They said your brain never really stops thinking, that it was on alert twenty-four seven. I was a witness to that to which I was sure the whole world — the million dots of people — were too. Your brain makes it so that you cannot escape, and when you did, that was only for a little while. Your brain made it so that you were your own prisoner within your mind and your body. I kept my thoughts to myself, hidden and locked away.

That was because I didn't like talking about my feelings or what was on my mind. I pretended to be happy occasionally.

I didn't know what I wanted, who I wanted.

I just knew I needed someone.

I needed someone to talk to.

My seventeen years of living, I had always blurred parts out of my life. I didn't want to face them because truthfully, I didn't want to be a burden and make problems. I didn't want to make this a bigger problem for more people to know and worry about.

I didn't want people to feel sorry for me and act pitiful. I didn't want people to walk on eggshells when they were around me. I just wanted to carry on with my life and hoped things got better. I knew I could slowly get out of it myself.

I hoped.

The warm water of the shower trickled down my fair skin. It felt nice. Nice having some sort of comfort of reassurance. I felt like the warm water was on my side and yeah, that sounded ridiculous but I just got a feeling.

Did you ever get feelings about something? Even if it was totally random?

The warm water was comforting and the shower was the only place I felt like I could unleash my worry's and stress...and also reading a good book.

There were a bunch of stuff that brought comfort to me. Books, knitted jumpers, lemon scented candles, bubble baths or warm showers, butterfly clips, caramel iced coffees or even pumpkin spiced lattes.

The world had a lot to offer and I loved all the little things in life.

But my life wasn't aesthetic. It wasn't perfect

It was the opposite and I was only just getting by.

The harshest thing, I thought I was getting better.

I must've spent an hour or so in the shower, with the water off of course. I was just sat on the side, basking in the morning sun that shone through the window. The hairs on my skin raised up, small goosebumps littering the whole of my body. I brought my hand up to my opposite arm and dragged my hands along the goosebumps. It was a weird feeling.

In fact, the human body and how everything worked was all weird and strange.

A meow cut me out of my thoughts and I pulled the shower door to the side slightly. I could see Zoe sat patiently by the bathroom door. She looked as if she had only just woke up.

She had been settling in just fine.

I'd go as far to say she loved it here.

As soon as I brought her to her new home and gave a deep explanation to my Mom, I swore I had never seen my Mom look so happy. We both spent yesterday playing with Zoe and making sure she felt at home. Even Cal joined in on the fun a bit, though he still kept his space.

I had to speak to him at some point. This was pointless hiding this from him. Wasn't it?

Zoe's head turned sideways and then all in one movement, her body was toppling to the side. She was a clumsy little kitten but that was what made her unique and, quite funny.

We basically house proofed the house yesterday too. We didn't want there to be any sort of possible accidents.

I watched as Zoe walked herself, very slowly, back into my room and I stepped out of the shower. I dried myself off and slipped into some fresh clothes. A pair of blue denim cargo jeans and a random white mesh-shirt. As usual, California was hot which kind of ruined the ideas of Halloween.

Halloween was hot. Leaves were still green and the air was still warm. People still decorated their houses and even stores were done up too, but it didn't feel the same from all the movies I watched.

Me and my family tried our best to make it seem spooky and Halloween-like. Like closing the blinds, swapping out the normal, boring rugs for orange coloured ones that we had had for years, (they were old and I'd go as far to say they had cobwebs on).

Mom would always make homemade pizza's and Callum and I would try our best to make spider cookies which was literally normal baked cookies but with orange icing and Reese's with chocolate fingers and googly eyes on.

It was always a challenge and things would always end up in a massive argument. Like last year, we were arguing about how many legs a darn spider had. He said they have four and I agreed they had eight. Then he'd continue to bash me with other arguments because he knew damn well be was wrong.

