The second I felt his hands on my skin underneath my sweatshirt I felt a whole level of fear.

Sexual Assault is common to most people who like to touch people inappropriately. Wether it's man or woman. Wether it's a person it doesn't matter.

It's a two way place where you can either defend yourself or be too scared and let them continue. I tried to defend but unlocking a new fear around Jackson with sexual assault I have to tread carefully.

In this situation I felt trapped in the scene that repeated in my head everyday. Yet I still haven't gotten to admit the way he touched me. How he tried to get in my pants the second I wasn't myself.

He used his strength against me and he tried to take his advantage against me. He's a bad person but not everyone is bad at the time. Anna and her BPD is bad yet she still takes care of me.

I know Jackson is a good person his anger can take over him. And yes he was drunk and high at the time that's doesn't clear the fact he tried touching me.

The way his hands made its way up to my breast. Tugging on my sweats and it's attempt to kiss me rough. It wasn't fun and whoever has to go through this shouldn't have deserved this. Doesn't matter what they do no one should deserve sexual assault, sexual abuse or rape.

"Peyton? Hey Peyton wake up." I heard as someone was taking me out of the scene.

I sat up fast to feel a pair of hands on my waist. I wasn't necessarily crying either tears but I could feel myself wanting to just run away.

"D-Don't touch me." I said with a heaving breath. Anna's hands flew off and she sat in front of me.

"Hey it's okay... it's just me." Anna said as her hands caressed me.

If it was Anna I knew I was safe. She'd hurt anyone who'd think to touch me but I haven't told her that he did that.

He just basically kidnapped me into a janitor's closet. Touched me inappropriately and than left like I was piece of homework paper to him.

Anna made me lay down as she didn't touch anywhere else but my face. I put my head on her shoulder while she drew little invisible shapes on my neck.

Since I took Peyton out to the drive in movie theater. She decided it was fair to take me some mystery place. I fought back but she didn't give up till she won and obviously she won.

"Wear something... everyday clothing like school clothes." She said and I stood there.

"Peyton I wear sweatpants and a t shirt to school. Plus all my jeans are in the washer.." I said and she stared at me.

"Than just wear that." She said as I had some black and white sweatpants while wearing Peyton's sweatshirt.

"Okay." Simple reply while I got around to get the keys and my wallet.

She came out with a black pair of comfy jeans that were ripped and a shirt.

"Cmon." She said kissing my cheek before running out to the car.

I know what happened last night was a nightmare for her wether she felt unsafe with me or if she had a bad dream.

I suspect something has happened to have these vivid dreams and she hasn't told me yet. I want her to be able to trust me with anything she has to tell me.

I love her but I'm don't want her to feel unsafe. If she does I want her to tell me so I can fix it. If it's me I can leave her alone but I don't want her to feel this way all the time.

I've looked at a lot more research she's been doing on the BPD. The only way is to talk to someone with a therapy session.

Ghosting my old therapist for awhile she probably moved on to focus on other people. Peyton doesn't have a therapy session because she's always doing okay which I'm glad.

She comes to me when she feels off and I'll help her but my problems I can't tell. It's hard to open up to someone you love because you don't know how they will take the information. How they will react to it in different ways.

It's like a choice of life and death yet it's different because it's losing someone or being helped.

Peyton drove in the car as she started to drive up a carnival based. It was in LA and it had one of the biggest Ferris wheel. Games and food everywhere.

She got out of the car as I did the same and she took my hand interlocking our fingers.

"Here's your surprise. It's open 24/7 I think." She said and I smiled and nodded.

She was happy yet her eyes say different. She looked like she was scared. Is she scared of me? What did I do to make her feel this way? What is she scared of. Cmon Peyton you have to tell me.

I don't wanna force her to tell me so I left it alone and maybe today she can learn that she can trust me with anything she needs to tell me.

She took my arm and started to run inside as I laughed behind her reaching a ballon and darts game.