Up and down. Up and down.

I pushed the weight up and down and my teeth clenched together. I did that a few more times before putting the weight back down on the shelf and standing up. I wiped my forehead clean with a towel and wrapped it around my neck, grabbing the half empty bottle of water and necking it down. I tossed the empty plastic bottle into the trash can and walked over to the fridge to grab another, when my phone suddenly buzzed. I walked over and picked it up, glancing up at the football on the tv.

A load of the guys are

meeting at the field.

I'll send you the address.

Alright. See you there.

I ran to the shower and also washed my hair. The warm droplets of the water cascaded down my body and I grinned to myself at seeing the sixth pack I was rocking. I rested my hands on the wall and faced down, letting the water wash out the shampoo. I turned off the shower and combed back my hair, before stepping out of the shower.

In a matter of seconds I was dry and was throwing on some shirt and a tee, sliding into my Airforce trainers. I grabbed my keys and phone, and a bottle of water and then headed straight out the door.

As I got in my car, I threw the stuff from my hands down onto the passenger seat and blasting on some music from my playlist. All of the music on the radio was absolute shit. I lowered the window and checked my phone again to see a message from Marcus with the address. I rested my phone on my thigh and stepped down on the gas, the gate closing behind me.

My Father hadn't been back for two days, and my Mom was coming back in a weeks time. God knows what my Father was up to and he hadn't even spoken to me like he said he was going to.

Though I didn't mind. I couldn't give to shits what he was doing and how he was. He never checked in with me so why should I?

The engine roared as I sped down the roads. I rested my hand out of the window, my fingers tapping down on the door as my other hand reached into the glove compartment to grab the pack of cigarettes and a lighter. As I slowed down at a red light, I quickly covered the side of the cigarette and lit it, immediately taking a hit from it. I listened to the music and rested my head against the seat, inhaling the smoke every so often until a car beeping caught my attention.

Shit.

I stepped down on the gas once again after seeing the lights were no longer red, and I drove down the side road that said was a shortcut to get to the field. I took another hit and blew out the smoke, it fogged up my vision slightly but I wafted it away in seconds. I liked smoking. I liked the feeling it gave me. I felt in control.

Just as I turned into the parking lot, a group of girls surrounding a car, caught my attention. Especially a blonde. I had hoped it was her but when she turned around at the sound of my car engine roaring, I realised it wasn't. She looked nothing like her. I didn't know why I wanted it to be her. It confused me. Feelings confused me, and my emotions.

In a sense it all felt numb. I wasn't depressed or sad, I was just numb. I woke up everyday doing the same things. Nothing was exciting anymore.

As I parked in a parking space I could see the group of guys looking over. Josh was there. That bastard. Marcus ran over, totally ignoring the group of girls who were staring and swooning over us, and pulled open my door.

He pulled me into a bro hug and I dropped the cigarette onto the floor. Crushing the orange amber under my foot. "Good to see you, man! The guys wanted to play some football and drink." He said and I quickly grabbed my stuff and followed him over to them all. Most of them already looked pissed up.

"Sounds like my sort of fun." I said and heard Marcus laugh from beside me. I joined the group of guys and sat down, taking out another cigarette from the packet. I offered the guys it and they took a hit from the joint, passing it around. A bottle of vodka also.

I felt relaxed.

I felt numb. But this time it was all over.

I was wasted and high.

I was wasted and high and I hadn't even been here for an hour.

"Remember part at mine this weekend." Marcus said, taking a sip from the bottle. I leant over and grabbed it, bringing the bottle up to my lips and leaning back on my elbows. I took a couple more sips then passed it to some blonde haired guy next to me.

"How come you have a lot of parties, man?" The guy beside me asked and I winced at the question. All I knew about Marcus and his parents was that they weren't close. Like my family. My parents were always at work and leaving me to provide for myself. But I was seventeen, eighteen in a couple months. I had learnt how to live and take care of myself.

I had to learnt how to cook and clean for myself. Plus all of the other necessities like doing laundry, for example. I just came to live with it. It became my life where my parents weren't around.

The bottle did another round and Marcus grabbed ahold of the bottle and took two large sips. Then he passed it to me. There were only a couple more drops left so I took a small one and passed it along. The taste was strong but I didn't care. I was just glad I wouldn't remember this tomorrow.

"Party's m'fun." Marcus slurred, looking down at the ground. The tension in the air was profound and I could see Cody opening his mouth to say something. But my head felt like they had just got hit with a ton of bricks, my vision was slightly blurry. Holy fuck.

"Is anyone bringing someone with them to the party?" The guy beside me asked and I rubbed my eye and lazily combed a hand through my hair.

"No. Still single." One guy said.

"Means you can get anyone you want at the party, dude." I rolled my eyes at their childish behaviour.

"True. Hey, what about you Theo?" I stared at him and even though I wasn't looking at Josh, I could see him still. Fuckin' bastard.