Then after our arguments, as it would be apart of our routine, we'd sit down and put on a scary movie. Callum always wanted to watch eighteen plus movies where there would be major gore and proper scary jump scares but I always preferred the movies where you almost know what was going to happen. The movies that were still scary, but not harmful. Like the movie Hubie Halloween.

Hubie Halloween was one of my favourite Halloween movie — and that was because it was set in a nice town where it could properly be all Halloween-y and spooky... and also that Adam Sandler was an amazing actor.

Snapping myself out of my pointless daydreams, I dried my hair and put on some light makeup, completely ignoring my skin care products that were sitting expectedly in the basket under the sink.

I walked into my room and bent down to pick up Zoe. She climbed up my upper half and I let her. She rested her head on my shoulder and I gently held her as I made my way downstairs into the living room.

Mom had gone to work and Callum was laying down on the couch, feet up on a cushion. Bare in mind he was wearing shoes.

I walked over to him and shoved his feet off the couch to which he glared at me. "Slob." I said, unsure if he'd kick me or tell me to fuck off. Or maybe he'd walk off like he always did when we were the only ones in the room.

"Lazy ass." He retorted and I felt relieved, even if he just insulted me.

"Ignorant piece of nothing." I muttered as I made my way into the kitchen. He stood up and walked in too, grabbing the last of his protein bar from the box.

I grabbed some quick easy breakfast from the cupboard. I took out an almost empty box of pop tarts and I groaned to myself out of pure hunger. I ripped open one of the packets, mind thinking about a cluster of things, and slotted it into the toaster.

I turned myself around and Callum was sat in one of the island seats, carelessly watching his phone.

I wondered whether or not I should talk to him about Dad and Miss Walker. He seemed to be in a better mood today and I had no idea why he wasn't fleeing at the thought of being in the same room as me, again.

I knew I feared that Callum would be snobby and say something like, 'I told you so'. But would be? Or was that just a random thought.

I really hated when people said 'I told you so', it made me feel stupid and sort of weak.

I jumped at the sound of the spring in the toaster, signalling that my pop tarts were done. I grabbed a plate and placed them down onto it. I poured myself some orange juice and took a seat at the island.

I wanted to tell him right now.

He was just right here, so why not.

My mouth was forming the words, but just as my mouth opened, ready to tell him about it, he stood up. There was a car beeping from outside to which I could only presume was Jackson.

Callum shoved his phone into his pocket and swung his bag onto his shoulder. "I'll be back later." He said before leaving.

I tossed the toasted pop tart back down onto the plate, feeling all kinds of sick.

Bare in mind I had business class today.

Why was everything so much?

I merrily finished up my breakfast and dropped Zoe to my Aunties house. Then I headed to school.

I walked into school and found my friends. They were happy as usual and it made my spirits immediately better. They made me feel a lot better.

"When can we see Zoe?" Cadence asked, wrapping her arm around mine as all four of us strode through the halls. "That picture you sent us was so cute! She is so small and tiny and I just want to squ-" Then she was interrupted by Angel who pinched her side.

"How are you so hyper this morning? Have you had coffee or something?" Angel asked, laughing to herself.

Cadence sighed. "I'm just excited, that's all!" Then she bit her nail. "I can't even have coffee, it does something weird to my stomach." She said, scowling at the thought.

I frowned. "So you can't have coffee at all?" I asked, leaning closer to her side. I instantly leaned back when I remembered Charlotte was next to me. I could see her looking at me but I continued to stare down at the floor as we walked. I still, weeks later, hadn't established her true feelings about me.

She was either nice or acting a bit off. It sometimes kept me up during the night, thinking over and over things that I could've done that made her to act like this towards me. But then I realised that I hadn't done anything but be myself and she just seemed to be a hard person to please.

Charlotte scoffed and all our heads turned towards her. She was glaring down at her crossed arms and I immediately unlocked my hand from Cadence's.

Angel shrugged and leant over to me, earning a swat of the arm from Cadence who was standing right next to me. "She has IBS." Angel whispered to me and Cadence gasped.

Cadence looked at me wide-eyed but I just remained unbothered.

"Angel, you can't go around telling people I have IBS. It's like me telling everyone you hate watching horror movies." Cadence remarked.

"Don't get me started on that again." Charlotte said and I noticed how she was now standing beside Angel and not me.

Cadence laughed evilly to herself as Angel and Charlotte got into another one of their squabbles — over if horror movie's were scary or not.

As we continued down the hall, stopping off and saying goodbye to my friends as they disappeared into their classes, I gripped my tote bag closer to my shoulder. There was just something about walking on your own. It was embarrassing, in school and outside of it. What would you even do to act like you weren't a loner?

I fiddled with the end of my top as I was forced to merge in with the cluster of other students. This school was massive which meant they were hauling in as many students as they possibly could. I never realised — since being a Senior — that they were annoying. I could completely understand how, when I was a Freshman, that was what Seniors thought of us at that age. Freshmen's were absolute dickheads who were super immature and loud.

I really wished I realised that when I was younger.

People must've thought I was weird and annoying.

To my relief, the group of people got smaller and smaller, meaning people were going off to their own classes and I could finally breathe. I just wanted to get home and spend the rest of the evening watching random movies and cuddling up with Zoe.

She was a bundle of joy.

As I stepped through the door to my first class, business, I cursed to myself a number of times. Everyone was already here meaning I'd have to embarrassingly walk in and act like I wasn't finding this embarrassing.

As I sent Ms Gill an apologetic look for turning up a tiny bit late, I turned to face the class. Everyone was in their pairs meaning I'd have to go up to the seat that was next to Theo, and sit in it.

Speaking of Theo, he wasn't actually looking at me like everyone else was. He was looking down at something that Marcus was showing him.

I could do this.

Totally.

Then Theo's head moved upwards, eyes burning into mine.

No.

No thank you.

I squeezed my fists together and wanted to end this embarrassment right away, so I pushed my legs forwards. I scraped my chair back and it was the only noise in the room. Why was no one talking? Why was everyone quiet?

Theo's legs were spread apart and I really hoped I wouldn't accidentally bump into them. But as soon as I sat down, my leg bumped his. His head was focused down again, making me wonder if he was magically asleep, but seeing his eyes blinking from under his fluffy head of hair, I knew he was wide awake.

So he felt that.

He knew I bumped his leg.

I hoped he didn't think I did that on purpose.

Ms Gill continued to speak, pointing to the words on the screen. Something about how much of this project played a part in getting a high grade; but I knew damn well I wasn't paying attention to watch Mrs was talking about. I knew damn well what my attention was focused on.

I found myself stealing a glance down at Theo. His body was leant completely back on his chair and he was wearing some black baggy trousers, along with a plain white tee. He accessorised once again and I could smell his fragrance from here.

He didn't look like he was paying attention to Ms, either.

I didn't want to move. I did not want to make any sort of movement in case I messed that up or ended up embarrassing myself for the millionth time.

I couldn't help let my leg tap against the floor. Up and down. Up and down. In quick movements. It was something I couldn't really control, and having Theo beside me, increased my nerves a lot more.

There was something about him. He made me so nervous and I wasn't even paying attention to any of what Mrs was talking to us about.

I harshly dug my fingertips into my palm.

Tap.

A foot tapping mine under the table made me stop all kind of movements in my body. Fuck, I even forgot to breathe.

I looked down to see Theo's foot was on top of mine and I immediately knew why. The foot stayed there for a minute or so, most likely seeing if I was going to continue, but when he saw that I wasn't going to, he lifted his foot off and stretched his leg apart once again.

Just as we were about to leave, I lifted my back up and rested it on my shoulder. I stayed standing behind my chair and looked down at my hands that were curling themselves around the plastic seat.

Ms was still talking to us, even till the last second before the bell rang.

My nails were coming off.

What a shame.

