Fifty-two. Fifty-two planks of wood made up the small square ceiling of my bedroom.

The countless swirls offered a distraction from the unruly turmoil that roared inside of me. My chest hurt after every thought I had of him and I hated it even more.

But I didn't hate him. I couldn't hate him. Every less than happy thought send nauseating waves to the pit of my stomach. The sensation made it nearly impossible for me to be angry for longer than a couple seconds.

It was like I was literally unable to be enraged by this alpha and it unnerved me. It unnerved me because I was coming to realize that he might indeed have more control over my emotions and thoughts than I thought prior.

Was it because I knew him to be my mate now? Or was it because I didn't have the will power to stay furious for very long?

"Remember when I told you that Osiris and Desmond didn't have it easy growing up." Ivy started.

I lazily turned my head to the side from where I laid on my bed. Ivy was stood leaning against the edge of the windowsill. She was staring over at me but instead gazed outside. It was snowing once again.

"Yes, I remember."

"Have you ever asked Desmond more about their childhood?" She wondered peering over at me, a sullen look on her face.

I shook my head no. How was I ever able to ask him anything? It wasn't like Desmond spent much time with me and now I know why.

"Well... there's a lot more to the story than many people know."

Was there always hidden secrets? Every family had their own hand full of family secrets and shame. My parents loved me but they still saw me as an oddity. I wasn't necessarily a secret but no one could argue I was a shameful daughter.

Ivy sighed. Lost in thought my face must have twisted into a cocktail of humiliation. Nothing could or would ever erase that feeling I had grown to accept as ordinary.

"Desmond and Osiris had an older sister." She started once again focusing her attention outside. "Osiris is the oldest son not the oldest sibling."

I propped myself up on my elbows fixating my gaze onto her.

Osiris had an older sister... how... jarring. And here I thought Osiris was this overbearing, self entitled elder brother. All this time I hadn't see him as a middle child.

"Are middle children supposed be, I don't know... weird?" I pondered lost in thought.

Ivy chuckled at my comment. "Have you met the man?"

I couldn't help the sarcastic tone that escaped. "Have I?" What I wouldn't do to have ran the opposite direction that day after the pack gathering.

"Osiris is closed off and stubborn. He keeps to himself most times and rightfully so. After his sister had shifted her wolf discovered her mate nearly instantly. It was their alpha at the time. His family was so excited and grateful their only daughter wouldn't be leaving the pack but in fact their Luna now."

I expected Ivy's smile to glow as she spoke but her mouth only fell with every word.

"You'd think it was a time to rejoice and celebrate but it wasn't, not after Layla came running to their house in the middle of the night. Osiris had just so happen to be the only one awake at two in the morning. The poor eleven year old lost in his world of Nintendo DS."

She shook her head an image undoubtably forming of a juvenile Osiris. My mind wandered off too as he tried to form a picture of a light hearted, innocent, and unintimitating Osiris.

"What Osiris witness is something no child should ever have to see. Layla was slumped up against the door frame. Her night gown torn and covered in blood. Her hair was a knotted squirrel's neat and her eyes blood shot from endless tears." Ivy frowned with a short pause. Her voice had cracked she had stopped to gather her bearings. The sudden pause only cause my gut to coil.

"She had been raped by their alpha. Seventeen and she'd been force to give in to her alpha, her mate's, demands. It didn't matter that she begged for him to wait until she was ready, it didn't matter that she fought his ever advance, he still took what he wanted. And what he wanted was a pup."

Ivy finally turned to face me, her hands were balled up into tight fists. Her green eyes shine with wrath.

"Osiris's parents tried to spread the truth about their alpha but the pack rejected any less than positive view of their alpha. So, like an alpha at the time, he had their parents murdered. Osiris was able to take his brother and disappear into the woods before they too were slaughtered. Long story short Osiris has issues with alphas hence the reason he's overthrown those that chose to do abuse their authority."

"The why become one? If I hated alphas so much turning into one is pretty counterproductive don't you think?" I pointed out swinging my legs over the edge of the bed to sit up.