"What about me?" I asked, knowing damn well what he was referring to. But a party was a party. You wouldn't necessarily bring a date to a party unless you were in for a night of betrayal.

"You got a new special lover?"

I grimaced at the words, 'special lover'.

"No." I said bluntly and clenched my jaw.

"That's sad, man. Oh well, you've got enough time to find someone." He said. "Unless a relationship isn't what you're looking for if you get what I mean?" He winked and I stared at him blankly.

I could tell they were awaiting for my response and I didn't want to seem rude so I just forced out a laugh. Maybe they were satisfied now.

But something else got my attention. "What about you Josh."

I chortled and looked over at him. He looked awkward and I could almost laugh at that.

"I- urm." He gulped and I narrowed my eyes at him. "I'm seeing someone." Josh said and I rolled my eyes. He was probably talking about Stephanie. It didn't bother me that much just the fact of how it ended between me and her. I wasn't sober during that party and I was fuming when she came up to me during school. Which meant I lashed out on her. But she deserved it. I wasn't someone's charity case.

Even though we were allowed to sleep with anyone because we weren't in a committed relationship, it annoyed me that she was with someone I thought I was friends with.

"Who's the lucky girl?" Marcus asked.

I could see Josh's eyes flicker to mine and I scowled at him.

"She's a new girl." Josh said and I scoffed.

"Yeah? Is she from our school?" Marcus asked, eyeing both me and Josh curiously. I kept to myself. I waited for him to continue.

"No." His words confused me. They confused me a lot, actually. I stared at him and I could feel my hands clench together. Was he really hiding and pussying out of this just because he was scared what everyone would think?

"She's not? Well do we know of her?" Cody asked, and I quickly glanced at him then back to Josh who looked uncomfortable in his place.

I didn't want this to turn out to be a big thing and make it a problem. Personally I just wanted to skip this and move on. I couldn't give two flying shits about any of this. I couldn't give two flying shits that Josh and Stephanie were possibly together. I just hated that they'd do that to me. Especially Josh.

I thought me and him were cool.

I knew everyone was super drunk that night and to be honest, Josh didn't even look like he was even conscious when Stephanie was all over him.

But what Stephanie said that night just didn't sit right with me.

"No. None of you know her." Then he looked over at me. "You don't have to worry, I know how you'd be if I took someone you liked, away from you." Then he looked away.

But he was wrong. I didn't like her like I thought I did. It really did end up being sex between us. No feelings attached. But no one knew that, and that was because we kept it to ourselves and allowed everyone's ideas and rumours spread. We led them to believe that.

I took in a deep breath and looked over to the guys who were kicking the ball around aimlessly. They didn't even look like they were playing. They looked super pissed up and high. "It's cool, man. I mean I'd just face it. If you like someone you like someone, no point in hiding it from us." I snorted at his face. He knew exactly what I was talking about.

I hauled myself up from the ground and walked over to the guys who were kicking the ball around.

"What're we playing?" I asked, cracking my knuckles. The guys looked up, their eyes red telling me they were also high.

"Somethin' m'fun." One said. I watched him miss the ball as he tried to kick it over to me.

At the feeling of a hand coming to pat me on the back, I tensed up. I could already tell it was Josh before I even looked. "Yeah. What're we playing?" He patted my back again and I shrugged off his hand. He was trying to act all friendly and I wasn't going to have any of it.

Finally the guy across from my hit the ball and it rolled over towards us. Before Josh could get it I slid the ball away from him and hit it.

"Man. I know you're annoyed with me." Josh said and I scoffed.

"Really? You can read minds now?"

I felt him tense from beside me. He dodged in front of me and hit the ball, then he turned to face me. I laughed at his eagerness to explain himself.

"Listen. It wasn't what you thought it was." He said.

"Then what was it? Saw her all over you, didn't I?" I cocked a brow up and stared down at him. He was shorter than me so it was to my advantage that I could do stuff like this. From the corner of my eye I could see the guys who were playing football, completely stop. Everyone went silent.

"Yeah, that's what you saw but I was drunk. I didn't even know what was going on. Believe me." He reasoned and I laughed.

"You think I will fall for that bullshit?" I asked, stepping forward and poking him in the chest. "I know about you two. You fucked her too, haven't you?"

He went silent. He was out of words so I carried on. "Let me get this straight, Joshua. Knowing someone was in a relationship and was happy, you would want to ruin that?"

He stuttered, and I poked his chest again. Harder this time. "Well let me share something with you...and to all of you." I shouted, turning to all of the faces who were watching. "Me and Stephanie were never together." I looked back at Josh. "But if we were, you would have ruined that. How does that feel?" I asked and his eyes were wide.

I laughed.

"It was all her. It was her doing not mine!" He said, glaring at me. He was like a little child. It was embarrassing.

"Look, I know you're drunk and all, but you should never lie. Lying is bad for you and only gets worse." I told him. "But it's okay. She ran straight after me and tried to apologise. She clearly didn't think you were good enough." I tilted my head to the side and narrowed my eyes at him. "You two really belong together. You're both dicks after all." As soon as those words came out my mouth, Josh's fist swung for me. I ducked just in time and kicked him down onto the ground.

