"She was broken and no one knew"

Song-I'll be good; Jaymes young

Panic washes over me.

He was here, in the house.

The dark cloud that's been looming over me finally started raining. I blindly threw my phone down and grabbed one of Cams sweaters along with some leggings I left here. I open the door and walk to the bathroom.

Locking the door, I turn on the shower and take off my clothes. I leave the water on cold and step in. My legs give out from under me and I crumble to the floor. The cold water doesn't faze me, the numbness in my body prevents that.

I bring my knees to my chest and stare at the shower wall in front of me. Water runs down my body and my hair sticks to my shoulders. Time is lost and the thoughts slip from my brain.

The water blends with my tears and I don't even realize I'm crying until a dull ache forms in my head and my nose is running.

How much longer am I going to be able to handle this? When is it going to stop?

"Mar?" Theo knocks at the bathroom door. I reach up and turn off the shower before standing up.

"Yeah" I call back, my voice sounds hoarse but I cover it with a fake cough.

"Breakfast is ready."

"I'll be down in a minute." I call back, wrapping a towel around my body and hair. His footsteps retreat down the hall a few moments later. After getting dressed and rinsing my face so it looks normal again, I go down stairs.

Everyone is in the kitchen, on the floor, sitting on the counter or at the table. Grayson hands me a plate "I made you some before it was all gone."

I force a smile "thanks"

Everyone talks while eating breakfast. I poke around my plate but can't stomach any food. Making sure to cut it up and move it around so it looked like I did eat, I throw my plate away.

"The ice skating rink is open, you kids should go." Sara informs us. Everyone looks to each other, agreeing silently.

"Sounds good to me, hopefully no one breaks any bones this time." Addie says sending a pointed look to Theo.

"Marlee pushed me, it's not my fault!" Theo whines, stuffing an entire pancake in his mouth. Bri roll hers eyes and flicks him. "What?" He mumbles, swallowing his food.

"That's disgusting."

"I was going to fall, better you than me." I tell him, leaning against the counter. "But you don't have to worry about that, I'm not gonna go."

"Why not?" Connor asks me, he was still in his pajamas from last night.

"I think I'm coming down with a cold. I'm just going to go home and sleep." I lie, knowing I won't be sleeping anytime soon.

"You sure?" Miles stands next to me, one of his brows raised.

"Yeah, but y'all should go." I urge them.

"We could go to your house and just chill." Cam suggest hopefully.

"No, go skating. I wouldn't be able to sleep with y'all's loud asses anyways." I laugh or at least try but it doesn't sound right.

"If you're sure, I don't want to spent the night with Theo in the ER again anyways." Grayson chuckles, tossing his plate in the trash but missing and getting syrup on the floor. Sara gives him a exasperated look. "I'll clean it"

They dropped me off at the house before going to the skating rink which was a few minutes out of town. The house was quiet but moms car was in the driveway. "Mom?"

"I'm here!" She calls from her room. "I thought you were going skating?"

"I don't feel so good." I explain, sitting on the edge of her bed. Her hair was pulled back with a hair clip, she was dressed in a waitress uniform that had grease stains covering it.

"I'm sorry to hear that baby." She places a hand on my cheek, looking down at me with caring eyes. "We could watch a movie, I'm off tonight."

As appealing as it sounds to spend some time with mom, I couldn't. It's hard enough hiding this from all my friends but moms a totally different story. She could read me like a book.

Mother's instinct is very real.

"If it's okay I think I might go take a nap." I yawn, rubbing my eyes to get my point across.

"Of course, maybe when you wake up?" She suggest, undoing the necklace that she was wearing. I nod and stand up going to her door.

"Hey mom?"

"Yeah?" She turns to face me.

"I love you." I say softly. She smiles and walks over to me, kissing my head.

"I love you too sweetheart."

Of course I didn't take a nap. Instead I sat in my room seeing if there was a way to file a restraining order without telling your parents.

Spoiler alert: there's not.

I spent hours trying to find a solution that doesn't involve me telling anyone but I came up with nothing. My stomach grumbled and my eyes hurt from staring at my computer for so long. Getting out of bed, I leave my room.

The tv in the living room was on and I spotted mom sleeping on the couch. I covered her up and flipped off the tv before grabbing some chips and water also making sure everything was locked up. I felt relived when I noticed no one was outside the house.

I went back to my room and snacked on some chips while watching friends on my laptop. A car door shut from outside and then another one. My heart beat increased and I made my way to my window.

When I realized it was just the boys, I went and unlocked the front door. When I opened it I saw Theo with his arm wrapped around Grayson. A large bruise was on the side of Theo's face.

He limped in with the help of Grayson. "You will not believe what-"

I shush him quickly and motion to mom who was sleeping on the couch. He clamps his jaw shut and uses Grayson to walk to my room. I lock the door and follow them.

"You will not believe what happened!" Theo says as I shut my door. Grayson sits him on my bed before sitting next to him.

"What happened to your face and your leg?" I ask, leaning against my dresser.

"Well I figured out that you weren't the reason I'm bad at ice skating." He says, kicking off his shoes.

"Wow, really?" I reply in a monotone voice.

"Basically, I was skating when a really cute girl passed." He starts to recall. "And then I tripped over a little boy and face planted on the ice."

I bite my lip, trying to hide my laughter when Gray starts talking "and of course he didn't quiet there. He was trying to do some weird ballerina trick-"

"Not ballerina, figure skater."

"That doesn't matter."

"Yes it does, there's a big difference. Ballerinas-"

"Boys" I interrupt their argument, not wanting to hear Theo's speech on the difference between ballerinas and figure skaters.

"Anyways, I was trying to figure skate" he sends a pointed look to Grayson who crosses his arms and leans back on a stack of pillows. "When I tried to do a spin trick I twisted my ankle."

I push off my dresser and turn around, rummaging through one of my drawers. When I find my first aid kit, I walk over to Theo and sit on the floor. His ankle was a little swollen and blue but nothing too bad.

While I'm wrapping it up the boys continue to argue. Once I'm finally done I stand up and examine Theo's face. "Gray, can you grab a steak from the freezer?"

"I know I've only been gone for a few hours but did we somehow become an upper class suburban family while I was gone?" Theo questions with a playful glint in his eyes.

"Shut up and grab some peas or something." I roll my eyes and shove my little brother. He comes back a couple minutes later with a large smile.

"Look what I found!" He holds up a Mickey Mouse ice pack and Theo squeals.

"I haven't seen that in years!" Theo grabs it and places it on his cheek.

"I didn't even know we still had it." Grayson sits between Theo and I on the bed.

"Me either." Theo and I say at the same time.

"Stop. I hate when you guys do that." Grayson scrunches his face up. Theo and I share a look, both wrapping an arm around Grayson.

"We love you." My twin and I say at the same time. Grayson wriggles out of our grip and glares at both of us.

"How are you feeling?" Theo questions, ignoring Grays complaints.

"Huh?"

"Your cold, are you feeling any better?"

The realization comes to me and I nod, biting my bottom lip. "Yeah, much better."

"Good, we can't have you being sick on Christmas." Grayson hits my shoulder. I grab a pillow and whack him in the head with it. This was a mistake seeing as it resulted in all three of us destroying my room and beating each other with pillows.

When the boys were tired out and my room looked like a tornado hit it, I kicked them out and cleaned. Once I was done cleaning I didn't even want to attempt to sleep so I ended up reorganizing my closet.

By the time I was done going through clothes, some from middle school, the sun had risen and it was Christmas Eve Eve. I lay in my bed and scroll through my phone. A couple hours later Grayson comes trampling into my room.

"Merry Christmas Eve Eve!" He shouts, launching himself onto my bed.

"Merry Christmas Eve Eve!" I echo with fake excitement. He tells me about skating last night before going to his room. Most of the day was spent wrapping presents that I forgot to wrap and eating Christmas cookies with my family.

The exhaustion hit early that night at around 8. I could only fight it off for an hour before eventually sleep took over and next thing I know it's Christmas Eve.

When I woke up I heard Christmas music blasting through the house. Theo, mom and Gray could all be heard singing loudly. That night I fought off constant nightmares but I was too tired to wake up.

I get out of bed, grabbing some fuzzy Christmas socks and slipping them on. In my mirror I practice my fake cheerful smile before leaving my room. Mom was baking for tonight's dinner, Grayson was licking the batter out of a bowl and Theo was standing on the table dancing.

"Merry Christmas my favorites sister ever!" Theo screams, launching himself into my arms.

"Is he drunk?" I ask the other two as he hugs my waist tightly.

"Drunk on Christmas spirit." Grayson laughs at his own joke, placing his bowl into the sink.

"How'd you sleep dear?" Mom asks me, wiping her floured hands onto her apron.

"Great!"

It wasn't an actual lie. I slept better than I have in months due to the exhaustion catching up with me. The entire night I had horrible nightmare but couldn't force myself to wake up, reminding me why I refused to sleep.

"I'm glad" she smiles sweetly, kissing my cheek.

"Yeah, you need some beauty sleep." Theo snorts while fixing the Santa hat he was wearing.

I smack his head "I don't think I coma would be enough beauty sleep for you"

"Hey! No fighting on Christmas!" Mom scolds both of us, popping out on of her hips.

