《The Coldest Summer:Book 1 (BWWM)✓》Thirty

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"I wish we could escape from here and go to a place where only you and I will be." My eyes stay transfixed at the blue ocean in front of us.

"Let's do it," Liam says, his fingers playing with my curls in a soft, dexterous move.

I don't respond. I just smile tightly.

Liam heaves a very heavy breath. "You know if we just tell Samantha the truth, everything else will be solved, right? I'm not sure what you're expecting from all of this, Kira, but I'm getting tired of hiding my feelings."

I still don't respond. I don't know what to say.

"You do realize that at some point she'll have to find out about this, right?" He continuous. "Or could it be that you're planning to live your vacation while doing this secret romance, and then forget everything about us once you're done?"

I turn around stoutly.

"Of course not, Liam. I want us to work this out, I really do!" I argue and we are suddenly distant, physically and emotionally. "I just don't know how to reach out to Sam. I don't know how to explain to her that I actually went behind her back and stole her affection from the same guy who made her come all the way here with hopes that they would be something special. I don't know how to make her see that I never wanted to hurt her even if I eventually will when she finds out about us."

I just don't know how to do it.

"So, what do you want me to do?" Liam snaps. "Because it's you that I love, Kira, and if you can't tell her, then let me do it for you. I want you, I need you . . . and I'm willing to do anything to make this work. And the first step is coming clean about our affair."

Thinking of Sam, I know how resentful she can be. know how ballistic she will get knowing that Liam's rejection towards her has something to do with me.

Ever since she learned that her mother had personally abandoned her at the orphanage, that it wasn't an accident or anything similar, she became fragile and overly sensitive. She once tried to kill herself for a guy—the guy who turned her wild and crazy, and nearly a druggie.

We were only seventeen, but I still see that fragile girl in her even today. She may pretend to be bold, full of life, but deeply she's more scared of being alone than anything else.

"I guess I know where we stand now," Liam says after a deep breath that makes my eyes wider. "Why are we even wasting our time here? It's crystal clear that you've made your choice and you're not ready to change it."

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"What do you mean, Liam?" I breathe, staring him deeply in the eyes.

I hope it's not what I'm thinking.

"I think it's time you make up your mind, Kira. It's either Samantha, or us," he says crisply.

"W–what? Are you giving me an ultimatum or something?" I ask carelessly, unable to move.

"Perhaps that's the right word, Kira. I can't be your summer adventure, if that's what you want from me. I'm truly sorry but I'm not that kind of a guy—call me old fashioned and I wouldn't mind." He slaps the sand off his shorts.

"Summer adventure?" I manage to stand up stoutly. "Now you're being unfair."

"Unfair? And what do you call this?" Liam snaps. "Are we fifteen? We're adults, right? Then why do we have to hide our relationship from our friends? Until when? Tell me, Kira! Until when do you plan to hide it? I hate games, and it's precisely what we've been doing so it's about time we stop!"

I suck in a deep breath and say, "Maybe you're right. It's time to stop this—"

"I'll take you home, Ms. Jones," Liam says automatically and starts moving, leaving my speech hanging.

The playful Liam is gone, and I'm back to being the mundane Ms. Jones.

In a few minutes we're on the road, an utter silence blanketing us both, only nonhuman sounds take the reign. Sighing, I reach for the radio and turn it on, only to bump into 'Because I'm happy' blaring so merrily that I nearly roll my eyes. I quickly turn the radio off.

When the car pulls over in the parking lot, it's already dark. Our ride has been extremely grave. Liam refused to utter a word, and I wasn't audacious enough to make him. Now that we are home, I stay put for a minute, hoping to at least hear something from him, but he says nothing.

Could this be the end? I just suck in a deep breath.

Inside the house I find everyone in. The guys are watching a boxing match, and Sam is busy with her cellphone and ice cream in a huge cocktail glass. On the table lie some empty beer cans and two boxes of pizza. I can smell garlic and cheese, and it stirs my tummy.

"Hi," I greet as I stride in.

"Hi, Professor." Malik grins playfully at me. "I thought you'd be home a little late."