Maybe if I went back to the nail bar, I'd see __ again.

She was so swee-

"Are you going to move or stay here?" A voice asked me, though it didn't sound at all soft or genuine. It sounded cold. That it came from a cold person who seemed heartless.

I turned my head to the side, looking into the eyes of Theo who was scowling slightly. His brows were lowered, like he was judging me. His eyes were narrowed into slits like he was glaring at me. To which he basically was, but then again, there also seemed to be some sort of regret in his words, in his expression, in his behaviour.

"Sorry." I whispered and instantly manoeuvred myself away from the spot I was standing in, then out the door.

I dragged myself to English. English wasn't totally bad. Mrs Cloverfield had been trying her very best to make me enjoy the subject, and I'd say her magic had been working. It was even better that I was sat next to Angel, but even worse that Stephanie was next to me also.

"Good morning Willow." Mrs Cleveland said, a hop in her step. She opened up the door wider and I walked inside. Thankfully I was now early to class instead of being late. How was I even late?

"Good morning." I replied and sat down in my seat. I looked outside the window and pine trees were swaying in the slight breeze. Around LA, there were still buildings destroyed from the storm we had just overcome. In the halls, I heard everyone talking about it and how much damage it had actually done and it made me feel somewhat saddened. People would have to restart and rebuild their stores and their houses.

Me and my family were extremely lucky.

But not even my Dad messaged to ask if we were okay.

Angel was the second person to walk in and she looked happy once again. "How was first period?" She asked me as she sat down and took out her book. Which reminded me, I took my book home last night and forgot to bring it back in. I was up late doing revision.

"It was alright. Boring as usual." I replied and Mrs Cleveland came over with some lined paper.

"Still didn't come up with an idea yet?" Angel asked and I shook my head and scoffed.

"Not even close." I sighed. "Thing is, he doesn't even try. He annoys me a lot." I groaned into my hands.

"Weren't you just lusting over him?"

I frowned and stayed quiet. "Well, yeah. But that doesn't matter. I've changed my opinion on him." I said and Angel chuckled. Then she stopped, nudging me.

"Ouch!" I said and looked up at her. Her eyes weren't on me, but someone else. I followed her gaze and immediately felt anxiety bubble up.

Stephanie and a bunch of other popular kids, walked inside. Stephanie was wearing a matching velvet top and pants and her hair was high up into a ponytail. She was chewing gum but immediately dropping it into the bin, just for Mrs Cleveland to see.

Yes. She was still sucking up to Mrs.

Every English lesson was hell. She'd act all nice and the perfect student in front of Mrs Cleveland, but as soon as she looked away, Stephanie was glaring at me and whispering harsh words under her breath.

I didn't even know what I did to her.

During the lesson I just tried to keep to myself and not down the notes I needed to. Clearly this year was an important year, but I tried not to dwell on that thought too much because I didn't want to become overwhelmed.

"Do you have a pen?" I heard from beside me and it definitely wasn't Angel.

I turned to the side and saw Stephanie leaning against the wall, face facing towards me.

I responded by looking down at the pen in my hand and then back up her.

"I meant," She hissed. "Do you have a spare pen! Gosh. I thought you were supposed to be smart." She rolled her eyes and I swallowed thickly. Angel was absorbed in the words she was writing down in her book and Stephanie's voice was only small meaning no one could hear us.

"I have a spare pen." I said, taking it out of my pencil case. She immediately snatched it out of my hand and rolled her eyes.

I stared down at my hand, that not long ago held the pen.

No, thank you?

Even when I brought the pen to my paper, I got a nudge in my arm that made a random line appear on my sheet. I bit my lip, not wanting to give into her look. She very clearly wanted the attention.

Then she did it again and this time I could not, not ignore it. I looked up at her and she sent me another harsh glare.

It got quite annoying because why on earth was she glaring at me?

Just as I was about to tell her to stop or ask her what her problem was, a familiar necklace fell out from her top. It was a heart.