"That's not true! You're the dickhead here!" He shouted, gripping onto his stomach that most likely had a bruise forming. "You know what she told me?"

I snarled. "What? What did she say about me?" I cracked my neck.

He laughed and stood up. I could tell everyone was on edge. "That she only slept with you because she felt bad. She said that I was the only one good for her." I chuckled deeply at his words and rested my hands on my hips. I cocked my head to the side.

"Is that so? Well then it goes to show how much of a dick you really are. Please, don't stop me. Maybe you should go and be with her. You really do love sloppy seconds."

He scowled and lunged forwards. But before his fist could meet my skin, I swung my fist back and then into the side of his face. From the force, he slipped backwards but I managed to catch him before he could fall. Then he took another hit. Again and again.

Until Marcus ran over and came in between us. I cracked my knuckles and peered up at Marcus through my hair, before scraping it back. "Stop! Come on! We're all friends here." Marcus said frantically, then hiccuped. I couldn't take him seriously right now.

"I'm not going to be friends with someone who fucks someone else's girl." I shouted and Josh tried to lunge forward again but Marcus stopped him.

"She wasn't yours!" He seethed and I looked him dead in the eye.

"You can have her. I couldn't give two shits. But I really do feel bad for her that she chose such a low life."

"You son of a bi-" He started to say when Cody all of a sudden knocked him out. Josh fell onto the floor and two guys ran over to him to check if he was okay. The rest of us all watched. I laughed and shrugged Marcus' hands off my shoulders before coming to stand next to Cody.

I looked up at him expectedly. "He was annoying." He said I patted his back.

"Son, is that you?" I stilled at the sharp voice of my Father. "Come here!" He shouted from his study and I quickly checked myself out in the mirror. I flattened out my hair and my clothes. I cursed when I saw some blood stained on my white shirt.

I was just about to run upstairs to change my top when my Father spoke again. "Theodore. Come now. I won't ask you again." His voice was firmer and I knew I couldn't ignore him anymore.

I breathed in and out and walked into his study. His face went from neutral to stern. He sat up and leant forward in his desk, hands clasped together. "What happened to you?"

I cleared my throat and stayed standing by the door.

"I thought we agreed. No more fighting." My Father said. His voice was louder and stronger. He whacked his hand down on the desk and stood up. The chair he was sat on flew out from behind him and hit the wall. He was walking over to me.

I stood up straighter and clenched my wounded fist.

"Did you hear me, son?" He bellowed. I could practically see steam flying out of his nose and ears. I could see the veins in neck and forehead pulse. He was more than angry.

He usually got like this.

"Yes." I said and he cocked his head to the side.

"Yes, what?"

I swallowed and faced towards him. I clenched my teeth and jaw together tight. "Yes, sir."

He stepped back and wandered back over to his desk. Picking up some files and then tossing them onto the desk for me to have a look at. He leant back in his chair and gestured for me to go forward.

I hesitantly walked closer. Who knew what was on these files. Gods knows where they were from. But my Father had access to everything and anything.

I gripped the paper tightly in my hands and I felt like I could mash every glass thing in this room. But I tried my best to keep it down inside.

"You see what that is?" My Father asked. The files were of my record. I had a long line of records dating back to when I was in middle school. I had a tendency of getting into fights where I'd be the last one standing and the other person would be in hospital. It wasn't something I felt proud of.

"Yes, sir." I said, and lifted the files up. I took a seat in one of the brown leather chairs and skimmed through the files and the writing. "What is this? How do you have this?" I looked up from the sheets of paper and saw that my Father was gripping onto something else. Pictures. They were pictures.

Then he tossed them to me. The pictures were sprawled out on the desk and I gathered them together. I couldn't believe my eyes. These pictures brought back so many memories. Bad memories.

But I was confused. Who took these?

"I found these from someone who went to school with you, Theodore. This is what happens when you're not careful. You have to face the consequences of your stupid actions." My Father seethed, shaking his head as he looked down on me. I hated that he did that. It was like I was gum on his shoe.

I stood up from the seat, tossing them back onto the desk. "Can't we just burn them? No one will know."

He chuckled and I shivered. "Is that how you fix things, son? Burn and forget." I still in my place. I felt sick to the stomach that he was using my past as an insult to. "Do yourself a favour and get out of my sight. I have to clear your mess up once again," I bit down on my tongue and I could feel anger pelt up inside, ready to burst. "and Theodore."

I stopped just as I almost walked out the door. "Yes, sir?"

"Clean up your hand. I don't want anyone knowing about this." He said and I nodded, walking out the door.

As soon as I got in my room I slammed the door, bolting it shut.

I didn't care for my wounded hand, I didn't care anymore. What was the point. I rammed my hand straight into the wall. Over and over again.

Fuck.

A/N: