Walking to my poetry class this morning I frown up at the dark sky wishing it was snow rather than rain falling from them. The hood over my head protects me from the small sprinkles of rain dripping down from the clouds. Rain is nice, but sometimes a little depressing. But to look on the bright side sometimes I think of rain as a cleanse. The rain cleans and once it stops everything is new again.

I reach the main English building and wait by the door because apparently I left a tad early today. I take out my phone and scroll mindlessly through social media awaiting my class to start.

"Ash?" A voice says and I look up.

"Josh hey!" I say. Josh is in my study group and he wants to be an author. "I'm sorry I haven't been in the study group, I've been busy."

"Busy with the hockey players?" He says a little snarky sounding. I can't tell if he's trying to be sarcastic or not.

I scrunch my eyebrows together and stare at him confused. "Uh what?"

Josh is a nice guy, but sometimes he can be kind of passive aggressive. He's always right. Or at least he claims he is. And he's never been my favorite person of the study group but I would never say that to him.

He shakes his head. "It's pretty known that Daphne and Brooks are dating. And Kambria and I saw you cheering on Derek Collins at the game."

I'm starting to get a little annoyed that he thinks I haven't been coming because my friend got a boyfriend. Not me, but Daphne. "Yes, I was at the game but what's wrong with cheering on my school." I cross my arms over my chest.

"Oh nothing," he says brushing the subject off. "Just be careful with Derek Collins, I've heard things..." he trails off.

I fight the urge to roll my eyes but ignore it and Josh all together.

But apparently he wasn't done talking. "Did you hear about the Halloween Frat party the hockey team is hosting?" Josh asks.

Once again I look at him confused. "The what?"

TTTTTTTT

"Daphne, I'm not going to a frat party." I say annoyed that evening after Daphne came in claiming we are going to the Halloween Frat party.

Daphne pouts, "Oh come onnnnnn," she complains. "I know you don't like these things but it's Halloween! We are supposed to have fun. I guess I won't pressure you but I have a costume for you! Just your style I promise." She says, blue eyes shining with excitement.

I watch as she rushes to our closet and pulls out a brown, white, and black outfit set and places it on my bed. There is a white long sleeve shirt and a black over shirt that's mesh along with a tan/brown skirt and black tights. Daphne runs back to the closet and puts a set of ears on the top.

"It's a deer!" She exclaims. "And I'm a mouse see!" She says and points to the grey outfit on her bed.

I give her a look. "Daphne," I sigh. "It's cute but I don't know..." I look back at the costume and consider my options.

I could go and maybe have fun, or I could go and want to pass out because of all the people. One option is much more appealing than the other. My gaze goes back to Daphne who's awaiting my answer.

I puff out air from my nose. "Fine," I say.

"Yay!" Daphne says clapping her hands.

I interrupt her. A guilty look crosses over my face when I say this but I have to, "But only if you promise to take me home at any time."

She nods. "I promise."

Daphne and I drive to the Frat house which is about five minutes away from campus. Definitely too far for a walk but just right for a short drive. The house is already booming when we park the car across the street. My stomach starts to cramp with anxiety as I hear the loud music and voices from outside.

I breathe in the nice cool air to calm me down and keep up with Daphne on the walk to the house. I didn't let Daphne put too much makeup on me because I didn't need it and frankly, I was too nervous to think about what I looked like. The outfit is actually not bad. I'm warm enough for now and it's comfortable. Just my style, she was right.

Just as I suspected the house is packed with people. I can barely see an opening where people don't fill it. Everyone seems to be having a nice time but I'm not sure I'm at their level. Daphne pulls me from the main room to the kitchen claiming that's where Brooks is.

We reach the kitchen and Daphne let's go of my hand and walks right up to Brooks who happily greets her in his funny looking pirate costume. I don't see Derek which makes me a little sad but shake it off. Daphne is greeting Tyler who's next to Brooks and they seem to be laughing. I just look down at my shoes to look like I'm distracted.

I feel a tap on my shoulder and Daphne yells at me telling me her and Brooks are going to dance. I panic a little because that means I'll be alone but we are in college and I want her to have fun. I don't want her to pity me and stay with me all the time. Her and Brooks run off to the main room with Tyler and some girl trailing after them.

I take a deep breath and try to compose myself. It's all getting too much. My heart is racing and the room is starting to spin. I think back to all of my anxiety strategies but panic even more when they aren't working.

I'm gonna throw up.

I rush into the front room and push past a bunch of drunk and sweaty people dressed in costumes. Making it to the front door is almost a miracle and I push it open as hard as I can.

I run to the railing of the stairs and grab onto it as I throw up on the grass below. Gross. Way to go Ash. You try to do one thing and you have to get anxious. I knew this was going to happen but I was trying to be adventurous. So much for the having fun option of my decision making.

My heart is still racing and tears start to fall from my eyes. I hear the door open behind me and I look up with my tearful eyes at Derek who's worried expression clues into my face.

He rushes to me. "Hey, Ash, what's wrong?" He asks in a kind voice.

"I-" I can't speak because next I just burst into tears.

Derek comes closer to me and guides me down the steps of the house. The sounds and loud noises from the house don't dim however.

He turns me around so I'm facing him and his hands hold onto my forearms. "Ash," he lifts my chin and I can't even believe I'm crying and having a panic attack in front of him right now. "Hey," he says to get my attention. I look into his worried blue eyes. "What do you need?"

I almost gape at him as he knew exactly what to say. My head spins and I can't think straight but the one thing I know is that I have to get out of here. "I want to go." I say, trying to be as non tear thick as possible.

He nods and pulls me into a hug. The tears are slowly starting to stop and I try and focus on him in front of me. Part of me is shocked how comfortable I feel around him and the other is not sure why he cares.

I wipe my eyes and pull back to look up at him. "I don't want to disturb Daphne's fun but I don't have a ride." Derek chuckles. I glare at him. "What's so funny?" I ask and sniffle.

"I'll drive you home, Mayfield," he says, still amused.

"Are you sure?" I feel guilty that I'd make him leave. "Don't you want to stay?"

He scoffs. "Psh no definitely not." He rubs my back soothingly and I just now notice his Halloween costume. He's a vampire, I think?

I don't comment on it because a voice hollers from the front door. "Yo Collins!" We both look up and see a tall guy in an egg costume. "You comin'?"

I look back at Derek who shakes his head. "Nah, Imma head out."

The guy looks down at me and smirks. "Alright man, have a good night." He shakes his head as he heads back in the monster of a party and closes the door.

"He's gonna think-" I start but Derek stops me.

"It doesn't matter what he thinks." Derek amends kindly and I nod in agreement.

I look back up at him. "Are you sure you can take me home?"

He nods. "Yes, of course I can. Let's go."

He grabs my hand which surprises me a bit but he pulls me over to his car. Again, part of me is really just trusting my gut on him and saying that he's a good guy. Then of course, he could be a serial killer. Ash, stop it. He's not a serial killer.

Once we get to Derek's Jeep and the loud sounds of the house seems to die down my body starts to semi relax. I open the door and hop in as he does the same. I shoot Daphne a quick text on where I went and put my phone away as Derek pulls out of the street.

"Are you doing better?" Derek asks calmly. His face is shining in the light of the streetlights and just looking at him relaxes me.

I nod. "Yes, thank you."

"If you don't mind me asking," he starts cautiously. "Does that happen a lot?"

I nod sadly. "Um yeah, ever since I was little. I just get really overwhelmed really fast and I can't handle it."

"That's understandable." He says. He turns into the lot of my dorm building and for some reason my heart starts racing again.

Coming to college was a challenge for me. Even though my family was only a short flight and about a twelve hour drive away, it's new and I had to build my roots here. Not being with my family was odd but it's given me a lot of things too. Independence and being able to make my own decisions for one. I always had that but it's just a matter of when you live in your parents house versus being on your own. I have friends, classes, a dorm, and things that I have on my own and it's rewarding. But also sometimes it's lonely.

Since Daphne and Brooks started dating, I envied her a little. She's been spending a lot of time with him and it makes me wish I had that. Someone more than a friend. Like family but... different.

I look at Derek and wish I hadn't imagined a reality like that with him. How could he possibly like me? He's a big shot hockey player who's probably never even considered me.

But there's also a part of me that thinks he does kind of feel that way. I mean he did help me tonight. That's something right?

"Alright here we are," Derek says and pulls the keys out of the ignition.

I stare at him with my anxious eyes again and he frowns. "Thank you," I say quickly and open the door going to get out.

He catches my arm with his big hand. "Ash," he warns. "What's wrong?"

Not the tears again, Ash. Tears well back up in my eyes and I fight them because I'm not about to cry in front of him again.

"Nothing, nothing," I say and shake my head. "Just um..." I bite my lip.

He tilts his head. "Um what?"

I sigh. "It's just Daphne's not here and my room is really dark at night... I just..." I trail off but take a deep breath and stop myself. "Nope, no, I'm fine. I'll see you soon Derek. Thank you for the ride. You're a great friend." I try my best to smile kindly at him.

"You want me to come in with you?" He asks. His dark hair falls into his eyes as he watches my reaction. He reaches to where the cape around his neck is tied and unties it, throwing it in the back seat.

I shake my head. "No, I uh, I don't want you to get the wrong idea."

Derek gives me a look. "Ash, I won't try anything. I just don't want you to be alone if you're upset."

Uh oh there go the tears again. I move my gaze off of him and to my shoes. "Oh um, thank you. Are you sure?"

"Ash, you don't need to ask, it's okay." He says.

I look back up at him and it's almost like I see him in a new light. My stomach flutters but not with anxiety this time. Something I've never really felt before and can't really understand. My green eyes meet his blue ones and my breath catches.

The urge to lean in and kiss him powers over me but I can't. I tear my gaze away and hop out of the car. Derek stalls for a second but then gets out too. He rushes up to catch up to me and we walk in silence to the building.

Still in silence we walk to my room and once I reach it I pull out my card. Are you serious? Right now is the time my card chooses not work again. "Ugh," I grunt.

Derek comes up next to me, I feel his warmth by my side. "What's wrong?"

I jam the key card in again but it still doesn't budge. "My stupid key card is acting up again."

"Let me try." He says and I hand him the card.

But this time, it opens.

My mouth drops open. "You've got to be kidding me!" I say. "That's not fair."

Derek laughs. "I'm just that good." He says smugly.

I glare at him and punch his bicep. He chuckles and I push open the door to my dorm. I put my bag on the bed and look at Derek who observes the room. He looks very out of place in Daphne and I's small room. He's tall, I'm assuming 6'3 and his black attire makes him look very mysterious along with his dark, almost black hair. Come to think of it, he kinda does look like he could be a vampire. His pale skin matched with the dark hair fits it perfectly. I try to contain my amusement.

Exhaustion hits me hard as I sit on my bed. That usually happens when I panic like that. Takes it all out of me. I yawn and Derek notices.

"You want me to stay?" He asks softly.

I bite my lip looking down at my lap. "Uh, you don't have to."

He walks over to my bed and puts his hands on the either side of my body, flat on the bed, and I look up at him. "I can if you want me to." He says in a low voice.

I suck in a quick breath as I realize how close our faces are. I feel his warm breath fan my face. I could just lean forward a tiny bit and I'll meet his lips.

"You can stay." I say, breathless.

He pulls away from me nodding and sits at the end of my bed. I watch him as he looks around the room. I decide against changing because I don't really feel the need to ask him to leave and I'm comfortable the way I am. I do however go over to take my makeup off. Once I do that I look into my mirror at Derek who watches me pull my dark hair up into a ponytail.

Once I finish I walk back over to my bed and get under my blanket sitting up so I can face him.