossing her arms, looking at me insistently. "You alright?" she asked. I blinked a couple of times, trying to focus.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I answered, my voice tense.

"Sure you are... I'll get you a cup of tea." She lingered for a few seconds, as if she was afraid I would start again as soon as she left. Tea? I never had tea...but for once it didn't sound too bad.

After a few minutes, she came back, holding a steaming cup in her hands. "Careful, it's hot!" she told me, handing it over into my fidgeting hands. The cup burned against them, the pain somehow comforting. She led me to the bed and sat me down, putting an arm around me without saying another word. I don't know for how long we sat there, but in the end I calmed down.

"It's Friday, right?" I asked after a while.

"Yes..."

"Good." I didn't think I could have handled seeing him again tomorrow, already.

"Would you like something to eat?"

"No," I answered automatically.

She didn't listen. She rose from my bed, and I could hear her walk downstairs, then faint sounds as she opened and closed cupboards in the kitchen. She came back with a bowl filled with ice cream. I couldn't help but roll my eyes a little at the cliche.

"I'm gonna have it if you won't," she added.

This time as she sat down next to me, I put my arm around her, hugging her close to my side. "You're a wicked sister Lil," I said, grateful for her gestures. She didn't answer, just cuddled closer.

We sat there for hours, watching one movie after another that she picked out from our long lost collection of kid's movies. I heard Mom walking in to check up on us a few times, but she never said anything. She was good like that. She knew when someone needed space.

The next morning I woke up in my clothes from yesterday. I'd obviously dozed off. I heard some strange noises from the kitchen so I walked downstairs, my duvet still wrapper around me. I gaped as I met the biggest breakfast I'd ever seen. Mom smiled when she saw my face, headed over with a concerned smile on her face and gave me a hug.

"Tyra and Sebastian invited themselves for breakfast. Are you okay with that?" she asked. I really wasn't, but I knew I would feel better once they were here.

"Sure, I'll go and take a shower," I answered, my voice still strained and hollow.

I really wasn't the guy who sulked, and after a shower and a new set of clothes I felt much better. I even managed to put a smile on my face as I saw my two friends digging into the breakfast delicacies.

"There you are." Tyra beamed. There was a slight spark of concern in her eyes, but after that first slip, she hid it quite well. Sebastian didn't hide his at all, he just looked at me worry apparent in his soft features.

"Yeah, sorry I woke up in my clothes just a while ago. My head obviously got a bit overloaded with Disney yesterday," I said, trying my best to be cheerful. Tyra laughed, and the sound was pretty liberating. I took a deep breath and decided that this was going to be a great day—starting with an awesome breakfast.

"So what are we doing today?" I asked, munching on a pancake drenched in maple syrup.

"Dylan," Mom scolded, "don't talk while you're eating. It's disgusting!" Tyra laughed again and Lily chimed in as she took a place next to Seb.

"What?" I asked, again showing off every bit of delicious pancake I was still savoring in my mouth.

Mom just sighed while the others tried to hold it together, failing miserably of course. I broke into a smile that made me feel a lot better.

It worked. They managed to cheer me up, I don't know how, but they did. After a while, I didn't even have to pretend. After a while, the sun didn't feel so unbearable, the air didn't feel as stifling.

We ended up in the park, sitting on a pair of swings. A couple of kids ran around us in circles, chasing after each other, giggling. It felt nice, normal. Their faces were so open, their eyes so honest. So unguarded. It made me think of Zach again, led me to wonder why he was closed off. What had happened? If we all started out like this, carefree and joyous, why did life treat us badly enough to lose that innocence?

"Hey, spaceman, what's going on in there?" Tyra asked, calling me back to Earth.

"Just some random stuff." I shrugged my shoulders.

"Sure..." She didn't sound convinced at all. "So, what random stuff?"

"Just stuff."

"Oh, come on Dyl, we know something's up. We're here you know..." I smiled at her, trying to tell her that I'd rather not talk about it, but it didn't work. She continued to hold her gaze steady, urging me to talk.

I caved.

"It's fucking unhealthy, that I'll tell you."

"Go on..." she said, still keeping that urging look in her face.

