《For the Taking》13 • Control
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What the hell was he thinking taking her to see Jensen? I swore we were born from different mothers. Desmond was as smart as a rock.
I had led him high up into the mountains. I didn't feel comfortable near the pack like this and even more so now that Seraphina was there. I was tired from running all night but it didn't matter Desmond's raging wolf stuck close behind.
The need to draw him far from the pack grew more than it had ever before. It was like my wolf pushed harder and faster with this urgency. It was an demand I had never felt before and I blamed it on just taking my alpha duties responsibly.
I didn't want to admit it was because of her, if I did I would be feeding into the bond I don't need nor want.
I don't want her I reminded myself, that's why I've avoided her all week.
I could hear his heavy paws digging into the dirt behind me. He was raging bull, I knew I shouldn't have thrown him but I lost my temper. This girl was driving me mad, I couldn't keep my thoughts together.
No matter what I thought about it all came back to her and I hated it. I should have just left her back their at her pack.
My wolf openly disagreed overtaking my control and jamming our front paws into the moist ground bring us to a stop. I had sworn he had lost his damn mind.
In a hopeless effort to wrangle back control I pushed down head first into the dirt. The mussel of my wolf was coated in mud as I looked up to see Desmond's out of control wolf snarling. I growled lowly at him to back down but it was like music falling on deaf ears.
He lunged at me, ducking just in time he flew over me landing clumsily on his side. Disoriented he shook his head.
Desmond always had a terrible temperament since he was little. It was something I thought I could change about him but nothing I did worked. It times like these that I wished my parents never passed. I tried to be the replacement for him but when I looked at him now I knew I didn't try hard enough.
If I wasn't so obsessed with finding Layla maybe I would have had more time to help him weed out his anger issues.
His anger issues as a child were more easily dealt with but when he grew into his wolf, well it was a wake up call for me. It didn't matter how many times I tried to teach him how to push for control over his wolf when it overthrew him, but he'd never mastered it.
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Now, he was left as a helpless man trapped in the body of his wolf that greedily sought out violence.
'Desmond I know you're in there. You need to fight him. You need to fight for your control back.' I ordered watching as his wolf curled his lips up baring more of his teeth. 'You are in control not him.'
Unresponsive his wolf leapt at my again this time nicking my neck as he threw me off balance. My wolf was growing more agitated with everyone of Desmond's attempts to dominate me. We were roughly the same size and strength but my wolf had a drive his did not and with that I knew that if I let myself alpha-up him he'd submit.
I hated having to use it though. He was my little brother and I didn't want to hurt him or his ego. He'd want me to wheel him in and calm him down but I had seen what that's done to him in the pass. He would never admit it to me but it tore him apart inside that he was never able to help himself.
When I looked down in his wolf's eyes I could see the helpless little brother I had grown up with. He was terrified in his own wolf's body hating the fact that he could hurt someone and not be able to stop himself.
Having him pinned down he continued to try and bit me but he was uncoordinated just a bunch of snap jaws and waving sharp teeth in my face.
Allowing my wolf to remind him who was in control he snapped his mouth over Desmond's, aggressively growling at him to stop retaliating. It took some time but gradually I watched as the muscles in his neck and shoulders released their tension.
'Desmond listen to me, you need to focus. Focus on me, you are in control remember that.'
His wolf snarled once more but a thunderous growl reminded him of his place and eventually I saw the normal brown eyes of my brother return.
'Oz?' Uncertainty laced themselves among his words.
I pulled away from him backing away as he shook his head. He looked bewildered at the unfamiliar surroundings.
'We are a couple of miles away from the pack.' I started to explain. 'I had to lure you away, you weren't yourself.'
Though we were wolves currently I could still see and smell the shame that came off of him. He had always been like this when he came to. He hated his lack of control over his wolf, probably one of the reasons he kept from shifting much.
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'When am I ever going to be myself?'
Neither one of us answered the question.
'Come on we need to head back, it's nearly morning.' I began to walking knowing that he'd follow close behind. His head hung low and his ears clung to the side of his head. He was still trying to collect himself.
He didn't have to tell me how frustrated he was with himself. I could see it in the way he averted his eyes from me when I checked on him. He wanted to be better but didn't know how to get from point A to point B. The exhaustive cycle of battling tore him up every time and it only seemed to chip away at his mind the more these incidents occur.
I worried if one of these times he lose himself completely, it was possible. Thinking about his struggle to control his wolf I couldn't help but think of Seraphina.
Did I trust him around her now? Of course. I told myself pausing just a second to look at him over my shoulder. He only lost his wits when his temper is triggered. Seraphina was the most docile person I'd seen, I highly doubt she'd push him over any edge in fact I think she'd do the whole opposite.
I grounded my teeth together as the image of her calming down my brother formed in my head. I hated the image, I tried not to let myself be bothered but it was like my body overheated at just the thought.
It terrified me.
I had never had myself this sensitive to anyone. Desmond came close but it wasn't the same. She was forcing me to make decisions I never would and act in way I never had before. She was making me make exceptions for her.
As we neared the boarder I could sense someone pressing miraculously against my mind. I could sense their heated agitation through the pack link, no doubt angry with my sudden departure.
'Everything is fine Aspen.' I told her finally opening my mind to her. I wanted my words to hold some weight but it only flew right over her head.
'You two have been gone for nearly a whole day. It's past noon Osiris!' Annoyance flooded our link and she drew silent for a moment before pursuing further. 'Ivy told me you two got into a fight last night. Are you alright?'
Growling lowly my jaw twitched. 'Yes, like I said we are both alright.'
Silence fell between us and I opening welcomed it. It was much better than having to carry on a conversation I'd much rather not continue. There was no reason to.
'Seraphina is okay. If you were a smidge concerned.'
I was but I was never going to admit that. All night I had been worrying about the fact that we had just left her at the cabin by herself. She probably wasn't feeling well too when she woke up. Desmond had told me she had hit her head after she passed out, this is how we ended up where we were now.
'I wasn't.' I corrected her. 'How is the rest of the pack looking? Everything running smoothly?'
I could sense her annoyance before she answered. 'The pack is fine and running great. You know you should really tell me when Desmond snaps like this. I can better run the pack in your absence.'
'It's kind of hard to stop and link you when I have a raging wolf chasing after me.'
I felt the tug of the boarder as we ran over it. The soothing feeling of my pack lands causing my wolf to relax.
'Next time Osiris.' She warned and I couldn't help but roll my eyes at her stubbornness.
I closed off my link as I approach the cabin the sense of uneasiness setting in. My watchful eyes scanned the windows wondering if I'd be able to catch a glimpse of her. It took a few moments but I caught just a sliver of her golden blonde hair in the sun light.
Warmth in my chest grew and once I caught myself I was appalled.
I had that kind of reaction from just seeing her curls? No. I told myself. Get a grip and stay clear of her I chanted in my head. If I let her have this much control over me I didn't know what I wouldn't do or would.
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