________________________

.

.

.

"So, how are you?" Alessia asked as she combed her luscious brown waves, walking into her room from the bathroom.

"I am good." River shrugged, leaning back on the headrest of her bed.

It was some eleven in the night and while Adam and Mateo were still working, Alessia and she had decided to spend some time on our own. The twins were asleep and hence would have to wait till the morning to meet their aunt.

River knew that staying up was a bad idea considering she didn't get much sleep the last night as well but she had decided that she really didn't want to get used to comfortable and long sleep because though she didn't know when, she had to go back to being an underpaid overworking surgeon someday and it would be agonizing switching to her totally unhealthy sleep pattern again.

"Jeez woman, you are so calm." Alessia said, looking at her through the mirror. "It's like you were born into this world or something."

River gave her a half smile. She didn't think she would be okay with the Mafia and any of this even if she was. She was a mother and her little squirrels were involved in whatever was happening and that scared her. But she tried her best not to let it show because that wasn't helping in anyway and it got in the way of her logical thinking.

"Not really. Just trying to keep a poker face." She flipped through the channels on the TV. "Because the kids catch up on my mood very quickly."

"Hey.." Alessia climbed on to the bed and scooted close to her, taking her hand between hers, squeezing it. "It's going to be just fine."

River nodded and gave her a grateful smile. "Yeah."

"So why don't the kids know that Mateo is their Papa yet?" Alessia asked, snatching the remote control from River.

River sighed again. She was doing that a lot these days. Sighing and worrying and over-thinking.

"I keep telling myself it's because I want them to be familiar with him before I do so." River told her.

"But that's not true?" Alessia prodded.

River pursed her lips and turned to face her. "I don't know Alessia."

"One, call me Sia. And two, why?"

'I don't know.' River thought miserably. Why didn't she want Mateo to know?

The more she thought about it, her resolve to keep it from the kids wavered but even still, she was reluctant to tell them... just because, she really didn't think it was the right time. Waiting for the kids to get over their fear and familiarize with him was a factor but that was not the only reason, and what was ridiculous was that – even she couldn't pinpoint what the main reason was.

"I don't know. Honestly." River sighed lying down on the bed and staring at the ceiling. "I just feel that it's not time yet."

"And what if it's too late by the time you do?"

River turned to her, feeling the lump in her throat.

"That's what you are scared of, isn't it?" Alessia looked at the surgeon she had started to respect, a sympathetic look on her flawless face.

Her words rung in her ears.

It was not about her being too late to let them know. It was about how her kids will handle it if something happened to Mateo after they learn that he was indeed their Papa.

And all of a sudden it was clear.

"I am scared that something will happen to Mateo and m- our kids won't be able to take it." River admitted to herself and Alessia. "I don't want them to know because they have spent five years of their lives without their father and I don't want him to appear in their lives and become such an important part only to be snatched away from them yet again."

Alessia sighed and prodded her to sit up. She had expected the Mafia woman to be at least miffed, but she looked like she understood.

"Well, I guess you can't be too fearless when it comes to your kids." She smiled sadly, giving the surgeon a hug as she sat up. She held my head on her shoulder and whispered. "And I won't force you or get angry at you. But I will say this, and think about it; don't let your fear get in the way of the precious time you four could spend together. You all already lost five years of it."

.

.

.

River lay on the couch in her own room; her babies were so comfortable on the bed, hugging pillows and their limbs all spread out that she didn't want to move them to make space for herself. And the couch was a mini bed in itself so it was all well.

She lay awake, staring at the ceiling and occasionally sighing.

Alessia was right. She was wasting time.

Now that she had realized why she was deterring from telling the kids, she also realized that she was being selfish. She was denying the three of them the chance to be a family.

She was a hypocrite. She had always wanted their father in their life but now that he was here, she still was keeping them apart.

River got up from the couch and stared at her little ones.

'Mommy's sorry babies. Mommy's just more scared than she thought she was. And so she wasn't thinking properly. Mommy will fix it all. By tonight.'

It was still way early, some five in the morning. But she was wide awake.

Was she an insomniac by any chance?

And she was very hungry.

So she made her way downstairs and into the kitchen, flipping the light on.

"Why are you up so early?" River stopped in her tracks and turned around.

Mateo walked towards her, shirtless, with a pair of black track-pants and shoes on, sweat glistening on his scarred chest.

River strained her eyes as she stared intently at the scars, guessing which all could be from surgeries and bullet wounds.

"It's a hideous sight, isn't it?" He chuckled darkly as he approached her and then made his way towards the refrigerator, grabbing a bottle of ice cold water.

"I remember them." She said. "Though I think you gathered more in the last one year."

He grinned as he set the bottle down. "There was a shootout at Leo and Lia's wedding."

River nodded, feeling herself start to freak out yet again.

Okay, maybe my motherly instinct was more right than my logical side? The voice in her head spoke up. And River had to admit that if the daredevil in her was as scared, then it was indeed a situation worth rethinking.

She felt her resolution starting to waver yet again.

Maybe she shouldn't have come down. That way she wouldn't have seen the new scars, had the small chat and realized one more time how dangerous his life is and also unpredictable the danger.

"So you still remember my body huh?" He smirked, climbing on to the kitchen counter.

River rolled her eyes and made her way to the coffee maker, turning it on.

"You okay?" He asked. She felt him watching her every move.

"Mmhmm." She turned back to face him.

"Aren't you sleeping at all?" He asked. He was concerned; She could see it in his eyes. How was she supposed to keep their kids from such a caring man?

The dilemma was killing her!

"Just a lot on my mind." She rubbed her nose, feeling the overdue sleep starting to catch up.

Mateo got off the counter and moved toward her and before she could even ask what he was up to, he lifted her off the floor and placed her on the counter, caging her in as he placed both his hands on either side of the counter.

"It's about the children, I don't even have to ask." He stated. "Is there anything I can do?"

River sighed as she stared at his face, his rough skin wrinkled with concern. And then she realized how close they were, noses almost touching and the strong masculine scent of his sweat invading her senses.

"You could move back because you stink." River blurted out as she scrunched up her nose.

He threw his head back, laughing aloud.

But he still didn't move a step back.

Dumbass.

"Why?" He cocked his head. "Is my proximity affecting you?"

"By affecting, if you mean in a nauseating way then yes." She cocked her head, imitating him.

He chuckled some more.

"Let me make you some coffee." He stood up straight. "Or maybe you should go sleep. I am free till the evening. I will take care of the children."

River was ready to decline but she realized that he shouldn't be having to look for such excuses to spend time with his own blood and flesh.

Who was she kidding? She wanted to keep them apart because she didn't want the kids to have to lose their Papa but she was taking their precious time together from them.

Her resolve strengthened yet again, for now.

She realized that this was a perfect opportunity for the father and children to spend some time together before she told their babies the truth.

"Yeah. That sounds like a good idea." River finally said.

Mateo gave a single nod and lifted her off the counter and placed her back on the floor, as if she was the most fragile thing on earth.

Of course, he never felt that she was weak. To him, she was one of the strongest, fearless and amazing women he knew. She was like a tree that thrived in the middle of a drought.

He turned off the coffee maker and the couple made their way back upstairs.

River turned to the side of the stairs where Alessia and the kids' rooms were.

"The kids slept in their room?" Mateo asked.

"No, they are so comfortable I didn't want to disturb them." She said, deciding to sleep on one of the twins' bed.

"Wait, you should use my room." Mateo said.

She turned around and gave him a confused look. "Why?"

"Because the kids are going to be running in and out of their room the whole day so you won't be able to get much sleep." He explained. That was a fair point but why his room? As if he could read my thoughts, he continued, "And it would arise suspicion if you slept in a guest room. We are married, remember?" He quirked a brow, a smirk lining his lips.

River rolled her eyes. This dumbass was incorrigible. But she was also confused. "So they don't get suspicious if we sleep in different rooms? "

"Are you suggesting we sleep together?" He teased, cocking his head again.

River did a three-sixty degree jump in annoyance, groaning. All the while, Mateo was laughing at her.

She poked at the inside of her cheek with her tongue to calm herself, and then smirked. "Not that I mind.." She took a step forward and Mateo abruptly stopped laughing. "But.."

"But?"