"Oh, stop it. You know what this is about, why do I need to spell it out?" I said, a little exasperated. I couldn't find the words. I didn't want to find the words to tell them what I felt, what had happened.

"It's obviously about Zach, and you're obviously thinking about him in a way which I know will lead to nothing but ruin." The seriousness in her voice took me off guard. It hurt. I knew she was right but that didn't matter.

"Tyra, I don't think that helped," Sebastian said, his voice soft. He reached out with his hand and rubbed my back, something I knew must have taken a lot of effort on his part. He didn't like to touch people. Sweet Sebastian. He seemed to feel other's emotions just as strongly as his own ones. It was sad that I hadn't fallen for him instead, it would have been far better for my mental health.

We were silent for a while. Tyra looked a bit sad, but also as if she was thinking hard. She had that crease between her eyebrows which she sported whenever we were in class.

"Look, Zach is... he's not..." she paused, as if she really didn't know what to say. Finally she blurted it out, as if she knew she had to say it but didn't want to. "He's a mess."

"As if I didn't know that Tyra..." I answered, my voice strained. I knew he wasn't okay, it had become pretty apparent while in that storage room. His voice, all that pain...it had sounded like a cry from the bottom of a deep well.

Tyra looked a bit shocked, as if she hadn't expected me to know.

"What do you know?" she asked.

"Not a damn thing!" I almost cried out the words in frustration.

"Well, how do you know then?"

"It's pretty obvious Tyra," Sebastian said, making us realize how loud we had become—his voice was almost like a whisper compared to ours.

Seb's words seemed to deflate us both. Tyra looked pretty miserable, and I assumed I looked the same.

"I'm sorry for bringing it up, I just... I just don't want you to get hurt," she finally said, turning toward me, catching my eyes to make sure I understood that she meant it.

"I know... and I'm not liking this any better than you," I said, sighing in defeat.

Despite the conversation that took me on a trip down into the dark depths of my mind the day turned out to be a lot better than expected. They somehow managed to make me smile and forget again—or not really forget, but at least I was distracted. I was distracted enough that I didn't notice Tyra's shocked expression, or that Sebastian stopped dead in his tracks. I noticed him too late.

Zach stood with his back against a red brick wall with a girl in front of him. Another bitch wearing less clothes than a stripper. I couldn't help myself. I laughed. It was a sickly laugh, a laugh of the mad. A laugh to turn heads, and it did. The girl looked over her shoulder, clearly agitated that I interrupted them with my weirdness. I met Zach's eyes, fully aware that it was the worst idea ever.

His stare was disconnected, as always, and that hurt more than I thought possible. He didn't even care what had happened yesterday? Did he even remember?

I felt an arm wrap around my waist, dragging me away. "Come on Dyl, let's get waster, forget about this shit," Tyra said, and I chuckled darkly. Yeah, alcohol didn't sound too bad right now. Perhaps I would forget for a night.

———

I don't know how she did it, but managed to find both alcohol and a place to hang out. It was one of the unknowns in school who hosted a party that would certainly trash the house. When we arrived it was chaos already, and I briefly wondered what we were doing there. However, another shot out of the tequila bottle forced the thought away. I wrapped my arm around Seb's shoulder and barged into the crowd. "Let's have some fun," I said, grinning widely.

He didn't respond, but he didn't have too, the music was too loud for talk. We lost ourselves in dancing for a while, Tyra joining in to make her moves. None of them were actually meant to do anything else than make me laugh, and I did. I laughed while she mirrored the girl dancing next to her, making fun of her attempts to be sexy. I laughed as she danced like me, trying to be cool. Even Sebastian laughed at that one.

"Hey, I'll be back in a moment," I said, desperate to take a leak. They nodded and I took off quicker than quick. I hated how that sneaked up on you too damn fast when you got drunk.

I found my way out into the garden and into a secluded corner. It smelled awful, and I realized I wasn't the first one here this evening.

As I walked off I heard a groan to my left. At first I thought I'd stumbled upon something I really didn't want to see, or hear, but when the sound came again I turned around. It wasn't one of those groans, it was pained.

I fumbled a little in the dark before I found the guy. He was lying on his stomach, barely conscious.

