"If being with you hurts then I guess I'll be in pain forever"

Song- New America; Halsey

The week of school before spring break was absolute torture. Theo refused to say a single word to me or Cam. He wouldn't even look at me. I felt my heart break a little every time my twin would avoid my glance or not reply to me.

All of our other friends and Connor and Grayson were all really supportive. They all said they were just waiting for it to happen.

Although the Theo situation sucks it felt good not to have to sneak around. We weren't going to full on make out in the hall or anything. Cam would just hold my hand as we walked through the school or would kiss my head when he dropped me off at class.

When school was over Friday I went straight home to pack my suitcase. We were leaving before the sun rose in the morning and I hadn't even started. Procrastination at its finest.

We usually all ride in Sara's van but since her van is broke down right now we had to take two cars. The adults and Ella were taking Dave's car. Cam and Theo were going to take turns driving Moms car. The dread builds in me at the thought of a 9 hour car trip to Florida with Theo who's mad at me.

I place a couple bikinis and my toiletries in my bag before going over my mental checklist. I zip up my suitcase and bring it out the car to load it up. Theo was outside when I walked out. I gave him a awkward smile which he ignored.

When I set my suitcase down he picked it up and threw it into the trunk. "Thanks"

Instead of replying he just walked back into the house. I kicked a pebble with my foot when my phone rang. I saw Cams name pop up and smiled to myself.

"Hello?"

"Hey, meet me outside in 5." He says the second the phone connects.

"Why?"

"Because I miss you." He tells me in a sappy voice.

"Shut up, you literally saw me 2 hours ago." I roll my eyes, kicking the pebble some more.

"Fine, I guess you don't want to see me." He threatens.

"No, I'll be outside." I say quickly earning a laugh from him. "You're annoying."

He pulls up a few minutes later and I climb into his truck. We drive around the town for a while before stopping at the store where we grab a bunch of snacks for the road trip. When I get home Grayson and moms in the living room.

"I got snacks!" I call. Grayson jumps up and runs over to me.

"What'd you get?!" He jumps excitedly, grinning ear to ear,

"For tomorrow." I pull the bag away from him. He pouts and sulks back over to the couch.

"Are you packed?" Mom asks when I lean down and kiss her cheek.

"Yeah, it's already in the car." I inform her, sitting between them.

"Okay, we're going to watch a movie. Will you go see if Theo wants to?" Mom questions, flipping through the channels. Graysons distracted making popcorn so I get up and walk to his room. I open the door and spot Theo on his bed doing some homework.

"Mom wants to know if you want to watch a movie with us?" I say staying in the doorway.

"Tell her I'll be there in a minute." He replies not even looking up. I sigh and walk into his room.

"How long are you going to be mad at me?" I brush a stray hair out of my face.

"How long we're you planning on not telling me?" His voice was cold and distant.

"I don't know." I shake my head, toying with my sunflower bracelet.

"Then you have your answer." He looks away from me and back to his homework. I walk away silently, going to the living room.

"Is he coming?" Gray mumbles with a mouth full of popcorn.

"Yeah, in a minute." I send him a tight lipped smile. He places his hand on mine and gives it a reassuring squeeze.

When Theo comes he sits on the chair and mom puts on a funny movie. We all laugh so hard we have tears in our eyes. Theo and Grayson go through 4 bags of popcorn during the movie leaving mom and me to share one.

Once the movie ends we all go to our rooms since we have to leave before the sun even rises. I lay in bed, FaceTiming Bri and Addie for a bit. Addie and Asher were going to Greece with their family, Bri and her grandma were going to the cabin. Miles was staying here and working at the shop with his dad for extra money.

Once I was done talking to them I put my phone down and got ready for bed.

We're driving down to Florida like we do every spring break since we were born. Dave's parents own the house so all of that family takes turns visiting it. Most of them go during the summer but we like to go during spring since it's the perfect temperature and not too crowded.

The town in Florida is small where you can walk anywhere. It's a lot like here but slightly bigger and more tourist spots.

The next morning the moon was bright and I was tired. We all piled into the car and drove to the Taylor's house. Once there Dave lectured us on being save before the adults and Ella drove away. The rest of us silently got into Moms car. I set in the back with Grayson and Connor.

Theo drove with Cameron in the passenger side. The two were planning on splitting up the drive. It was silent due to everyone being half asleep still. The steady rumble of the car as it drove down the street lulled me into a deep sleep.

The sun was starting to rise when I woke back up. Connor was snoring and Grayson was drooling on his shoulder. I quickly snapped a picture before noticing the car was stopped at a gas station. Theo walked out with a bag of chips while Cam filled the trunk.

"I'm going to sleep, switch me seats." Theo basically demanded. I was still half asleep so I nodded and moved to the passenger sleep. Cam finished filling the tank before getting back into the car.

It wasn't until we heard Theo's sleep talking that signaled he was asleep that Cam talked "you excited to be back?"

"More than anything." I grin, staring at the orange sun peaking over the horizon spilling onto nearby clouds.

The beach is my happy place. The smell of the salty water in the air, waves crashing over my feet, sleeping so hard even a fire wouldn't wake anyone up, the sun kissed look of all of our cheeks. Everything about it just brings a bubbling joy into my chest.