She really had no idea what to say.

"But.. "

Think River, think!

"But?"

She just gave him a playful grin. "Never mind."

He looked disappointed and worked up. Men!

"So back to the question..." She spoke.

"Janet knows and she cleans the four bedrooms here so..."

River nodded. "I will be using your bedroom then."

She didn't wait for his reply as she made her way over and in to his room. She didn't even bother turning on the light as she bee-lined for the bed, knowing where it was from the peak, she had at the room last day.

And somehow, she managed to fall asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

.

.

.

"Found it!" Kiara ran into the kitchen with a book in her hand. "It should be in here!"

Mateo picked her up and placed her on the stool as she started to flip through the pages, trying to find the recipe for the lemon cookies in their great-grandmother's recipe book that she had packed along with River's belongings because Lilith Johnson knew that her orthopedic surgeon of a grand daughter would want to brush up on her culinary skills now that she had all the time in the world.

Kiara was initially not into the idea of spending the day with Mateo. But he had given all of the staff a day off and kicked the two other idiots – his sister and best friend – out. So, she had no choice. He knew that it was quite mean of him but he couldn't help it – after all, all was fair in war and love and he was doing this for the love of his little girl. And luckily, Kiara had warmed up sooner than he thought when he asked her to help him bake cookies for her Mommy.

His little girl loved her Mommy a lot and he couldn't wait for her to love him just the same. A little less was also fine with him.

So, the whole point of River staying in his room turned out to be for nothing because both their children were glued to his side and not planning to go upstairs to play. But he wasn't complaining.

"Mommy's phone has it all." Lucas said as he watched his sister turn the pages. "You could have gotten her phone."

"Mommy doesn't have her phone with her Lukey." Kiara said as she scanned through the pages of the fat diary. "She left it at our home."

Mateo realized that he still hadn't gotten her a phone or a laptop, neither had she asked for them – well, she didn't exactly have the time to even think about it since she was busy settling in. Even though she couldn't contact her friends or family, she could use it for the internet and for other entertainment.

And he also needed to get them a new home back in New York. Their children thought this place was a vacation spot. He needed to get a new home for all of them, for River and him to raise their beautiful children in.

"There!" She tapped at the page, grinning up at her father.

"Alright!" He took the book. "Soldiers, are you ready?"

"Yes, captain!" They chorused, saluting him.

.

.

.

It was a quarter past four when River finally came down, fully rested and after a bath.

"Good morning sleeping beauty." Mateo winked at her as she lifted their son off the couch and sat down, placing him on her lap and placing a kiss to the side of his head while he paid no attention to whatsoever happening around him as he and Kiara watched their favorite cartoon, Paw Patrol.

"Good evening." She rolled her eyes as she too glued her eyes to the screen.

Mateo was amused by her interest in kids' cartoon and stayed quiet till the end of the episode after which Kiara stood up on the couch, "Mommy we made cookies for you!"

"You did?"

"Yes!" Lucas exclaimed as he hoped off her lap and pulled her by the hand. She was about to pick Kiara but he beat her to it. And she smiled so brightly when she saw Kiara at ease in her Papa's arms.

River was amazed at how easily Kiara warmed up to him in her absence. Maybe she was worrying about the father-daughter dynamics for nothing.

Mateo wondered if River had decided to sleep through the day to give him time with the kids. And if so, he was so grateful to her.

"Yum!" River moaned as she dug into the first cookie. She was perched upon the kitchen stool while Mateo stood opposite to her, the kids sitting on the counter on either side.

"Yay!!" The kids cheered clapping.

"Mr. Adesso did the cooking." Lucas said.

"We were his assistants." Kiara said.

"But it was so much fun!!" Lucas clapped.

The kids blabbered some more to her, narrating what all they did that day and Mateo was so happy that he was in every single sentence.

"So you really like Mr. Adesso now right?" She asked.

They nodded excitedly.

"So can Mommy tell you something about him?"

Mateo's breath hitched in his throat as she said it. The twins looked at each other confused but nodded at their Mommy.

"Well, Mr. Adesso-"

"WE ARE HOME!!"

The biggest, most important moment of Mateo's life was ruined by Amanda Core.

.

.

.

______________________