"Hey, wake up," I called, my voice a bit slurred thanks to my friend Tequila. When he didn't respond I shook his leg. "Hey man, wake up!" Nothing happened. "Seriously man, you're a pain in the ass right now, I do NOT want to deal with this. Shit!" I talked to deaf ears, but it felt good to talk. I finally turned him around and gasped. This was my fucking luck.

"Zach, get up you idiot!" I yelled, anger taking over from all the frustration I felt because of him, or perhaps it was fear. He didn't respond so I shook him roughly. I jolted as I felt a hand on my shoulder. "What?" I called out.

"Calm down Dylan, sorry to scare you." Seb smiled gently as he spoke.

"He's not waking up," I said.

"Clearly, let's get him to my car," Seb answered, taking charge over the situation. Once again I was amazed at his transformation from a shy kid to someone much more confident.

Moving Zach proved to be easier said than done, however. Seb and I weren't the biggest boys in town and Zach was unbelievably heavy for having such a tight ass. I guess it was his 6'4 that did it. We finally managed to haul him into the car. When Seb asked where to drive him I realized I didn't have a slightest clue.

"Your place then," Seb stated and I just stared at him, horrified.

"Uh, no!"

"Well, I can't take him in Dyl, my parents would ground me for two months straight. Your mom would be cool with it, she's cool with everything."

I couldn't really argue with that, it was the truth.

"This is a disaster," I said, dragging my palms across my face.

Seb didn't answer, in fact, he didn't speak until we were outside my house.

"I'll blame you, just so you know," I said, not even sure why I did. Seb hadn't done anything to warrant my anger.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," he answered calmly.

"I'm sorry." I was. Seb was nothing but kind, and I repaid him in the worst way possible.

"Don't worry about it. I know you're stressed out by this."

I sighed, but gave him a small smile.

With our combined effort we got Zach into my room. I would rather have left him in the sofa downstairs, but I was worried that Mom would see him and think he was a burglar or something.

"Do you want me to stay?" Seb asked.

"No, it's fine. Thanks for helping me...I think."

Seb laughed softly at my answer. "I don't think he'll kill you for saving his ass... although, one never knows. He became rather pissed last time."

"Shut up, Seb, you're not helping."

He gave me a brief hug that caught me off guard, but in a nice way. "Okay, see you tomorrow, call if you need me!" he said, then he was gone, just like that, while I was left with an unconscious Zach. Yey, lucky me... not!

The guy groaned again, and the sound actually calmed me down a little—at least he was still alive. A dead body would be even worse than an unconscious one.

I debated whether I should remove any of his clothes, but voted against it. It would be too strange. Then there was the question of where I would sleep. I'd grudgingly allowed Zach the bed and now I was out of options. I could have walked downstairs, taking the sofa myself, but for some reason I didn't want to leave him. What if something happened?

After a few frustrated snorts and a couple of eyerolls, I laid down next to him, as far away as I could. I slipped under the duvet, tugging it a little so that he didn't lie on all of it. That produced another groan from his throat but thankfully he didn't wake up.

When it got too hot under there I realized that I'd forgotten to remove my clothes. I chose to ignore it, but it soon became unbearable. I looked over at Zach, refusing to feel the pain it caused me to see him, and decided that he wasn't going to come around anytime soon. I sighed and removed my jeans.

———

What must have been hours later I woke up, too hot again. My eyes shot open when I realized why. Zach was cuddled up behind me, under the duvet, breathing into my neck. Fuck, this was going to be so awkward. What if he woke up? I tried to get out of his grip but he just held me tighter. I panicked. I tried to break free again but I couldn't. His hold was too strong. I sagged down in defeat, and that's when he moved his arm, letting his hand wander across my chest. I wanted to scream, but I couldn't. I wanted this. I wanted it so fucking much. I wanted it so much it hurt.

His hand found its way to my briefs, and I shuddered as he touched me, stroking his hand against my crotch. I whimpered. I couldn't let this happen. It had to happen. FUCK! My mind roared in confusion, torn between my raging desire and my shrieking heart. In the end rationality won, and I managed to struggle away from him—almost. His hand locked around my wrist and he dragged me back into bed. I met his eyes... and when I saw what rested within them, I lost the fight.