"technically it's Christmas Eve." Grayson comments earning a look from mom. She takes the dish towel and chucks it at his head. "Now that's just rude"

The Taylor household had loud Christmas music playing when we walked in. Christmas decorations filled the house and I thought if there were anymore it might explode. A Christmas tree sat in the corner of the living room, stocked with presents.

Ella came waddling up to me wearing a velvet red dress and a matching bow. "Aren't you just the most gorgeous girl I've ever seen?"

Cameron comes up next to me wearing a dress shirt. He smirked and wrapped an arm around me whispering "that would be you."

I fight off the blood rushing to my face and fake grimace. I was wearing a small dark green dress with my hair straightened over my shoulders. I wore some fake gold snowflake earrings to pull the outfit together.

"Shut up." I roll my eyes and teasingly shove him off. Ella squirms out of my arms and crawls over to Theo. Mom brings all the food she made onto the kitchen with Sara. Dave was setting up the table with one of Cams uncles.

Both of his uncles and 3 of his aunts came down along with 12 of his cousins ranging from the age of 1 to 15. Cams grandparents also came down for Christmas Eve. They all live around an hour away. Dave came from a pretty large family.

All the cousins were playing in the living room or the backyard with large coats and scarfs. The house was field with this strange excited energy. That with the mix of the amount of sleep I got made me feel the most normal I've felt in a while.

"Come with me." Cam urges, grabbing my hand.

"Why?"

"Must you ask so many questions?" A playful smile sits on his face as he pulls me up my stairs. When we get to his room he shuts his door and goes to his bed where a small box wrapped in a red ribbon sits.

He grabs it and walks over to me "you know christmas is tomorrow."

"Yeah but I wanted to give you this now."

"I don't have your gift with me." It's at home in my closet where the rest of the presents are hidden besides the boys since they are major snoops. Instead I hid them in my bra drawer where they refuse to look.

"Just open it dumbass." He places it in my hands and step back. His eyes are lit with excitement as I pull the ribbon off and take the lid off.

My breath hitches when I see what's in the box. A golden charm bracelet with a sun follower charm identical to my necklace lays in the box. I pull it out and examine it.

"Do you like it?" He asks nervously, studying my face.

"I love it." I lunge into his arms, holding him tight. His arms wrap around my waist and he squeezes me.

"Good" his dimples both pop out, something that only happens when he truly happy. "I saw it at a pawn shop when we were ice skating and I knew it was perfect."

"It's gorgeous." I breath out, admiring it.

"Want me to put it on you?" He asks me, I nod and hand it to him. He takes my hand and the bracelet. The cold metal hits my skin and he clasp it. When it was on I let my hand drop but neither of us move.

Our chest were pressed against each other when our eyes meet. I feel his heart beat against me. His hand finds my hip, his finger rubbing tiny circles into the fabric of my dress.

I want to kiss him but I can't. He's my best friend and it would ruin everything. I always ruin everything. Every time my life seems to look up something happens. I knew if I were going to kiss him something bad would happen and I can't hurt him.

I bite my lip subconsciously. Cam sighs and brings his finger to my lip, pulling it out from under my teeth "don't do that."

"Do what?" My voice sounds small but maybe that was in my head.

"Overthink it."

"I'm not overthink-" before I can finish my sentence he bends down and kisses me. As cliche as it sounds, it felt like a missing piece of me that has been missing was found. Just like the night in the road.

My hands made my way to his hair and I let myself get lost in him. Time slipped from my fingers in a good way. All my worry's melted away until they no longer did.

When we pulled apart they all returned plus more. "Lee"

"You can't keep doing that!" I say, taking a step backwards.

"I want to, okay? I want to do that all the time and I'm sick of pretending I don't!" His lips were slightly swollen and his breath was uneven. I probably was in the same state as him.

"We can't." I slowly shake my head, wrapping my arms around my waist.

"Why not?! I know it's going to make things complicated and a lot of shit is going on right now but we can make it through it!" His voice was full of passion and want.

"Because! Because you're my best friend! Because I screw up everything and I can't screw us up!" I shout, taking a deep breath. My voice softens as I say "you're too important to me"

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair "you're important to me too Mar, but-"

"No! Stop!" I shake my head quickly. "Please just stop." My eyes plead with him. The silence in the room suffocates me as I wait for his response.

"Just forget it." He mutters, walking towards his door and opening it.

"Cam?" I call after him. He turns back to me, waiting for me to continue talking. "I love the bracelet"

"Yeah" he says slowly. "I knew you would."

His face was full of hurt and frustration and it practically broke my heart. I watched him walk away, toying with the bracelet. Taking a second to calm myself I then head downstairs.

Merry Christmas Eve to me.

How are you doing today?

I hope you know you're a wonderful, gorgeous human being and I love you 💕

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