Me, too.

"Well, you thought wrong, Malik. Here I am, ready to call it a day," I return exhaustedly, and Jamal stares at me with a knowing smile.

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"And Liam, where is he?" Sam asks me monotonously, seemingly far from being amiable.

Liam shows himself up when he flies the front door open. He's still cold and distant even when he only walks past me to join them. Dread seers through me and I swallow.

"Aren't you sitting down? I brought pizza," Sam tells me pointedly.

"Maybe later, I'm feeling tired," I reply and leave.

Locked up in my room, I cuddle myself in bed with my head on the clouds. It's hard to believe that I'm actually on the point that I've been so afraid to be.

I think my journey with Liam has finally come to an end.

It's either I choose him, or my best friend, I can't have them both. I end up laughing maniacally instead. Why do things happen this way?

And just as I want to be alone, Sam walks in after a knock.

"Hey, what's up? You look like shit," she mutters.

"Shit happens, right?" I wipe any trace of my displeasure.

"Yeah, they do." She sits down. "So, where did you go with Mr. Darcy? As you call him." She forces a smile, but I know it's hideous.

"We went out for lunch, we took a little walk at the beach, we talked, and returned," I say, absentminded.

"Oh?" she utters.

"Does that bother you?" I glance at her.

"No, why would I be bothered?" she snorts quickly. "It's only surprising since you two don't get along that much."

"We don't get along?" I huff; feeling like it's the best joke of the year.

"I thought you don't like him that much, to be honest," she says incessantly.

"I like him, Sam. A lot," I reply, eyes fixed on her.

She narrows her eyes for a moment, studying me, before releasing a soft smirk. "Of course you do. You always like what I like, except that . . . I love him, and that's different. Get some rest; looks like you need it." She turns around with attitude.

"He doesn't love you," I say briskly, my heart pounding too fast against my ribcage. She stops right near the door, her back facing me. "He only sees you as a friend, Sam, and nothing more. I don't want you to–"

"I know!" Sam deadpans as she whirls around. I crinkle my eyes in response. "I know he doesn't love me because he broke up with his girlfriend just last month. It's only natural, right? They've dated for six years and they were very much in love."

My heart tightens at this. What? Girlfriend? Breakup?

Yeah, bitch! You didn't think he had no life before you, did you? Sneers my subconscious.

"I heard from Natasha last night, so I think I know what pace to take in regard to this. A guy like him can't love another woman overnight, can he? No, that would be a lie," Sam explains. "I know he can't love me now, but it doesn't mean I have to give up on him, right? Some good things take time and patience—as you always say."

I don't dare utter a syllable, for what I hear renders my feelings into a million shreds of doubts.

"I'm sure you two talked a lot today, so you probably know about his ex-girlfriend already," Sam says, hitting the nail deeper into the flesh of my heart. "Anyways, I'll see you later . . . Or tomorrow? Sleep tight," she adds and steps out, leaving me stupefied.

He had a girlfriend and they broke up recently. And here I thought I knew at least a half of the man I feel utterly attracted to. A foolish laugh leaves my lips as I think of this.

Is there any difference between Sam and me? No, we're both foolish women who know nothing about love, true relationships, and mostly about men.

I try to sleep but my head won't let me. Liam occupies my mind: the encounters we've had since we met, the conversation we shared, the laughter, and all the feelings involved.

Is it possible for a man to love a woman in such a short time? Now I find this too absurd and unreal. But what about my feelings for him? Are they meaningless? Infatuation of a kind?

"Oh God." I collapse back in bed, facing the utterly white ceiling above.

If it's not love then why does it hurt so much? Why do I feel okay when he's around and miss him terribly when we're apart? Why doesn't it matter whether he's dated a hundred women before me, or what kind of life he had? Am I losing my mind?

I manage to fall asleep after a long moment, only to wake up three hours later. It's midnight but nothing feels as relaxing as they should be. So I get up from my bed, gather my suitcase and fetch a swimsuit and towel. Only water can take my mind off things, I decide.

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