"Me too." He changes lanes and smiles at me. His hand finds its way to my knee as we drive. The interstate was busy and Cam was tired so I kept him awake with some car games.

It was a couple hours later when everyone woke up. We stopped for some coffee and breakfast at a drive through. Biscuits and bad coffee filled the car giving me the nostalgic road trip feeling.

"Are we almost there?" Grayson whines, biting into his biscuit.

"7 more hours." Theo reply's, looking at the gps.

"Gross." Connor mumbles while sipping on his coffee. I reach over and turn the radio on for background noise. When it was Theo's turn to drive Connor dove into the passenger seat claiming he needed to stretch his legs.

I sit in the middle of Cam and Grayson, smooshed tightly. We watch a movie on my phone while Connor sleeps some more and Theo has in earbuds while he drives. Everyone gets hungry as the hours pass so we stop on an exit to grab some food.

We decide on a sit down restaurant just so we can get out of the car for a bit. Walking in country music and loud talking immediately filled my ears. Peanuts crunched under our feet as we walked in.

"How many?" The waitress asks, grabbing cutlery wrapped in napkins.

"5" Theo smirks flirtatiously at the girl. The younger boys both make disgusted face but the girls face turns red.

"Right this way." She seats us in a booth closer to the back . "Can I start you off with some drinks?" We all tell her what we want and she writes it down before walking off. Theo's eyes follow her as she walks towards the kitchen.

"That is one fine women." Theo whistles lowly.

"Whatever you say." Grayson chuckles, taking his jacket off. While we wait for our drinks everyone talks about the beach.

Theo is a part of the conversation and even replies to Cameron a couple times but not me. I feel bitterness bubble up inside of me but instead of letting it get to me I take a deep breath and keep talking with them.

He hasn't seem to fully forgive Cam but he's acting like he exist again unlike me.

When we get our drinks the waitress stays a minute flirting shamelessly with Theo. Her hands rub up and down her arms as he talks, by his face it seems he doesn't mind. She nods and moves closer as he tells her about him playing baseball.

"Well I could tell you worked out just by looking at you." She winks, pulling one of his curls.

"Carla! Stop flirting and get back to work!" A middle age man who looks like the manager calls over the noise of the restaurant. She walks away to another table, grinning at Theo as she goes.

"She sure seemed interested." I comment. Theo looks at me, sending me a curt nod.

"God, I'm starving." Connor announces, patting his stomach.

"You ate a couple hours ago" Cameron tells him, opening his menu.

"And?"

"You two eat more than a whole football team combined." I point at Gray and Connor.

"We're growing boys." Grayson rolls his eyes, studying his menu as if he had to memorize the entire thing.

When our waitress comes back she flirts with Theo for a bit before taking our orders. While we wait for our food to come out we play paper football across the table. We completely devour our food like we hadn't ate a few hours before.

"Here's your check." The waitress says before pulling out another piece of paper. "And here my number, call me." She kisses his cheek before trotting off. We gather our stuff, pay and get back in the car for more hours of driving.

"Can you drive any faster?" Grayson whines from the passenger seat next to Theo. He glances at Gray with a glare.

"If you want me to get pulled over for a speeding ticket." He changed lanes and took a sip of his drink.

"I can't be in this car any longer." Connor pouts from next to me.

"You're welcome to walk across Florida if you want." I nudge his shoulder playfully. He looks at me with wide eyes.

"I'll pass."

"That's what I thought." I grin in victory.

"Just go to sleep and we'll be there quicker." Cameron tells his brother and mine. They both agree and fall asleep soon after. I do the same, using Cams shoulder as a pillow.

When I wake up I'm leaning on the window and Cams driving with Theo next to him. They're listening to a baseball game on the radio and both groan when the announcer says something. I should be happy that Theo's warming up to Cameron again but it just makes me upset.

I'm his twin and he won't even talk to me. It's been weeks and all I've gotten is radio silence. I pretend to be asleep so I don't have to talk to anyone because I know if I do then I'll probably snap. I listen to them talk about the bad plays and cheer when their team does something good.

Once I talk myself into being happy that Theo's at least talking to Cam I sit up. The GPS says we're only a couple hours away and the excitement inside me grows. Maybe this trip will be the perfect opportunity to make up with Theo and have my life back to normal.

Who am I kidding, my life's never normal.

Grayson and Connor play a video game on their phones next to me so I decide to pull out my journal that my therapist got me and write what I'm feeling. She thinks that I don't face how I feel enough and let it grow inside of me instead.

I write some words to explain how today's made me feel. Excited, hurt, upset, aggravated, happy, restless, nostalgic. Today's been a mix of emotions but so is every day.

"Who needs to pee?" Cameron asks, spotting a gas station.

"Me!" All of us in the back call out. At the gestation I grab a soda bottle and drink the entire thing in 2 minutes. A few moments later I feel my bladder fill.

"Umm, guys." I say timidly, tapping my foot up and down.

"Yeah?" Cam looks at me through the rear view mirror.

"I kinda need to pee again." I smile awkwardly, everyone else groans.

"We literally went 10 minutes ago." Grayson huffs, banging his head on the seat behind him.

"But I drunk a entire drink." I argue, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Okay, no more drink privileges for Marlee." Connor announces while grinning at me.

"You guys suck."