Ivy disagreed. "I beg to differ. Come here."

My brows furrowed as she nodded her head in the direction of the window. It had started to snow, nothing special, it was winter after all. I sat unmoved on the bed.

Ivy rolled her eyes and with a more stern attitude, she ordered me to come over. "Come over here Phinny. I want to show you something."

"It's snowing it isn't-"

"Would you stop being butt hurt for one moment and come here?"

Stunned I complied. What else had I to lose?

Standing a few feet away from Ivy I peered out the window. Shocker snow was falling at an alarming rate worse than before. I couldn't understand the need to show me something so mundane.

"Come closer."

I took a timid step closer and my heart sped up at just the sight of his muscular back, I knew who it was. He was throwing a little girl, she couldn't have been more than two or three years old. Her giggles rang out clearly in the silence the snow provided. The corners of my mouth pulled higher as the joyful laughing continued, but my smile soon dissipated when I heard a much deeper chuckle.

My smile had vaporated but my heart still continued to hammer against my rib cage as my eyes hungrily took in every detail. My ears soaked up every vocal of his laugh and voice like a sponge.

Damn it, I hated how I reacted at just the sight of him. I felt as though I was betraying myself so I tore my gaze away.

"He's cold and sometimes harsh but it wasn't like life treated him very well," Ivy stated. "Osiris is without a doubt an asshole many times, but I still love him. He's blunt and sometimes emotionally unavailable, but I think that is more so toward the pack than you."

I glanced over at her words before fixating my gaze out the window.

Osiris tossed the tiny girl high in the air before gentle catching her a twirling around. Her contagious giggle could make anyone smile and when I noticed my own I instantly hid it.

"It's okay to be angry and hate what he has done but if we're you I'd steer clear of hating him. He is your mate after all."

"Yea he's my Devine mate, a match made in heaven." I jeered tearing myself from the window instead making my way to my makeshift excuse for a door.

I wanted space but that didn't seem to be in Ivy's dictionary because she was hot on my heels as I scurried down the staircase. My head now felt like a shambled pile of mixed emotions.

Using the railing at the bottom of the stairs to swing me around I completed a one eighty. If Osiris was out front then I would get fresh air from the back yard. I didn't have the aptitude for his antiques and I already knew more pleads to listen to him explain himself would come. Knowing myself I wouldn't be able to handle it without yelling and getting worked up again.

"Where are you going Phinny? You can't just leave now. It's winter." Ivy shouted behind me.

I stopped in the threshold with the screen door half way open. "Glad to know you eavesdrop in my conversations, I'll make a mental note to keep car from you all next time I have one."

With a huff I leapt into the fresh snow the crushed snow sound felt loud in my ears. Everything seemed so loud anymore like I was hypersensitive to every little noise.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to." She assured me grabbing my wrist as I walked further from the cabin. "Phinny, please."

I twirled around fury bubbling up inside. I didn't want anyone telling me what I couldn't do anymore. Hadn't they done that enough. They'd all made me believe their lies and for what? I wanted me more angry at that I wanted to me fuming with hatred but I could find it in me to do so. The only thing I could truly be angry at was myself for allowing myself to truth someone, people, so easily.

I should have known better. Dark Titan taught me everything I had to know about pack wolves. If they don't see you as family they won't treat you as family and here I thought everything was different. Here I thought they'd treat me with pure kindness and care, it was all a delusion I fell for, all because I wanted a home.

How naïve of me.

With my face a mere few inches from Ivy's I narrowed my eyes with determination. "I'm not a child you all get to keep in the house and pretend to care for. I'm not stupid like you may all think, I was stupid to believe you all but I'm not leaving until after winter. Stop acting like you honestly care what happens to me. You all are selfish."

I ripped my arm from her's clutching my jacket tighter to my body. I'd me damned if I let myself listen to any advice from anyone of them. It did look to me they lived my any great morals. I'd rather take advice from a pidgin then them.

'Then start listening to me.'